He is driving me crazy! Is it a control thing?

[emily_t]

I don't even know where to begin! It's overwhelming.

 

My ex cheated on me, made me think it was far more innocent than it turned out to be, and in the meantime had me beating myself up for taking too long to get over it and not trusting him. He also blamed me for making it impossible for him to make it up to me.

 

Months went by and I tried so hard to believe him and trust him again. I thought I was going crazy and I begged him to tell me the truth so that we could move on and start the healing process, but he stonewalled me and blamed me for being paranoid. He even ridiculed me for it, several times, and when his lying finally made me lose my temper, he acted as if I was crazy and said things like "I'm scared of you! I can't be with someone I don't trust! I'm afraid you're going to kill me when I sleep!"... which is just hurtful and unfair, because I have never even raised my voice up until this cheating/lying-situation, and I have done everything to react as rational as possible. I've been good to him, very patient with his personal problems, we've never fought, and he says I was the first person he ever trusted. Now suddenly I was a potential killer in his eyes, and I just find the whole situation to be turned up-side down in regards to who has a reason not to trust the other.

 

Then, one night, I just knew he was messing with my head and I pushed him to admit everything. He got so angry, grabbed my wrists and dragged me over the floor to kick me out of his apartment. It hurt, he scared me (he is twice my size) and I started crying. Then he stopped, looked like he felt bad, and said: "Ok, I'll tell you the truth", and of course the truth was everything but innocent. I fell apart but at least I didn't feel crazy anymore. I just couldn't believe how he would rather ridicule me and blame me, instead of telling the truth to begin with. I thought "being the first person he had ever trusted" actually meant something to him, and was worthy of some kind of respect. He didn't do anything to make it up to me this time either, but instead said he "didn't have the right feelings anymore and couldn't give me what I wanted". Never a real apology, never anything I would expect from a man almost 30 years old.

 

I felt good about myself before I met him and now I'm struggling with my sense of self worth. It doesn't help that he's only feeling sorry for himself, and acting like a victim. I'm trying really hard to move past this and be as strong and positive as before I met him, but it is not easy when I have to see him and get reminded of how he doesn't care about me or my feelings at all.

 

Now the problem is: We have to work together.

 

We live in a small town and there is only one place to work with our education. I have to stay and take care of my parents. He has only been here for 1,5 years, has no family here, and has repeatedly told me he hates the place and wants to leave. But oh, no! Now, after I've kindly asked him if he would leave if I got him a better job elsewhere, just until I get back on my feet, he doesn't want to leave! Now he suddenly loves the place sooo much. Which means we have to run into each other not only at work, but also at the only mall and the only bar this town has to offer. I have to watch him pick up other girls. We probably have to work side by side in the future, and I have to re-live the hurt over being treated like crap every day.

 

What's more: He wants us to be friends. He seems annoyed that he can't get what he wants, and he's annoyed that I can't just forget. ("Cheating isn't such a big deal, half of the town is doing it too. You're making too big of a deal out of it, you're feeling too sorry for yourself"... not grasping that the really hurtful part is how he's treating me, not the act of cheating itself). Then he ridicules me over not being able to toughen up and get along "as adults", but then shuts down when I gently remind him that "adults" don't treat each other like crap to begin with. He's also angry at me for having told some of my best friends about this, and emphasize how he's a much better person and doesn't "tell others about our private stuff". (Except he has...)

 

I've tried so many time to talk some sense into him, but no matter what I say or do he just twists the situation up-side down into the unrecognizable. It's like a giant 5 year old who wants the world to be a certain way, and gets mad when it isn't.

 

What should I do? I am going crazy.

[geegirl]

You keep catering to a 5 year old. So, guess what, you'll keep getting tantrum after tantrum. You're going crazy because of your own doing.

 

He has been gaslighting you from the beginning. It's when someone relieves themselves of guilt by twisting the reality of the situation which in turn causes the victim to doubt their own perceptions.

 

He cheated and made you doubt yourself. Now, he turns it around again by minimizing the effect it had on you and blaiming you for not being able to handle his indiscretion and here you are douting yourself again.

 

What I don't understand is why you still feel the need to keep engaging with this assclown. The man dragged you out of his home and nearly threw you out.

 

And quit "trying to talk" to him. You are a grown woman. Instill your boundaries and keep away from him. He's not a child you need to pacify everytime he doesn't get his way.

