cahoots Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 About a year ago exactly I was considering leaving my boyfriend over some issues. While we were talking it out he told me that he was going to ask me if he could move in soon. We ended up working it out, and after a little time I asked him when he would want to move in, and he told me a month or two. Then his brother moved in with him for awhile, so he put it off, then he was getting food stamps based off of his living situation so he put it off some more. I was totally understanding, but a little let down, just because I was excited. I started to notice that he seemed to be using the idea as a way to control and guilt me. We would have plans for him to move in in a month, then we would have a really bad fight, and he would tell me it was my fault, and it was a "setback" for the plans. He has used this "setback" excuse multiple times throughout the year. We kept talking about it, but he kept putting it off for various reasons. One month it would be that we argued too much, the next month it would be that he didn't like one of my roommates enough. I've really made it a point to work on the things about myself that he thought would create problems for cohabitation. I feel so exhausted from all of the stress and talk about it. Every time he says that he wants to do in a month or so and then backs out I start feeling so insecure. It doesnt make any sense. He was the one who brought it up initially, and has brought it up a few times over the past year. But it is always me who has to ask the questions- "Did you find somebody?" "Do we need a truck?" etc. He always gets so defensive whenever I ask him these very obvious questions as if im hounding him. I have tried calling it off just for my own sanity, because im sick of the mind games he seems to be playing with me. I love the idea of us living together, more convenient, cheaper rent, we are really happy together. He works a lot, so I know its hard for him to find time to get it done, but after a year im pretty sick of it. He always reassures me that he wants to do it and is excited, yet his actions say otherwise. We've been together for almost 3 years. Recently, Mid March, we had a fight over something unrelated. He told me that he was sick of talking about it, that he just wanted to be with me and he was going to move in immediately (im starting to notice a pattern here) I made him give me his word this time. Of course it didnt happen, he didnt find somebody to fill his room, no packing was done, etc. When he gave me his word I believed him and I planned to only pay my half of the rent this April. When I asked him if he had his share for April he said he found somebody but to give it another month. Because this has happened so many times it really hard for me to stay calm, and I told him he had lied to me. Then he got mad at me when I called him out on not keeping his word, making empty promises, and putting me in financial difficulty! He says he found somebody and its going to happen soon, but I know it would be smart to just not believe him. I really really want to, but I always get let down and its really starting to hurt. I am so sick of this game! Does anyone see where im coming from??? Thanks in advance for any advice.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I hope this guy just gets up and leaves you so that he can make it clear that he really isn't interested in moving in with you, it was a ploy to retain your interest and satisfy you...it was buying time. It's ridiculous that you even want to move in with the guy, the relationship is destructive and it's going to be even more of a disaster when he moves in, the fact that he doesn't live with you is the only thing keeping this relationship together since you have your own personal time and space...once he's in your face all the time and has to actually come home to you, he's going to flip out, treat you like dirt, neglect you and keep playing with your head because it's all about him...this is a one-sided relationship, you're just being the typical, desperate, emotional girl that doesn't want to let a bad thing go....the relationship sounds horribly unstable and unhappy, you're just trading all that in for a few times of happiness here and hoping that things will magically improve when you move in together...it's just going to be worse, this relationship should have been over a long time ago, I can tell he doesn't really want to be apart of it anymore it's just a matter of convenience for him, he doesn't want to let you go out of selfish reasons...but not because of anything more. 4
StarsOnFire Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It sounds like you see it for what it is. He's totally using it as a game, and that's not okay. He's hurting you with it at this point, and keeping you on an emotional roller coaster. He's breaking your trust and proving that you cannot rely on him. It needs to stop, I agree with MJ, stop bring it up. It's most likely not something that will happen anywhere in the near future. And if it is something important to you, then stop right here, and decide if you can be in a relationship where he's playing this game and the end result keeps proving to be him not moving in. Good luck
Treasa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Why do you want to be with this idiot? Tell him you've changed your mind and he can't move in anymore.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 A year of being mind f****ed by a guy and you keep hoping he'll follow through at some point? Instead of worrying about when he might move in, just move on. He disengaged from your relationship a long time ago. Forget about leading a horse to water. You're now trying to haul a dead horse to water with this relationship. No way it's drinking any of it. Just end it already.
mortensorchid Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I hope as of this writing you are not letting this guy move into your house. Nothing but disaster will unfold from this.
veggirl Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You should be thanking your lucky stars he hasn't moved in. I don't even know why you want him to, your relationship sounds pretty bad tbh. Him moving in will only make it more difficult to get out of this relationship. Obviously he isn't interested in moving in and he can't even be honest about it. Not to mention you go on about how much you guys fight....what is the appeal here again? 1
FitChick Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Get another roommate but don't tell him until after the fact. "Oh, I thought I told you." Then look for another boyfriend.
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