What do 30-something yr old men look for in a woman?

[neveragain34]

As I have gotten older (34), the qualities I look for in a man have definitely changed which makes me wonder...when seeking a serious relationship (ie...potential wife), what do men in their 30's look for? Does it matter if she has kids? Divorced? Never married? Looks? Career? Etc...

[Weezy1973]

I'm 39. Compatibility matters. Attraction matters. Nothing else really matters.

[dasein]

what do men in their 30's look for?

 

20 yr olds.

 

Seriously though, no particular order, kids are a minus, divorce no one cares that much, not a party girl but not church lady either, stable work of most any kind, in good shape and active, kind nature, not spoiled or high maintenance, emotionally healthy, bout covers it.

 

Oh yeah, million dollar dowry, that's a big one.

[aeren944]

I'm 32, and these fine gentlemen covered it, pretty much. Kids aren't a minus to me, but to some guys they are. Stable work is a big plus, and the no party girl thing is a good thing, too... just putting my 2 32-year old cents in...

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Wow, almost the same exact thread 3 days in a row.

 

This is getting ridiculous....

[neveragain34]

Wow, almost the same exact thread 3 days in a row.

 

This is getting ridiculous....

 

So sorry to disappoint. Guess I missed the other two; some of us have better things to do with our time than scroll through the last three days of posts, looking for posts pertaining to what we have in mind (or for someone to pick on). Feel free to send the links so I can see what others had to say in response. Thanks!

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

So sorry to disappoint. Guess I missed the other two; some of us have better things to do with our time than scroll through the last three days of posts, looking for posts pertaining to what we have in mind (or for someone to pick on). Feel free to send the links so I can see what others had to say in response. Thanks!

 

Summary: Just be yourself and keep dating. Don't get discouraged and you'll find someone you click with.

[neveragain34]

Summary: Just be yourself and keep dating. Don't get discouraged and you'll find someone you click with.

 

Much better! Thank you.

[neveragain34]

20 yr olds.

 

Seriously though, no particular order, kids are a minus, divorce no one cares that much, not a party girl but not church lady either, stable work of most any kind, in good shape and active, kind nature, not spoiled or high maintenance, emotionally healthy, bout covers it.

 

Oh yeah, million dollar dowry, that's a big one.

 

I am everything but the age and wealth! Haha. (Although no one believes I am 34 years old, and my teenage son is often mistaken for my brother.) Do you find that most 20 something year old women are still party girls or is it just the ones in my town?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I am everything but the age and wealth! Haha. (Although no one believes I am 34 years old, and my teenage son is often mistaken for my brother.) Do you find that most 20 something year old women are still party girls or is it just the ones in my town?

 

Tell us more about yourself and your experiences dating.

 

You seem pretty cool and normal, from your posts in this thread.

[neveragain34]

Normal now, but afraid it's too late! Haha.

 

Let's see...my age has been established (34), I have a masters degree, a great job that I love, my own house, never married, 15 year old son, and have been told I'm very attractive (8-9 on a ten scale). I workout 5-6 times a week (crossfit), eat healthy, and am very easy going with a positive outlook on life. I also have a playful, quirky side that seems to attract people. Constantly told I'm the "complete package", yet still single?? I don't get it sometimes.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Normal now, but afraid it's too late! Haha.

 

Let's see...my age has been established (34), I have a masters degree, a great job that I love, my own house, never married, 15 year old son , and have been told I'm very attractive (8-9 on a ten scale). I workout 5-6 times a week (crossfit), eat healthy, and am very easy going with a positive outlook on life. I also have a playful, quirky side that seems to attract people. Constantly told I'm the "complete package", yet still single?? I don't get it sometimes.

 

Not to be a d, but I'd have a lot of trouble getting involved with a girl with kids. I think most single guys with no kids would feel the same.

 

Have you tried meeting divorced guys?

 

EDIT: Also, do you not get dates at all? Or are you just really picky?