[emily_t]

You keep catering to a 5 year old. So, guess what, you'll keep getting tantrum after tantrum. You're going crazy because of your own doing.

 

He has been gaslighting you from the beginning. It's when someone relieves themselves of guilt by twisting the reality of the situation which in turn causes the victim to doubt their own perceptions.

 

He cheated and made you doubt yourself. Now, he turns it around again by minimizing the effect it had on you and blaiming you for not being able to handle his indiscretion and here you are douting yourself again.

 

What I don't understand is why you still feel the need to keep engaging with this assclown. The man dragged you out of his home and nearly threw you out.

 

And quit "trying to talk" to him. You are a grown woman. Instill your boundaries and keep away from him. He's not a child you need to pacify everytime he doesn't get his way.

 

Gaslighting, interesting! Nicely summarized. I'm definitely going to read up on that.

 

I see what he is doing and believe me i'm ANGRY. I fell for the "poor me" act a few times, but after that I have never done any pacifying. I've even called him on the 5-year old act.

 

Still, we have to work together so it is impossible to keep away from him. I know too well how this can play out in the years to come, and I'll do anything to get him to take another job somewhere else. There is really no reason why he shouldn't.

Right now I am commuting, but in a few years we have to work side by side full time. In the meantime he will probably hook up with the other coworkers or get everybody on "his" side, or play "I don't know why she can't just be friends with me, I've said I'm sorry!" nice guy act, while I still feel run over by a truck.

 

Any ideas?

 

(Interestingly though, I have found that he's much easier to deal with when I'm acting all soft and understanding, so maybe I can use that to my advantage. Except I'm having a reaaaally hard time doing it, because I just want to shake him.)

[geegirl]

If you have to work together, then keep communication strictly focused on work. Anything other, you step away and excuse yourself.

 

And you should not be pushing him to work somewhere else. He is entitled to be wherever he wants to be. You have to set boundaries in that you accept that he works there and that you have to keep it professional and move on with your life. Trying to get him out only perpetuates the emotional drama tied to him.

 

Why is everybody at work in your business?

[emily_t]

If you have to work together, then keep communication strictly focused on work. Anything other, you step away and excuse yourself.

 

And you should not be pushing him to work somewhere else. He is entitled to be wherever he wants to be. You have to set boundaries in that you accept that he works there and that you have to keep it professional and move on with your life. Trying to get him out only perpetuates the emotional drama tied to him.

 

Why is everybody at work in your business?

 

Yes he is entitled to work wherever he wants to be, but WHY does he suddenly want to stay? Seems like another way to gain control.

 

It's a very social workplace where most young people in town work, and I don't know how to deal with the whole drama he might stir up. He might start a smear campaign against me, as a way of feeling better about himself and clearing his own name (he is very concerned with what other people think).

It's bad enough to see the woman he had an affair with, and my guess is it's been several others as well when I've been out of town. It would be so much better if I didn't have to watch him flirt with everybody and wonder what's been going on behind my back. It's as if it's happening all over again. How can I move on when it will be right in my face all the time? It makes me feel vulnerable, and it's stressful not knowing what to expect.

 

Does it make sense?

[Treasa]

He's a narcissist. I know this ALL TOO WELL. I dated two of them. Narcissists always have to be the victim, they have to look good in front of others and are terrified of being "outed" as not being awesome, and they crave supply. When you're being nice and gentle to him, you're giving him his supply. There are two types, and you should look into forums about narcissists. One was started by Lisa E. Scott.

 

Considering he put his hands on you, you should have filed a report against him for assault. But since you didn't, make sure to record any inappropriate interaction he has with you at the workplace, work professionally, and don't care about what he's telling others or doing with others. If people are smart, they're probably just nodding and thinking he's a lunatic. Track everything and make sure your boss knows if he does something that isn't right while at work.

 

Trust me, this is all from personal experience.

[geegirl]

You've given him control from the get go. Why is this behavior surprising to you? You ask him to leave and he decides not to. Guess what, he just found a way to push another button. You give him way too much power. He knows how to annoy, antagonize and manipulate you.

 

Yes, I understand that it's difficult to be around this person and see him parade, but it's something you just have to deal with. If at anytime he behaves inappropriately at work, you have grounds to file a complaint.

 

Emotionally, you have to find the reality in this all and see this man for who he is. You are hurt that he is with other women. Well, if he was a catch, I'd be upset to. But keep reminding yourself he is no prize. While you don't see it, you dodged a bullet.

