starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 These days, especially in big cities many people don't want relationships period it doesn't matter how amazing the person they are dating is. Timing is really important. A lot of girls on the other hand will say that if someone doesn't want a relationship it means they just don't like YOU.
CryForNoOne Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If you are in a big city and in the active singles scene, I think in most cases what those girls are saying is accurate. I know tons of girls in FWB relationships with guys. I'm in one myself. I'm fairly certain, just like me, all those guys are waiting for something better to come along.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yes and no. Some guys are just not looking to settle down anytime soon...therefore their net is cast wide and they have FWB with women they wouldn't necessarily have relationships with. How amazing you see yourself, is likely not the same as what the man is seeing unfortunately, so remember that it is subjective...he's not expecting amazing either typically, just good enough for now...so keeping that in mind, he might not have been with you in the first place if he was actually looking for something serious, he might have dated someone he felt met that "standard" for himself...if he could actually attain that. And a man's "success" can make him quite demanding. Desirable/successful men can be very picky and know exactly what they want for a relationship typically...but if that's not their end goal, they do not pursue that. At other times, the woman is remarkable, but the man is in such a place and had his mind made already that he isn't going to be in the emotional and mental state that would lead to a relationship....however this is not as common as mentioned above. A woman of that "caliber" he's going to be more careful with, maybe even keep her at a distance or not "date" at all, yet...that might be something he doesn't want to "ruin", so he'll keep her at an arms distance. I think mostly many men currently (at least desirable men) realize they can have their cake and eat it too....why commit? why get into a relationship? there are plenty of options...why not pursue your career, have your own time and space and still get what you want without having to be tied down/committed? what are the perks of being in a relationship anyway (from a mans point of view, not woman's)? why are most women so eager to get into relationships so quickly? Women have become educated, self-sufficient and independent, they are no longer reliant on men, therefore the "family unit" or committed relationship is becoming less necessary...culture/society (at least in the big cities, not the fart boonies) is becoming more and more lax and men and women are more and more acting as separate entities and appreciate their own space....less and less important is it to get married, buy a house and have babies just to fit in the norm. Men still do it, they're just typically pushing that back farther and farther nowadays...as long as they can, having as much "fun" and independence as they can. And women are pretty much conforming nicely to this package...they need men, they need their attention and affection, even their validation...so they pretty much have to accept the fact that this is the way it is for a lot of the guys they desire...a FWB even if they desire a relationship, and if you want to walk away or go...chances are the guy is just going to let you. Sure he might stick around and drop a phone call every blue moon or stay in touch, tell how you how special you are and all of that...but when push comes to shove, or put your money where your mouth is...that guy is going to step up the plate...he's not looking to swing, or even to hit a home-run. Most of these guys start to worry/panic as they start getting older...then they feel a sense of urgency, once they feel like they've had their fun and are looking for someone to settle down with (this is happening with women many women late 20's as they feel their youth is floating away) but for men they can settle down and have kids anytime, so they can always shoot for younger women....after all they can't impregnate themselves...and have a family, they do want a wife and all of that...just typically not now. Of course this is just one group of guys in particular....a lot of guys are looking to settle down and have a relationship, and most women know what those kinds of guys are like and honestly usually have passed them already...they're just too busy chasing the unavailable guy, the guy who doesn't want a relationship "right now". 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 These days, especially in big cities many people don't want relationships period it doesn't matter how amazing the person they are dating is. Timing is really important. A lot of girls on the other hand will say that if someone doesn't want a relationship it means they just don't like YOU. Starla, I am of the firm opinion that any man will want the relationship if a woman is amazing enough. There is no such thing as not ready/not want one. Don't beleive that for a second.
Emilia Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 A lot of girls on the other hand will say that if someone doesn't want a relationship it means they just don't like YOU. I agree with Ninja that it's a mixture. The surest way to find out is by getting under his skin and see how he reacts. You have to know how to do that though.
