Estate Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Dates feel like a waste of time and unenjoyable because they go nowhere, and I have to spend alot of energy making sure everything goes well. Regardless of what I do for a date it won't be fun for me, unless I'm playing videogames at my house or something for a date:lmao:, Good god! :lmao:
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Quite an interesting take on dating, isn't it? Necris, I'm hoping you're being somewhat facetious and just venting your frustration here. My advice: pick things that you wanted to do or experience anyway. Then, it won't seem like a complete waste of time if things don't pan out. For many things I do as dates, I would have gone with friends to the same place if it hasn't come up as a date suggestion. For example, I'm going to a concert next week on a date. Originally, I had planned to go with a bunch of friends. Movies (and concerts) aren't good first date ideas btw.
Art_Critic Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I have noticed however everyone else in this thread seems to be believe that it isn't pointless. including yourself If you really believed it was pointless you wouldn't have posted this thread, your time will come Necris. As far as points to relationships.. I think they have been covered pretty well in the posts above me. 1
lovelyde Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 What I'm saying is if you're not looking to start a family what are you really getting out of dating? If you're like me and you aren't even looking for sex (I don't believe in per-marital sex), and you're rejected 100% of the time, no woman ever seems attracted to you, and those rare handful of dates you've ever been on only end up with you wasting money, time, and energy as you are rejected time and time again, really what are you getting out of this? Is it really worth it? To me dating isn't even fun. Instead of spending time, energy and money on dating, you should just focus on flirting with the girl you want online and see how the girl responds. If it seems like she's getting hotter and hotter for you, then you know where it's going. -
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 including yourself If you really believed it was pointless you wouldn't have posted this thread, your time will come Necris. I agree. I've said this before, Necris. You'll meet someone. Most people struggle at some point. Patience and persistence. It will happen.
AD1980 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 (edited) I think people who dont go through it dont realize how unfun the whole process can be when youve had nothing but rejection People who say its "fun" are people who can easily get dates and attract people for those of us who never can its more a nightmare then fun the whole process Theyre's nothing fun about constantly being reminded youre not attractive enough for women in fact its gut wrenching and hurts your soul Edited March 29, 2013 by AD1980
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I think people who dont go through it dont realize how unfun the whole process can be when youve had nothing but rejection People who say its "fun" are people who can easily get dates and attract people for those of us who never can its more a nightmare then fun the whole process Theyre's nothing fun about constantly being reminded youre not attractive enough for women in fact its gut wrenching and hurts your soul Perhaps, then, it's time to grow some thicker skin. I don't think it's just people that easily get dates that say it's fun. When you find someone you click with, it's fun. I'm not an easy dater, meaning I don't go on dates a ton, but I've had a few relationships in the past and they were fun. Just because some woman isn't attracted to you doesn't mean you're unattractive and it shouldn't hurt your soul. It's just a woman. There's millions of them, you know?
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Perhaps, then, it's time to grow some thicker skin. I don't think it's just people that easily get dates that say it's fun. When you find someone you click with, it's fun. I'm not an easy dater, meaning I don't go on dates a ton, but I've had a few relationships in the past and they were fun. Just because some woman isn't attracted to you doesn't mean you're unattractive and it shouldn't hurt your soul. It's just a woman. There's millions of them, you know? It does begin to hurt a little when in your entire life you've never had a woman attracted to you, the common denominator is you, so its actually reasonable that perhaps you truly aren't attractive to women in general. As for "clicking" with someone, I never really experienced that as well, then again I haven't had any relationships with women beyond just being friends and even then I never really "clicked" with them.
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Again, Necris, it appears to me that you draw quick conclusions on things. That's not a put down at all, but it's an observance you may want to recognize. I realize I don't know you on a personal level at all, so I can't verify if women find you attractive or whatever. I DO, however, think it's dangerous to assume that absolutely no women has ever been attracted to you. I'm not too surprised you haven't clicked with someone, because I know it's difficult. However, I do think you may be shooting yourself in the foot in this whole dating thing if you approach it thinking you are less than anyone because you've had failures. I've had failures, too, but it's important to learn from them. What have you learned from them? Why does it seem like you'll never, ever get a woman?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 He gets dates. Just not often. Necris, some women were sufficiently intrigued to agree to a first date. Figure out what you might want to do differently to have things progress beyond a first date. Should you pick different women to ask out? (I have to tell ya, Ms. man-on-man action was fairly immature. So was the woman who dragged along a friend.) Is it how you behave on the date? Is it your interactions leading up to the date? Lots to consider. Let me ask you this, how is a date different than just going with a buddy? What are you doing differently in those two situations?