[emily_t]

He's a narcissist. I know this ALL TOO WELL. I dated two of them. Narcissists always have to be the victim, they have to look good in front of others and are terrified of being "outed" as not being awesome, and they crave supply. When you're being nice and gentle to him, you're giving him his supply. There are two types, and you should look into forums about narcissists. One was started by Lisa E. Scott.

 

Considering he put his hands on you, you should have filed a report against him for assault. But since you didn't, make sure to record any inappropriate interaction he has with you at the workplace, work professionally, and don't care about what he's telling others or doing with others. If people are smart, they're probably just nodding and thinking he's a lunatic. Track everything and make sure your boss knows if he does something that isn't right while at work.

 

Trust me, this is all from personal experience.

 

 

I've been thinking the same thing (narcissist). After all, he has always been the center of his mothers attention. It's just that he seems so sweet and innocent, and half of the time he is down to earth and fun to be with.

 

I'm just anxious about my whole future at that workplace now. He has a permanent position, and I know the boss will hesitate to give me a permanent position if he senses that there is going to be a problem with us working together. Plus my ex will probably be my attending when I've finished my degree. He will probably never do anything "reportable", only subtle impossible-to-pinpoint stuff.

 

What are the two types of narcissists? Do you have experience with more typical narcissist behavior?

 

I remember our first vacation together (He was very eager about travelling together, so this happened after knowing each other for 2 months). It was the first time I found his behavior strange. When we came back to the hotel one night, I wanted to show him a short youtube-video. He laid down and turned his back on me. I asked him if there was something wrong, and he didn't answer. I tried to connect with him, but it was impossible, and I got the "sulking 5 year old" vibe. I knew I couldn't sleep in such a tense situation, and I felt punished for something I didn't know I had done wrong, so after a while I let him lie there and went for a short walk in the garden right outside our room. When I came back a few minutes later he was hysterical and yelled at me for being irresponsible for leaving the room like that. I started crying because he seemed out of control and it scared me. He still uses this episode against me as an example of how I'm emotionally unstable (because I started crying), not normal (leaving the room) and how he's had every reason to be unsure about me as a person to share his life with. (Doubts I didn't even know he had up until months after the cheating/lying) When I tried to explain how his cheating and lying hurt me, he always referred to that episode as an indication that I am prone to overreacting. ....The reason for his sulking? Turned out he was "disappointed" because we didn't go straight to the jacuzzi and have sex.

 

I often felt like he is trying to control me by being ice cold. I don't know, I am very confused atm. I thought narcissists usually were extrovert and show-off, but he is introvert, shy, don't like or trust other people.

[emily_t]

You've given him control from the get go. Why is this behavior surprising to you? You ask him to leave and he decides not to. Guess what, he just found a way to push another button. You give him way too much power. He knows how to annoy, antagonize and manipulate you.

 

Yes, I understand that it's difficult to be around this person and see him parade, but it's something you just have to deal with. If at anytime he behaves inappropriately at work, you have grounds to file a complaint.

 

Emotionally, you have to find the reality in this all and see this man for who he is. You are hurt that he is with other women. Well, if he was a catch, I'd be upset to. But keep reminding yourself he is no prize. While you don't see it, you dodged a bullet.

 

Ahhhh... How did it come to this. I thought I was being smart and not putting myself in such a situation, i.e. by leaving the room instead of letting him get to me with his manipulative sulking (ref. episode described above).

 

Actually the cheating happened at a point when I was expressing doubt about our relationship due to some behavior I wouldn't tolerate. I thought I was being assertive and that it would lead to more respect, but no, he went out and cheated instead. It came as a shock, as if he did it in order to regain the upper hand somehow. And I fell apart, so I guess he succeeded.

 

Ok, he is not the prize, he is not the prize... But what if he IS the prize, and everything I have told him actually has done something to his immaturity, and then he'll be soooo much better next time (to the next girl)? - And i have to watch from the front row?

[geegirl]

Ok, he is not the prize, he is not the prize... But what if he IS the prize, and everything I have told him actually has done something to his immaturity, and then he'll be soooo much better next time (to the next girl)? - And i have to watch from the front row?

 

You've set the bar really low for yourself if you actually believe someone that cheats, drags you over the floor and then manipulates you emotionally and mentally throughout is a prize.

 

His immaturity because he has no maturity is his to own. It's the way he is wired. You are not accountable for someone becoming immature or mature. Just as how you were doubting yourself then, now you are believing you made him better for the next girl. It's all your fault. Do you see how toxic you sound?

