ltjg45 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Sorry... liar? It's hard to back up the "I can rock her world" part when the OP hasn't even see what a vagina is with his own two eyes let alone has any experience what to do with it. Confidence is one thing. Arrogance, esp. when you was never tested, is another.
aeren944 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 Yes, and I understand that the OP does not want to engage in pre-marital sex. That was the only expression I could come up with at the time, but what I meant was, "I would be a good thing for that girl." I'm not talking about arrogance. Confidence is believing you can do something, arrogance is assuming you can do something. If you believe you can attract a girl, that would be confidence. If you merely assume you can attract a girl, that's arrogance... at least, in my humble opinion.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 It's dangerous because you're assuming it's true, and therefore accepting it as fact. One of the most attractive parts of anyone is confidence, especially guys. Anything that eats at your confidence will NOT help you get dates. I'm a normal guy, not always attractive. I certainly don't have women attracted to me just from my looks. However, the confidence is what's attracted the girls I've been with. If you want to go the friend route, that's fine. It's much easier, and takes a lot less work, but the payoff isn't as good, in my opinion. Doesn't sound like you need more friends, however. Like I said much earlier in this thread, you gotta break your brain. All that bull**** about not being attractive, or being flawed in some way is just the stuff coming out of your own brain. Set that aside, and be confident. KNOW that there's a girl that will be attracted to you, just due to the sheer number of women. It does take work, and time, though. This entire post, but the bolded especially. Just assume she's attracted to you. Literally, go up to every girl thinking "wow, what a lucky girl!" It works well, almost too well actually. You'll get to the point where if a girl doesn't like you, you'll wonder what's wrong with her. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I should ask my parents and most of my relatives this... For some bizarre reason, they married the first person they had a real relationship with and they managed to figure it out together. 48 years later... they are still pretty darned happy... Crazy I know.. Working things out? Struggling together? WTF is that?! TBH, I think 'dating'... at least how it is done today, does more damage than good. Doesn't teach people much of anything valuable I can see... Teaches them how to treat others as disposable. Come on, now. This is 2013. Nobody wants to actually put work into things. When something gets difficult or boring, they just get rid of it and get something new. In this case, this "something" is a person/relationship/marriage.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 OP, here's a blueprint to how you will get a girl. Follow it 100% and you will find someone: 1) Stop whining 2) Start approaching 3) Assume the girl wants you 4) Act accordingly 5) Rinse and repeat If you do all of that, you'll find a girl for sure. If you don't, you'll have to wait til you get "lucky," which may or may not ever happen.
Author Necris Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 I think we may have found part of the problem. This conclusion is wrong. Sorry, it just is. Everyone, not only women, subconsciously weighs how confident you are. We're all doing it in this thread. And potential mates do it even more. I'm coming to the point where I'm starting to see that you only believe what you've taught yourself... which is all well and good, except that you, yourself, said you were a failure at dating. I don't think any of us are going to change your mind because you are absolutely convinced of the notions you've programmed into your head. I think that's the most of your problem. Think of this scenario you have 2 women who want to be with you, one of them isn't as good-looking but very confident, the other is better-looking but she doesn't seem as confident (she's not depressed acting or telling everyone she's a failure but you can sense she's not ultra confident) who are you going to choose in reality? In my own personal experience my confidence hasn't really changed how attractive I am, for example not too long ago I was rejected by a girl I met I was so sure she liked me and at the time my confidence was feeling super high, overconfident even, but when I asked her out for a date she shocked me with an immediate rejection. Also when I go on my rare date the fact that a girl would even go out with me is a major confidence boost so I'm usually feeling confident throughout the date and yet still rejected. Other times my confidence is low, usually though if its too low I don't even bother to approach. Anyway with low confidence I'm rejected as well, but I managed to get a date with no confidence, like in the story I told earlier with the girl saying she supported Nazis and had man on man gay sex fantasies and enjoys reading about women getting raped and almost yelling this in a restaurant I took her to, making this more embarrassing and uncomfortable (I was being way too much of a nice guy at that point I should have bailed but I didn't know what to do at the time). I wasn't confident at all when I asked her out and I was shocked she said yes. Unfortunatately I came to regret my decision (what was I thinking anyway? she wasn't even attractive, I guess I thought we'd have something in common since we both are gamers) when she decided to troll me like that, I mean she wasn't acting/talking that crazy at first but all of a sudden she goes out with me and acts like that? Seems like she didn't won't to go out with me in the first place and just wanted to troll someone. Then again I shouldn't have been too surprised I have had someone agree to go out with me and give me a fake phone number. Not sure why people like to do stuff like that though. As for why I believe I'm a failure at dating, its because the results say so. I'm the type of guy who cares about results if my results improve my stance on how good I am at dating will improve as well. Though right now I'm wondering why am I even trying to date in the first place.
Author Necris Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 I should ask my parents and most of my relatives this... For some bizarre reason, they married the first person they had a real relationship with and they managed to figure it out together. 48 years later... they are still pretty darned happy... Crazy I know.. Working things out? Struggling together? WTF is that?! TBH, I think 'dating'... at least how it is done today, does more damage than good. Doesn't teach people much of anything valuable I can see... Teaches them how to treat others as disposable. I agree dating doesn't seem to really teach anything useful, I think people do dating because its the regular thing to do in our culture, but I can't see really what good it teaches.
aeren944 Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 I see. I'm a little confused though. You say, "the fact that a girl would even go out with me is a major confidence boost so I'm usually feeling confident throughout the date and yet still rejected." What do you mean you're still rejected? I thought you weren't out for pre-marital sex? In what respect are you rejected?
