srivers89 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I don't remember where but I read that making and keeping a list of all the negative things about your ex is helpful especially when you're in that stage where you constantly think about the positives you had while with them. Anyway here's the list and I wrote it like someone was writing it to me if that makes any sense. Quick notes: 1. Was together for four years 2.Said I was boring and predictable 3.Cheated on me with her best female friend for duration of relationship 4. Just broke up last week. 1. Chilidish 2. Immature 3. Silent treatment over petty things 4.bad taste in music 5.awful sex 6.back rolls were gross 7.never supported your music projects 8.constantly flipped out on you during arguments 9.cheated on you for four years basically with two people maybe more. 10.not independent, too dependent 11.bad at initiating sex 12.never wanted to go to any concert with you 13.made fun of wrestling, yes it's fake and cheesy but you love it dude! 14.didn't understand football 15.doesn't celebrate xmas you f'n love xmas! 16.stayed with you out of pity and guilt 17.would constantly complain about being bored when you weren't with her. 18.Didn't have anything to do outside of photography would constantly sit there and complain. 19.wasn't into manga/comics/anything really cool 20.wasn't willing to try new things in bed and didn't like certain positions because they hurt 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hey there! I think having a reminder of the bad things is sometimes enough to get you over someone and it can help distract you from thinking of the good things. I am sorry for what you went through. I see this and wonder why the heck you stayed so long! She was so wrong for you! Clearly. You will find someone more adventurous and who is better suited for you. Side note: Most girls dont understand football. Fortunately, I found a boy who doesnt understand football either! Lol. 2
Author srivers89 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Hey there! I think having a reminder of the bad things is sometimes enough to get you over someone and it can help distract you from thinking of the good things. I am sorry for what you went through. I see this and wonder why the heck you stayed so long! She was so wrong for you! Clearly. You will find someone more adventurous and who is better suited for you. Side note: Most girls dont understand football. Fortunately, I found a boy who doesnt understand football either! Lol. Thank you! I'm not so sure why either guess love makes you blind a lot of the time. Most girls don't understand football but lately I've come across women who at minimum understand what 1st, 2nd, and 3rd down means lol
spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 1) She could lie to my face and I only had my gut to guide me. 2) She tried to hurry me through everything even when I was moving fast 3) When she had enough of something, it stopped without consultation 4) She shouted at my children 5) She was always grumpy 6) She was very negative 7) She would prioritise how tired she was over important issues 8) Cleaning her ears out with cuetips and then drop them on the floor 9) She would tell me I should work on my book or PhD, then huff and say she was bored the moment I tried to work on either of them 10) She had a go at me for not cleaning enough, when I pay for the flat and she sits at home all day watching TV 11) Everything was always my fault 12) She never wanted to have sex 13) She didn't like to cuddle in bed 1
Author srivers89 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 1) She could lie to my face and I only had my gut to guide me. 2) She tried to hurry me through everything even when I was moving fast 3) When she had enough of something, it stopped without consultation 4) She shouted at my children 5) She was always grumpy 6) She was very negative 7) She would prioritise how tired she was over important issues 8) Cleaning her ears out with cuetips and then drop them on the floor 9) She would tell me I should work on my book or PhD, then huff and say she was bored the moment I tried to work on either of them 10) She had a go at me for not cleaning enough, when I pay for the flat and she sits at home all day watching TV 11) Everything was always my fault 12) She never wanted to have sex 13) She didn't like to cuddle in bed Keep all these things in mind and whatever else negative about her when you start feeling nostalgic or feeling like you miss her. It'll save you time and time again. 1
Sugarkane Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I really hate the whole "you're too boring " as an excuse to cheat. What did they do about it? Probably nothing and didn't even bring it up at all, until it was too late?! What makes the dumper so exciting? Atleast you're not with a cheater anymore. 1
Author srivers89 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Man that list is so shocking that I dont understand how you could miss her. If the part about Bad Sex was not in the list then I would have guessed you must have absolutely loved making love to her. I thought my woman was bad. She cheated on me and I ate the sperm of the men she cheated on me because she didnt use a condom even. When I want to remind myself why I must walk through this pain, dont drink, do excercise, quit smoking, work hard on the business, look forward to a day in two years I will be totally transformed rather than totally broken by what she did to me psycholigically, then I only need ONE ****ING ITEM on my List to remember that bitch. AND THAT IS - I drank the sperm of the men she cheated on me with. And I told her too, my last message to her, that she is disgusting. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. I will walk through this pain and everytime I see her face, disgusting disgusting. The mind will learn. Love fools the heart to be blind. It wants to forgive everything. It is a strange curse. Sometimes people use it like black-magic against a victim. Disgusting. *How did I get the info out of her? I am a really clever interrorgator. I wait for the moments and I get it in parcels then take it home and put it all together. Thats crazy man. I miss the love and affection I got from her we shared some great moments together laughs and being there for each other when we were down but all that stuff I listed outweighs the good. I don't know how you're managing to move on but good luck to you and I wish you the best.