[Weezy1973]

What do you feel the issue is? Is it you (i.e. you're not attracted to commitment minded guys)? Is it them? Having a 15 year old kid is not that big a deal in my opinion (unless you're only interested in guys without kids).

[dasein]

Do you find that most 20 something year old women are still party girls or is it just the ones in my town?

 

It's been a couple of years since I've dated in that range, but yeah most seem to still be partiers in my pool, last one I dated was, and it was annoying. The having to be out every single night or feel they are missing something gets real old real fast.

[neveragain34]

Not to be a d, but I'd have a lot of trouble getting involved with a girl with kids. I think most single guys with no kids would feel the same.

 

Have you tried meeting divorced guys?

 

Even if the kid is nearly 16 years old, which allows me to have much more "dating freedom" than I've ever had before? (If you've done the math, I had him when I was 18; therefore my 20s were spent busting my butt in school and in my career to establish the good life we have now.)

 

Yes, I've dated divorced men. The guy I am dating now is 36, divorced, and no kids. It's only been two months, but my gut tells me something is off with him these past few days and my gut is ALWAYS right. I think he met someone else. We haven't had "the talk" about exclusivity so I can't really bring it up without sounding needy. Before him, I went on a few other dates with divorced men (with kids) and they were planning our wedding before they even made it to a 2nd date. Lol

[neveragain34]

It's been a couple of years since I've dated in that range, but yeah most seem to still be partiers in my pool, last one I dated was, and it was annoying. The having to be out every single night or feel they are missing something gets real old real fast.

 

But you said men are looking for 20 something year olds! Lol

[neveragain34]

EDIT: Also, do you not get dates at all? Or are you just really picky?

 

I have no trouble getting dates (I met current guy through OLD) and I have recently started giving men a chance that I normally wouldn't have. So no, I'm not super picky, but still have some standards. Lol

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I have no trouble getting dates (I met current guy through OLD) and I have recently started giving men a chance that I normally wouldn't have. So no, I'm not super picky, but still have some standards. Lol

 

Sounds like you're doing all the right things then. Something will work out eventually.

[neveragain34]

Sounds like you're doing all the right things then. Something will work out eventually.

 

I know; I will snap out of this funk in no time. I'm just bummed right now about current guy; I thought we were really compatible and headed somewhere good. THAT'S my problem; I put my eggs in one basket when I like someone. Between my job, son, and workouts, it's hard enough to date one guy...I don't know how others are able to juggle multiple people at once!

[dasein]

But you said men are looking for 20 something year olds! Lol

 

Oh that was a joke, based on certain attitudes about age gaps here on the LS dating board. My bad.

 

I DO want that dowry though!

[truth_seeker]

As I have gotten older (34), the qualities I look for in a man have definitely changed which makes me wonder...when seeking a serious relationship (ie...potential wife), what do men in their 30's look for? Does it matter if she has kids? Divorced? Never married? Looks? Career? Etc...

 

Looks will always matter. Attraction is the kick starter. What's more important is her character. Where is she in life? Does she have a plan? A sense of direction? Does she have her sh-t together?

 

I want a strong-minded woman with a back bone. I do not want a girl who is wandering aimlessly through life waiting to be rescued.

 

Personally, I would prefer someone who has never been married and doesn't have kids. Career? It's not a deal breaker. As long as she's a hard worker and not some self-entitled bimbo.

 

I've always felt 20's is about fun for girls, and once they hit their 30's it's about security. For men, in their 20's, it's about getting hot girls, and in their 30's is about getting a good wife.

 

As we get older we get more serious and scared. No one wants to be old and alone. When we're young we feel we have so much time and take things (people) for granted. Once we hit a certain age, we look around and think to ourselves: "what have I done? What do I have to show for myself?" We want people to share our lives with. We want family. We want companionship. We want happiness.

 

I have no idea what this post has turned into but I feel better for some reason.

