kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) I am in a big disadvantage in the dating world, I've never had a girlfriend before. I am 22 years old: - Fat at 6’3 225 and with giant manboobs. Photo here: URL removed I’ve lost 100 pounds so far and I'm still working out, even though I recently hit a plateau. - I live at home with my parents. Can’t afford to move out and my parents never leave. - I don’t have a lot of money despite living at home and working an $11.25/hour job (it’s complicated and I don’t spend much) - I’m Black and I don't represent any black stereotypes. It's a double edged sword. I don't have any swag or confidence nor the body for what attracts some girls to black men, yet I still carry all the social burdens of being black. However, I come from a two parent household, go to school, work, have no criminal record and don't have any STDs. BTW if you didn’t look that the picture I’m very light skinned, but not biracial. - I’m not able to truly have fun socially unless I’m drunk. I’m socially awkward or boring without it - I’m sexually inexperienced, only had sex twice (w/ one only girl). Both weren’t that good. - My penis is only 6.5 inches and 5.25 around (again not fitting a good stereotype) - I’m not all that smart w/ a current college GPA of 2.7 - I suffer depression that I can’t seem to shake. I think about suicide every other day. I try to keep my feelings inside and try not to be negative around others. - I have a gap in my front teeth despite wearing braces for 4 years - I’m not athletic nor talented - My town is doesn’t have many options for dating (Central CA) - I lost most of my friends in late 2012; none were in bad terms we all drifted apart for several reasons. I used to go out and find parties almost every weekend, now I’m lucky to even go out at all. Edited March 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Treasa Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You can tell from the picture that you've lost a LOT of weight. That is a tremendous accomplishment!! I think your body looks fine. It's just some loose skin, and you're young enough that it will shrink back, trust me. And there's always surgery if it ends up REALLY bothering you in a few years. You're only 22, and you have a job. I think living at home at 22 is fine. If you don't blow your money, you're doing a lot better than a lot of people. A 2.7 is a, what, B-? That doesn't make you stupid. You write very intelligently. You aren't giving yourself enough credit. Your penis size is more than adequate, trust me. I was very, very depressed at your age and thought I amounted to nothing. I had such bad social anxiety that I didn't leave the house at one point for five months, and I had flunked out of college at the time. I had had a lot of boyfriends, but I wasn't happy. I'm currently 38, and it took a damn huge amount of hard work, but I have a college degree, a good salary as a professional, a lot of friends, and a ****ton of confidence. Oh, and I lost 120 pounds, so I can understand you from that point of view as well. It worries me that you are so sad that you are thinking about suicide. I'm glad you haven't actually done it. I get the feeling that you're going to amount to something very, very special - assuming you act toward it. If anyone gives you crap, tell them to **** off. And PM me if you ever want to talk. 6
chex Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Do you have an interesting hobby? I want to hear some good after that wave of negativity. Also your dick is on the bigger end. Average is like 5-6 inches and you're above it. Plus that's some good girth as well. If you keep working out, I'm sure your body will get a lot more attractive. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) I am in a big disadvantage in the dating world, I've never had a girlfriend before. I am 22 years old: - Fat at 6’3 225 and with giant manboobs. Photo here: I’ve lost 100 pounds so far and I'm still working out, even though I recently hit a plateau. - I live at home with my parents. Can’t afford to move out and my parents never leave. - I don’t have a lot of money despite living at home and working an $11.25/hour job (it’s complicated and I don’t spend much) - I’m Black and I don't represent any black stereotypes. It's a double edged sword. I don't have any swag or confidence nor the body for what attracts some girls to black men, yet I still carry all the social burdens of being black. However, I come from a two parent household, go to school, work, have no criminal record and don't have any STDs. BTW if you didn’t look that the picture I’m very light skinned, but not biracial. - I’m not able to truly have fun socially unless I’m drunk. I’m socially awkward or boring without it - I’m sexually