Author Necris Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 So, I noticed you doubt yourself a lot, and you draw quick conclusions, as if you already know the answers to these suggestions. "I highly doubt I'll ever get married anytime in the forseeable future." You're very good at setting up these "prophesies" so you can fulfill them. I'm not a female, but just from my experience with women, this is NOT sexy or desirable. Women don't want someone who has already made up his mind about possibilities due to failure. Women also don't want someone who gets used to failure. That guy that gets the girls as he's spitting his tobacco into his water bottle? He does not have prophesies to fill. Break your brain. Seriously. Allow yourself to open up again, and try again. You're right, you don't HAVE to. You can get through life without it, if you want, but if you wanted to, I don't think you would've come here and posted. But you gotta try again, period. Break those prophesies... break that brain. Try again. My doubts don't scare away women, they aren't psychic plus they never get to know me long enough to even know really anything about me at all, most of the time I'm rejected way before I even get a single date, and even if I do date, I've never been on a second date. My doubts come from real experience and since in my experience I've never met a woman interested in me, never had a girlfriend, completely a virgin, etc. so its not unreasonable to come to the conclusions that I have. As for learning from my failures, see this could be possible if I had some successes as well but that's not the case, also I'm usually rejected way before even a 1st date and if I do get a date I never get a 2nd one nor do I ever get an explanation for the rejection, so there's not much to learn there. And when you think about it there isn't much to learn anyway dating isn't a test with right or wrong answers. Also really when I think about it even if I did somehow get a relationship most likely it won't end up all that good anyway. So the time, money, and energy spent won't be worth it even in the long run. Also the relationship would have to be sexless as well as I can't have premarital sex, which may cause problems for some people.
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Also really when I think about it even if I did somehow get a relationship most likely it won't end up all that good anyway. So the time, money, and energy spent won't be worth it even in the long run. Also the relationship would have to be sexless as well as I can't have premarital sex, which may cause problems for some people. With the right girl, you will want premarital sex. You will want to impregnate her with your child right away. You won't be able to wait because you'll be so eager for her. -
Author Necris Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 With the right girl, you will want premarital sex. You will want to impregnate her with your child right away. You won't be able to wait because you'll be so eager for her. - I'm sorry, but it sounds like you've been reading too many of those porn "romance" novels. Anyway I was pointing out even if I did find a girl, most likely things won't be as good as you think, the likelihood of meeting the "right" girl is statistically extremely low, and that's for normal people, for people like myself the chances only get lower. Now I do agree meeting the "right person" could make your life "better" I guess, but what are the chances?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Just try being more positive and seeing what happens. You're probably showing more of your negativity than you think.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Assuming you are not interested in starting a family right now as of this moment what point does dating/relationships and sex serve? Many people need to be with someone... I'm probably not one of them but at least I understand that it's "normal." But after further thinking I also realized even if I did somehow get a girlfriend that probably won't make my life any better. Now I realize that I've never had a girlfriend in my life before but from what I've seen, heard, and read I don't see much benefit in it, and in my case I do not believe in pre-marital sex as its against my religious beliefs. Plus she'll most likely leave me anyway to be with some other guy. Yes she probably will since you are so negative. See how that works? And I'd re-evaluate your stance on pre-marital sex. I used to believe that BS but now I just believe that sex should be with someone you truly care about / love. You'd really sign your life away to your mate without having sex first? Without even knowing if you are sexually compatible? That's insanity. It's not 2000 BC anymore.
Mumbles Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 TBH, and trying to directly respond to the initial question: My motivator for wanting a relationship that is (presumably) monogamous is going to be sex (note though, that I am not actually pursuing an LTR right now) I already have lady friends who I can confide in, stay the night (in a separate bedroom - platonic), cuddle whilst watching a movie, go on real world adventures, etc, etc. I love this, no pressure, no games, just great friends doing friend stuff. I highly recommend having platonic lady friends - they will widen your circle of other lady friends too, and somewhere in that wide circle will be Ms Right waiting to meet you. But back to the thing; if we're to go a step further, then its got to be about sex, otherwise why are we going there? To have a monogamous relationship with a lady but not sleep with her just seems to defeat the purpose - why not just stay in the great friends category until someone wants more? I'm older though, and post divorce, so the idea of two virgins marrying each other for love doesn't apply to me. In the meantime, as a short scan of my other posts will quickly reveal, I have other interests so the above works fine for me.