targaryen Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Wow, I've been meaning to do this for ages but it hurts even to force my mind to think like that. It's like I have grooves/patterns in my brain that focus only on the positives and ignore the MANY negatives about the relationship/her for some reason. This is going to be extra tough but I'm going to try and make my own list and post it here today... 1
targaryen Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) OK I kind of have a list. Keep in mind we were 4 and a half years together so the bad stuff at the early stages will be ignored for the stuff that come out in the last 1-2 years (the stuff that actually led to the break up) 1. She was very short tempered and would get angry/start shouting at small things such as messing up the bed sheet when I got in. I was tired of taking it silently and cowering so every time this happened I'd have to spend at least two days being cold to her to make my point - you don't get to walk over me. But it would make me miserable inside. 2. She basically never texted me/called first throughout the day. I was always the one reaching out and taking initiative to go do things. This got worse as the relationship continued in its fourth year. 3. After the second year together she constantly doubted the relationship and it was a constant struggle to walk a thin line between giving her the freedom she craved by not being possessive and yet asserting my expectations from the relationship. She went out dancing with friends and travelled abroad on her own and almost cheated on me and was never happy anyway. I'm better off without her. 4. This is weird, but I just realised - she was never jealous! Not really. I got really close to 2-3 girls throughout the relationship and almost cheated to get her to notice and be jealous. Instead she was even encouraging me to go flirt with girls at bars (so she could do the same?). I want someone who gets jealous (to a point) or at least cares about me that they want my attention 100%. 5. She was lazier than I am and I need someone to motivate me to exercise. 6. She was a heavy smoker even though I'm asmathic and hated it. A packet of smokes a day? Come on. Being stressed out is not an excuse. You're an addict. 7. Which brings me to..she was always stressed out and completely focused on her academic studies and career and prioritised that, ALWAYS, over me. For the past two years I would spend my Saturday's at her place while she wrote and corrected papers and then should be too tired for going out or sex. I'm ambitious but I know my limits and still left time for her. 8. She changed her mind about moving in with me and then moving abroad together in favour of doing it alone / with her gay bff - with vague promises that she would join up with me after she had experienced the whole thing 'for herself first'. 9. She was pretty selfish and self-centered, especially about things around the house such as others playing music/watching TV. She would shout and make a big deal about how stressful her job is and about how she needed to concentrate. 10. She was a two face and constantly said nasty things about people she didn't like while being completely fake around them and pretending she liked them. I went along with it but in my head I always thinking 'they're not as bad as you're saying'. Keeping silent about these things was killing me. edit: I just re read the whole thing and realized that I would never date anyone who has points 1, 3, 4 ,6, 7, 8 .... and those were the huge things in the relationship! I feel like I just broke new ground. Thanks for starting this thread Edited March 28, 2013 by targaryen new insight
Author srivers89 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 OK I kind of have a list. Keep in mind we were 4 and a half years together so the bad stuff at the early stages will be ignored for the stuff that come out in the last 1-2 years (the stuff that actually led to the break up) 1. She was very short tempered and would get angry/start shouting at small things such as messing up the bed sheet when I got in. I was tired of taking it silently and cowering so every time this happened I'd have to spend at least two days being cold to her to make my point - you don't get to walk over me. But it would make me miserable inside. 