She thinks I don't know..

[UltimaWeapon]

Hey everyone,

 

I need some advice on how to approach this situation. I have recently got out of a 3 month relationship where she broke up with her on again off again boyfriend of 3 years and decided she wanted to be with me. Everything was good when we were together, however she has a lot of baggage from previous relationships and has had other guys during the rough patches with her ex. I chose to ignore these things because I thought I was going to be different...turns out that did not happen. Point is...she told me out of nowhere that she wasn't ready for a rel. at this point after what happened and she still isn't over her previous one and needs time to get into something serious like this that has potential. She said I am perfect and she wants to be with me but she wishes she got with me when she was ready. I thought at first that this came out of nowhere and it made no sense. IF she wanted to be with me she would do anything to do so? She wouldn't just end it out of nowhere and tell me she needs time. I really wanted to believe her but I always knew in the back of my mind her words weren't genuine. I had a feeling there was someone else and I confronted her about it and she said there wasn't she just isn't ready and needs time and she wants me to respect her choice. She also said she wants to still see me and hang out but she isn't ready for anything more. I REALLY Wanted to believe this was the case. However, my gut feeling told me otherwise.

 

So for the past month I was in limbo because she told me when she is ready again she would want to be with me and work on things. However, I always knew that I couldn't just wait around for her. As time went on I realized her actions did not make sense and I assumed the worst- that there was someone else- based off of social media

 

I knew that there was someone else and I confronted one of her close friends about it and they told me that past 2-3 weeks ( which was as long as its been since we ended ) that she has been seeing this other guy that i know who is also on the same soccer team as all of us ( we all play together in a league.) He told me that he is not surprised at all because she has a history of doing this and continually jumping from guy to guy when her ex ( who is out of the country) is not in the picture. This news was like a ton of bricks to me because I had no idea she was like that...

 

Point is, she was hiding this from me all along and she decided she wants to be with him and left what we had. She doesn't know that I know however it is pretty obvious I knew right away that this was the case; I just needed confirmation to make sure what I felt was justified.

 

The problem is we are all on the same soccer team and I still see her because she is in my social circle. My friend who broke the news to me told me to just act like it doesn't affect you even if she betrayed you and goes from guy to guy. I told him that this situation is extremely difficult but I do not want to leave the team because of him and her being together ( they are also both on the team). What I need advice on is should I confront her and tell her that I know? or should I just completely ignore her. say hi bye, small talk if need be. and just act cold? I can't act normal around her knowing what I know. She is still in my social circle of friends and I see her on campus and she is still on my team so I don't know how to approach this situation. I do not want to leave the team because it is a matter of pride; I do not want her to know she was the reason i am not coming.

 

So I am asking what do I do? How do I go about this situation? She has completely changed past month since this all happened because of the new guy and I've gotten to the point where I do not care anymore- i am trying to not let it affect me- i try to push the thoughts out of my mind because I know i can never be with her after this- even if she was to come back begging. I just want to be able to handle having her around- the problem is I do not want her to think everything is okay with us and she can do whatever she wants and still act like we are on good terms. I can't have that- knowing how she betrayed me. So the question is do i confront her and tell her I know everything? or do I act like nothing happened- act cold and just ignore her as much as possible when she is around?

 

Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you

Edited March 27, 2013 by UltimaWeapon

[Am4Real]

You and her sound young in this post, let me guess, somewhere between 21 and 24 maybe?

 

My point: she is young, going through the changes and challenges of life, doesn't know what she wants. We call it GIGs around here on LS.

 

Anyway, if it is bothering you, step away from the soccer team for awhile. I know that might not be fair to you, however your mental health and stability is all that is important. You can go back to playing soccer at any time.

 

Good luck!

[GudDude2013]

Get that **** off your chest dude. Don't walk around pretending it doesn't bother you. I would tell her, "Why didn't you just tell me that you was a Hoe, and I would had made sure that I didn't catch feelings for you."

 

In the immortal words of Geto Boy Willie Dee, "You gotta let a Hoe be a Hoe!"

 

But don't quit the soccer team. After she goes thru a couple more of your teammates she'll be the one quitting, but some Hoes have no shame.