BitterSweet2k Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 it's one of those philosophical questions and it basically all boils down to: it's pointless. Life and the parts of it serve no "greater purpose" by itself. It all depends on your wants, needs and dreams. These are individual. You claim you don't see a purpose in relationships and sex. Others see no purpose in being alone so they keep looking. They either want a loose bonding and have sex with changing partners, or look and find "the one" partner to share your life with in all aspects and so on. Some are looking for a successful professional career, earn a lot of money, have power over others, others just want their family with 2 kids. Sports, games... the pursuit of happiness 3
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I'm sorry, but it sounds like you've been reading too many of those porn "romance" novels. Anyway I was pointing out even if I did find a girl, most likely things won't be as good as you think, the likelihood of meeting the "right" girl is statistically extremely low, and that's for normal people, for people like myself the chances only get lower. Now I do agree meeting the "right person" could make your life "better" I guess, but what are the chances? The chances are quite huge. All you gotta do is masterbate around all the chicks you find attractive, then that one chick that brings you to a nice deep emotion orgasm in the state of happiness is the chick who's your soulmate. Then go out into the real world, find that chick and start flirting with her. She will start to have sexual feelings for you and soon enough you'll be in bed orgasming with each other. Usually this is the chick you can see yourself having fun with for the rest of your life. And you'll be holding her in your arms forever. -
Object_a Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 The chances are quite huge. All you gotta do is masterbate around all the chicks you find attractive, then that one chick that brings you to a nice deep emotion orgasm in the state of happiness is the chick who's your soulmate. LOL, really? 1
Author Necris Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) The chances are quite huge. All you gotta do is masterbate around all the chicks you find attractive, then that one chick that brings you to a nice deep emotion orgasm in the state of happiness is the chick who's your soulmate. LOL:lmao: At first I wasn't sure if you were joking, but now I know you're joking, however the ridiculousness of the scenario did put a smile on my face, bravo. Anyway I think we can all agree the chances are astronomically low for me at least, and mostly pointless. Edited March 27, 2013 by Necris
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 When I was just dating "for fun" it was for multiple reasons. 1. It is fun. 2. You can't know what you want until you see whats out there. Besides, you never know, the next person you date could always be the person you end up marrying.
carhill Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Anyway why do you do it? Cuts down on the number of tables required in the restaurant. 1
PJKino Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I kinda feel the same way though its probably just a defense mechanism so i dont get suicidal from not being able to attract women my whole life
lovelyde Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Except Ms. Right exists for you mostly just for sex. Guys that go into relationships primarily for sex I stay far away from. Sex is important, Id never be in a relationship without it, but its not the end all be all. I dont get into relationships just so I can get a steady stream of sex. That sounds unfulfilling Sex is what keeps everything together. The foundation is sex. However, you only feel sexually hot for one man in your life. This is the man you will drop everything in your life just to make hot love with him. All the other guys are just commodities, accessories or walking ATM machines that make you feel comfortable. You start a family with them for the lifestyle of being pampered, as a long term guy friend, or for supplemental income but not for the man himself in the state of permanent orgasm. Many marriages these days are fake and materialistic. -
Author Necris Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Except Ms. Right exists for you mostly just for sex. Guys that go into relationships primarily for sex I stay far away from. Sex is important, Id never be in a relationship without it, but its not the end all be all. I dont get into relationships just so I can get a steady stream of sex. That sounds unfulfilling Most emotionally healthy girls with self esteem will not be cool with you constantly spending the night at female friends houses and cuddling while watching a movie with them...so I hope you are ready to give that up for a relationship thatll exist primarily for sex I think what he was saying is that if you are going to have sexless relationships with women anyway, why not just be friends. I think that's what I should be doing instead, women aren't attracted to me at all in the slightest fashion but I am a