 

No. He won't be so much better. He is who he is. As my girlfriend once said, "This is his software. It won't change." And trust me when you are done emotionally with this clown, you'll be feeling sorry for the next girl you see him with.

Edited March 27, 2013 by geegirl

[emily_t]

His immaturity because he has no maturity is his to own. It's the way he is wired. You are not accountable for someone becoming immature or mature. Just as how you were doubting yourself then, now you are believing you made him better for the next girl. It's all your fault. Do you see how toxic you sound?

 

No. He won't be so much better. He is who he is. As my girlfriend once said, "This is his software. It won't change." And trust me when you are done emotionally with this clown, you'll be feeling sorry for the next girl you see him with.

 

I am trying so hard to think like this and believe it. But like he said: This was his first relationship and now he has learned. He also blames how "unsure" he has been about the relationship, especially because of that episode at the hotel. (Then, the next moment he says he's chronically ambivalent about everything in life, that it's just part of who he is and has nothing to do with me.)

 

He's almost 30 but had only had short flings up until we met... (sleeping together once or twice). I thought that was a red flag, but now he says he "wanted a relationship all along, but always got rejected - nobody wanted him". He also said he deliberately chose to concentrate on his education, especially after a girl he met when he was 19 broke his heart. (He never even kissed her, and she ended up marrying someone else.)

 

He has also said that it will be so hard for him to "dare to get attached again" after all the fighting. It doesn't make sense to me though, why should he be the one to be scared, when the fighting was just a consequence of his lying and cheating? Part of playing the victim?

 

I don't know! Is he playing innocent or IS he truly misunderstood? Have I been to hard on him?

[Video]

There is no excuse for him to be physical with you. I stopped reading after that. Get away from him.

 

I had my first relationship when I was 17 and i never even though of hurting my girlfriend. This guy is older and more mature. He should know better.

 

Complete bull**** and makes me pissed off. This guy is an *******.

 

On top of this all this crap hes saying he sounds like a puss. A man should be confident. He needs to nut up. Do yourself a favor and move on.

[Survivor12]

Not to minimize your emotional pain, but the real issue I see is much worse than a broken relationship. Think about it...while he was trying to turn the tables on you, trying to make you feel that you were to blame for not trusting him, he was also accusing you of being capable of physical violence. Then HE became physical with YOU!

 

As someone else said, this can be considered "gaslighting" but based on him acting out aggressively, it is also indicative of "projection". i.e. Him accusing you of what HE would do.

 

To me, that is scary. In his mind, he considers killing someone who has betrayed you to be an option. Is that something that you think of when you are angry or frustrated with someone? I certainly don't. But HE does. Whatsmore, he proved it when he grabbed you and dragged you across the room.

 

This guy is not only a cheater and a jerk, he's dangerous! The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay as far away from him as possible. Do not try to reason with him, do not try to explain anything to him, & do not fall for his ploys to make you believe that he is sorry or that he has forgiven YOU.

 

Be grateful that you got away. Your heart will heal, but recovering from mental and physical abuse can take a lifetime.

[emily_t]

There is no excuse for him to be physical with you. I stopped reading after that. Get away from him.

 

I had my first relationship when I was 17 and i never even though of hurting my girlfriend. This guy is older and more mature. He should know better.

 

Complete bull**** and makes me pissed off. This guy is an *******.

 

On top of this all this crap hes saying he sounds like a puss. A man should be confident. He needs to nut up. Do yourself a favor and move on.

 

But what if you lied and lied and lied, and then your girlfriend pushed you and wouldn't back off?

 

His reason for getting physical: "You should have seen your eyes! It looked like you were going to kill me! I got scared!"

 

I mean, I'm sure I looked crazy, because I was extremely pissed off when he just kept lying, but I would never give him any reason to think I would do anything to hurt him physically.

 

It's probably the same thing he did when I found out about the cheating the first time... He blamed his lying on my mental health, with reference to the hotel room incident when I cried. "Who knew how I could react". Ahh I get really angry just by thinking about it. He's being unfair.

[emily_t]

Not to minimize your emotional pain, but the real issue I see is much worse than a broken relationship. Think about it...while he was trying to turn the tables on you, trying to make you feel that you were to blame for not trusting him, he was also accusing you of being capable of physical violence. Then HE became physical with YOU!

