Newly Seperated

[30somethin]

Well after 5 years of marriage we both have decided to separate. I got out as soon as possible. Found an apartment and have already started the process. Everything is starting to get taken care of. Both of us were unhappy in the relationship while I lost all trust in her after a lie as to where she was at and who she was with. She is now seeing this new guy a week after we decided to separate. She can have him in my eyes, he has no job and lives at home with his mommy.

 

We have a one year old son involved and we will most likely divide it 50/50 custody. She is acting all cold towards me now and says she really does not care what I do. I personally do not want anything to do with her anymore. We also have to go to a custody hearing in a month to divide up custody.

 

Some of the problems I will encounter are: We work together (at least until the middle of June), we live in the same small town. Our boy will be picked up and dropped off at the same place by us, and all the contact I will have with her just has to do with our son.

 

This process I am going through is tough. I do not really know where to start. I do not want back in the relationship but just the fact of being alone is the hardest. It is also hard on me when I do not have my boy with me.

 

My main question is: Where do I start now. I am almost all settle in, we need to sell the house (she is taking over the payments for right now since she is living there), I do not have very many friends but feel an urge to get out and meet people. I just want to move on and not look in the past any more. She is just the mother of our son to me and nothing more, if she wants to date or whatever that is her business not mine. She contacts me when she needs things fixed (like the internet, she called 6 times yesterday because she couldnt get it to work).

 

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[Gunny376]

If it deals with the wellfair of the DS? Fixing the plulmbing, a dryer, washer, (so that he has clean clothes, etc) or the stove, micorwave etc? for example? Then its not your problem?

 

If your DS was of school age? And needed the internet for research, homework, etc? That would be one thing! To fix ther internet so she can access facebook, her e-mail would be another. An exception might be if she needed it for her work ~ if that is the way that she makes a living ~ as many do in this day and time.

 

The "Standard" to make the measure of such is and would be ~ to the degree it helps, benfits either directly or in-directly your son? His mental, physical, emotinal and pyschological well being?

 

The "Standard" in so far as getting out and about and meeting someone new? Is when you absolutely could care less if you ever do so or not ~ that is to say complete and total "indiffrence"

 

Its a paradox ~ and it can take some getting your head wrapped around for some. The time to go out and find someone is when:

 

You don't need anyone to fill total, complete, fulfilled, validated ~ you do that yourself.

 

But! You want someone in your life to compliment you and your life and your lifestyle.

 

You added finding tha' "One" to the heap of Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy! When you get real about finding yourself a Partner in life and if need be in crime? When you give up on the notion of finding your 'one true love!"