dmyers Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Hi all, I'm new here. And I have a question: Is it ok to ask a common friend if a girl we know could be open to something more than friendship with me? I have this friend from a few years ago. We were never "buddy-buddies", but we have gone out socially (drinking, movies, etc.) with our other friends. When she entered into a relationship, contact between us subsided and became limited to the occasional online chats. Recently, when I sent her an innocent "How are you?", I find that she was meeting up with our old friends. So I joined them for a meal. And during that night, she mentioned that she had become recently single. After that night, we made plans to meet up again - so we did. We met up again for a meal but with one other common girl friend (who is not part of that group but who is a closer friend of hers than any from that group - including myself). Now...I'm interested in this girl but I'm wary of losing that casual friendship that I have with her. So I have been very cautious. The friendship is very platonic. And I can initiate a chat, even after not being in contact for months, without feeling like a stranger. Is it appropriate for me to ask our common friend if she could be open to me asking her out on a proper date? This feels like a cop-out to me. Thanks for any replies.
ITw Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) It is a cop-out. Don't ask the common friend. Ask the girl herself. Do you really want to rely on secondhand information about something so important? I've learned the hard way that people sometimes have their own agenda. I'm not saying the common friend wouldn't give you a correct answer, but you'll never know how the girl feels unless you talk to her yourself. Edited March 27, 2013 by ITw 1
Lani Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Yeah, I have to agree that it's a bit of a copout. Just do it casually, and next time ask her if mabe she'd like to do something, just the two of you. Approach it lightly, and if she says no, then just cop it and brush it off. There is no need for it to be awkward if she turns you down, it all just depends on how you act afterwards. Don't play highschool games and ask her friends.
iKING Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Just ask her to go out with you sometime. I'll be completely honest, the signs of interest aren't there, but all you can do is try. Go with the direct approach, if you want something, go for it. If it doesn't work out that's alright. It doesn't have to be a sudden confession of your vast love for her, something casual would be just fine. So if it comes to denial, you're not in too deep to lose the friendship.
Author dmyers Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Ahhh...good. I read elsewhere that bringing up the idea of dating with a friend should be not be decided on lightly because platonic friendship (especially of the opposite sex) is quite a valuable commodity - which I tend to agree with! I'll trust my instincts and go with the flow. ...I'll be completely honest, the signs of interest aren't there, but all you can do is try... I wasn't always keen on her for anything other than as a friend. At best I had a fleeting interest in her romatically - but more as a friend. I wasn't single and she acquired a boyfriend. It was only just recently that made me think of her this way. Though, it was I that initiated contact. It was she who invited me to that 1st dinner with the group. And it was she who invited me again to the 2nd dinner with our other common friend (who is not part of the previous (bigger) group). Also, a few months ago I found out from another friend that, while they were out drinking, he told her that I liked her - even if I didn't (at the time). He just assumed that I did because we were friendly with each other. This happened many months (close to a year?) since I last saw her or him. I would have thought that she would have shied away from me - with her thinking that what my friend said is "true". Also, I believe that everything is timing. I'm 6-to-8 months single and she's recently single. So, all that has kind-of made me more interested in her. Edited March 27, 2013 by dmyers
Lani Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Just ask her out. I say do it gently, because you're not even that sure of your interest level yet. All this friends getting involved stuff is lame. I know you had no control over your mate telling her you liked her, but if you can manage it, keep friends out of it. I always do until I know what something is, it works best that way. You get to decide if you like each other without all the second hand gossip. 1
Recommended Posts