2. She basically never texted me/called first throughout the day. I was always the one reaching out and taking initiative to go do things. This got worse as the relationship continued in its fourth year. 3. After the second year together she constantly doubted the relationship and it was a constant struggle to walk a thin line between giving her the freedom she craved by not being possessive and yet asserting my expectations from the relationship. She went out dancing with friends and travelled abroad on her own and almost cheated on me and was never happy anyway. I'm better off without her. 4. This is weird, but I just realised - she was never jealous! Not really. I got really close to 2-3 girls throughout the relationship and almost cheated to get her to notice and be jealous. Instead she was even encouraging me to go flirt with girls at bars (so she could do the same?). I want someone who gets jealous (to a point) or at least cares about me that they want my attention 100%. 5. She was lazier than I am and I need someone to motivate me to exercise. 6. She was a heavy smoker even though I'm asmathic and hated it. A packet of smokes a day? Come on. Being stressed out is not an excuse. You're an addict. 7. Which brings me to..she was always stressed out and completely focused on her academic studies and career and prioritised that, ALWAYS, over me. For the past two years I would spend my Saturday's at her place while she wrote and corrected papers and then should be too tired for going out or sex. I'm ambitious but I know my limits and still left time for her. 8. She changed her mind about moving in with me and then moving abroad together in favour of doing it alone / with her gay bff - with vague promises that she would join up with me after she had experienced the whole thing 'for herself first'. 9. She was pretty selfish and self-centered, especially about things around the house such as others playing music/watching TV. She would shout and make a big deal about how stressful her job is and about how she needed to concentrate. 10. She was a two face and constantly said nasty things about people she didn't like while being completely fake around them and pretending she liked them. I went along with it but in my head I always thinking 'they're not as bad as you're saying'. Keeping silent about these things was killing me. edit: I just re read the whole thing and realized that I would never date anyone who has points 1, 3, 4 ,6, 7, 8 .... and those were the huge things in the relationship! I feel like I just broke new ground. Thanks for starting this thread That's the idea here! Keep adding new things if you feel the need to, it will be very helpful for you in the future.
Author srivers89 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Are all women like this? Some old guy said to me once, "I will tell after all my years that all women are the same. They all want one thing: CONTROL." Hmm I'm not too sure so I can't really answer that one lol but the ones I've encountered have been.
singme2sleep Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I don't remember where but I read that making and keeping a list of all the negative things about your ex is helpful especially when you're in that stage where you constantly think about the positives you had while with them. Anyway here's the list and I wrote it like someone was writing it to me if that makes any sense. Quick notes: 1. Was together for four years 2.Said I was boring and predictable 3.Cheated on me with her best female friend for duration of relationship 4. Just broke up last week. 1. Chilidish 2. Immature 3. Silent treatment over petty things 4.bad taste in music 5.awful sex 6.back rolls were gross 7.never supported your music projects 8.constantly flipped out on you during arguments 9.cheated on you for four years basically with two people maybe more. 10.not independent, too dependent 11.bad at initiating sex 12.never wanted to go to any concert with you 13.made fun of wrestling, yes it's fake and cheesy but you love it dude! 14.didn't understand football 15.doesn't celebrate xmas you f'n love xmas! 16.stayed with you out of pity and guilt 17.would constantly complain about being bored when you weren't with her. 18.Didn't have anything to do outside of photography would constantly sit there and complain. 19.wasn't into manga/comics/anything really cool 20.wasn't willing to try new things in bed and didn't like certain positions because they hurt Not to sound rude, but if you were with this girl for 4 years...what exactly did you like about her??
missjones4812 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I really hate the whole "you're too boring " as an excuse to cheat. What did they do about it? Probably nothing and didn't even bring it up at all, until it was too late?! What makes the dumper so exciting? Atleast you're not with a cheater anymore. My ex said he wanted to hang out with his friends and I would get mad if he did. (So not true). So his solution was to cheat on his son and I and start a new relationship the same dsy he left...what a f------ loser!
