hurting, coping, living

[garfield1]

hi new to this but have been going through all the emotions for a year now. its funny how all of us are different but when going through a divorce we all have had the same things happen to us. first when it happens we are very much surprised like someone just hit us in the head with a baseball bat, than we start asking the usual questions, what did i do, what could i have done, what makes this other person better than me. why didnt they tell me they were unhappy yada, yada, yada. i was with my husband for twenty years, eight we lived together and twelve married. i worked outside the home, we used my money to pay bills and saved his. i cooked, cleaned, took out the trash, did the yard work, layed out his clothes in the morning for him to get out of the shower and get into, i catered his food and coffee to him. all he had to do was go sell some cars. well this is what he was doing when we split up. he went through some jobs during our life together, if he didnt like the job he moved on, or if someone made him mad he moved on. the last job he had before the split was a car salesmanager making a hundrend thousand a year, i made thirty thousand, he asked me to quit my job that he was able to take care of us finacialy he wanted me to take care of him and the house. so i agreed i finished paying off our loans and quit. two months after my quitting i found out that he had been seeing a very young girl of twenty two soon to be twenty three with a two year old daughter. he told me he was in love with her and she with him. he began staying out late with her coming home crawling in the bed with me and staying out weekends with her. this went on for three months until i told him get out. i threw him out on our anniversary. we texted each other for a few months after that i went to court got temporary alimony. he said some pretty nasty things to me after the court day. i didnt speak to him for a week. he text asked me if i was never going to talk to him again, apoligized for being such a jerk. so i talked to him. anyway the last thing he said to me is i love you but im not sexually attracted to you anymore. she is going to have my son which is due in june. and we are engaged. i know i am fourty eight years old and she is twenty four, and if she leaves me i will never come back to you we can be friends but that is all. well hell with that i love the man with all of my heart and i think that he is a damn fool for what he did to me. but now i wouldnt even take back the ass. for one thing his old ass has got her pregnant and if he thinks that the young thing is going to take care of his butt when he quits his job well he better think again. she does not work, has not worked since they caught the two of them at his job together. this has been a year, and she has posted on facebook that she is going to be a stay at home mommie. well good luck with that. i never was, i had two girls from a previous marriage, but could not have any with him, had some hard times with my last dilevery and was told i could not have any more. so maybe he wanted a child and he left me because of that. dont know. but anyway still haveing a hard time coping with it all and yea there is no answers to why, i know if i had a man who treated me the way i treated him there is no way i would ever let him go, or cheat. im glad i found this site. something to vent on LOL

[misswillow]

Oh gosh, that's a terrible story. I'm sorry you're going through all of this. There are a lot of people here also trying to cope with heartbreak, so reading others' threads and all the advice given is very helpful in my opinion. The best advice I'm sure anyone would give you is to have no contact with your ex (or as limited contact as possible if you need to contact him about the divorce, alimony, etc). And block anything you can find out about him and the new woman...his facebook, her facebook, etc. This is necessary for healing.

[Wickedgurl]

Wow. I am so sorry hon. My husband of 20 years just asked for a divorce too. Said I wasn't loving enough blah blah blah. I was a great wife. Why donthey do this? no girlfriend that I know of. But you are a strong, capable woman who has a great work ethic and will be just fine boot his ass out and make sure that your kids are taken care of financially! And dont take him back!! Let her support his freeloading butt and then see how "romantic" the whole thing is! Good luck and God bless