Author Necris Posted March 30, 2013 Author Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) I see. I'm a little confused though. You say, "the fact that a girl would even go out with me is a major confidence boost so I'm usually feeling confident throughout the date and yet still rejected." What do you mean you're still rejected? I thought you weren't out for pre-marital sex? In what respect are you rejected? I never get a 2nd date. And she fades away from my life, this gives me that feeling of rejection. Though she most likely just wasn't interested in the first place, nothing I can tell goes wrong, they say they had a good time, and then *poof*. And you bring up a good point with the pointlessness of dating. Why am I dating in the first place if there really isn't a goal? For some people the end goal is sex, but I don't want that. I'm not really looking to start a family right now. I guess I want to have a relationship so I can have some sort of companionship. And even then I wouldn't know what to do with her even if there was a relationship. This is an important topic that I need to ask myself about, what am I doing here? Edited March 30, 2013 by Necris
Poppy fields Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 (edited) I never get a 2nd date. And she fades away from my life, this gives me that feeling of rejection. Though she most likely just wasn't interested in the first place, nothing I can tell goes wrong, they say they had a good time, and then *poof*. And you bring up a good point with the pointlessness of dating. Why am I dating in the first place if there really isn't a goal? For some people the end goal is sex, but I don't want that. I'm not really looking to start a family right now. I guess I want to have a relationship so I can have some sort of companionship. And even then I wouldn't know what to do with her even if there was a relationship. This is an important topic that I need to ask myself about, what am I doing here? What do you mean you would not know what to do even if there was a relationship that formed? Do you mean day to day things ? How you would keep things interesting? Why do you think this if you have never gotten to that place? You might surprise yourself. Edited March 30, 2013 by Poppy fields
Pompeii Posted March 30, 2013 Posted March 30, 2013 what would be the difference between a close friendship with a female and a non-sexual BF/GF relationship? I mean what would I even do if I had a girlfriend? There is no difference. If you're not experiencing some type of intimacy with a woman (usually physical), you might as well be friends. That's why I refer to sexless spouses as "roommates for the sake of convenience".
Mumbles Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 And you bring up a good point with the pointlessness of dating. Why am I dating in the first place if there really isn't a goal? For some people the end goal is sex, but I don't want that. I'm not really looking to start a family right now. I guess I want to have a relationship so I can have some sort of companionship. And even then I wouldn't know what to do with her even if there was a relationship. This is an important topic that I need to ask myself about, what am I doing here? I can't really relate guy, I'm strongly driven towards wanting sex with ladies and out of that desire along with the actuality of having sex with them I gain (or suffer ... one or the other) my fair share of pair bonding hormonal injection to my brain. Once dosed up, in my little piece of the continuum I'm good, and wanting to be with your girl flows pretty naturally. Frankly, sitting on a beach lounger next to my lady love and doing nothing is enough for me ... and a far better experience than doing the same but alone. Being alone is something I've done at different stages and for prolonged periods sometimes, but it can get a bit cold out there. My point in even posting? Are you sure you haven't brainwashed yourself into your current situation?
Author Necris Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 I can't really relate guy, I'm strongly driven towards wanting sex with ladies and out of that desire along with the actuality of having sex with them I gain (or suffer ... one or the other) my fair share of pair bonding hormonal injection to my brain. Once dosed up, in my little piece of the continuum I'm good, and wanting to be with your girl flows pretty naturally. Frankly, sitting on a beach lounger next to my lady love and doing nothing is enough for me ... and a far better experience than doing the same but alone. Being alone is something I've done at different stages and for prolonged periods sometimes, but it can get a bit cold out there. My point in even posting? Are you sure you haven't brainwashed yourself into your current situation? By current situation you mean the loneliness? No, I'm pretty sure I didn't brainwash myself to be incapable of attracting women, that part just comes naturally for me. As for wondering if this is all even worth it that came from just simple observations I made about my life and the world around me. Though I'm not quitting on dating, but I'm not going to focus on it.
Mumbles Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 By current situation you mean the loneliness? No, I'm pretty sure I didn't brainwash myself to be incapable of attracting women, that part just comes naturally for me. My apologies, I didn't actually mean that. I was referring to what I had thought were your own musings on "what is the point"? My point then, is that the "point" of having a lady love, for me, is primarily sex. But from that physical experience flows a heap of other feel good stuff. I've posted elsewhere about my situation and many of the reasons that have brought me to a bit of a mid life epiphany (yeah right, I'm not alone here huh? The classic mid life crises I'm sure) The result is that if I want a lady in my life I find a way to make it so. You can to, there is no excuse except you're own imposed barriers and viewpoint on life and the world. Thats not meant to be glib - PM me if you want to get into it - or join one of my threads elswhere. As for wondering if this is all even worth it that came from just simple observations I made about my life and the world around me. Though I'm not quitting on dating, but I'm not going to focus on it. I'm at a different stage of life to you. Hedonism is my goal and focus right now. All other activities feed that goal. You are younger and this may well not work for you. It really does come down to what you want. Why would you want to date? Why wouldn't you? What is it that you hope to gain from either answer to that question? Do you want a lady in your life? Before you say "yes", I'd like to know why. What do you want from her? Be honest as its the only way.
Noproblem Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 I'm not really looking to any relationships, love or anything else I just wanna have a great future, I will work hard for than I'm mainly here because I like to help people and of course spend some time
Recommended Posts