McGriff Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I am calm on the outside, but today I have been raging on the inside. And you know what? I don't know who I'm more angry at---her or me! I mean, I'm angry at her for obvious reasons, but then I think---why am I so angry at her, she is just doing what she thinks is right for her life. Guess who's left standing there to be angry at? Me. I bet I've spent tens of hours over the last month, researching, "how to get over an ex", "moving on", "the no contact rule", " etc etc. I could probably get an honorary doctorate degree for my studies. But still here I am, hurting, unable to get this woman out of my head. She's with me (in my head) from the time I wake up, til I drift off to sleep at night. I've tried citing mantras in the mirror, I've tried hobbies, I've tried spending time with friends, I've gotten drunk, I've blasted hard rock music in my car at volumes so loud, you can't think of anything. Some of you are gonna laugh at this, but i got it online and thought wth ill try anything at this point. I staged a many funeral for her. Hahaha, yes, I'm certifiable! But no matter what, she's still there. And now it's gone from forgiving myself for grieving, to "dude, she is living her life---wtf is wrong with you!" Just last summer, I was having the time of my life, single, newly divorced, traveling, meeting people, having fun. I need to get back there ASAP. I'm tired of this. Writing this is therapy. I NEED TO FREAKING MOVE ON! 5
boblet Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Oh boy that sounds just like me a while ago lol rampaging through the internet looking for answers, walking around mad as f!@#... I think you should continue finding healthy ways to vent. Working out really helps.. if you're really angry, play music that makes you think of her and go HARD in the gym.... maybe try boxing? I know what you mean, I found that hobbies etc were not a direct way of dealing with the anger... mine isn't as bad as it was before and I think it was because I just accepted how angry I felt about it, I didn't try to run from it and I just let myself feel it.... so although it may seem like you are always angry, I think it eventually subsides, you just have to go through the crazy notions of it... I still get angry sometimes but probably not as bad as before. You're doing the right things I think, keep moving along and know that you will have better days 1
singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I know exactly how you feel! And I've done everything you have, minus the funeral thing lol. He's on my mind from the second I open my eyes in the morning, to the second I close them at night. I think to myself, that I lived 24 years without him so I can keep living now. But its so damn hard. The only advice I can give you is breathe in...breathe out. Take one day at a time and honestly I believe there will come a day when all of us can look back on our ex's and not hurt anymore. Hang in there! 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'll join this club Although my feelings are more of loss, lonliness, and sadness than those of anger. It's there. It's there all day. it's even there in my sleep. This week so far was worse than last...
js1967 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Hey man, if it helps, I got at my worst right before it started getting better. It got better fast. Hang tuff.
Author McGriff Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Js, Thanks for that. I feel like I am living Groundhog Day like bill Murray. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm right there with you all. I've done everything McGriff has tried (except the funeral, but hey if I thought it had any chance of working I'm desperate enough to try). My daughter has a voodoo doll, maybe I should try that, lol. I've also thrown in a hefty dose of downing a bottle of wine with friends while they tear down my ex, build me up, and talk me down from my crazy. That's something I guess men don't do, lol, but it does help, at least for a few hours. Today has been the worst day of the whole 6 weeks. It's like all my nerves are raw. It's unbearable. Plus it's starting to affect my life. I can't find an appetite to eat. I've lost 10 pounds. I didn't mind the first few - what woman doesn't feel good a few pounds under. I try to force myself to eat, but the will is just not there. I'm having trouble focusing. I get my work done, but I'm certainly not as productive as usual. My coworkers have joked that I seem a little off lately (less focused and not as cheerful, and just not as on top of things as usual). What sucks is I was feeling very strong yesterday How did that disappear overnight. It's a rollercoaster Just know that you aren't alone. Here we are mature adults, turned into crazy emotional wrecks, obsessively ruminating over this loss. Like I said another earlier, it's so different from grieving a death. Because this loss was intentionally inflicted on us. Plus they are still out there in the world, part of other people's lives but not ours. So there are so many other emotions thrown in there with the grieving. Its so painful and such a mess!!! Hang in there McGriff and the rest of us. People like to tell us to take it one day at a time. I'll be honest, it's more like hour by hour. Some days it is overwhelming to think of how many hours I have to get through to make it through this day. And then dammit, doesn't it start all over again the next day. Hugs to you all. Damsel in Distress 2
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ha ha, McGriff, I have to laugh when I saw that you said it feels like Groundhog Day. I made a very similar observation in the post I was writing at the same time. It's hell! I feel like I am living Groundhog Day like bill Murray. And then dammit, doesn't it start all over again the next day.
misswillow Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He is on my mind 24/7, literally. I think about him all day, and dream about him at night. In my dreams, we are always still together. And even if I have something to do at work that I have to focus on (which is difficult), he is still occupying most of the space in my mind. If I happen to forget him for a minute or two, it all comes crashing back. And we lived together, and I am still living here, so everything is a reminder, "Oh, that's the coffee mug he got me on vacation," "hmm, this is his measuring spoon." We went to the same gym, we took the train in together...I cannot get away from the reminders no matter what I do!!! 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 He is on my mind 24/7, literally. I think about him all day, and dream about him at night. In my dreams, we are always still together. And even if I have something to do at work that I have to focus on (which is difficult), he is still occupying most of the space in my mind. If I happen to forget him for a minute or two, it all comes crashing back. And we lived together, and I am still living here, so everything is a reminder, "Oh, that's the coffee mug he got me on vacation," "hmm, this is his measuring spoon." We went to the same gym, we took the train in together...I cannot get away from the reminders no matter what I do!!! Gosh, I hate that other people are in the same hell as me, but it is comforting to know I'm not the only one. I really like how you expressed it "he is still occupying most of the space in my mind" That's it, exactly.
TaraMaiden Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You could, of course, try to learn to live with it - half your problem is that you let it make you mad. if you just accepted her free tenancy with a bit of a shrug, and said - "oh, ok... you're still here..... Well, I have things to do - by all means stick around, but don't get in my way. Sit there and shut up." Maybe you'd find your days a lot easier. Don't waste so much energy fighting it. 2
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