Skissy Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Ok sorry this is going to be sort of long. Me, and my now ex girlfriend dated for two years. We were the typical high school sweethearts. We were going to stick it out against all odds, and get married. We were each other's first loves, and first everything else. We had an absolutely perfect relationship until she went off to college. Since she was my first girlfriend I naturally went off the deep end when she left. I was stuck at home going to a community college while she was going off to a university. I screwed up big time in many ways. I was so scared of losing her to the college environment that I became super clingy. I was selfish in the way that I didn't support her doing some extra stuff around school because it was going to take away time from us. I was always asking about boys.. not that I didn't trust her, but I was just the kind of person that wanted to know. Most importantly I did not let her be independent. About a month ago she broke up with me. Devastation would be an understatement as to how I felt. I drove to see her because I knew something was wrong, and that is when she broke up with me. The whole first month I begged, and told her I was going to change my ways. I went NC for six days, and fell back into the begging stage. We met last week on her spring break for what is suppose to be "my closure". We talked for a good 3 and a half hours because we simply don't hate each other, and there was a little catching up to do. She basically just said I have been pushing her away for awhile, and she just gradually grew further apart. During this time of heartache I have seen a light like no other, and I explained to her how I have changed, and she believes that I have learned so much, but she believes that we were lessons for each other to find the right person in life. Before we left each other that night we hugged for a really long time, and it got emotional. I then asked her for one last kiss, and she gave it to me. The next day we talked again, and she just said she wants to do her own thing for now. She said if her feelings ever change I would be the first to know. I am doing NC for as long as it takes. I am trying to move on, but this girl is the love of my life. I cannot go a minute without thinking about her. I feel as if there is a good chance I could get her back if I just give her the space, and respect that she just wants to be single for awhile. My question is have I pushed her away too much? Will NC make her realize all the positive things in our relationship, and make her miss me? She will be home for summer in 7 weeks, and I am hoping that she will contact me by then. One other concern I have is that this guy at this school has been her usual go to support, and he has interest in her. I have a slight concern for her to give him a chance. Should I be concerned? Thank you for reading my post, and I am looking forward to the advice I am given. I just want her back more than anything, and I want help to take the right steps in that direction.
polyglot Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Ok sorry this is going to be sort of long. Me, and my now ex girlfriend dated for two years. We were the typical high school sweethearts. We were going to stick it out against all odds, and get married. We were each other's first loves, and first everything else. We had an absolutely perfect relationship until she went off to college. Since she was my first girlfriend I naturally went off the deep end when she left. I was stuck at home going to a community college while she was going off to a university. I screwed up big time in many ways. I was so scared of losing her to the college environment that I became super clingy. I was selfish in the way that I didn't support her doing some extra stuff around school because it was going to take away time from us. I was always asking about boys.. not that I didn't trust her, but I was just the kind of person that wanted to know. Most importantly I did not let her be independent. About a month ago she broke up with me. Devastation would be an understatement as to how I felt. I drove to see her because I knew something was wrong, and that is when she broke up with me. The whole first month I begged, and told her I was going to change my ways. I went NC for six days, and fell back into the begging stage. We met last week on her spring break for what is suppose to be "my closure". We talked for a good 3 and a half hours because we simply don't hate each other, and there was a little catching up to do. She basically just said I have been pushing her away for awhile, and she just gradually grew further apart. During this time of heartache I have seen a light like no other, and I explained to her how I have changed, and she believes that I have learned so much, but she believes that we were lessons for each other to find the right person in life. Before we left each other that night we hugged for a really long time, and it got emotional. I then asked her for one last kiss, and she gave it to me. The next day we talked again, and she just said she wants to do her own thing for now. She said if her feelings ever change I would be the first to know. I am doing NC for as long as it takes. I am trying to move on, but this girl is the love of my life. I cannot go a minute without thinking about her. I feel as if there is a good chance I could get her back if I just give her the space, and respect that she just wants to be single for awhile. My question is have I pushed her away too much? Will NC make her realize all the positive things in our relationship, and make her miss me? She will be home for summer in 7 weeks, and I am hoping that she will contact me by then. One other concern I have is that this guy at this school has been her usual go to support, and he has interest in her. I have a slight concern for her to give him a chance. Should I be concerned? Thank you for reading my post, and I am looking forward to the advice I am given. I just want her back more than anything, and I want help to take the right steps