SomewhatExperienced Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm a guy and I can say that I'm looking for a relationship BUT I've been in enough relationships to know what I need for a successful relationship for me. I date women now who I'm attracted to and enjoy being with and maybe five years ago when I had a less experience I would of considered them relationship material. Now, I'm wiser and know that they're not quite what I need but that doesn't mean I don't want to hang out and get to know them. We can still have a positive dating experience and care about each other but not end up in a committed relationship. I resent the above posters reply about looking for someone of a better caliber because it's not neccessarily a better or worse issue, but simply a different issue.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I live in NYC where there is a surplus of women. There are alot of beautiful women in NYC too. There are few men in their 20's who want relationships. Average men can get dates with hot women left and right and I followed a few blogs about average looking men with dating troubles who moved to NYC and got 3 dates a week (not doing online dating either). Not many men would settle down in this scenario unless the girl is drop dead gorgeous model type. I have several friends who could never get an actual boyfriend like me who moved away and got a boyfriend within 6 months where they live (Midwest, south, Northeast). I have heard of places where its the opposite, where theres a surplus of men, and women become insanely picky there who they end up with and take their time committing. Sometimes not wanting a relationship is about the fact they dont like you enough. Most of the time Id say what that is if you live in a normal area. In some geographic areas though, its more than that.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If you are in a big city and in the active singles scene, I think in most cases what those girls are saying is accurate. I know tons of girls in FWB relationships with guys. I'm in one myself. I'm fairly certain, just like me, all those guys are waiting for something better to come along. Ive followed your posts. I feel sorry for any woman who dates you. You sound incredibly shallow, picky and high maintainence. You have very high standards and have no qualms about using women until you find a woman with high standards that will settle for you, and in the next sentence start saying how youre such a nice guy who genuinely cares for other people. Remember your post about your FWB and how you treat her awful and say mean things to her on purpose during pillow talk to get a message across, then in the next sentence talk about "women are stupid for letting their male FWB degrade them." Actually your posts show alot more about YOUR character than the women's character. All I can say towards you is WOW...
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 These days, especially in big cities many people don't want relationships period it doesn't matter how amazing the person they are dating is. Timing is really important. A lot of girls on the other hand will say that if someone doesn't want a relationship it means they just don't like YOU. The majority of males in their 20s don't want a relationship, in a sense, that will lead to marriage one day. That is true. They are having way too much fun partying and having casual sex to throw it all away so quickly just for one person. I disagree with your second statement. The males in question do like you. They just don't like you enough to actually marry you one day. They like you but they also wants to keep their currently lifestyle of partying as well. The thought of it never even crossed their minds. In other words: They look at you as a friend with benefits kind of person at best.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) Starla, I am of the firm opinion that any man will want the relationship if a woman is amazing enough. There is no such thing as not ready/not want one. Don't beleive that for a second. Guess what, doll.....I don't want one. I don't care if Wonder Woman, Halle Barry and Sheryl Crow all go into the lab, meld their amazing genetic material into a super egg, and then it gets fertilized by Tom Brady and creates the most perfect, sexy, creative, intelligent, interesting woman of all time who has millions in the bank and homes in amazing vacation destinations. I'll hang out and kick it, for sure. You want to start putting expectations on me? Uhhhhh....yeah. Gotta go. Women and money....I've spent my whole life staring them down and having them blink first. Not about to jump in that boat again. Edited March 26, 2013 by Barnacle-Bob
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Guess what, doll.....I don't want one. I don't care if Wonder Woman, Halle Barry and Sheryl Crow all go into the lab, meld their amazing genetic material into a super egg, and then it gets fertilized by Tom Brady and creates the most perfect, sexy, creative, intelligent, interesting woman of all time who has millions in the bank and homes in amazing vacation destinations. I'll hang out and kick it, for sure. You want to start putting expectations on me? Uhhhhh....yeah. Gotta go. Women and money....I've spent my whole life staring them down and having them blink first. Not about to jump in that boat again. I think you mean Joe Flacco.
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I think you mean Joe Flacco. I wonder if Joe Flacco even has an attractive wife. If not, I'm sure he will get one soon with that fat contract he got.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I wonder if Joe Flacco even has an attractive wife. If not, I'm sure he will get one soon with that fat contract he got. She's cute. She's really tiny though. At least she looks that way next to Joe.
