I was duped

[SJC2008]

The woman from the turnoff post is heavier than I'm comfortable with. She had all face shots and one full body pic. Well tonight she asked me if I liked bigger girls and I told her I like women with some meat but as long as they're not bigger than me proportionately. I told her she didn't look big and asked why and she said she's bigger. I told her to send me a pic if she's comf and she did and she's a lot bigger than I'm comf with. The body pic in the profile must of been some sort of trick shot. Of course I couldn't hurt her feelings but now I'm thinking I need to tell her becuase I don't want to lead her on. I think I'm going to text her tomorrow and apologize to her and tell her I'm not going to date her.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

The woman from the turnoff post is heavier than I'm comfortable with. She had all face shots and one full body pic. Well tonight she asked me if I liked bigger girls and I told her I like women with some meat but as long as they're not bigger than me proportionately. I told her she didn't look big and asked why and she said she's bigger. I told her to send me a pic if she's comf and she did and she's a lot bigger than I'm comf with. The body pic in the profile must of been some sort of trick shot. Of course I couldn't hurt her feelings but now I'm thinking I need to tell her becuase I don't want to lead her on. I think I'm going to text her tomorrow and apologize to her and tell her I'm not going to date her.

 

Ah, the pitfalls of online dating.

[ChessPieceFace]

Yep, best to get it over with if you aren't attracted. Be as courteous as you can and move on. It's not as if anyone is incapable of losing weight, maybe it's really hard for some people but she just hasn't put in the effort. I'm overweight and wouldn't expect anyone to want me as-is.

[SJC2008]

I know it sounds mean but I do date chunkier girls and don't expect bikini babes as I'm a little chunky myself. She's out of my comfort zone though:(

 

Also she initiates contact like we're in an r and we haven't even had a date! She just texted me now.

[dasein]

Hopefully that will be a singular thing. Had only 1 of 50 over 3 years like that, didn't see a real pic before the meet, only the ancient ones on her 50-80 pounds lighter in the profile. She turned up for the date dirty and in clothes a couple sizes too small borrowed from a friend she was staying with (yeah she really told me that she was wearing borrowed clothes). The restaurant we got drinks at had a power outage and she started begging the bartender for free desserts she saw in the fridge behind the bar because "they were going to spoil anyway." Went to another place, her gut pooched out onto the table there. She started crying, literally crying, about all the alkies she had dated when I ordered wine, then ordered a $20 entree to go!! on my tab to take home with her. Hope that made you smile, it is all 100% truth. Happens to all of us eventually, you found out early, good for you.

[SJC2008]

Hopefully that will be a singular thing. Had only 1 of 50 over 3 years like that, didn't see a real pic before the meet, only the ancient ones on her 50-80 pounds lighter in the profile. She turned up for the date dirty and in clothes a couple sizes too small borrowed from a friend she was staying with (yeah she really told me that she was wearing borrowed clothes). The restaurant we got drinks at had a power outage and she started begging the bartender for free desserts she saw in the fridge behind the bar because "they were going to spoil anyway." Went to another place, her gut pooched out onto the table there. She started crying, literally crying, about all the alkies she had dated when I ordered wine, then ordered a $20 entree to go!! on my tab to take home with her. Hope that made you smile, it is all 100% truth. Happens to all of us eventually, you found out early, good for you.

 

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

[SJC2008]

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

 

OTOH if she had better pics I never would of messaged her. I'm starting to think it's a strategy so they can get you on a date.

[ThaWholigan]

Didn't this happen to you last year? You can't catch a break man.

 

For what its worth, I feel your pain - very tough scenario. I think its best to be as tactful as possible here.

[Treasa]

Just tell her that you realize it sounds shallow, but you aren't really into her, attraction-wise, but that you know she's a lovely person, and you wish her all the best.

 

I used to be super overweight. If she doesn't already have thick skin, now's the time to get some. You either do something about your issue, or you realize that other people may not like it. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't the answer.

[SJC2008]

Didn't this happen to you last year? You can't catch a break man.

 

For what its worth, I feel your pain - very tough scenario. I think its best to be as tactful as possible here.

 

Good memory TW! Yeah it did but I never called for a second date so it was standard 1st date protocall.

[SJC2008]

Just tell her that you realize it sounds shallow, but you aren't really into her, attraction-wise, but that you know she's a lovely person, and you wish her all the best.

 

I used to be super overweight. If she doesn't already have thick skin, now's the time to get some. You either do something about your issue, or you realize that other people may not like it. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't the answer.