inexperienced, only had sex twice (w/ one only girl). Both weren’t that good. - My penis is only 6.5 inches and 5.25 around (again not fitting a good stereotype) - I’m not all that smart w/ a current college GPA of 2.7 - I suffer depression that I can’t seem to shake. I think about suicide every other day. I try to keep my feelings inside and try not to be negative around others. - I have a gap in my front teeth despite wearing braces for 4 years - I’m not athletic nor talented - My town is doesn’t have many options for dating (Central CA) - I lost most of my friends in late 2012; none were in bad terms we all drifted apart for several reasons. I used to go out and find parties almost every weekend, now I’m lucky to even go out at all. I highlighted the only things that are real problems: 1) Your overall inexperience 2) Your negative attitude 3) Losing all of your friends (this happened to me after college and it was a HUGE blow to my self-esteem....so I get where you're coming from here) When was the last time you tried to start anything up with a woman? When was the last time you went out? Edited March 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) You can tell from the picture that you've lost a LOT of weight. That is a tremendous accomplishment!! I think your body looks fine. It's just some loose skin, and you're young enough that it will shrink back, trust me. And there's always surgery if it ends up REALLY bothering you in a few years. You're only 22, and you have a job. I think living at home at 22 is fine. If you don't blow your money, you're doing a lot better than a lot of people. A 2.7 is a, what, B-? That doesn't make you stupid. You write very intelligently. You aren't giving yourself enough credit. Your penis size is more than adequate, trust me. I was very, very depressed at your age and thought I amounted to nothing. I had such bad social anxiety that I didn't leave the house at one point for five months, and I had flunked out of college at the time. I had had a lot of boyfriends, but I wasn't happy. I'm currently 38, and it took a damn huge amount of hard work, but I have a college degree, a good salary as a professional, a lot of friends, and a ****ton of confidence. Oh, and I lost 120 pounds, so I can understand you from that point of view as well. It worries me that you are so sad that you are thinking about suicide. I'm glad you haven't actually done it. I get the feeling that you're going to amount to something very, very special - assuming you act toward it. If anyone gives you crap, tell them to **** off. And PM me if you ever want to talk. I'm sorry this not loose skin, oh how I wish it was though. My doctor wont allow my surgery to be insurance covered. He says it's cosmetic. I cant afford surgery out of pocket. A 2.7 is a C average. How did you beat your depression and get a ****ton of confidence? I'll PM you. (Wait...how do you PM here?) Edited March 27, 2013 by kel22
Author kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Do you have an interesting hobby? I want to hear some good after that wave of negativity. No, I unfortunately do not.
Treasa Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm sorry this not loose skin, oh how I wish it was though. My doctor wont allow my surgery to be insurance covered. He says it's cosmetic. I cant afford surgery out of pocket. A 2.7 is a C average. How did you beat your depression and get a ****ton of confidence? I'll PM you. (Wait...how do you PM here?) Yes, it is loose skin. I know what it looks like very well. Doctors won't remove it unless it's causing health problems. I promise your skin will tone up. Just keep working out, and give it at LEAST another couple of years. Oh, I don't think you can PM until you've been here a month or have a certain number of posts. It would take a lengthy explanation of what I did to get to where I am now, but the important thing for you to know at this moment is that your life CAN be a lot better, that it's completely within your power, and that it takes a hell of a lot of work, but is worth it. Right now, know that you are loved.
Author kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I highlighted the only things that are real problems: 1) Your overall inexperience 2) Your negative attitude 3) Losing all of your friends (this happened to me after college and it was a HUGE blow to my self-esteem....so I get where you're coming from here) When was the last time you tried to start anything up with a woman? When was the last time you went out? Last May I believe which was the last party I've been to, was the last time I engaged a girl. It might have been 2 random girls. The last time I went out was a month ago to a bar/club. I can only have fun or be better socially when I drink and I had to drive.