Am4Real Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Foooled, Not to go OT. Well not totally OT. With the experience you described have you considered a full STD Panel? Man that list is so shocking that I dont understand how you could miss her. If the part about Bad Sex was not in the list then I would have guessed you must have absolutely loved making love to her. I thought my woman was bad. She cheated on me and I ate the sperm of the men she cheated on me because she didnt use a condom even. When I want to remind myself why I must walk through this pain, dont drink, do excercise, quit smoking, work hard on the business, look forward to a day in two years I will be totally transformed rather than totally broken by what she did to me psycholigically, then I only need ONE ****ING ITEM on my List to remember that bitch. AND THAT IS - I drank the sperm of the men she cheated on me with. And I told her too, my last message to her, that she is disgusting. Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. I will walk through this pain and everytime I see her face, disgusting disgusting. The mind will learn. Love fools the heart to be blind. It wants to forgive everything. It is a strange curse. Sometimes people use it like black-magic against a victim. Disgusting. *How did I get the info out of her? I am a really clever interrorgator. I wait for the moments and I get it in parcels then take it home and put it all together.
Am4Real Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Morning "sleep': I can't speak for the OP only for what many of us presume or assume in time, that is the faults we discover are never really "deal breakers" and what starts out as one or two "little things" ends up manifesting itself into a list as each person or perhaps only the SO takes liberties with the maturing relationship. I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons why those liberties are taken, and not to list then all here in this thread, only acknowledge they occur. With maturity and experience in relationships do we learn how to politely and successfully challenge such a list in the early stages, we train ourselves to look for building negative faults and perfect our timing for raising the subject with our SO. It is only in the maturity and willingness of our partners do they engage or dismiss these discussions. I guess the message really is: address these faults early; let them fester and not only do they grow, they are not acknowledged by the other party or turned away since they became long-standing characteristics of the relationship. Have a great weekend (if you saw my other post this morning)! Not to sound rude, but if you were with this girl for 4 years...what exactly did you like about her??
Author srivers89 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Morning "sleep': I can't speak for the OP only for what many of us presume or assume in time, that is the faults we discover are never really "deal breakers" and what starts out as one or two "little things" ends up manifesting itself into a list as each person or perhaps only the SO takes liberties with the maturing relationship. I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons why those liberties are taken, and not to list then all here in this thread, only acknowledge they occur. With maturity and experience in relationships do we learn how to politely and successfully challenge such a list in the early stages, we train ourselves to look for building negative faults and perfect our timing for raising the subject with our SO. It is only in the maturity and willingness of our partners do they engage or dismiss these discussions. I guess the message really is: address these faults early; let them fester and not only do they grow, they are not acknowledged by the other party or turned away since they became long-standing characteristics of the relationship. Have a great weekend (if you saw my other post this morning)! Yes I agree completely, I only looked past these negatives when they were first brought to my attention or early on in the relationship. I chose to ignore them entirely and did not take issue with them which in the end piled up on me and led to the painful break up. Sure she was the one who wasn't entirely happy but a part of me was willing to stay and put up with all her quirks but since the cheating and saying I was holding her back and being boring came up I don't want to stay or work things out.
Treasa Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 13.made fun of wrestling, yes it's fake and cheesy but you love it dude! 14.didn't understand football 19.wasn't into manga/comics/anything really cool These would have been dealbreakers for me. I LOVE wrestling and football and comics.
Author srivers89 Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 These would have been dealbreakers for me. I LOVE wrestling and football and comics. She tried but ultimately failed and just resorted to making fun of it cause she couldn't understand it which led to me not being able to really enjoy it. I need to find me a lady like you then lol
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