I was duped

[Treasa]

I have to disagree with bending the truth. Please just be honest with her.

[soccerrprp]

You can always bend the truth the bit and say you met someone else that you're interested in.

 

Just a thought.

 

No. Letting her the "real" reason should also be helpful for her. Either to motivate her to change herself or put up accurate pics of herself.

 

Truth is better.

[RedRobin]

I think tactful honesty is best.

 

If she is uncomfortable posting pics of herself, she could also honestly describe herself in words, then make sure she provides straightforward pics of herself before agreeing to meet someone. She could find a celebrity or Google-able person for them to take a look at if they are hell bent on seeing pics... This requires some honest self-evaluation of course.

 

When I did OLD, I didn't post pics at all and really did meet the best guys that way. By far. If I ever did it again, I'd do it the exact same way.

 

If she is comfortable initiating, she may want to try this route.

 

Me personally, I wasn't a fan of the catalog dating and wanted men to be attracted to my personality first (I know... ridiculous, huh?).

 

Anyway, I never had an issue not having pics. Especially if the first 'date' was something low-key, didn't cost much, or involved an activity they supposedly like anyway.

[soccerrprp]

You could also word it as you having some concerns:

 

1. that she was a little misleading by not posting accurate pics of herself and it maeks you feel al ittle duped and therefore wary of the date (ie its not the appearance itself that bothers you, but the fact she misled initially)

 

I like your #1.

[sillyanswer]

I told her to send me a pic if she's comf and she did and she's a lot bigger than I'm comf with. The body pic in the profile must of been some sort of trick shot.

 

After a few larger-in-real-life experiences I'm now rather more critical about photos than I used to be. A careful look at the photos... not just "is she pretty?" but also "do these pictures tell the whole story?"... will save you from surprises later.

 

I take the view, probably unfairly, that if the photos aren't very clear then there's something being hidden. And, since there are plenty of other women out there, I move on to another profile.

[RedRobin]

Answer #1 is not honest. It *IS* her appearance that is bothering him. If she was 'hotter' than her first pic then there would be no issue, right?

 

Just kindly thank her for being up front before you went to the trouble of meeting... and tell her politely that she isn't what you are looking for. If you want to get on her case about initial pics, then you could offer that her first pics don't seem to accurately represent her and that it might be doing her a disservice... and leave it at that.

[RedRobin]

FTR... when I was doing OLD, I always showed less attractive pics of me on purpose. I mean, representative pics, but not my best.

 

One of my faves is a pic of me doing the Warrior Dash. Face scrunched up, muddy... on the last leg of the race just before diving into the mud.

 

Shirt is tied up in a knot. Hair in braids. If he can handle me with that 'look', ain't nothin' gonna scare him off. ha ha

 

I dunno. how does anyone really know what someone looks like until they meet them?? Big mystery to me. I always suspend judgment until I meet someone.

 

OTOH... if they look mean or crass... that would definitely turn me off.

[SJC2008]

FTR... when I was doing OLD, I always showed less attractive pics of me on purpose. I mean, representative pics, but not my best.

 

One of my faves is a pic of me doing the Warrior Dash. Face scrunched up, muddy... on the last leg of the race just before diving into the mud.

 

Shirt is tied up in a knot. Hair in braids. If he can handle me with that 'look', ain't nothin' gonna scare him off. ha ha

 

I dunno. how does anyone really know what someone looks like until they meet them?? Big mystery to me. I always suspend judgment until I meet someone.

 

OTOH... if they look mean or crass... that would definitely turn me off.

 

I don't put too much weight into pictures. Many people aren't photogenic and look way better in person. The woman in question didn't have makeup on in any of her pics but I thought she had a natural attractivenss about her. The funny thing is that alarm bells didn't go off that all but one pic were head shots.

[SJC2008]

You weren't duped, this is very common in online dating. Did you ask yourself why she did not show any body pics? When they use the angles, it's obvious why. You should have known better.

 

She had one body pic in her profile, I was perfectly fine with it.

[Amelie1980]

A recent date told me I looked like my photo. He said that a common theme of online saying is that the women have obviously put photos on that are at least 5 years old.

[snowflakes88]

If the girl in the pic with the guy is your comfort zone, I can definitely see how this girl falls outside of it. I agree that the mirror pic is taken from a sort of odd, relatively "flattering" angle, in comparison to the straight on shot. If you know she's beyond what you're attracted to, I wouldn't go on the date.

[RedRobin]

I appreciate the opinion but theres an obvious night and day difference IMO.

 

How? the only big difference I see is that the dress doesn't show her waist and the clothes in the mirror picture are darker and show her waist.

 

Seriously... I'm not just trying to help out a fellow female here... The dress isn't flattering, but I seriously don't see how she has misrepresented herself.

 

If you don't like how she looks fine... but leave any crap about her misrepresenting herself out of your decision and conversation. Otherwise, you just sound like a douche and needing to blame her and make her feel bad like she did something wrong, when in reality you just don't want to tell her you don't like how she looks.

[SJC2008]

How? the only big difference I see is that the dress doesn't show her waist and the clothes in the mirror picture are darker and show her waist.

 

Seriously... I'm not just trying to help out a fellow female here... The dress isn't flattering, but I seriously don't see how she has misrepresented herself.

 

If you don't like how she looks fine... but leave any crap about her misrepresenting herself out of your decision and conversation.

 

I know you're not just trying to help a fellow female. TBS she did misrepresent herself so don' say it's "crap". Why isn't that dress shot in her profile?? So far it's 3-2 and we'll see when others chime in.