Mumbles Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm sorry this not loose skin Really? I'm surprised to hear that. Looks exactly like the loose skin effect everyone who loses a significant amount of weight in a short time suffers. If its not then its probably Gynecomastia Gynecomastia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Sounds like work with your doctor might be able to resolve it if its hormonal or stress related. If the cause is unknown, and the procedure safe for you, perhaps pay for the cosmetic stuff yourself? I understand money is tight, how much would it cost? Perhaps work two jobs or whatever if its not a ridiculous sum? I'm willing to gamble that you'd probably get rid of a lot of the effect if you went to the gym and built up your pecs and shoulders. 2
Author kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Yes, it is loose skin. I know what it looks like very well. Doctors won't remove it unless it's causing health problems. I promise your skin will tone up. Just keep working out, and give it at LEAST another couple of years. Oh, I don't think you can PM until you've been here a month or have a certain number of posts. It would take a lengthy explanation of what I did to get to where I am now, but the important thing for you to know at this moment is that your life CAN be a lot better, that it's completely within your power, and that it takes a hell of a lot of work, but is worth it. Right now, know that you are loved. Oh okay. I was always going to continue to workout with or without surgery. I'm just getting really impatient especially after my doctor told me to lose weight for surgery and when I lose the weight I don't get surgery. I would like to hear some of it if you have time now or later. Thanks, that means a lot.
Author kel22 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Really? I'm surprised to hear that. Looks exactly like the loose skin effect everyone who loses a significant amount of weight in a short time suffers. If its not then its probably Gynecomastia Gynecomastia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Sounds like work with your doctor might be able to resolve it if its hormonal or stress related. If the cause is unknown, and the procedure safe for you, perhaps pay for the cosmetic stuff yourself? I understand money is tight, how much would it cost? Perhaps work two jobs or whatever if its not a ridiculous sum? I'm willing to gamble that you'd probably get rid of a lot of the effect if you went to the gym and built up your pecs and shoulders. There's fat in my chest and it's shaped like female breasts. I've these since I was 12, so I'm not sure if it means it hormonal and stress. I might have to work 2 jobs along with school. But then when can I workout? I've been lifting for 6 years, my chest has muscle underneath. I have a little muscle in my shoulders too.
Flier Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Maybe doing some volunteer work would be a relaxed, fun way to meet some people. It is hard to get out of the house maybe, if you feel depressed, but trust me, doing good for others like volunteering at a local food shelf or something may give you a boost in self esteem. Depression sucks...please give yourself time. Also, if you are a nice guy, and you are, there are many women who want someone true and sensitive and honest...and they don't care if you don't look perfect. Maybe an antidepressant would help you too. It is not a crutch...when negative emotions spiral downwards it can alter brain chemistry....no more shameful than needing insulin for diabetes. If you feel suicidal, go to a physician and tell them you feel depressed. No downside to that, if you have insurance. Hugs!
Flier Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Oops, I just reread your posts and you are probably too busy for volunteer work. But please, get some help for your suicidal thoughts. It is not a sign of weakness. Naggy Nurse Flier. Hugs.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Last May I believe which was the last party I've been to, was the last time I engaged a girl. It might have been 2 random girls. The last time I went out was a month ago to a bar/club. I can only have fun or be better socially when I drink and I had to drive. I would advise you to get out of the "I can only be myself when I'm drunk" mindset. Either don't drink that much or drink nothing at all and look at it as practice. Basically, you just said that you haven't "engaged" (ie: tried to do anything) with a girl in almost a year. That sounds like your problem: you're not trying.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Really? I'm surprised to hear that. Looks exactly like the loose skin effect everyone who loses a significant amount of weight in a short time suffers. If its not then its probably Gynecomastia Gynecomastia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Sounds like work with your doctor might be able to resolve it if its hormonal or stress related. If the cause is unknown, and the procedure safe for you, perhaps pay for the cosmetic stuff yourself? I understand money is tight, how much would it cost? Perhaps work two jobs or whatever if its not a ridiculous sum? I'm willing to gamble that you'd probably get rid of a lot of the effect if you went to the gym and built up your pecs and shoulders. Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. OP, I'm a health care professional and I believe that this may be true. But you should definitely have it checked out by your own doctor.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Start exercising. Get a better job, or stop spending your cash on stupid ****. You're frugal, yet have no money? Where is it going, are you burning it all? Don't really know what to say, you've already covered the bases.. Focus on the things you can change, really.