[grkBoy]

As I have gotten older (34), the qualities I look for in a man have definitely changed which makes me wonder...when seeking a serious relationship (ie...potential wife), what do men in their 30's look for? Does it matter if she has kids? Divorced? Never married? Looks? Career? Etc...

 

I'll get detailed here.

 

When I hit my early 30s, I sought out the same things most men seek out in a woman, but I'll be brutally honest, one thing that I looked for the most was:

 

LITTLE TO NO DRAMA OR BAGGAGE

 

 

Did looks matter? Of course they did and still do...as they matter to women. However, the idea of men seeking out fashion model-looking women is a myth. For me personally, my only big dealbreaker was obesity.

 

Despite what you might read or hear, men aren't setting the bar only at size 0 super-thin women with big boobs. I personally was just not going to get attracted to a woman who looks like a "before" photo for Jenny Craig. I also liked women who had a sense of style...which means she'll bum around the house in sweats, but dress nice when we go out on dates.

 

I liked women with brains, as you'll hear me say "brainy chicks are hot". I especially liked women who had careers and were educated. That we could talk about things, rather than her rolling her eyes when I didn't want to talk about "Real Housewives" or "Jersey Shore".

 

I was also not into women who seemingly saw "partying" and "binge drinking" as weekend hobbies. No offense, we're in our 30s now, and it's time to grow up as opposed to pretending to be a college girl forever.

 

 

Now we'll come back to the bolded part above. Outside of obesity and lack of maturity/intelligence, drama and baggage were big deal breakers for me. It's amazing how many emotionally and mentally "damaged" women I have met in my 30s. Women who are trainwrecks now due to bad decisions made in their 20s.

 

Kids? I used to be anti-single mom, but I did grow up and change. A book I read, "Unhooked Generation" showed me I shouldn't be so narrow-minded. However, I still found most single moms I met were the usual case of a deadbeat drama queen of an ex who seems to always look for ways to make her miserable while not paying child support and thus she's always struggling to hold a job or keep her life together.

 

I personally simply didn't want to mess with single moms who had drama-filled lives. If she can't seem to take care of her own life, then she shouldn't be looking to date. If she can't get a sitter and have some small level of a personal life, then she should put dating on the shelf for a while and get the rest of her life in order.

 

I think when it comes to single moms, most men feel this way. Some are staunchly "no way", but many simply do not want to constantly compete to get her out on dates because she seemingly can't get any alone time.

 

 

Divorced? Never Married? Doesn't bother me at all. I am not one to judge like that. I only ask that she's "over him". The ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. This is the "baggage" part I'm speaking of. I don't want to mess with women who I'll find bawling her eyes out one night because she can't emotionally let go of the ex who broke her heart....or constantly going hot and cold because she thinks all men will burn her like the ex did. If you're not over him, then don't date.

 

The baggage/drama/maturity thing also applies to what she's looking for in a man. If she's in her 30s and still holding out for some "reformed bad boy" or the playa she's been banging for years to magically show up ready to commit...then I move on. I'm not going to play this game of women who can't "grow up" enough to realize that a man treating her well is a good thing, not a sign of weakness or neediness.

 

Up until I went MGTOW and then later met my fiance, this is what I constantly dealt with. Women I didn't find attractive because they royally let themselves go, women who had made a massive mess of their lives, or women who are emotional trainwrecks from the ex who destroyed them. I think if you're none of these women, then the right man will find you.

 

 

ALSO...bear in mind these "standards" also apply to myself and men. You women do have the right to ask in return the same things men ask of you.

[RedRobin]

ALSO...bear in mind these "standards" also apply to myself and men. You women do have the right to ask in return the same things men ask of you.

 

:):)

[Woggle]

The ability to have a healthy and happy relationship that lasts. If that is there most other things tend to fall in place.

[neveragain34]

I'll get detailed here.

