Why would my girlfriend say this to me today?

[russellfitch1980]

Ok, I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 6 months now and we both have great feelings for each other now. We started saying we loved each other about 3 months or so into it after a nice weekend get away together. Lately I have noticed she has been a little distant with me especially the last month or so because of school. She is taking 6 classes, so we decided for her to let me know the days and nights we can hang out.

 

At first it was a little hard because of the sudden change of not hanging out and talking all the time, but the last few weeks has been going great! No complaints, we still have sex about once or twice a week, and that is always truly special to make love with each other and its always great! She tells me all the time how much she loves and me and how she only wants to be with me. We got into our first argument about a month ago because I confronted her about this guy at school who she has been hanging out with a lot lately.

 

I didn't accuse her of anything, but I said I would like to meet this guy, because she is planning on hanging out with him sometime in the future with a group of people from her class (I hope haha) and they talk pretty frequently on face book and through text. She told me how I was worried about nothing and that I should trust her, because if there is no trust there is no relationship. I do trust her so much and I don't think she would ever cheat on me. She is not like that, but at times I know she ignores me and takes forever to respond to me when she is at school with these people including this guy. It's very uncomfortable for me because she won't introduce me to him or really any of her friends.

 

I told her that I thought introducing me to her friends would strengthen our relationship because I know couples like there alone time, there are time with each other, times alone with friends, and there should be some times when I'm with her and her friends or vice versa. Does anyone else think this is a little weird? She talks about the guy pretty frequently because she has no real religion and he is 100% complete jesus freak christian. She said that he just interests her and she enjoys talking to him. Just today, she told me that she was talking to him during their break and they got into a huge argument because he claimed he would never date her and his parents wouldn't like her at all because she is not christian (I also just found out today that he invited her to church last weekend and thank god she said no)....she was getting really defensive and was like why would he say that...and at one point I almost said why does it matter if your with me?

 

But...I didn't, I swallowed that feeling and don't really want to bring it up because she will get angry. She does know that it makes me uncomfortable when she talks to this guy and she has toned it down a little but hardly at all. Does anyone else think this is odd?? Please let me know your honest opinions. Thanks so much

[Radu]

Ok, I have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 6 months now and we both have great feelings for each other now. We started saying we loved each other about 3 months or so into it after a nice weekend get away together. Lately I have noticed she has been a little distant with me especially the last month or so because of school. She is taking 6 classes, so we decided for her to let me know the days and nights we can hang out.

 

At first it was a little hard because of the sudden change of not hanging out and talking all the time, but the last few weeks has been going great! No complaints, we still have sex about once or twice a week, and that is always truly special to make love with each other and its always great! She tells me all the time how much she loves and me and how she only wants to be with me. We got into our first argument about a month ago because I confronted her about this guy at school who she has been hanging out with a lot lately.

 

I didn't accuse her of anything, but I said I would like to meet this guy, because she is planning on hanging out with him sometime in the future with a group of people from her class (I hope haha)

You sure do, because the worst case scenarios are already in your head and they are not pretty.

 

and they talk pretty frequently on face book and through text. She told me how I was worried about nothing and that I should trust her, because if there is no trust there is no relationship. I do trust her so much and I don't think she would ever cheat on me. She is not like that, but at times I know she ignores me and takes forever to respond to me when she is at school with these people including this guy. It's very uncomfortable for me because she won't introduce me to him or really any of her friends.

Depends if it's during class hours or between classes.

Off-course she won't answer during class hours.

But in between classes [during the break] she might.

Many ppl also put their phones on silent during classes.

 

I told her that I thought introducing me to her friends would strengthen our relationship because I know couples like there alone time, there are time with each other, times alone with friends, and there should be some times when I'm with her and her friends or vice versa. Does anyone else think this is a little weird? She talks about the guy pretty frequently because she has no real religion and he is 100% complete jesus freak christian.

Sounds to me like she is the one who causes the jealousy to come out.

I don't think she's been in many relationships, has she ?

 

She said that he just interests her and she enjoys talking to him. Just today, she told me that she was talking to him during their break and they got into a huge argument because he claimed he would never date her and his parents wouldn't like her at all because she is not christian (I also just found out today that he invited her to church last weekend and thank god she said no)....she was getting really defensive and was like why would he say that...and at one point I almost said why does it matter if your with me?

This can be trouble.

Most ppl want or start wanting more what they cannot have [in his case her, and in her case ... she was told that he is off-limits to her].

This can create attraction and mature ppl notice it developing and know where it's coming from.

Your gf doesn't sound very mature, so i doubt she will figure it out.

 

But...I didn't, I swallowed that feeling and don't really want to bring it up because she will get angry. She does know that it makes me uncomfortable when she talks to this guy and she has toned it down a little but hardly at all. Does anyone else think this is odd?? Please let me know your honest opinions. Thanks so much

We can't see her getting angry or her pattern of getting angry.

It could be blown out of proportion, or it could not be blown out of proportion.

We don't know how she is getting angry [it would help to give examples, to say how often she gets angry].

Some ppl carry angry with them and some ppl learn that by being angry, they can get ppl to do what they want; the latter is a form of background abuse ... you have the feeling you are walking on eggshells around them.