kassy Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Wow, congratulations on your weight loss! That is a fantastic achievement! I imagine many girls would find that alone very attractive (I do!) Anyway, why don't you try and find a hobby? Or something to do that you enjoy. With your schedule and financial situation I'd enter a half marathon or marathon. It's cheap to train, just need shoes. There is probably a local running club you can join and training can happen whenever your schedule allows. I'm not saying its the right solution for you, but maybe time to find something to set your sights on which you can achieve and get awesome satisfaction from, impress the ladies and keep moving your fitness forwards. Time to have some fun and mingle you know! (Without a drink) Money. Not sure why you have none... You might want to explain. This is a stressful situation for anyone. Best to learn good financial management now as its a skill you will need for life. If you put something up people might be able to help you with that. Anyway, you've done the hardest work, losing 100 pounds, now you're just at the polishing up the final product and reaping the benefits stage! Why would you want to miss out on the next bit of your journey! P.S none of us are perfect, don't make perfect a goal. Make happy and healthy a goal.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) My penis is only 6.5 inches Stop believing the lies of the porn industry and other guys who mostly lie about their penis size. 6.5" is at least 1" longer than average (maybe fractionally more than that.) Also realize that on average, smaller-penis guys date less often and have less women THUS even womens' idea of average penis size is over-inflated. I don't know what the average length is for your race, you may be average. And... so what? If a girl isn't happy with your length then give her the number to Bangbros talent agency and tell her to sign up as a big dick porn actress. Your moobs are a legit concern, but if you've lost a lot of weight in a short time maybe they will diminish. If not, there's always lipo. Some people go through life without use of their limbs, I think you could handle some minor cosmetic surgery if that's what it takes. You've already come this far by losing all that weight. Stop telling yourself what can't happen and just do what's needed to make it happen. Edited March 27, 2013 by ChessPieceFace 1
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Treasa gave you advice that's gold. Despite your laundry list of perceived negatives, I only saw two that I consider negatives: your social awkwardness that you medicate with alcohol and your overly negative pessimism, likely a result of your depression. Good news is both are fixable. BTW, did you mention your suicidal thoughts to your physician? You should ASAP. It needs to be addressed immediately. You would also benefit from therapy. I understand your concern regarding your man boobs. I don't want to minimize that. But you're 22 and just underwent significant weight loss. Young skin is very resilient. Give it a year, maybe two, after your weight has stabilized to resolve on its own. It usually does. Trust me, it will be far better than having surgical scars for something that was likely going to resolve on its own anyway. You have a lot going for you. You just can't see it through your negativity. Hopefully that will change. 1
BitterSweet2k Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 to answer your question slightly overstated: yes. Why is that? Why would ANYONE be together with someone else in a relationship when there is so much emotional baggage to carry from day 1 on? this is unhealthy so it is avoided. So as few others already said: you completely have to changed your mindset and be POSITIVE. THEN things will flow. And really, forget about dick size... you work on your body which is cool, now work on your mental state and you gonna be alright.