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Again, Necris, it appears to me that you draw quick conclusions on things. That's not a put down at all, but it's an observance you may want to recognize. I realize I don't know you on a personal level at all, so I can't verify if women find you attractive or whatever. I DO, however, think it's dangerous to assume that absolutely no women has ever been attracted to you. I'm not too surprised you haven't clicked with someone, because I know it's difficult. However, I do think you may be shooting yourself in the foot in this whole dating thing if you approach it thinking you are less than anyone because you've had failures. I've had failures, too, but it's important to learn from them. What have you learned from them? Why does it seem like you'll never, ever get a woman? Why would it be dangerous? If women have been attracted to me they are pros at hiding it, I don't believe I'm ignoring any signs of interest since I get none, my standards aren't high so I'm not ignoring women that I'm not really attracted to, honestly I actually have a problem with thinking just a woman being friendly with me is a sign of interest (it never is), but I guess I do that out of desperation and friendliness isn't all that common. Really I learn very little if anything from rejection its not like I am told why I'm rejected though we all know it really boils down to her physical attraction towards me, though then again when I think about it what am I doing anyway I probably shouldn't be trying to date anyway, a sexless relationship is probably close to friendship so maybe I'm going about this the wrong way and should be trying to get female friends instead.
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 It's dangerous because you're assuming it's true, and therefore accepting it as fact. One of the most attractive parts of anyone is confidence, especially guys. Anything that eats at your confidence will NOT help you get dates. I'm a normal guy, not always attractive. I certainly don't have women attracted to me just from my looks. However, the confidence is what's attracted the girls I've been with. If you want to go the friend route, that's fine. It's much easier, and takes a lot less work, but the payoff isn't as good, in my opinion. Doesn't sound like you need more friends, however. Like I said much earlier in this thread, you gotta break your brain. All that bull**** about not being attractive, or being flawed in some way is just the stuff coming out of your own brain. Set that aside, and be confident. KNOW that there's a girl that will be attracted to you, just due to the sheer number of women. It does take work, and time, though. 2
lovelyde Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Why would it be dangerous? If women have been attracted to me they are pros at hiding it, I don't believe I'm ignoring any signs of interest since I get none, my standards aren't high so I'm not ignoring women that I'm not really attracted to, honestly I actually have a problem with thinking just a woman being friendly with me is a sign of interest (it never is), but I guess I do that out of desperation and friendliness isn't all that common. Really I learn very little if anything from rejection its not like I am told why I'm rejected though we all know it really boils down to her physical attraction towards me, though then again when I think about it what am I doing anyway I probably shouldn't be trying to date anyway, a sexless relationship is probably close to friendship so maybe I'm going about this the wrong way and should be trying to get female friends instead. I agree that you should work on getting female friends first. I know a couple guys who ended up marrying their female friend's girl friend. Also being friends first allows you to get to know each other and socialize. Are girls pros at hiding their feelings? I think so. Because when I see a guy I liked I'd freeze up and even walk away. Because if he were in my face, how I felt about him would be too obvious. So I'd walk away and candidly check up on him afterwards, then later on if he had an online account by carefully "brushing" by. Yeah, girls are pros at hiding their interest. Same as guys. -
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Look at it this way: If you get rejected, instead of saying to yourself, "I expected that. I guess I'm the one who's flawed." You have to say to yourself, "Damn, I feel sorry for her. I could've rocked her world..." Or whatever. Take yourself out of the role as the victim, and become the prize. I understand if it feel weird, or feels like a lie. I went thru all of that, too. But, the more you do it, the more you'll see evidence to believe it. 1
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 I agree that you should work on getting female friends first. I know a couple guys who ended up marrying their female friend's girl friend. Also being friends first allows you to get to know each other and socialize. Are girls pros at hiding their feelings? I think so. Because when I see a guy I liked I'd freeze up and even walk away. Because if he were in my face, how I felt about him would be too obvious. So I'd walk away and candidly check up on him afterwards, then later on if he had an online account by carefully "brushing" by. Yeah, girls are pros at hiding their interest. Same as guys. - That doesn't exactly strike me as pro material, freezing up, blushing, walking away, trying to check on the guy afterwards, looking him up online, etc. sounds like you are being overly shy and passive but its not exactly hard to notice. When I say pro at hiding their feelings I mean you see and feel absolutely nothing from them. Which most likely means they are not pros at hiding their feelings they just feel nothing for you.
Pompeii Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 This entire thread sounds like a giant buffer. If women threw themselves at Necris, we wouldn't be having this "discussion".
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 It's dangerous because you're assuming it's true, and therefore accepting it as fact. One of the most attractive parts of anyone is confidence, especially guys. Anything that eats at your confidence will NOT help you get dates. I'm a normal guy, not always attractive. I certainly don't have women attracted to me just from my looks. However, the confidence is what's attracted the girls I've been with. If you want to go the friend route, that's fine. It's much easier, and takes a lot less work, but the payoff isn't as good, in my opinion. Doesn't sound like you need more friends, however. Like I said much earlier in this thread, you gotta break your brain. All that bull**** about not being attractive, or being flawed in some way is just the stuff coming out of your own brain. Set that aside, and be confident. KNOW that there's a girl that will be attracted to you, just due to the sheer number of women. It does take work, and time, though. Confidence isn't going to attract women, regardless of how confident I feel at the time when approaching them the result is always the same. Now if you're the kind of guy who always tells the people around you about how much of a failure you are, you always appear depressed, you never defend yourself or even try to take care of yourself then yeah you probably want to be more confident even if you are physically attractive that kind of behavior would make women think of you as less of a man. Now if you are a more normal guy the only real effect confidence would have on your dating life is that with increased confidence you'll be more likely to approach women you are attracted to and generally try riskier things, which is good but your confidence for most people won't be playing a huge part of how attractive they perceive you. I highly doubt the women you approach are mentally weighing how confident you are unless you are acting like you are afraid of them. More important than confidence I think is charisma (the art of knowing exactly what to say, when, where, and how) or "swagger". Charisma is also useful besides in dating in other areas politicians, lawyers, and successful business men generally have alot of charisma. As for a woman somewhere on this planet possibly being attracted to me if I met her, that's likely, unfortunately again like I said if no woman has ever been attracted to me in my life that I've met the likelihood of bumping into that person is very very low. Now maybe when I'm 40 I'll bump into a woman who's interested in me but I don't think I'd want to be with a divorced older heavier woman who has miles of baggage and been used and abused by countless men throughout her life. As for being friends with women there really is no payoff, besides female company I'm not saying be friends with them so I can somehow get into her life and maybe she'll find me attractive or maybe she'll introduce me to women that may find me attractive, since that's unlikely. I mean just be friends for the sake of being friends.
