iKING Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 according to this test mine are Physical Touch -- 9 Words of Affirmation -- 8 Quality Time -- 6 Receiving Gifts -- 4 Acts of Service -- 3 Definitely conforms to my experience. The top 3 were the 3 I scored 8-10 on as well. 10 was touch, 9 affirmation, 8 quality time. The bottom two were like 2 and 4. I thought the very same. 1
stillafool Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I appreciate all the advice. Him and I had a talk this morning, and he sad that since I show him so much affection it's not special anymore. He just feels like we don't have to be affectionate all the time to know we love each other. My weakness is showing my love way too much because I have always been that way. I told him I am going to give him his space and show less affection all the time. I did tell him that I crave the affection from him though, and it kills me when I don't get it. He said that he would show it more if I didn't show it so much. So I guess I love way to much and show too much affection? Never thought anyone would ever complain about that. I understand that our relationship has gone very fast, but we can't change the past, we can only improve it for the future. I asked him if he thinks he should go back to his house for awhile and he said no he wants to stay with me, he just needs space. So that is that. So basically you are willing to put aside your needs to fulfill his. If you are an affectionate person who craves affection you should be with a man who is affectionate. You can bury your desires but they will surface and then what? You're left wanting. He is very selfish. I agree with Tresa, you should move on as this guy has told you he isn't going to change. 3
Author Lovemycowboy Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 5Words of Affirmation 9Quality Time 1Receiving Gifts 4Acts of Service 11Physical Touch
iKING Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 5Words of Affirmation 9Quality Time 1Receiving Gifts 4Acts of Service 11Physical Touch Ah, your boyfriend seems to be lower in the first and last, and higher in the second from the bottom.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 1. Tell him to gather his stuff and take it out, because he doesn't live with you. 2. Go out at night and go to the gym, take a class, volunteer, whatever. It'll give you something to do, and chances are, you'll make friends. 3. Be ok with being alone. If you can't do that, you're going to be extremely dependent on others, which isn't fun. 4. Stop showing him so much affection, YOU set the pace (slow), and if he doesn't shape up, lose him. There you go. Four easy steps. These sound good, but he's the one taking it slower than her, and since she's going along with it, he's actually leading, and her following.. There is no unspoken law demanding that the female always sets the pace, it takes two to do that tango, fast or slow, and if there's no synchronicity toes will be stepped on. Now, she WANTS the guy to move "faster", but they barely know each other for even three months. I can be affectionate, but, c'mon, your average person is not going to say "I love you" after three months of knowing someone, I can't imagine truly being comfortable with saying that in such a short span of time, you barely know the person. For instance, my sister THOUGHT she LOVED every guy she was with for 2-4 years at a time and got pregnant with a guy she barely knew. Now THIS guy is "the one"... C'mon, now, we're not *all* that stupid, are we? It's a fickle word. Word vomit, often gushing out of the mouths of clingy, emotionally dependent folks in particular, like fire hydrants in the winter, it's best to avoid them, but hard to know what you're getting into until you realize you're walking on black ice. Not saying OP fits that descript, but you never know for sure, so it's best to play the devil's advocate.. Either way, perhaps OP needs to be totally honest and direct with the guy. If she truly feels that he doesn't just need time to become comfortable, and/or she's not willing to be patient enough because she DOESN'T *love* this person as she says, then she'll have to tell him to shape up or ship out. BUT since he has no relationship experience, maybe he just needs a slight nudging here or there? I don't believe that's normal behavior for anyone in their first relationship, but maybe he's particularly anxious or nervous about intimacy? He got this far with her, she obviously likes him, perhaps she should make sure the problem doesn't lie with him? Maybe it's something that can easily be dealt with, with a simple reassuring talk? Maybe he's afraid of becoming attached to someone who he barely knows? I don't know, but she needs to communicate with him if she wants to be with him, she needs to speak up and clear the air.
Treasa Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 These sound good, but he's the one taking it slower than her, and since she's going along with it, he's actually leading, and her following.. There is no unspoken law demanding that the female always sets the pace, it takes two to do that tango, fast or slow, and if there's no synchronicity toes will be stepped on. What I mean by that is that some men will go really fast at the beginning, and then burn out. If a woman goes along with that, she might be heartbroken when he suddenly pulls back because he needs space or he's (unknowingly) testing her to see how much freedom she'll give him. I still have to shake my head, because this guy is calling ALL the shots, and she's acquiescing, and I just couldn't do that. I wouldn't ask him, "Do you think you should start staying at your house more?" and then do what he says. I would tell him, "No, you're right. We need space. You need to start sleeping at your own place. You don't live here." And then hand him a box with his stuff in it.
ScreamingTrees Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) What I mean by that is that some men will go really fast at the beginning, and then burn out. If a woman goes along with that, she might be heartbroken when he suddenly pulls back because he needs space or he's (unknowingly) testing her to see how much freedom she'll give him. I still have to shake my head, because this guy is calling ALL the shots, and she's acquiescing, and I just couldn't do that. I wouldn't ask him, "Do you think you should start staying at your house more?" and then do what he says. I would tell him, "No, you're right. We need space. You need to start sleeping at your own place. You don't live here." And then hand him a box with his stuff in it. Sure, I can see your point, but she allowed him into her home, honestly. He couldn't force her with his words or by force, she had to willingly allow him to stay there so many nights in a row, and he just went along with it for whatever reason. Yes, guys can be like that, but she said that she's been taking things a lot faster than this guy. He didn't start off hot and go cold, he sort of flat lined from the get-go and while there's a minor spike here and there at semi-regular intervals, it's pretty dead. That's what I've gathered from her OP. I'm just saying she might know the guy better than us, and if she thinks there's a good chance that it's something that can change, a phase or something mentally holding him back, then she should talk to him about it. If he's just lazy or selfish naturally, she'll have to decide on her own. He isn't going to just admit to such labels or even sincerely believe he fits them in the first place. If not, then she definitely should get rid of the guy, but it sounds like she really likes him. Perhaps he isn't as bad as it sounds? I don't know, it's hard to fully understand the situation when you're getting a single perspective over the internet.. Took that test. Maybe I shouldn't talk smack about clingy touchy feely people. Jeez.. 12 - Quality time 8 - Physical touch 4 - Acts of service 4 - Words of affirmation 0 - Receiving Gifts Edited March 28, 2013 by ScreamingTrees
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