amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 So yesterday, my boyfriend of a year texted me while I was leaving his apartment and said he was planning on breaking up with me earlier when we were together, but he didnt have the energy. Naturally, I assumed he was kidding, but he went on further to say that he loves me but he can't be in a relationship. So, I decided to turn around and make him tell me to my face, he went on saying he was a bad boyfriend, he has two children so he wasn't sure how many more steps would could take to the next level, incapable of being in a relationship, and he sometimes wanted to be alone. He looked as if he felt guilty and said when telling me this, especially because I sobbed like a child the entire time. Once I left, I went back to his apartment to pick up my belongings he had left in front of his door. I texted him to tell him I couldn't take the things he bought for me, since the night before we had celebrated my birthday after I texted him that I asked if we could be friends, to which he responded, 'I just balled my eyes out and miss you already. I need time' I don't get it? How could he say all the previous stuff, then be like, oh by the way, while you cry tears of blood and hate every second of your life, I already miss you. Help? Advice?
Amelie1980 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 So yesterday, my boyfriend of a year texted me while I was leaving his apartment and said he was planning on breaking up with me earlier when we were together, but he didnt have the energy. Naturally, I assumed he was kidding, but he went on further to say that he loves me but he can't be in a relationship. So, I decided to turn around and make him tell me to my face, he went on saying he was a bad boyfriend, he has two children so he wasn't sure how many more steps would could take to the next level, incapable of being in a relationship, and he sometimes wanted to be alone. He looked as if he felt guilty and said when telling me this, especially because I sobbed like a child the entire time. Once I left, I went back to his apartment to pick up my belongings he had left in front of his door. I texted him to tell him I couldn't take the things he bought for me, since the night before we had celebrated my birthday after I texted him that I asked if we could be friends, to which he responded, 'I just balled my eyes out and miss you already. I need time' I don't get it? How could he say all the previous stuff, then be like, oh by the way, while you cry tears of blood and hate every second of your life, I already miss you. Help? Advice? is he under any stress or pressure?
Author amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Not that I'm aware of. He constantly would tell me throughout our relationship eventually he turns into the worst boyfriend and I should run. I feel like he thought he was doing me the favor.
Treasa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Not that I'm aware of. He constantly would tell me throughout our relationship eventually he turns into the worst boyfriend and I should run. I feel like he thought he was doing me the favor. When someone tells you that, BELIEVE THEM.
Author amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 When someone tells you that, BELIEVE THEM. He never showed signs of being an awful person, which I guess is why I didn't ever really consider it.
Author amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 What else needs to be said / pondered / questioned / etc? Goodbye... Says it all. I guess I'm just confused literally 15 minutes after he called it off with me, he told me he had cried his eyes out and already misses me. It's like a mind game.
Minneloa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I am sorry that this happened and that you are hurting. At this point, even though it's difficult, I would take the break-up at face value and ignore anything less than a full retraction and request for reconciliation. Many people on this site recommend cutting off contact with the dumper precisely because dealing with their emotions and so-called breadcrumbs is confusing and emotionally exhausting. As much as possible, focus on yourself and your own feelings right now, rather than on his. Sending good thoughts.
Author amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I am sorry that this happened and that you are hurting. At this point, even though it's difficult, I would take the break-up at face value and ignore anything less than a full retraction and request for reconciliation. Many people on this site recommend cutting off contact with the dumper precisely because dealing with their emotions and so-called breadcrumbs is confusing and emotionally exhausting. As much as possible, focus on yourself and your own feelings right now, rather than on his. Sending good thoughts. Thank you, that advice really just made me feel better and also opened up my eyes. Guess I need to suck it up and move forward. Without him.
geegirl Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I guess I'm just confused literally 15 minutes after he called it off with me, he told me he had cried his eyes out and already misses me. It's like a mind game. You have to understand that dumpers feel the loss of the attachment as well. He's not mechanical in that he said it's over and then he's running through a field of flowers. He misses that attachment as well, because you have been together for a year. That level of comfort and familiarity is there. However, his feelings, his needs and wants, his commitment to the relationship/you isn't running deep enough for him to go the extra mile. 1
Minneloa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm glad I could help a little. This forum is a good place to come to vent or just be reminded that you are not alone in grieving the loss of a relationship. You can learn a lot from reading about other people's experiences, and once you feel sturdier, you can reach out and "pay it forward" if you wish. I am rooting for you! M.
Author amandameow Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I'm glad I could help a little. This forum is a good place to come to vent or just be reminded that you are not alone in grieving the loss of a relationship. You can learn a lot from reading about other people's experiences, and once you feel sturdier, you can reach out and "pay it forward" if you wish. I am rooting for you! M. It really means a lot. I can't exactly talk to family or friends about my breakup because they just hate him at this point, everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. So, its nice getting feedback, especially positive, and helpful advice.
Minneloa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There is a lot of positive support here, mixed with quite a bit of "tough love." But the tough love usually comes from a place of genuine concern. 1
Recommended Posts