RiceaRoni Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 You know sometimes I feel like my ex is trying to be like his friends...who are kinda players and try to be cool and stuff by smoking weed, dressing a certain way, etc. Like last Saturday when I was that that drumline competition for my sister...I saw my ex with a girl on his lap (who wasnt his gf)... Makes me wonder if he's trying to be a player or trying to fit in with his group of friends...ahh the wonders of peer influence lol. Just a thought I had today back to recovering 1
drpepper1886 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 You know sometimes I feel like my ex is trying to be like his friends...who are kinda players and try to be cool and stuff by smoking weed, dressing a certain way, etc. Like last Saturday when I was that that drumline competition for my sister...I saw my ex with a girl on his lap (who wasnt his gf)... Makes me wonder if he's trying to be a player or trying to fit in with his group of friends...ahh the wonders of peer influence lol. Just a thought I had today back to recovering They say we are the sum of our 5 closest friends. I was outnumbered by her bartender crowd that stayed out until 5am 4 nights a week. Your ex is surrounded by players. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 They say we are the sum of our 5 closest friends. I was outnumbered by her bartender crowd that stayed out until 5am 4 nights a week. Your ex is surrounded by players. Oh wow I never knew that :0 Yeah he is...and he wasnt really before... Now that he left me and has a new gf all of his friends are trying to find girlfriends...and yeah it's ridiculous...
McDonald Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Wow if I saw that I would have flipped out and probably would have approached them. Way to stay strong though!! See, you are making great improvement!!! I think a big part of it is trying to fit in. My ex is posting all these pics of her and all her new roomates since she moved. Not so much of her new bf... but like pics of partying drinking... I think even smoking a bit which she preeched was the worst thing ever. A complete change big time. I think seeing her change hurts a little more than most other things. Im starting to realize different things are now hurting more than the BU itself.. 3
singme2sleep Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Wow if I saw that I would have flipped out and probably would have approached them. Way to stay strong though!! See, you are making great improvement!!!QUOTE] I agree Rice, you're strong! I would have totally lost it. Good for you. #classy 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Thanks you guys I can def see the improvement too...I think I just kinda expected this type of behavior from him...because I know how his friends are and plus he was showing signs of this attitude towards the end of the RS. So in a way he's changed..he's changed in a negative way for that matter :/ boy I hope he learns soon...I do admit when I saw that girl on his lap and I realized that it wasnt even his gf...I got angry, but I just didn't show it haha
McDonald Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 it wasnt even his gf? I miss the highschool drama
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 it wasnt even his gf? I miss the highschool drama No it wasn't...I was kinda shocked...
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 This thought has always been bothering me since the BU, but you know how it's said a guy will lose interest in a relationship if there's no sex? Well I never agreed to have sex with my ex because I wanted to wait..I wanted to wait until we were older (I told him after marriage), but I just really wanted to wait until we were at a much more mature age...and now I feel like he left because he lost interest that we never had sex...and that's what pains me the most because now he has a gf willing to do all that with him..
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 A lot of guys will lose interest if there's no sex, yes, but you have to do what makes you comfortable. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. Don't do what you don't want to do to make a guy (or a girl if the situations are reversed) happy.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 A lot of guys will lose interest if there's no sex, yes, but you have to do what makes you comfortable. If you don't want to have sex, don't have sex. Don't do what you don't want to do to make a guy (or a girl if the situations are reversed) happy. And I regret it..I would have agreed, but I wanted to be sure he'd be in for the long run...but I guess I made him wait too long..and he "fell out of love"...
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 And it's not like we never got intimate, but actually having sex was what I wanted to wait on.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I've been feeling quite down these past few days. It's been almost 6 months..he hasn't said anything to me and has told me he has nothing to say..after all that's happened. This hasn't stopped me from getting on with life. I still do things to help me move on, but I think of him everyday and I have days where I miss him a lot. I don't know how he and his gf are, and I don't care too much to find out, but I haven't contacted him in so long; which I guess is still a good thing?
grace777 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 If you wanted to wait, then that's exactly what you should do. And that's what you did. And you stated that the reason for wanting to wait was to ensure that he'd be around for a long time -- well, he clearly has proven that he wouldn't be. So good for you for listening to your instincts. Are you young? His behavior sounds pretty immature. 2
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 If you wanted to wait, then that's exactly what you should do. And that's what you did. And you stated that the reason for wanting to wait was to ensure that he'd be around for a long time -- well, he clearly has proven that he wouldn't be. So good for you for listening to your instincts. Are you young? His behavior sounds pretty immature. Yes we're both pretty young...we both still have a lot to experience in life, but this was just a very big impact on myself.
grace777 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreak. In no way was I trying to minimize your situation by asking about your ages. Hurt is hurt - and it sucks regardless what point of life in which it happens. Stay strong and try to stay positive - you've been handling things like a champ!