 

As someone else said, this can be considered "gaslighting" but based on him acting out aggressively, it is also indicative of "projection". i.e. Him accusing you of what HE would do.

 

To me, that is scary. In his mind, he considers killing someone who has betrayed you to be an option. Is that something that you think of when you are angry or frustrated with someone? I certainly don't. But HE does. Whatsmore, he proved it when he grabbed you and dragged you across the room.

 

This guy is not only a cheater and a jerk, he's dangerous! The best thing you can do for yourself is to stay as far away from him as possible. Do not try to reason with him, do not try to explain anything to him, & do not fall for his ploys to make you believe that he is sorry or that he has forgiven YOU.

 

Be grateful that you got away. Your heart will heal, but recovering from mental and physical abuse can take a lifetime.

 

I think it has more to do with paranoia and dramatizing, as a way of ridding himself of guilt and responsibility. But it sure provokes and hurts me.

 

I was hurting so bad I just needed him to comfort me, but then he avoided me. Reason: "I'm scared of you!" Yes, I was on an emotional rollercoaster after all the lying, but HNNNG can't he just see that it is a natural response?

 

Can't believe how little I must mean to him. Now all he is talking about is how I wants to move on, that our relationship is beyond repair and there is nothing he can do. As if he ever tried...

[geegirl]

But what if you lied and lied and lied, and then your girlfriend pushed you and wouldn't back off?

 

His reason for getting physical: "You should have seen your eyes! It looked like you were going to kill me! I got scared!"

 

I mean, I'm sure I looked crazy, because I was extremely pissed off when he just kept lying, but I would never give him any reason to think I would do anything to hurt him physically.

 

It's probably the same thing he did when I found out about the cheating the first time... He blamed his lying on my mental health, with reference to the hotel room incident when I cried. "Who knew how I could react". Ahh I get really angry just by thinking about it. He's being unfair.

 

 

Emily, the man cheated on you and treated you horribly. You pushing him for the truth is no comparison to his infidelity. You have to stop blaming yourself. He's programmed you in such a way where you are now gotten to the level of finding ways to be accountable for the demise of this relationship.

 

Your eyes made him get physical on you? A man twice your size decided to drag you out because he was fearful of your eyes? Again, you are at fault for his actions. Give me a break.

 

And then he blames his lying on your mental health? It's a bunch of BS to make you take the fall so that you can sit and fester and blame yourself while he walks around knowing that you're feeling this way. Takes it all off his shoulders.

 

He is not innocent nor is he misunderstood. He's manipulative and emotionally immature.

[Survivor12]

"He got so angry, grabbed my wrists and dragged me of the floor to kick me out of his apartment."

 

Unless you were attacking him with a weapon, there is NO excuse for this behavior. NONE! I don't care if you WERE in his face threatening to kill him--unless he was defending himself from immediate PHYSICAL harm, there is no justification for putting his hands on you like that.

 

I know you are hurting, but you really need to understand that you will never find comfort from someone who is capable of treating you the way you have described.

 

My ex:

-cheated on me

-mademe think it was far more innocent than it turned out to be,

-had me beating myself up for taking too long to get over it & not trusting him.

-blamed me for making it impossible for him to make it up to me.

-stonewalled me and blamed me for being paranoid

-ridiculed me for it, several times

-acted as if I was crazy

-said things like "I'm scared of you! I can't be with someone I don't trust! I'm

afraid you're going to kill me when I sleep!"

-got so angry, grabbed my wrists and dragged me over the floor to kick me out

of his apartment.

-he scared me (he is twice my size)

-is only feeling sorry for himself, and acting like a victim.

-seems annoyed that he can't get what he wants

-is annoyed that I can't just forget.

-ridicules me over not being able to toughen up and get along "as adults"

-shuts down when I gently remind him...

-is angry at me for having told some of my best friends about this

-twists the situation up-side down into the unrecognizable

 

If you can't recognize the glaring characteristics of an abuser, you really should speak with someone who can help you. Please know that I'm not insulting you. I am genuinely concerned. It only takes a few sips of the Kool Aid to make it difficult to see the truth--particularly when the emotions get in the way.

[emily_t]

Emily, the man cheated on you and treated you horribly. You pushing him for the truth is no comparison to his infidelity. You have to stop blaming yourself. He's programmed you in such a way where you are now gotten to the level of finding ways to be accountable for the demise of this relationship.

 

Your eyes made him get physical on you? A man twice your size decided to drag you out because he was fearful of your eyes? Again, you are at fault for his actions. Give me a break.