[Chi townD]

You don't want to leave the team because of a sense of pride? Dude! It's just a game. And from the sounds of it, it seems like a co-ed sign-up league. Big deal! Dude, sorry to say this, but you may have to find another team to play on or a different league. Because, if you bust this wide open it won't change anything. They'll still be together and probably down right defiant about it because you'll probably piss her off. Then they're going to be touchy feel around each other and you ALL THE TIME! Why try to hide it anymore? It's all out in the open, right?

 

And you stand a chance of getting kicked off the team anyway if the first time you see them kissing in front of you; you smash the guys face in. So, I would just leave. They'll know why you left and they'll be struck trying to explain to the others why they just lost one of their best strikers or D-men.

 

Remove yourself from the picture for your own sanity.

[Am4Real]

Exactly, Chi.

 

Taking the high road and the way that is best for one's self is always the best -- it might run up against one's pride -- but it will be the best. There is nothing to prove.

 

You and I agree on this one.

 

 

You don't want to leave the team because of a sense of pride? Dude! It's just a game. And from the sounds of it, it seems like a co-ed sign-up league. Big deal! Dude, sorry to say this, but you may have to find another team to play on or a different league. Because, if you bust this wide open, then they're going to be touchy feel around each other and you ALL THE TIME! Why try to hide it anymore? It's all out in the open, right?

 

And you stand a chance of getting kicked off the team anyway if the first time you see them kissing in front of you; you smash the guys face in. So, I would just leave. They'll know why you left and they'll be struck trying to explain to the others why they just lost one of their best strikers or D-men.

 

Remove yourself from the picture for your own sanity.

[UltimaWeapon]

Well I was on this team since January because of her I came too it. The point is though no one knows from the team that they are together except one of her close friends, who told me. He told me that hes just another guy on a list and the same thing will happen to him like it did to me.

 

He told me and asked me if the situation with her would be a problem. At the time I said it would be okay, we aren't together but we are on okay terms ( I had no idea she was with the guy- my gut feeling felt something was off though) so i asked him and he told me " I dono if i should be even telling you this. but you are my close friend and I care about you and want you on the team - but she has been seeing him past 2-3 weeks. "

 

I'm like dude are you serious right now? sO i was right all along? Since we ended she has been with him? He's like yeah it looks like it. " they have a thing"

 

When he told me that I knew the truth then, however he wasn't suppose to say anything. I wanted to confront her about this and tell her that I know. However, I do not want to leave the team. I do not want to not play just because of how much of a whore she is. It's in me to forget and not worry about it. I feel the best way to deal with this as my friend said is to just go there and act like she doesn't even exist and just worry bout my self. He told me to let it go, she is not worth it and that she has done this countless times and will never learn. She is 20 years old and always needs someone around- Her ex is out of the picture he is in another country, however its always on and off between them and during this period she has guys coming in and out. I had no idea the severity of the situation I got myself in when I actually got with her because she attached to me almost instantly- gave me attention, wanted to see me constantly. It felt amazing getting that from someone after being single for almost two years after my 4.5 year relationship ended. So i realized I made huge mistakes and ignored red flags but at the end of the day it is what it is. I fell for her charm, I fell for her and now im facing the consequences of it.

 

I am contemplating just letting her know that I know everything and getting it off my chest. telling her exactly how i feel. Because i see her on campus and she started texting me again and I can't act like **** is normal when I know all of this information its like a ticking time bomb- im ready to explode. A part of me wants to hold it in but I can't anymore. I don't know what to do.

[UltimaWeapon]

She told me she wanted to remain friends, hang out and chill until she was ready to date me again. I feel like an idiot thinking even one percent of that was genuine. I knew right away something was off. But she told me she didn't want to have anyone in her life at this point. she isn't ready after her 3 year relationship just ended. She said she always had someone there and she doesn't want to do that anymore. Yet not even a few days go by she is seeing that other guy on my team. I have no idea how that is even possible? Why would she say those things and then go against it??!

[GudDude2013]

If you like playing on the team why should you give that up? I mean clearly her deceit is bothering you, but leaving the team makes it look like her sluttiness just chased you away.

 

It's not like your never going to see her again if she's on campus with you, and it's not like her bull**** will instantly cease to bother you if you quit the team. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. You can call it pride if you want, but every person is different and deems fit to handle things differently.

 

If it were me i'd clear the air. Don't be mad @ dude. He's doing what guys do, but I would definitely confront her and let her know that you know. Don't let her think that your entertaining anymore of her bull****. I'd let her know in no uncertain terms that she can always feel free to suck my dick!