lovelyde Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 That doesn't exactly strike me as pro material, freezing up, blushing, walking away, trying to check on the guy afterwards, looking him up online, etc. sounds like you are being overly shy and passive but its not exactly hard to notice. When I say pro at hiding their feelings I mean you see and feel absolutely nothing from them. Which most likely means they are not pros at hiding their feelings they just feel nothing for you. You're going in circles. I'm beginning to think you're just too lazy to try. Well, you can play video games all day. Stay home. Don't get married until you reach age 53 or never get married. But I'm not sure if your parents like that idea. If they do, all the power to you. We support the celibate gamers. Someone's gotta be the.warrior monk. You'd be a good candidate as a male nun! Celibacy! Yay! -
RedRobin Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 This + EXPERIENCE. How do you think you're gonna handle your future wife if you've never had a relationship before to see what works and what doesn't..... I should ask my parents and most of my relatives this... For some bizarre reason, they married the first person they had a real relationship with and they managed to figure it out together. 48 years later... they are still pretty darned happy... Crazy I know.. Working things out? Struggling together? WTF is that?! TBH, I think 'dating'... at least how it is done today, does more damage than good. Doesn't teach people much of anything valuable I can see... Teaches them how to treat others as disposable. 1
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 This entire thread sounds like a giant buffer. If women threw themselves at Necris, we wouldn't be having this "discussion". I probably won't be on Love Shack to begin with so most likely this thread won't be here at all. But if you aren't trying to start a family, you aren't going to be having sex then I guess the goal would be to have companionship. Now if tons of women just wanted to be with me a new challenge appears but a more favorable challenge than the one I have currently, I would have to try to sift through a ton of women who want to be with me (my standards would probably be alot higher) to find someone who's truly right for me so alot of disappointing pointless dates as I try to find someone who's a trustworthy moral person (most people really aren't that good of people imo) who I connect with and can have fun with (nonsexual ways of course:D). But then again the question of what's the point comes in as well, I know I'm inexperienced in this, but what would be the difference between a close friendship with a female and a non-sexual BF/GF relationship? I mean what would I even do if I had a girlfriend?
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Now if you are a more normal guy the only real effect confidence would have on your dating life is that with increased confidence you'll be more likely to approach women you are attracted to and generally try riskier things, which is good but your confidence for most people won't be playing a huge part of how attractive they perceive you. I highly doubt the women you approach are mentally weighing how confident you are unless you are acting like you are afraid of them. I think we may have found part of the problem. This conclusion is wrong. Sorry, it just is. Everyone, not only women, subconsciously weighs how confident you are. We're all doing it in this thread. And potential mates do it even more. I'm coming to the point where I'm starting to see that you only believe what you've taught yourself... which is all well and good, except that you, yourself, said you were a failure at dating. I don't think any of us are going to change your mind because you are absolutely convinced of the notions you've programmed into your head. I think that's the most of your problem.
aeren944 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I probably won't be on Love Shack to begin with so most likely this thread won't be here at all. But if you aren't trying to start a family, you aren't going to be having sex then I guess the goal would be to have companionship. Now if tons of women just wanted to be with me a new challenge appears but a more favorable challenge than the one I have currently, I would have to try to sift through a ton of women who want to be with me (my standards would probably be alot higher) to find someone who's truly right for me so alot of disappointing pointless dates as I try to find someone who's a trustworthy moral person (most people really aren't that good of people imo) who I connect with and can have fun with (nonsexual ways of course:D). But then again the question of what's the point comes in as well, I know I'm inexperienced in this, but what would be the difference between a close friendship with a female and a non-sexual BF/GF relationship? I mean what would I even do if I had a girlfriend? Kiss her! On the lips!
ltjg45 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 If you get rejected, instead of saying to yourself, "I expected that. I guess I'm the one who's flawed." You have to say to yourself, "Damn, I feel sorry for her. I could've rocked her world..." Or whatever. Whoa. Watch it. It's hard as hell for a virgin to actually say those words and is capable of backing it up if given the opportunity. If there is one thing worse than being a coward, it's being a liar.
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