 

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to hurt her feelings

[Treasa]

I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to hurt her feelings

 

I'm talking about her, not you.

[SJC2008]

I'm talking about her, not you.

 

Sorry, I was quick on the trigger. Not in the greatest frame of mind.

[ascendotum]

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

 

When she uses tricky pics that unfortunately results in situations like this. Chances are its not the first time, which is why she uses dodgy pics and then asks you later on do you like bigger girls, and hints she bigger, to ease you into it. If she was upfront then you wouldn't have to feel bad, but then you would not have msg'd her and she would not have had a little hope for a while. I can understand why she does it, but she should improve her prospects by working on her weight. Do women cut you slack on your physique? She has given you you an opening to back off by asking how you feel, so I would use it to be honest, in as nicest way possible.

[Treasa]

Sorry, I was quick on the trigger. Not in the greatest frame of mind.

 

No, it's fine. I appreciate that you don't want to hurt her feelings. But perhaps what you tell her will spur her to action. Maybe it won't. But she needs to either really be happy with herself, or change.

 

However, assuming she loses a ton of weight, and then ends up being your dream woman, don't come complaining here if she doesn't want to date you anymore.

[dasein]

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

 

Well, she's gotta learn to be more honest with the pics somehow, if she learns that from you, maybe she won't have to learn it from an a-hole who will make a deal of it.

[SJC2008]

When she uses tricky pics that unfortunately results in situations like this. Chances are its not the first time, which is why she uses dodgy pics and then asks you later on do you like bigger girls, and hints she bigger, to ease you into it. If she was upfront then you wouldn't have to feel bad, but then you would not have msg'd her and she would not have had a little hope for a while. I can understand why she does it, but she should improve her prospects by working on her weight. Do women cut you slack on your physique? She has given you you an opening to back off by asking how you feel, so I would use it to be honest, in as nicest way possible.

 

I must not of been clear in the OP. When she sent the pic I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I said she looks fine. I guess I can text her tomorrow and apologise for not being upfront right away??

[Treasa]

I must not of been clear in the OP. When she sent the pic I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I said she looks fine. I guess I can text her tomorrow and apologise for not being upfront right away??

 

Yes. Good call. Don't over-explain. Just keep it simple and polite.

[Flier]

I feel guilty. I don't like to hurt peoples feelings, especially women.

 

You sound like a very nice guy. Hugs and best wishes!

[pbjbear]

I know it sounds mean but I do date chunkier girls and don't expect bikini babes as I'm a little chunky myself. She's out of my comfort zone though:(

 

Also she initiates contact like we're in an r and we haven't even had a date! She just texted me now.

 

 

You sound like a nice guy SJC, so I doubt you are one of the men that isnt super hot but expects a pretty hot female. You arent doing anything wrong and I dont blame you for wanting a woman who isnt as big as you. Attraction is important in dating (actually, essential) and at least you arent leading her on.

 

What do you mean "initiates contact like we're in a relationship"

[SJC2008]

You sound like a nice guy SJC, so I doubt you are one of the men that isnt super hot but expects a pretty hot female. You arent doing anything wrong and I dont blame you for wanting a woman who isnt as big as you. Attraction is important in dating (actually, essential) and at least you arent leading her on.

 

What do you mean "initiates contact like we're in a relationship"

 

She has initiated first every day since I texted her first on Saturday. She texts good morning, good night etc. We haven't had a date yet, it's supposed to be thursday.

[TigerCub]

Don't feel bad at all.

I actually give you credit for wanting to call her and have that awkward conversation instead of being a douche that just ignores her.

 

You're a nice mature guy!

 

Sucks that you are in this position but I think you're dealing with it the right way.

 

Good luck with your future dating adventures.

[Emilia]

She has initiated first every day since I texted her first on Saturday. She texts good morning, good night etc. We haven't had a date yet, it's supposed to be thursday.

 

I'm sorry, this truly sucks. I know how disappointing it is when you like the sound of someone and they dupe you, happened to me too. At least it didn't happen at the date

[soccerrprp]

No need to feel guilty. You're only mistake was telling her that she looked fine when you didn't truly feel that way. Just tell her like it is, tactfully and brief and move on.

 

This happened to me and didn't find out until the date. I finished the date planned and had a good time. But told her at the end that there wasn't enough chemistry, attraction. She was not surprised and we both thanked each other and went our separate ways.

 

You're doing the right thing.

[mammasita]

You can always bend the truth the bit and say you met someone else that you're interested in.

 

Just a thought.