nice guy so being friends with women isn't really all that more difficult than being friends with guys, plus like I said I can't have premarital sex, and its highly unlikely I'll get married in the forseeable future anyway since again women aren't attracted to me. So just trying to have friendships with women is probably for the best. Though it does make things awkward if you're friends with a girl that has a boyfriend or married. Unfortunately the only close female friend I had was way back in Elementary school I haven't had really any close female friends since then (I have and have had a few female friends just not close friends), then again I don't have really many close friends to begin with. Now I do agree people shouldn't have relationships just for sex, imagine marrying your wife and the sole reason was to just have sex with her, that marriage won't last long. Also the whole cuddling your lady friends thing sounds a bit much, a little bit beyond friendly, if I'm not mistaken cuddling is somewhat sexual so his lady friends must be extremely comfortable around him. Edited March 27, 2013 by Necris
GravityMan Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 what point is there in dating/relationships/sex? - While everyone is unique, nearly all humans are wired to want sex, companionship and love in their lives. It is human nature. We are a social species. - It is fun. If dating, sex, etc. is not fun for you, then you may be with the wrong person. When a good match comes along...many aspects of dating tend to be a lot easier. There's some compromise and work, but not too much. Both you and her are comfortable with just being yourselves around each other. - There is a sense of security in knowing that there's someone else there for you when you're going through tough times. - Experience. For some things in life, including dating/r-ships/sex, the ONLY way you can truly learn how to do them is by experiencing them yourself. Putting your feet in the "fire". Trial and error; learning from your mistakes. There is no textbook or no self-help Youtube video that is an adequate substitute to direct exposure. You learn more about yourself and what you really want and don't want. The best time to gain this experience is between the ages of 15 and 25, while your brain is still developing and you're not yet dead-set in your ways.
Estate Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Assuming you are not interested in starting a family right now as of this moment what point does dating/relationships and sex serve? After thinking about it I realized how pointless my pursuit of these things really are, though for me I don't actually have any successes so the pointlessness comes from the amount of time, money, and energy wasted on trivial pursuits as I'll be rejected anyway as always, and the experience isn't all that fun or much of a beneficial learning experience as well, and does nothing to really advance me further in life as I could be concentrating on more important pursuits. But after further thinking I also realized even if I did somehow get a girlfriend that probably won't make my life any better. Now I realize that I've never had a girlfriend in my life before but from what I've seen, heard, and read I don't see much benefit in it, and in my case I do not believe in pre-marital sex as its against my religious beliefs. Plus she'll most likely leave me anyway to be with some other guy. Anyway why do you do it? You're right, we should all just stay home, watch bad tv, eat crap and never venture into the world. Can't believe I didn't see it until now... what's the point in anything really? None, no point doing anything, lets all do nothing with our lives, ever... it's so much easier.
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 You're right, we should all just stay home, watch bad tv, eat crap and never venture into the world. Can't believe I didn't see it until now... what's the point in anything really? None, no point doing anything, lets all do nothing with our lives, ever... it's so much easier. What I'm saying is if you're not looking to start a family what are you really getting out of dating? If you're like me and you aren't even looking for sex (I don't believe in per-marital sex), and you're rejected 100% of the time, no woman ever seems attracted to you, and those rare handful of dates you've ever been on only end up with you wasting money, time, and energy as you are rejected time and time again, really what are you getting out of this? Is it really worth it? To me dating isn't even fun.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 What I'm saying is if you're not looking to start a family what are you really getting out of dating? If you're like me and you aren't even looking for sex (I don't believe in per-marital sex), and you're rejected 100% of the time, no woman ever seems attracted to you, and those rare handful of dates you've ever been on only end up with you wasting money, time, and energy as you are rejected time and time again, really what are you getting out of this? Is it really worth it? To me dating isn't even fun. Why do you think you get rejected?