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 And I regret it..I would have agreed, but I wanted to be sure he'd be in for the long run...but I guess I made him wait too long..and he "fell out of love"... It's impossible not to use sex as manipulation, but it's not something you should do very often. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, don't. Don't withhold it as a "test" and don't give it up just to try to hook a guy. Neither will work in the long term. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I've been feeling quite down these past few days. It's been almost 6 months..he hasn't said anything to me and has told me he has nothing to say..after all that's happened. This hasn't stopped me from getting on with life. I still do things to help me move on, but I think of him everyday and I have days where I miss him a lot. I don't know how he and his gf are, and I don't care too much to find out, but I haven't contacted him in so long; which I guess is still a good thing? Like I told you before, this is a blessing. Honestly, you probably need to find a guy your age or older that is closer to your maturity level. There's a reason why girls in high school rarely date younger guys. You'll be fine without this dude, he's just a high school dufus, like most of us were. No big loss. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 It's impossible not to use sex as manipulation, but it's not something you should do very often. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, don't. Don't withhold it as a "test" and don't give it up just to try to hook a guy. Neither will work in the long term. No I would never use it as manipulation...I guess I was just scared x/ I wasn't sure if he was planning to be with me long, hence doubts grew and that's why I had him wait. Some people say it's a good thing too...I've heard some guys see it as desirable when a girl doesn't give sex so easily. (I have no idea if this is true)
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Like I told you before, this is a blessing. Honestly, you probably need to find a guy your age or older that is closer to your maturity level. There's a reason why girls in high school rarely date younger guys. You'll be fine without this dude, he's just a high school dufus, like most of us were. No big loss. Yeah...I gotcha. Older guys haha It's hard seeing him...Im still attracted to him..even tho I know who he is and how disrespectful he's was to me.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 No I would never use it as manipulation...I guess I was just scared x/ I wasn't sure if he was planning to be with me long, hence doubts grew and that's why I had him wait. Some people say it's a good thing too...I've heard some guys see it as desirable when a girl doesn't give sex so easily. (I have no idea if this is true) It can be. Honestly, the more I like a woman, the more I'm willing to wait and try to develop a bond before having sex. But once I want to have sex, any excessive waiting can become a negative quickly, especially if there's no communication as to why there is a delay. If you want to wait, it's best to communicate why. But anyway, once sex is had, the bond a guy has with a woman at that point is pretty much what it's going to be from then on out, because most men do not form emotional attachments from sex. If a woman has sex with a man who isn't into her emotionally, the odds of that man ever being into her are very small. That woman will either a) be pushed aside or b) be used in a "friends with benefits" situation. Not sure if that answer clears things up or confuses you even more. But next time you are willing to have sex with a guy and he wants to, go for it or communicate why you are hesitant. Don't "test" him, because eventually he's just going to turn in the test with questions unanswered and leave the classroom. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 I knew I should have taken the chance.... But he's younger than me so I was hesitant and kinda knew his mentality... I kinda have regrets and then I don't...he probably would have stayed or he would have left...
Simon Phoenix Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I knew I should have taken the chance.... But he's younger than me so I was hesitant and kinda knew his mentality... I kinda have regrets and then I don't...he probably would have stayed or he would have left... Honestly, it probably wouldn't have mattered ultimately. He would have stayed around longer, but it probably would have died eventually. The odds of high school sweethearts staying together forever are pretty lowe to begin with, especially if you are the other person's first real relationship. That being said, next time concentrate more on what you want instead of worrying about all of the relationship ramifications. Sometimes you just gotta go with what feels right instead of second-guessing yourself. But it's not a big deal -- you'll just be more sure when the next guy comes around. But you have to let him come around -- stop worrying about who is sitting on your ex's lap. It's not your concern and doesn't help you at all to focus on stuff like that. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Gosh today was hard for some reason... Saw my ex today while picking up my sister...and I usually do see him, but today was especially hard because he was happy and laughing with his friends... I was talking to my best guy friend while waiting for my sister (he's a mutral friend with my ex and I) and he and I were just talking the whole time and I was laughing and stuff, and I don't know if my ex did this on purpose but he got in my line of sigh again...like he purposely stood to where I could see him... Also while I walked into the band room to talk to my old band teacher, he walked in saw me, and walked back out... Man..I guess the good thing is that I don't feel as much pain as I usually do when I see him...I just get butterflies and my checks heat up. I miss him very much..I know he isn't coming back, and I know he's still with his emotional codependent gf. I just don't see how she doesn't notice his flaws or why she didn't break up with him when he was still pinning over me after they got together...I already know she wouldn't leave him..she HAS to have someone so unless someone better comes along, I can't see her leaving him. Oh well.. Like I said making progress...I just felt set back today
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I'm also worried about this Sat. It's my sister's last competition and he's going to be there of course...I'm just afraid his gf is going to he with him. I get so angry and depressed when I see her. Or really when I see her an him together. I can't afford to break down. I'm so scared, but I want to go because it's my sister's last one before next year.
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