 

When I hit my early 30s, I sought out the same things most men seek out in a woman, but I'll be brutally honest, one thing that I looked for the most was:

 

LITTLE TO NO DRAMA OR BAGGAGE

 

 

Did looks matter? Of course they did and still do...as they matter to women. However, the idea of men seeking out fashion model-looking women is a myth. For me personally, my only big dealbreaker was obesity.

 

Despite what you might read or hear, men aren't setting the bar only at size 0 super-thin women with big boobs. I personally was just not going to get attracted to a woman who looks like a "before" photo for Jenny Craig. I also liked women who had a sense of style...which means she'll bum around the house in sweats, but dress nice when we go out on dates.

 

I liked women with brains, as you'll hear me say "brainy chicks are hot". I especially liked women who had careers and were educated. That we could talk about things, rather than her rolling her eyes when I didn't want to talk about "Real Housewives" or "Jersey Shore".

 

I was also not into women who seemingly saw "partying" and "binge drinking" as weekend hobbies. No offense, we're in our 30s now, and it's time to grow up as opposed to pretending to be a college girl forever.

 

 

Now we'll come back to the bolded part above. Outside of obesity and lack of maturity/intelligence, drama and baggage were big deal breakers for me. It's amazing how many emotionally and mentally "damaged" women I have met in my 30s. Women who are trainwrecks now due to bad decisions made in their 20s.

 

Kids? I used to be anti-single mom, but I did grow up and change. A book I read, "Unhooked Generation" showed me I shouldn't be so narrow-minded. However, I still found most single moms I met were the usual case of a deadbeat drama queen of an ex who seems to always look for ways to make her miserable while not paying child support and thus she's always struggling to hold a job or keep her life together.

 

I personally simply didn't want to mess with single moms who had drama-filled lives. If she can't seem to take care of her own life, then she shouldn't be looking to date. If she can't get a sitter and have some small level of a personal life, then she should put dating on the shelf for a while and get the rest of her life in order.

 

I think when it comes to single moms, most men feel this way. Some are staunchly "no way", but many simply do not want to constantly compete to get her out on dates because she seemingly can't get any alone time.

 

 

Divorced? Never Married? Doesn't bother me at all. I am not one to judge like that. I only ask that she's "over him". The ex-husband or ex-boyfriend. This is the "baggage" part I'm speaking of. I don't want to mess with women who I'll find bawling her eyes out one night because she can't emotionally let go of the ex who broke her heart....or constantly going hot and cold because she thinks all men will burn her like the ex did. If you're not over him, then don't date.

 

The baggage/drama/maturity thing also applies to what she's looking for in a man. If she's in her 30s and still holding out for some "reformed bad boy" or the playa she's been banging for years to magically show up ready to commit...then I move on. I'm not going to play this game of women who can't "grow up" enough to realize that a man treating her well is a good thing, not a sign of weakness or neediness.

 

Up until I went MGTOW and then later met my fiance, this is what I constantly dealt with. Women I didn't find attractive because they royally let themselves go, women who had made a massive mess of their lives, or women who are emotional trainwrecks from the ex who destroyed them. I think if you're none of these women, then the right man will find you.

 

 

ALSO...bear in mind these "standards" also apply to myself and men. You women do have the right to ask in return the same things men ask of you.

 

All of this is so reassuring!!! I feel like I am at a point in my life now where I can truly say that I am everything positive you described here! I have no ex baggage, my son is at an age now that allows me to have the freedom you mentioned, and I have a good head on my shoulders. It hasn't always been that way, but like you mentioned, there's a point where people have to grow up, mature, and stop making excuses for the poor choices they've made in life. I have also done the opposite of let myself go, and instead got myself into the best shape ever of my life. Not only does that attact men, but so does the confidence that has come with it. This confidence and inner happiness has also transferred into my career and helped me form new friendships and networks with amazing people. I could go on and on, but I'm sure you get the gist.

 

Thanks for this!