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Why do you think you get rejected? Not really sure. Probably physical, since I'm usually rejected way before I ever have a date. While I can be friends with women, women simply aren't attracted to me in the slightest fashion, I don't believe I've really ever met a woman attracted to me. I've only been on a handful of dates and unfortunately never been on a 2nd date. I can't really think of anything I'm doing wrong on the dates and afterwards she always seems happy and she will usually tell me that she had a nice time, but after that they will always do the "fade away" thing. I probably also lack charisma, I just don't have that certain skill with words.
Pompeii Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 What I'm saying is if you're not looking to start a family what are you really getting out of dating? If you're like me and you aren't even looking for sex (I don't believe in per-marital sex), and you're rejected 100% of the time, no woman ever seems attracted to you, and those rare handful of dates you've ever been on only end up with you wasting money, time, and energy as you are rejected time and time again, really what are you getting out of this? Is it really worth it? To me dating isn't even fun. I personally don't see the point in dating if you're not going to have sex, unless you're getting married like a year later.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I personally don't see the point in dating if you're not going to have sex, unless you're getting married like a year later. OP, I didn't know that you don't believe in pre-marital sex. I think that's your biggest roadblock. This is 2013. No woman will stick around if you don't have sex with them.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Except Ms. Right exists for you mostly just for sex. Guys that go into relationships primarily for sex I stay far away from. Sex is important, Id never be in a relationship without it, but its not the end all be all. I dont get into relationships just so I can get a steady stream of sex. That sounds unfulfilling Most emotionally healthy girls with self esteem will not be cool with you constantly spending the night at female friends houses and cuddling while watching a movie with them...so I hope you are ready to give that up for a relationship thatll exist primarily for sex LOL you're a girl. You could have a steady stream of sex whenever you want.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Sorry, but I doubt that not banging someone during a first date is the problem here. Besides, there are women who share the OP's views on pre-marital sex. Necris, rather than planning crappy dates that even you describe as a waste of time and thoroughly unenjoyable, perhaps plan something worthwhile and fun. Pick dating ideas and venues that allow you to develop a connection with the person. Maybe then some of your dates will respond afterwards instead of disappearing into oblivion because one bad date was more than enough. Stop expecting failure and not even bothering to try. Learn to approach your dates when you get them with optimism and enthusiasm. Nothing kills interest faster than negativity and the expectation of failure. Just stop it!
Author Necris Posted March 29, 2013 Author Posted March 29, 2013 Sorry, but I doubt that not banging someone during a first date is the problem here. Besides, there are women who share the OP's views on pre-marital sex. Necris, rather than planning crappy dates that even you describe as a waste of time and thoroughly unenjoyable, perhaps plan something worthwhile and fun. Pick dating ideas and venues that allow you to develop a connection with the person. Maybe then some of your dates will respond afterwards instead of disappearing into oblivion because one bad date was more than enough. Stop expecting failure and not even bothering to try. Learn to approach your dates when you get them with optimism and enthusiasm. Nothing kills interest faster than negativity and the expectation of failure. Just stop it! Dates feel like a waste of time and unenjoyable because they go nowhere, and I have to spend alot of energy making sure everything goes well. Regardless of what I do for a date it won't be fun for me, unless I'm playing videogames at my house or something for a date:lmao:, and even then that would be draining as I'll have to think about what she thinks about me as I make sure she's properly entertained. Honestly I don't think the places or activities on the date are bad (dinner, movies, you know the regular), and conversation isn't a problem for me, honestly the women most likely weren't interested from the get go. Now the worst date I had the girl I took out to dinner just seemed crazy it started off nice we were talking about interests and somehow this led to her discussing her man on man sex fantasies and her trying to insinuate I'm gay, her love of rape stories including randomly yelling out rape, her support of Nazi Germany and why she believes America should of allied with them, and all of this said in a voice that can be heard tables over. Also I never go into a date with a negative attitude, dates are so incredibly rare for me its already a substantial accomplishment to actually get a single date so I come in pretty positive, though I am disappointed afterwards when the inevitable happens.
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