in that direction. Dude, I don't get why both of you do NC? It's perfectly normal to be clingy, a bit suspicious in the beginning because you don't want to loose her for anybody. There's something deep in this feeling you must understand at this point. If you both love each other, why can't you wait? NC is not a way to get her back. Both of you are young enough. You have plenty of life ahead. NC ends up as BU. Dude, if a chic you love wants somebody else, then, something's seriously wrong from her side ? That should be a BU from your side first. At your age we generally fall for looks, unfortunately it's the instincts at play and not the "trust" and "committment". Without these two basic ingredients, no relationship can survive for very long. Build your relationship on "Trust & Commitment", you'll be happy for the rest of your life. Peace will follow naturally because you know she is yours and you are hers. You possess each other. Keep this in mind, you don't have to loose your self-esteem to get her back. What will you achieve, in doing this? Assuming she returns, will you be not "working" to keep your relationship stable. That is to say, you become the weak point in your relationship. You have to do everything for her. What the f--k is she doing for you? Bro, my message is "Rise in Love", not Fall a Victim to it. You achieve nothing in this. If you don't rise, Love is just a precursor for sex - there ends everything. Beyond that, even sex feels stupid. The more you expect, the more pain you'll be in. When both of you are not transparent about your views on your relationship, it's worthless to pursue. I would suggest you just move on. Being your first love, having experienced all such feelings like, "Oh at any cost, she's gonna be the love of my life, imagining a family with her - blah blah", it just doesn't happen if you grow weaker day in and day out. It will devastate you beyond imagination. It affects your health so much. Hard to say, but if you discover that, she's going out with somebody else, you are broke into pieces. Your mind keeps thinking what's she doing with the other. Believe me, this is the killer for any guy / girl having to endure the imagination of having his / her love with somebody else. It's such a wonderful poison, it kills you. It looks like you are just close to this thing. In my case, being transparent didn't work either. So, go NC, don't have to do a BU, it happens automatically. See dude, Trust, Committment and Transparency keeps your relationship on a strong setting. These three things keep you from unceasing worry i.e. these are answers to the questions your mind thinks unconsciously - Is she developing interest in somebody else? - Does she like me? - Why doesn't she understand me? etc. Even if it is not at this point, you realize the value of these things, at a later stage you'll discover many things unexpected. You are more than blessed to find a girl has all these virtues. The girl you are in love with in your stage is chaotic, nobody can predict what she'll do. Be strong buddy, there are many girls in this world, you'll meet many good people. Be optimistic. Don't give a f--k if she doesn't respond. NC is not a solution, it's the first step of BU from your side. Don't check her facebook profile. Look for Peace in an Attachment, Love or whatever the f--k, not for somebody who makes you emotionally weak.
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 If she gave you up, then she's obviously not your soulmate. The person who's your soulmate is someone you admire and wish you were with. The drive to make her happy will overcome you and you will notice that she secretly admires you back. You can't help but be overcome by thoughts of her and you want to make love to her so bad and make sure she gets impregnated by you the first time around. You need to find that girl and let her know your feelings for her. -
grace777 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm sorry you're going through a heartbreak. However, I do think the relationship is over. I know that hurts to hear. But you are just in the beginning stages right now. The longer you hold onto hope that she'll come back, the harder it is on you. Trust me on this. You have to let go. No Contact is not a way to get her back. It won't work and is not a tool used for that. NC is used to help you rip off the band-aid quickly and then let the healing process begin. I do think you should stop communicating, but not in the hopes to make her miss you - so that you can grow as an individual. You are very young and have TONS of fun and exciting and loving experiences in your future. Yes, it's possible she is developing a need to explore dating other people. But that's okay. She didn't cheat on you and she's allowed to do that. You also will be doing that. But first you need to heal. You'll get through it. Stay strong, keep busy and force your mind to think positively! 1
Author Skissy Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 These are all great words of advice, and I thank you for all of them. I just don't get how somebody could say one week before all of this happened that we were going to get married. She initiated that, and not me. I am slowly starting to let go, but there is just a huge part of me that tells me she is just really stressed, and I have just made her first year of college so stressful that she just wants to be free for a little while. I do not believe she is going to date anybody else. She will be home in 7 weeks for summer. It would just be really hard for me to give up on someone I love so much. When we met the other night I could see that she still loved me very much. I just think that giving her the space she asked for, and letting her "dig out" old memories, and feelings will let her realize the mistake she made in leaving me. Before I went crazy I was the best guy in the world to her. Concerts, dates all the time, chilling at the house, etc. We had the BEST relationship. I just am scared she will never unsee this crazy side of me that came out of absolutely nowhere for her first six months at college.