 

And then he blames his lying on your mental health? It's a bunch of BS to make you take the fall so that you can sit and fester and blame yourself while he walks around knowing that you're feeling this way. Takes it all off his shoulders.

 

He is not innocent nor is he misunderstood. He's manipulative and emotionally immature.

 

I know.... and it hurts so bad to know that he can do that to me, after everything. I was good to him, I was patient (he still says so himself), I am the only one he ever trusted... Why would he do such a thing to someone who had to be special to him in some way? He knows I see through every lame excuse, still he keeps doing it... It is breaking my heart. He says "Why can't you just call me an a**hole, hate me, move on and find someone better?"... He doesn't understand that it's not that simple!

 

It's like he's trying to get rid of me... like he can't wait to move on and find someone new. He says our relationship is "ruined" and that there's nothing he can do, that he has tried his best (when????)... I feel like my needs are "wrong" in his eyes. He thinks it's too childish to delete the other woman from facebook, and he refused to give me access to his phone and email afte the cheating, because it was "private" and I was ridiculous to need that in order to rebuild trust.

 

WHAT ABOUT ME? I don't know how to handle this.

[emily_t]

Unless you were attacking him with a weapon, there is NO excuse for this behavior. NONE! I don't care if you WERE in his face threatening to kill him--unless he was defending himself from immediate PHYSICAL harm, there is no justification for putting his hands on you like that.

 

I know you are hurting, but you really need to understand that you will never find comfort from someone who is capable of treating you the way you have described.

 

(....)

 

If you can't recognize the glaring characteristics of an abuser, you really should speak with someone who can help you. Please know that I'm not insulting you. I am genuinely concerned. It only takes a few sips of the Kool Aid to make it difficult to see the truth--particularly when the emotions get in the way.

 

Well, when you put it like that....

 

Still... I have too many good memories of him being this strong, safe guy... I used to think it was the healthiest relationship I've ever had. I felt safe and good about myself, and I trusted him. I never dreamt he would treat me like this, and I still can't believe it.

 

Today I'm just stuck in some sort of desperate sadness. Nothing makes sense. I broke down today and started asking him questions. I am truly becoming the desperate ex girlfriend, even though I'm trying so hard to resist and have some self respect. I feel broken. He's trying to brush me off by saying he needs some time alone, that he's exhausted from all this.

 

I get flashbacks to the weeks after I caught him cheating, when he said he wasn't seing anyone, that he was by himself, "exhausted from all this"... Well, it turned out he slept with her the whole time, while I was at home crying my eyes out, trying to pull it together for my sick grandma and trying to forgive him. How exhausted could he possibly be? I remember how I couldn't reach him some nights, he blamed it on work and sleep. Then a week later he came back to me (she had gone back home to her hometown), still lied about it. Got "exhausted" when I wouldn't believe him, while claiming to know "how hard it was for me and how much he had hurt me". I know we aren't together anymore and he's free to do whatever he wants, but it feels like it's happening all over again. I get these images in my head about what he's doing and how he finds some reason to hide it from me. It hurts like ****. Today I thought I'd rather get back together with him than experience something that would remind me of the cheating and the hurt. But he doesn't want to (guess I should be glad)... "It's too late, too much has happened, it has been too much now"... Yes it has been too much because of his lies. I could have forgiven him long ago if he had been honest.

 

Does he just want to replace me, just like that? Is that it? The thought of him being with someone else, flirting or hooking up is making me sick. Today I hit an all time low, I asked him if I wasn't good enough for him. He said "you are more than good enough", but then came a bunch of excuses, and then he stopped answering because he had to "do something". Just like the weeks after I caught him.

 

I'm trying to hold it together because of my family, but I am falling apart here. He was the one who chased after me and declared I was the only one he wanted and the best thing that ever happened to him... Now I feel like I am some kind of trash he wants to get rid of. It's killing me.

[emily_t]

+ what if it's as simple as: He acts like an abuser because he doesn't have the right feelings for me anymore?

 

And will be the strong wonderful guy I knew with someone he feels right about, full-time?

 

Can it be so simple, is it human nature to treat people like garbage when you're not in love with them anymore?

 

I can imagine him saying one day: "I am sorry, but I didn't feel the right way and didn't know what to do. I should have handled it differently but now it's too late." Then telling me he is very faithful and caring now that he has found the love of his life. Is "love" and feelings everything that matters? It doesn't make sense to me.