[todreaminblue]

when a partner specifically asks to meet a guy their woman is talking to and that woman says nah trust em you are worried about nothing its a throw off.....there should be no foul no qualms and an openness there..... a sure whenever you want sort of answer.......that to me is trustworthy behaviour ....anger is not a good sign......its projection

 

 

why would you fight with someone about dating and what his family would not accept the point is moot you are her boyfriend.......that to me is a yellow light...my question woudl be....how did this argument come about ....what was the question about dating in regards too.where are the roots of that discussion lying..see my point....bit iffy////fighting about dating......why would it matter if she wasnt interested....i think you should have an honest and open discussion with you gf dont hold back say how you feel .....see how it goes.......deb

[russellfitch1980]

[quote=Depends if it's during class hours or between classes.

Off-course she won't answer during class hours.

But in between classes [during the break] she might.

Many ppl also put their phones on silent during classes.

 

She doesn't really text me at all during class which is fine, its when she is on break. Thats the problem. She will be with him a lot of the time, sometimes with other people including him in this study room. Sometimes they have even grabbed food and came back with it to eat and do work and stuff. It just frustrates me how I have never met him and she will blatantly ignore me during her breaks when she is with this guy. She always tells me sorry, she doesn't want to be rude when she is with other people. Which is true, when she is with me for the most part she doesn't really go on her phone unless we are in the car driving somewhere or something.

 

 

[quote name=This can be trouble.

Most ppl want or start wanting more what they cannot have [in his case her, and in her case ... she was told that he is off-limits to her].

This can create attraction and mature ppl notice it developing and know where it's coming from.

Your gf doesn't sound very mature, so i doubt she will figure it out.

 

That was actually the very first thing I thought about when she told me this. I'm not even sure if she likes him or has some sort of crush on him, I know she loves me and everything and just the other day she told me that she's pretty sure I'm the one because we are so amazing together, I care for her and treat her well, and I try to make her happy. Its just confusing to me that she would be talking to him about this... a lot of the times she says stuff how he is so annoying because he is super republican, super jesus freak christian, and kind of cocky at times with his school work and grades.

 

She is also one tough girl who kind of has a feminist attitude towards life (not a problem with me at all) but maybe thats the reason why she talks to him and finds him interesting. So she can find out his point of view from being so conservative and super republican. She did tell me they were talking about this because she asked him how he doesn't know he is letting good girls slip by by judging them by their religion. Then she even said to me that she told him....so what I I was a Christian and my boyfriend wasn't...you're telling me I shouldn't have dated him? Then he said yea...then she said well thats dumb because I would have been missing out on something great. That made me feel extremely happy that she said that at least!

 

We can't see her getting angry or her pattern of getting angry.

It could be blown out of proportion, or it could not be blown out of proportion.

We don't know how she is getting angry [it would help to give examples, to say how often she gets angry].

Some ppl carry angry with them and some ppl learn that by being angry, they can get ppl to do what they want; the latter is a form of background abuse ... you have the feeling you are walking on eggshells around them.

[russellfitch1980]

when a partner specifically asks to meet a guy their woman is talking to and that woman says nah trust em you are worried about nothing its a throw off.....there should be no foul no qualms and an openness there..... a sure whenever you want sort of answer.......that to me is trustworthy behaviour ....anger is not a good sign......its projection

 

 

why would you fight with someone about dating and what his family would not accept the point is moot you are her boyfriend.......that to me is a yellow light...my question woudl be....how did this argument come about ....what was the question about dating in regards too.where are the roots of that discussion lying..see my point....bit iffy////fighting about dating......why would it matter if she wasnt interested....i think you should have an honest and open discussion with you gf dont hold back say how you feel .....see how it goes.......deb

 

That's the same thing I am asking myself?? Why does it matter if you told me that you don't like him, you have no interest in him, and your with me?? The thing is, I mentioned this kid a long time ago in the beginning of february because she said she got lunch with this kid at potbelly's. Then she asked me if it made me uncomfortable and I said a little bit, and she told me that she would stop talking to him or at least stop hanging out with him if it made me upset. Trying to be nice and wanting her to have friends I said no its fine....until about a few weeks after I noticed they text and message a lot! Now i feel like I have to meet this guy and she doesn't want to introduce me because she thinks I will get angry and be a jerk...when that is not the case at all!

 

I just want to be comfortable and know who my girlfriend is hanging out with at times. Which is why we got into that one argument when I confronted her about him a few weeks ago. She was like you are not meeting him, there is nothing going on, how many times do I have to tell you this?? Then I said ok well as long as there is no flirting involved because I think there should be a borderline between friendships and potential flirting. So I asked her if they flirt and she said "I'm not even going to answer that...." So we left it at that. This is why I'm so confused now as to why they just randomly had this discussion about dating and how his parents would not like her at all. They argue a lot about politics and religion and stuff and she tells me how annoying he is and how obnoxious he is with that stuff....maybe thats why she enjoys talking to him? What do you think. Do you think she is just trying to figure out his logic and wants to talk to someone who is the complete opposite from her? Thanks!!!

[Elliotte]

This situation has a lot of factors that could go either way.

 

At the very least you should be able to talk with her about your feelings and have her acknowledge them. If she just dismisses them as overreactions or jealousy instead of respecting your opinion and talking things through, that is the biggest red flag of this situation (in my opinion). Part of being in a healthy relationship is showing each other you care about the other's feelings, not brushing them off.

 

That being said, you obviously have no evidence to accuse her of anything, when talking with her on the subject, be careful to express your feelings in a way that does not accuse her of anything and put her on the defensive. While her behavior may put you on edge, you also know your own insecurities are most likely playing a factor into your feelings. It is a fine line between the jealous boyfriend and the doormat who bottles up his feelings, and walking in between is key.