spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Waking up every morning filled with panic. This morning it's because I fear she went out last night and now that I've cut her off, I can't see any of it. I'm consumed with fears and anxieties that I drove us to this through jealousy, making her feel unloved etc. Cannot stop turning these things over in my mind. Got this obsession that she thinks of me as a bad guy. At the point we broke up we were not fighting all the time or anything, but now I worry. Someone said to me last night that some months ago she said something about me trusting her or checking up on her while they were at the pub. But I really don't think I was. Yes, years ago but not of late. She is out every weekend without me and I dont worry about it at all. Is is that I am worried she will share my secrets? or is this just regret at having made someone I cared about feel unloved enough to want to leave me. n.b yes I may have acted this way, but there were good reasons barriers went up. camping event we will both be going to starts on Friday afternoon and I'm beginning to dread how I will react to being close, but not close enough. Sadness I get, but does anyone else get anxious about their flaws and negative contributions?
MushyPeas Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I went through the exact same feelings, I think it's pretty normal to blame yourself, I stopped doing this pretty quickly when I realised that actually it was a joint **** up and I wasn't getting anywhere by focusing on the negative. I think you should disregard what people tell you even if it is the truth, it's not doing you any good at all to hear it, so why put yourself through that? I could ask my ex's friends what he's been saying about me, truth is, I don't even want to know because it's not important and it could possibly embarrass or upset me and I want to move forward you know. If she's the sort of person who will share your secrets, then unfortunately there's nothing you can do about this!, whoever she would be telling this info to would be an asshat anyway if they took everything she said about you as gospel..I mean I know people take sides but still. If there are negative things to be said about you, I'm sure that if the whole situation surrounding the negative aspect was explained too, then your actions would maybe make sense? If she chooses to leave out little details or things she did to make you react a certain why, who cares? She knows she's lying, it doesn't even matter if her friends have a bad image of you because of something she is failing to explain properly, that's her issue not yours. With the whole camping thing I mean it's awkward, I'm sure some people would suggest not going but hey, why shouldn't you? keep your head high and have a good time, put on a biiiig public face (lololol nearly wrote pubic face) and just be civil. 1
Author spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Big part of me doesn't want to go, but I fear I will never go back to the hobby. And I could do with being around friends. Hopefully I will a) not see her or b) will be so distracted I manage to put it all in perspective. Part of the breakup woe is that I am mourning our lifestyle, rather than just her. We've been to 12 of these reenactment camping trips in the last two years and it means a shared interest and friends. Actually panicking that she does not call me. I don't understand either the indifference or the self control
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 If you did something wrong, why don't you apologize to her? If you didn't do anything wrong, tell her you don't want to play her game anymore. Either way, you gotta man up and set things straight. Then take a long vacation to a far away place to get over the paranoia you suffer from. Because your world is a small world, which is why paranoia sets in. Your world must be expanded enough to see that your matters are small matters. However, if you did something wrong, you must come right out and say it to her. And tell her if she can neutralize the secrets you gave her. If not, then just apologize, do what you can to neutralize it, and get going your own way. -
geegirl Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Big part of me doesn't want to go, but I fear I will never go back to the hobby. And I could do with being around friends. Hopefully I will a) not see her or b) will be so distracted I manage to put it all in perspective. Part of the breakup woe is that I am mourning our lifestyle, rather than just her. We've been to 12 of these reenactment camping trips in the last two years and it means a shared interest and friends. Actually panicking that she does not call me. I don't understand either the indifference or the self control Personally, I wouldn't go. Especially when you are feeling raw. What would make you think that you could never go back to your hobby? That's like saying you will always feel this way. The thing is, you won't if you invest at least 6 months into healing. Instead of having fun, you'll be constantly looking over your shoulder. You're already panicking about it now.
Author spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 The thinking is that this is HER hobby. She has done it since she was 6 and introduced me to it. It strongly associate it with her. However, a year ago she moved regiments so we won't be camping in the same area. And she has various exes dotted around the field from throughout her life. Including in my regiment. The guy she was with two years before me is my officer. My peeps worry that if I don't face it and go now, I will just never turn up again. This weekend is doubly annoying because I'm the adjutant of my regiment...I sort the memberships, have all the cards, organised the skips and toilets etc. Helped organise the muster. I figured I would take their advice and their offer of support and if it turns out to be disastrous, I can just leg it.
geegirl Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 My peeps worry that if I don't face it and go now, I will just never turn up again.. I understand but face it when you have a stronger footing. Sometimes too fast too soon can set you back even further. You know your limits and your capabilities. I hope you get to enjoy your time there.
Author spirius Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I'm going on the basis that if I want to leave, noone makes a fuss. I'm not prepared to be there with my kids going crazy in my tent worrying that she is shagging someone on the other campsite. If I can't be distracted, then I will pack up and go. Can't shrug this lingering sense that anything relating to her has ramifications, but really don't know? Do they?
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