Falium Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 After almost 4 years of relationship, my GF suddenly left me, telling me that she still loves me and giving some vague and unclear reason about the breakup. She jumped into a new relationship 3 days after our breakup and, from what I've heard from her friends, she practically just continued with him where we left off. That's not normal and I understand it's a rebound. She still wants to have me around, telling me that we can still be friends even though we love each other, but it pains me to be around her while she dates another guy. I told her yesterday that we will not talk or hang out and that I will give her some "peace without me" for her to understand how does she feel about me - if she wants me as a partner to tell me that, or if she doesn't, may she have good luck. Was my decision bad? As I said, I know she loves me and I am deeply in love with her, we wanted to get engaged before the breakup, and I'm kinda desperate to get her back. Should I stick around her as a friend, wait for her to see that the guy she's with is not me, or should I let her be, create a distance between us and make her realize that, hoping she will have the guts to say "I'm sorry for what I've done"? I know that this RS of hers won't last long, she just needs to realize that, and I need to become my former self in that time.
Waz Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Lol, "friends with ex right after the break up". That's so ridiculous imho Let's see. She left you for some reason (for someone else, or/and because of you etc. it really doesn't matter) and she still wants you around. You told her that you can't hang out with her. And you are wondering if you should be her friend etc., but you already answered this question - it pains you knowing that she is dating another guy. So what's your question? Look, at least for now you have nothing to do with her. Nothing at all. You want/ed a relationship with her, she doesn't, but still wants you around. We can't have it all. If i were you, i would distance myself. If you want to be your former self, you need to remember how life was without this relationship. So, you need to detach from this girl emotionally. For that, NC sounds like a great start. If you accomplish that, then you will be ok once again and you could think more clearly if it's ok to give it another shot. And still, if reconciliation doesn't happen, you will be fine with that, knowing that you are not attached to this girl anymore. So, you decide. There's nothing you have to do. If she wants you, she will let you know clearly without any hidden messages or mixed feelings, no doubt about that. PS: I think, that the way you told her all these stuff about the situation, were not so good. The way you said this, gives the impression that you will be always available to her, until she finally decides what she wants. In other words "take your time (days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries), i will be always here for you, you can make anything you want and when you decide if you still want to be with me, then fine". That's what you said. It's too convenient for her. Don't do that dude, it's bad for you.
Author Falium Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Thanks mate, but that's kinda who I am and who I always was. I believe that if something good happens in your life, you should stick to it and fight for it until you draw your last breath. It all depends on how good that was for you of course. I mean, she changed my life entirely, and all for the best. I did the same to her (her own words and the her sister/parents/friends words). We kinda completed each other, and I'm not really willing to just let it slide. I am a person who always questions his choices, that's why I asked if that was a good idea. As I said earlier, I'm not willing or ready to let her go. But in reality, if she really didn't want to have anything with me anymore, why would she wear my shirts, my ring I gave her, have all our pictures all around her PC and FB aswell as the stuff I gave her around her room? She even holds the present for valentines' day she wanted to give me (we broke up 2 days prior to that) saying that she might give it to me one day. Despite that, she told me a few times that she doesn't want to be with me in a RS atm, and who knows what might happen later, with or without each other. Kinda sending two different messages to me, so I'm still wondering if I made the right choice by creating a distance between us. It's a double-edged sword. That way, she might realize she misses me and wants me back at some point, but she lacks my support and my presence for her in tough times she is going through right now. But yeah, I need to focus on myself right now, at my current state, I wouldn't even date myself, let alone her or anyone else haha xD
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