grace777 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I think you'll find that for a lot of us on here (me included), there were talks of major future plans just before the breakup. I'm not sure why that is, but I've noticed a lot of people mention it. And like I said, it happened with me too. You're going to do what you need to do. I'm just saying, that NC will not bring her back. If you want to give her space, do. If you want NC, it should be for you to move on without any hidden agenda of bringing her back with the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" stuff. She will be back in 2 months, sure. But what makes you think she wants to be with you during her visit home for the summer? She may not want that at all -- which would mean, you've held onto false hope (that only you've created btw), only to be dismissed when she comes back. Then you'll go through major heartache all over again. It sounds to me like she made it clear that she does not want the relationship anymore. If you decide to hold on, what exactly are you holding on to??
Author Skissy Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I would only be holding on because the relationship we had was unbelievably great, and even though I didn't treat her all that well in college... When she did come home everything was the exact same as before she went. Our dates were always spectacular, and it was like she just fell in love all over. That was her problem in all of this was that when she came home everything was perfect, and she never showed me how bad she was hurting. I hear what you are saying about holding on to false hope, but I am not. I am just fighting for something I have never wanted more in my life, and if doesn't work out I know that I will have a great summer, and live with no regrets that I did my absolute best to show that I could be the man she fell in love with again.
Author Skissy Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 She will be back in 2 months, sure. But what makes you think she wants to be with you during her visit home for the summer? She may not want that at all -- which would mean, you've held onto false hope (that only you've created btw), only to be dismissed when she comes back. Then you'll go through major heartache all over again. She did say on that night she did not know how she would feel 2 weeks from now, or in the summer. I just know she knows I am a changed person, and I think she needed to see that for her to really consider things. She didn't believe me for the month that I begged for her back.
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 She did say on that night she did not know how she would feel 2 weeks from now, or in the summer. I just know she knows I am a changed person, and I think she needed to see that for her to really consider things. She didn't believe me for the month that I begged for her back. She's not attracted to you because she doesn't want your baby. A girl who truly wants you as her husband forever will give up everything to make babies with you right away. -
grace777 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Lovelyld - I'm gonna assume you're trying to be funny with that post. Because that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Lovelyld - I'm gonna assume you're trying to be funny with that post. Because that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! I'm just being honest. If one is truly honest to oneself, why is it we do what we do? To mate in life. If the girl doesn't get sexually excited by you enough to want your offspring, then why are you with her? -
Author Skissy Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 She's not attracted to you because she doesn't want your baby. A girl who truly wants you as her husband forever will give up everything to make babies with you right away. - Dude we are 20 and 18... Haha we are from that. I just feel like if I give her this space, and let her be on her own it will let her see what she is missing. Reality of me being gone will hit her hard. It's not like we needed on bad terms, and the break up was kind of out of nowhere... I would just do anything to have her back.
Am4Real Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 College = FUN Hometown = STABLE Reading that, she is looking for a good time and new excitement in her young life just as you should. I know that's hard to comprehend knowing who she was not so long ago, but it is the realities of being 20 and 18 years old. Step back for awhile, meet new people and go out on a date or two. Anybody else?
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