SparklingCherry Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm on a dating site and I have it clearyly posted that I do not want children, I'm a 30 year old female and have never had a maternal urge. However I constantly get men who have want children listed on their profile messaging me. So to be polite i reply saying that we will not be a match. I think long term goals especially the question of having children are a deal breaker, but when I respond with we are not a match and explain why. They all say I don't really want children or i don't want them now but will wait (they can wait forever i'm not changing my mind). So my question is, do men not really think about the wanting kids option on a dating profile?
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 They're probably messaging you because they think you're good looking and figure you'll change your mind. If they're not a match don't respond. I'd prefer no response over a "sorry not interested" response personally.
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm generally open to the idea. If a woman wants kids, I would go for no more than 2 tops. Any more than that is an automatic deal-breaker. If a woman prefer not to have kids, that is fine too. After what I went through at this point, having no kids doesn't sound like a bad thing at all. Not to mention the massive costs needed to take care of them. It's just a matter of finding them though. I'm sure I am a rarity among males in the 20s.
Poppy fields Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 They probably just put that in their profiles thinking it would look good for women, but they don't really care. They are probably not looking for something long term so your desire to not have children is a non issue.
Author SparklingCherry Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Well I don't message everyone with rejections, but the same person might send me 4 or 5 messages so I do end up sending them a reply if I don't think we will work. I just think yes or no are strong answers and if people are undecided then thats what they should put there! Probably looking into this too much anyway! But thanks for your responses
sabre80 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The problem is most dating sites lack a finer detailed answer. Often times when it comes to it there is only a couple choices. Want or not want. There is no in between. I am completely indifferent. If I was with someone who wanted kids I would have no problem having a couple more kids. If I was with a woman who wanted no kids I could be completely content and happy in life with no more. I generally put I want more kids because most women want kids. So for the purposes of numbers its a better choice but I will message a woman who wants no more kids. The other problem comes in from weather or not you have kids. I cannot tell you how many nasty replies I got because I had the gall to message a woman who stated she did not want kids. Come on! It's fine if you don't no need to be rude. The problem is often times its ambiguous as to weather they do not want kids because they do not want child birth but would have no problem with mine, or they just outright do not want kids.
FitChick Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I agree that most websites need to be clearer with options. Should be: Have kids, want more of my own Don't have kids, want my own Have kids, don't want more Have kids, don't care if you have them Don't have kids, don't want them Don't have kids, ok if you have them if they don't live with you Don't have kids, ok if they live with you part time. Now you know why they don't get more specific! Just state it clearly in the main body of your profile. If you really don't want kids, say you had a vasectomy or had your tubes tied. Or that you prefer fur babies to human ones. Or you like kids but couldn't eat a whole one. 2
sabre80 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Or you like kids but couldn't eat a whole one. I'm rolling in my cube right now. You made my day!
Krieger Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm on a dating site and I have it clearyly posted that I do not want children, I'm a 30 year old female and have never had a maternal urge. However I constantly get men who have want children listed on their profile messaging me. So to be polite i reply saying that we will not be a match. I think long term goals especially the question of having children are a deal breaker, but when I respond with we are not a match and explain why. They all say I don't really want children or i don't want them now but will wait (they can wait forever i'm not changing my mind). So my question is, do men not really think about the wanting kids option on a dating profile? I want kids and will pass on woman that do not want kids . I think it is great the your up front about not wanting kids . I am 29 btw so me dating a girl that does not want kids does not work for me. good luck there are guys that do not want kids so go find them good luck .
amy12 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I agree, I think people freak out when you say you don't want kids, like you hate the world or something. Sometimes I forget to clarify....I don't want to get pregnant and give birth, but if he has kids or wants to adopt that's fine with me. As long as he's willing to be a real father and spend time with them. I've had those moments of disappointment that I didn't have them...I can't say I have an intense longing for kids either, but I'm very much on board if he does.
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