bluefairy812 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) he contacted my sister saying it was important i talk to him. i had his email and phone number blocked... i contacted him and he told me he is moving away and would like to see me one last time. he wants to grab a drink. i told him i can't. that its too hard for me, etc. but although he "understands", he wants me to reconsider because he isn't coming back to my city for a long time. its been almost 9 months and it makes me sad to think of seeing him "one last time". i feel as if i will be revisiting my break up. he says that it doesn't have to be that way, it can be positive, and that he says me as a person who was important to him once and as a great friend...and wants to say goodbye. in addition, he is giving me some of my things back and our cat. so it seems that i have to see him regardless. any feedback would be appreciated. Edited March 26, 2013 by bluefairy812
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 he contacted my sister saying it was important i talk to him. i had his email and phone number blocked... i contacted him and he told me he is moving away and would like to see me one last time. he wants to grab a drink. i told him i can't. that its too hard for me, etc. but although he "understands", he wants me to reconsider because he isn't coming back to my city for a long time. its been almost 9 months and it makes me sad to think of seeing him "one last time". i feel as if i will be revisiting my break up. he says that it doesn't have to be that way, it can be positive, and that he says me as a person who was important to him once and as a great friend...and wants to say goodbye. in addition, he is giving me some of my things back and our cat. so it seems that i have to see him regardless. any feedback would be appreciated. I wouldnt do it...And as much as i love animals, I would try to adopt that cat out to someone else. That cat will HAUNT you and you will see your xBF every time that cat walks across a room... Its not worth it.. TFOY 1
MushyPeas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It sounds like this is just going to leave you upset and maybe a little confused? I'd really avoid this, I'd never put myself in a situation where I had to watch my ex walk away from me again (I did it twice after the BU and honestly, I felt empty for days). If you can I'd get your sister or someone else to collect your stuff, just getting back old items and your cat will be hard enough and the added thing on top of having to see him and deal with a goodbye? nu-uh. Give yourself a fighting chance and stay clear from this! 3
geegirl Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 in addition, he is giving me some of my things back and our cat. so it seems that i have to see him regardless. You don't have to see him. You can have your sister pick up your stuff or a friend. It's easy for him to ask you out for a drink. It's casual for him. He will not suffer the aftermath. You however, will relive the break-up all over again. 2
cavalier99 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Dont go. It is already bothering you. Let him leave without seeing or taking to him more. This will be good for your healing. Cav 1
ThatJustHappened Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Don't see him..have someone else pick your stuff up. But if you do see him..DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!! 1
Cogee Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Tell him the moment he decided to break up was the last moment he would see you. You understand his wishes to say goodbye and get closure to this chapter of his life but at the same time you not seeing him is the closure you want. Tell him that out of respect for you both it's best if you don't do this. He can put the cat up for adoption and return your things to your sister. 2
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You want to heal? You want control? Then take control...tell him you'll meet him. Yes, tell him you'll meet him. Unblock his number and call him! Let him call you back so he knows you unblocked his number. Beforehand, perhaps have your sister retrieve your personal things if you even want them. I would think after nine months the need for these belongings might be less of a priority. Anyway, choose a place that is inconvenient to get to, perhaps requires the hassles of parking, distance etc Pick a time where lots of people around make the hassle of getting there and a finding a table even more difficult. Then what? Don't show up! Yep, just let him sit there and enjoy the alone time and as he tries to call you, let him enjoy the thrills of reaching your newly re-blocked number. Warn your sister in advance because that is where he will call next. She can ignore his calls as well. You on the other hand, enjoy the "control of your life" and moving ahead with speed now. The message: "don't ever call me again" couldn't be more clear. I'm not really promoting this situation, just using it as an example of how his need to see you one more time for his own sake, even though you said it "was not a good idea" is all about him and nothing about "you". Now it's your choice! 2
oracle Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 You want to heal? You want control? Then take control...tell him you'll meet him. Yes, tell him you'll meet him. Unblock his number and call him! Let him call you back so he knows you unblocked his number. Beforehand, perhaps have your sister retrieve your personal things if you even want them. I would think after nine months the need for these belongings might be less of a priority. Anyway, choose a place that is inconvenient to get to, perhaps requires the hassles of parking, distance etc Pick a time where lots of people around make the hassle of getting there and a finding a table even more difficult. Then what? Don't show up! Yep, just let him sit there and enjoy the alone time and as he tries to call you, let him enjoy the thrills of reaching your newly re-blocked number. Warn your sister in advance because that is where he will call next. She can ignore his calls as well. You on the other hand, enjoy the "control of your life" and moving ahead with speed now. The message: "don't ever call me again" couldn't be more clear. I'm not really promoting this situation, just using it as an example of how his need to see you one more time for his own sake, even though you said it "was not a good idea" is all about him and nothing about "you". Now it's your choice! Thats just continuing on with the gaminess. Thats not taking control.. that is going around for another lap. Having control is when it just doesn't matter anymore.... that you don't even need to be on here to ask.... that you just ignore it, cause you just don't care. 3
Am4Real Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Thats just continuing on with the gaminess. Thats not taking control.. that is going around for another lap. Having control is when it just doesn't matter anymore.... that you don't even need to be on here to ask.... that you just ignore it, cause you just don't care. From the posting you overlooked: I'm not really promoting this situation, just using it as an example of how his need to see you one more time for his own sake, even though you said it "was not a good idea" is all about him and nothing about "you". 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Tell him the moment he decided to break up was the last moment he would see you. This is good, this is really good. I would just ask your sister to collect your things, if you want them. Seeing him - what good can possibly come of that? It goes badly, you feel like ****. It goes well, he's moving away, you feel like ****. Either way = ****.
robaday Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Theres exes I still love and exes I want nothing to do with. If someone is important to me at one time I would go, bugger it, lifes too short, thats me, everyone else will probably disagree, but things dont work out sometimes and it doesnt mean you have to hate each other, or never talk again, just means u cant be together dont want to set you up for pain though, just my two cents
Am4Real Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I don't disagree with you at all! When you "know thyself" you know "yourself". You know what is good and what is bad, what you can tolerate and what you cannot. If know yourself with all certainty then you and only you know what is best for you. Many times posters project on to others what is good for them as being good for everyone; with common sense that is applicable, however in specialty circumstances knowing "thyself" can take precedence. Theres exes I still love and exes I want nothing to do with. If someone is important to me at one time I would go, bugger it, lifes too short, thats me, everyone else will probably disagree, but things dont work out sometimes and it doesnt mean you have to hate each other, or never talk again, just means u cant be together dont want to set you up for pain though, just my two cents 1
oracle Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 From the posting you overlooked: I'm not really promoting this situation, just using it as an example of how his need to see you one more time for his own sake, even though you said it "was not a good idea" is all about him and nothing about "you". Oopps.. sorry.. Skimming when i should be in bed
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