[RedRobin]

I know you're not just trying to help a fellow female. TBS she did misrepresent herself so don' say it's "crap". Why isn't that dress shot in her profile?? So far it's 3-2 and we'll see when others chime in.

 

I don't know. Why don't you ask HER, instead of making up reasons to be a d*ck.

 

anyway, you don't want to go on the date? Big deal. You don't have to be a jerk. These other guys you are quoting on your 3-2 have fun treating women like shyte and come here and brag about it all the time. Be like them if you want to.

 

I don't see how she's done anything wrong... just 'man' up and say, sorry, you aren't interested and leave it at that.

[SJC2008]

I don't know. Why don't you ask HER, instead of making up reasons to be a d*ck.

 

anyway, you don't want to go on the date? Big deal. You don't have to be a jerk. These other guys you are quoting on your 3-2 have fun treating women like shyte and come here and brag about it all the time. Be like them if you want to.

 

I don't see how she's done anything wrong... just 'man' up and say, sorry, you aren't interested and leave it at that.

 

I'm not being a idck, if I was I'd lead her on and use her for a steady piece like tons of other men would. The 3 I'm quoting are me, daisen and snowflake (a woman). I don't treat woman like crap, snowflake is a woman and I don't know about dasien.

 

She did do something wrong. She had one full pic in her profile and after we've been talking she asks if I like bigger girls. Mabye she should put representative pics up like I do. I'm not shallow but I do have standards and have lowered them to my breaking point due to OLD entitlement thank you.

[RedRobin]

I'm not being a idck, if I was I'd lead her on and use her for a steady piece like tons of other men would. The 3 I'm quoting are me, daisen and snowflake (a woman). I don't treat woman like crap, snowflake is a woman and I don't know about dasien.

 

She did do something wrong. She had one full pic in her profile and after we've been talking she asks if I like bigger girls. Mabye she should put representative pics up like I do. I'm not shallow but I do have standards and have lowered them to my breaking point due to OLD entitlement thank you.

 

okay okay... look, I'm not a fan of OLD either.

 

When I did it, I didn't post ANY pics... I only met guys who were willing to meet me doing something active and fun where we split the bill. No boring coffee dates for me. Had my fill of those.

[Treasa]

I ONLY am going to post that I agree with the others, and I don't think she misrepresented herself. And I agree that she looks bigger in the jammies picture. Actually, I have no idea why anyone would show anyone a picture like that unless they had an amazing ass and wore something skimpy...

[carhill]

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

I know exactly how you feel, precisely until I joined LS and began to read the litany of 'bald, middle aged' comments describing an unattractive male. My empathy for women, with those kinds of comments, plus being married to a wife (now exW) with a cutting tongue, is now gone.

 

Be polite and move on. Trust me, that's a gift. It's a cold world out there. Good luck.

[SJC2008]

I can't change what yall see and yall can't change what I see. All I know is I was fine with the mirror pic (the one yall say she looks bigger in) and when she sent me the dress pic I was like that can't be her.

[Divasu]

I can't change what yall see and yall can't change what I see. All I know is I was fine with the mirror pic (the one yall say she looks bigger in) and when she sent me the dress pic I was like that can't be her.

 

That dress she is wearing is hard to pull off even for slimmer people. I saw the pic of your ex-girlfriend, and they're not so far off (okay maybe the other girl is a wee bit fuller).

 

Sadly, there's no easy way to go about this (not going out on the date with her). I guess that's part of the downfall of online dating.

[SJC2008]

Ok i think the men are seeing a difference b/c the jammie pic she has her hand on hip, with other hip pushed to side - its a sexier, more flattering pose. In the dress pic she's standing in a straight non-pose (almost like a "before" pic from a weight loss add. Plus the bright lighting compared to the dim lighting is less sexy. (Also the dress is not flattering for her body type)

 

But I still dont see a difference in her overall size, and surely dont feel she was duping you.

 

What happened with the girl.from the middle pic, who u said u were very attracted too?

 

I think the woman are taking into consideration that a dress may not accent a particular woman properly when looking at the pic. There's no way she looks the same size in the mirror pic. Two other people, including a woman agree with me so I don't think I'm crazy lol! As to whether she duped me, it's up for debate. She had one dim lit full body pic in her profile and the rest were head shots. Then she texts after we've been texting a few days if I like bigger gals. If she was confident she represented herself fully in her profileshe wouldn't of asked me that IMO.

 

The last girl wanted to casually date and I wanted to date with the goal of ending up in an R.

[SJC2008]

Pictues are tough on a lot of people, including me. I'm going to go out with her tomorrow I'll see if there will be any attraction IRL.

[SJC2008]

Diving on a grenade because you don't want to hurt the biggies feelings.

 

If the shoe was on the other foot, you realize she would not do the same in return, right?

 

I'm not afraid. I jsut texted her earlier that she was initiating way to much contact given we haven't even met (see other thread). I was hesitant other woman pictured but when we met I was attracted to her so there's a chance, all be it not a good one, I'll find her attractive. It's only one date so it's not like I'm leading her on.

[Star Gazer]

I'm honestly confused about which picture was the original that you think you were duped by, and which is the one she is now... because they all look pretty close to me.

[SJC2008]

So the she looks the same side is all women and the she looks bigger side is two men and a woman. I think I'm going to stick with my guns. I was on the fence abkut the other woman and it turned out that I was very attracted to her IRL like I said so I'm going on the date with a positive mind set.