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I live in NYC where there is a surplus of women. There are alot of beautiful women in NYC too. There are few men in their 20's who want relationships. Average men can get dates with hot women left and right and I followed a few blogs about average looking men with dating troubles who moved to NYC and got 3 dates a week (not doing online dating either). Not many men would settle down in this scenario unless the girl is drop dead gorgeous model type. I have several friends who could never get an actual boyfriend like me who moved away and got a boyfriend within 6 months where they live (Midwest, south, Northeast). I have heard of places where its the opposite, where theres a surplus of men, and women become insanely picky there who they end up with and take their time committing. Sometimes not wanting a relationship is about the fact they dont like you enough. Most of the time Id say what that is if you live in a normal area. In some geographic areas though, its more than that. My city at this point is considered just as bad as NYC for girls getting any sort of commitment from a guy so maybe I should move
Imajerk17 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Hey weren't you the girl who wrote a guy off after a good first date (good according to YOUR words) because the day after he actually sent you a text before you answered his last text? You are also the girl who according to your threads, keeps making the same mistakes--putting out for guys who make no effort for you. You've been acknowledging yourself how that wasn't really working for you but you seem to keep on doing it anyway. My point is that SOME of you women are at least partially responsible for your lot in life at least when it comes to being single. Just as the guys who say how hard it is for a woman to give them a chance tend to just not put themselves out there, you women who are struggling in finding a relationship are making horrible choices as to whom you get involved with. 1
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Hey weren't you the girl who wrote a guy off after a good first date (good according to YOUR words) because the day after he actually sent you a text before you answered his last text? You are also the girl who according to your threads, keeps making the same mistakes--putting out for guys who make no effort for you. You've been acknowledging yourself how that wasn't really working for you but you seem to keep on doing it anyway. My point is that SOME of you women are at least partially responsible for your lot in life at least when it comes to being single. Just as the guys who say how hard it is for a woman to give them a chance tend to just not put themselves out there, you women who are struggling in finding a relationship are making horrible choices as to whom you get involved with. I wrote him off because he was desperate or came off that way. Give me a break you were not there you didn't hear about his psycho ex gfs (which also made him sound desperate) ON A FIRST DATE. One of which wanted to have a 3some with him, but he was too scared the other girl would steal her away. COME ON all of this combined just screamed issues, insecurity and desperation
carhill Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 These days, especially in big cities many people don't want relationships period it doesn't matter how amazing the person they are dating is. Timing is really important. A lot of girls on the other hand will say that if someone doesn't want a relationship it means they just don't like YOU. If the demand side (meaning demographic majority) exhibits relationship abhorrence, IMO that is more reflective of their personal philosophy of the moment. If the supply side (meaning in demand) exhibits same, it's more likely *you* versus a generalized abhorrence. A demographic can be generalized as to distribution, meaning, as example, someone saying 'NYC has a lot more women than men', or specific, like 'among the top/bottom x% of our socio-economic strata, men and women are distributed thusly', based on publicly available information. For examples I draw upon a lifetime of rejections/successes and the results in a consistent demographic, meaning I've lived in the same place for over 5 decades and know it pretty well. My experiences would likely be completely different in a different demographic, whether general or specific. Hence, YMMV as to results.
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 If the demand side (meaning demographic majority) exhibits relationship abhorrence, IMO that is more reflective of their personal philosophy of the moment. If the supply side (meaning in demand) exhibits same, it's more likely *you* versus a generalized abhorrence. A demographic can be generalized as to distribution, meaning, as example, someone saying 'NYC has a lot more women than men', or specific, like 'among the top/bottom x% of our socio-economic strata, men and women are distributed thusly', based on publicly available information. For examples I draw upon a lifetime of rejections/successes and the results in a consistent demographic, meaning I've lived in the same place for over 5 decades and know it pretty well. My experiences would likely be completely different in a different demographic, whether general or specific. Hence, YMMV as to results. Yep. If I lived anywhere else I would probably be married by now with 2 kids, but that is not how it is here. People play the field forever it seems and people keep moving here because they know its a slutty city where guys are sleeping with at least 3 different girls a week.
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yep. If I lived anywhere else I would probably be married by now with 2 kids, but that is not how it is here. People play the field forever it seems and people keep moving here because they know its a slutty city where guys are sleeping with at least 3 different girls a week. If I go there, I'm doing so in the hopes that I can find a woman worth being with. All the more reason to keep my desire to actually go to these cities one day.
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 If I go there, I'm doing so in the hopes that I can find a woman worth being with. All the more reason to keep my desire to actually go to these cities one day. There are plenty of women here that don't want a relationship either and are just sleeping around. I think it was rated the sluttiest city not too long ago.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There are plenty of women here that don't want a relationship either and are just sleeping around. I think it was rated the sluttiest city not too long ago. Somebody actually ranks this?
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Somebody actually ranks this? Yep, there was also an article about it in the paper how the median # for people in the city is around (32 people slept with)....and that's the rounded up middle number....
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There are plenty of women here that don't want a relationship either and are just sleeping around. I think it was rated the sluttiest city not too long ago. Those should be easy to pick out then. After all, the thing they want the most is sex and they want it ASAP, right? I'm not giving it up that easily. Fortunately for them, there is a ton of other males that would be cool with that.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Men want relationships but we want it with women who are relationship material. With the state of marriage these days it pays to be very picky and careful and you shouldn't commit to somebody who might potentially ruin your life a few years down the road.
Author starla33 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Men want relationships but we want it with women who are relationship material. With the state of marriage these days it pays to be very picky and careful and you shouldn't commit to somebody who might potentially ruin your life a few years down the road. i was not even talking about marriage, I'm talking just commiting to sleeping with one person instead of multiple.
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