Vash808 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) So here's my situation. I've been together with this girl for 5 years and we broke up on February 20th of last month. She said she was un happy and she confessed that she was seeing another guy prior to the break up. She says they're just friends but they had sex? We also have a 1 year old daughter together. The beginning of the break up she hated me and didn't even want to see me and as time went on and more time we spent time with each other she started saying that she still loves me and cares for me. I ask to her to stop talking to the other guy and she seems like she cant. We still spend time with each other and we still do everything together but I want it to be more than that. Is she just leading me on? What should I do? I feel like every time I try to fully part ways she keeps holding me back. I feel like if I fully part ways it'll give the other guy more of chance to sweep her off her feet. What should I do. Edited March 27, 2013 by Vash808
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 For your own clarity and perhaps next post: look up the definition of cake-eater via Google and/or read some of the articles out there on the subject.
Author Vash808 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I know what cake eaters are. I'm just not sure whats the best thing for me to do at this point. This girl means everything to me. I'll be honest and say that when we were together I did take her for granted. She was wife material and i was to blind to see that. These past weeks I've been trying to re kindle our love for each other and it seems to be slowly working.
Chris516 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 So here's my situation. I've been together with this girl for 5 years and we broke up on February 20th of last month. She said she was un happy and she confessed that she was seeing another guy prior to the break up. She says they're just friends but they had sex? We also have a 1 year old daughter together. The beginning of the break up she hated me and didn't even want to see me and as time went on and more time we spent time with each other she started saying that she still loves me and cares for me. I ask to her to stop talking to the other guy and she seems like she cant. We still spend time with each other and we still do everything together but I want it to be more than that. Is she just leading me on? What should I do? I feel like every time I try to fully part ways she keeps holding me back. I feel like if I fully part ways it'll give the other guy more of chance to sweep her off her feet. What should I do. Not only was she cheating on you, the longer you don't see your daughter, the more confused she is going to be, about who her father actually is. That woman has issues. She is a 'player'.
GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I have been in a very similar predicament, and there were no easy answers. We can not control what other people do, and some pills are just really hard to swallow. It would be devastating to implement NC hoping that she'd miss you enough to break it off with her "friend" , only to know or find out that she keeps him to fill the void you've left. Risky gamble with no guarantee. To stay the course knowing that she's having her ice cream and eating it to doesn't sound any less painful, but atleast you would have access to her, and maybe the rekindling will work. Maybe she'll decide that your all the friend she needs. Even LC seems like a loser here as whatever ground you lose there would be no convincing yourself the other guy isn't gaining. Maybe she's just being a little vindictive for the times you did take her for granted. You still have the advantage as the time your bond with her is longer than with him. If you can show and prove that you can provide the things that women seem to want I.e. confidence, and security than the logical choice may prevail. What can you do to protect your feelings and not be so vulnerable? Maybe you should try a little cake yourself and see if she likes the flavor.
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I know what cake eaters are. I'm just not sure whats the best thing for me to do at this point. This girl means everything to me. I'll be honest and say that when we were together I did take her for granted. She was wife material and i was to blind to see that. These past weeks I've been trying to re kindle our love for each other and it seems to be slowly working. Put your pride AWAY for a second. I'm advising you to read material from professional therapists who write on this subject, then compare it your SO/EX and the situation. You're assuming you completely understand the mental capacity of the so-called cake-eater and the opinions and advice from professionals may surprise you. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 So here's my situation. I've been together with this girl for 5 years and we broke up on February 20th of last month. She said she was un happy and she confessed that she was seeing another guy prior to the break up. She says they're just friends but they had sex? We also have a 1 year old daughter together. The beginning of the break up she hated me and didn't even want to see me and as time went on and more time we spent time with each other she started saying that she still loves me and cares for me. I ask to her to stop talking to the other guy and she seems like she cant. We still spend time with each other and we still do everything together but I want it to be more than that. Is she just leading me on? What should I do? I feel like every time I try to fully part ways she keeps holding me back. I feel like if I fully part ways it'll give the other guy more of chance to sweep her off her feet. What should I do. The bold should answer your own questions. You don't mean that much to her. She values the other guys so much that she refuses to give him up! So, how does that make you feel? That she doesn't value you enough to be exclusive to you? Look, that probably sucked to read, but she made her deicision, she wants the OM, but is okay with you hanging around. How is that being fair to yourself. If I were you, I would totally dedicate myself to being the best father that you can be to your daughter and nothing else.
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Good advice. What a sucky situation. Look, that probably sucked to read, but she made her deicision, she wants the OM, but is okay with you hanging around. How is that being fair to yourself. If I were you, I would totally dedicate myself to being the best father that you can be to your daughter and nothing else.
Author Vash808 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I have been in a very similar predicament, and there were no easy answers. We can not control what other people do, and some pills are just really hard to swallow. It would be devastating to implement NC hoping that she'd miss you enough to break it off with her "friend" , only to know or find out that she keeps him to fill the void you've left. Risky gamble with no guarantee. To stay the course knowing that she's having her ice cream and eating it to doesn't sound any less painful, but atleast you would have access to her, and maybe the rekindling will work. Maybe she'll decide that your all the friend she needs. Even LC seems like a loser here as whatever ground you lose there would be no convincing yourself the other guy isn't gaining. Maybe she's just being a little vindictive for the times you did take her for granted. You still have the advantage as the time your bond with her is longer than with him. If you can show and prove that you can provide the things that women seem to want I.e. confidence, and security than the logical choice may prevail. What can you do to protect your feelings and not be so vulnerable? Maybe you should try a little cake yourself and see if she likes the flavor. I really appreciate everyones advice. It gives me a better understanding of what i should really do. Anything right now would be very helpful. GudDude, you pretty much nailed everything on the spot. That's exactly what I was thinking but i wasn't too sure about the consequences that could come up. The thing about my whole situation is that she still spends the night at my place. We still have sex. We take our daughter out whenever we get the chance. We pretty much do everything of what a normal family/couple do but with no strings attached. To protect my feelings i made it clear to her that i've been seeing another girl but not in a relationship with her. I know my EX is jealous and she doesn't like it when I spend time with her. Right now im just trying to go with the flow and prove and show to my EX that im the only man she's going to ever need. I'm not sure if this is the right path but this to me feels like the logical choice if I want any chance of getting her back.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 If I were you, I would totally dedicate myself to being the best father that you can be to your daughter and nothing else. I agree completely.
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