KatZee Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 There is one overall problem with all the things you list here. The negative attitude. That's it. Plain and simple. You're letting your negativity and depression truly hold you back from your potential. 22 and still living at home? I was living at home up until 27. I really don't know any 22 year old's who are capable of supporting themselves. The vast majority does not have a budding career at 22 in which they can own a home, or have their own apartment. The economy sucks! That's not a reflection of you at all. A 100lb weight loss is also a huge accomplishment. That's something to be damn proud of, but you have to keep going if you want your ideal body. Have you ever looked into the p90x or the Insanity workout programs? I've just ordered mine and I can't even tell you the amount of love, support and motivation I've received from the "Insane cult." There are Facebook groups, you get your own personal coach to work with and they really keep you pumped and going. If you're still not hitting your target weight or ideal muscle growth... look at your diet. A 2.7 average? You can definitely get that up if you focus and aim higher, but again not everyone can get straight A's and a 4.0 gpa. Here's a really embarassing fact about me. My first semester in college I got a 1.9. 1.9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I basically didn't put any effort in because of the shock of being on my own, partying, and meeting a boyfriend. S.hit happens. lol. You can get yourself back up there. Don't be so hard on yourself. I think you should also look into Meetup groups. If you have lost contact with your friends over the years, join groups like this. I'm positive there are tons around you or in the surrounding towns. That's what I had to do when I was dumped. I had no one. No friends, I was completely tossed out on my own. I actually reconnected with old friends. Reach back out to your old friends! I'm sure they'd love to catch up with you! Also the Meetup groups will give you the confidence to not be as socially awkward as you are now. You're only awkward because you're not used to putting yourself out there. It DOES get much easier when you practice. Don't use alcohol as a crutch. Also your "size" is perfectly fine. I've had a large one before and it was the worst sex I've ever had. It's all how you work it, and how you understand a woman's body. You don't need a 16 foot schlong for that. Only a working brain and a desire to learn. And about not knowing what your interests are, just get out there and start experiencing things. I didn't know who I truly was until I was 28 years old! I'm finally single the first time in my life. I'm constantly doing. Experiencing. Learning. Evolving. Growing. I just found out I find obstacle course racing to be so fun! Took me 28 years to figure that out. You're not behind the curve at all. You're 22 with a whole life ahead of you!
sillyanswer Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 - I suffer depression that I can’t seem to shake. I think about suicide every other day. I try to keep my feelings inside and try not to be negative around others. Most of what you mentioned is just no problem at all, and well done on the weight loss. The depression is the bit that stands out to me as a serious problem. Get professional help for that, especially if you're having thoughts of suicide, and get help soon. Today would be good.
Author kel22 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Start exercising. Get a better job, or stop spending your cash on stupid ****. You're frugal, yet have no money? Where is it going, are you burning it all? Don't really know what to say, you've already covered the bases.. Focus on the things you can change, really. I've been exercising, I've lost 100 pounds. Yes I need to get a better job. I'm not spending my cash on crap, a lot of my money is for personal family reasons.
Author kel22 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Treasa gave you advice that's gold. Despite your laundry list of perceived negatives, I only saw two that I consider negatives: your social awkwardness that you medicate with alcohol and your overly negative pessimism, likely a result of your depression. Good news is both are fixable. BTW, did you mention your suicidal thoughts to your physician? You should ASAP. It needs to be addressed immediately. You would also benefit from therapy. I understand your concern regarding your man boobs. I don't want to minimize that. But you're 22 and just underwent significant weight loss. Young skin is very resilient. Give it a year, maybe two, after your weight has stabilized to resolve on its own. It usually does. Trust me, it will be far better than having surgical scars for something that was likely going to resolve on its own anyway. You have a lot going for you. You just can't see it through your negativity. Hopefully that will change. Okay, I may have people the wrong impression of me about alcohol and negativity. I'm not an alcoholic. I don't drink often I strictly drink alcohol as a social lubricant and to really enjoy myself. The last time a drank (a lot) was several months ago. The last times I went out were extremely uncomfortable because I always had to drive home and I can only drink very little, the last thing I need in life is a DUI. About my negativity, other than doctors, only my mother knows about my depression. I never told my friends about anything and I try to suppress any negativity from friends and strangers. Does negativity still show even when suppressed? I was told not to tell anyone about by suicidal thoughts or they'll lock me up in a asylum.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I've been exercising, I've lost 100 pounds. Yes I need to get a better job. I'm not spending my cash on crap, a lot of my money is for personal family reasons. Oh, ok. Yeah, I replied before reading the whole thing, you sort of started off with the whole weight thing and it didn't sound like you made any progress until I later read the 100 lbs. thing. I understand with the family issues compromising your finances, I have that problem as well. You need to talk to a therapist, join a group (not just a help group, find a group for something you're interested in..).. That's what I'm going to do.
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