Necris Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Assuming you are not interested in starting a family right now as of this moment what point does dating/relationships and sex serve? After thinking about it I realized how pointless my pursuit of these things really are, though for me I don't actually have any successes so the pointlessness comes from the amount of time, money, and energy wasted on trivial pursuits as I'll be rejected anyway as always, and the experience isn't all that fun or much of a beneficial learning experience as well, and does nothing to really advance me further in life as I could be concentrating on more important pursuits. But after further thinking I also realized even if I did somehow get a girlfriend that probably won't make my life any better. Now I realize that I've never had a girlfriend in my life before but from what I've seen, heard, and read I don't see much benefit in it, and in my case I do not believe in pre-marital sex as its against my religious beliefs. Plus she'll most likely leave me anyway to be with some other guy. Anyway why do you do it?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Companionship, fun, stimulation, sexual pleasure, cheap thrills, deep connection, excitement, comfort, sharing, support. There's more, too. 12
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There is no point in dating. When the right girl comes along, you will know. There is a point in making sure the girl you love feels loved by you of course. She likes you but may be afraid that you're out of her league, or she may be too insecure and shy to approach you. If you ever had a "love at first sight" moment, that's the woman you want to be chasing. Because you do fall in love with your mirror reflection. And she's a mirror reflection of you at the core. So there's no chance of rejection from her. Just keep pursuing her until she gets the hint that you like her, most likely she'll respond positively as she secretly likes you, then go in to claim her. -
Author Necris Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 She likes you but may be afraid that you're out of her league, or she may be too insecure and shy to approach you. If you ever had a "love at first sight" moment, that's the woman you want to be chasing. Because you do fall in love with your mirror reflection. And she's a mirror reflection of you at the core. So there's no chance of rejection from her. Just keep pursuing her until she gets the hint that you like her, most likely she'll respond positively as she secretly likes you, then go in to claim her. - Yeah.... definitely not my experience. Though I have thought I experienced the whole "love at first sight" thing, I still feel foolish for being so optimistic. I knew this girl she seemed nice we became friendly and I felt this strange feeling about her stronger than any other girl I met so I decided to ask her out for a date I could tell I shocked her with this and unfortunately she shocked me (too much confidence isn't good it makes the inevitable rejection hurt more as it comes in as a shock) with her rejecting me, and our budding friendship died as she became uncomfortable with me and she eventually just faded out of my life. Love at first sight is nothing more than just a feeling of lust, the whole saying doesn't even make sense when you think about it, how could you truly love someone that you don't really even know. 3
sillyanswer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Anyway why do you do it? I like having someone to warm up the bed before I get in. 2
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 "Love at first sight" meaning she struck a cord with you and most likely you're too shy and insecure to approach her. But she has influenced your work and you have done things secretly to make sure she's happy and feels secure- even when other men may be interested in dating her. She may already have a boyfriend or husband but deep inside you know that she's right for you because intuition tells you to keep trying and don't give up until she notices your efforts to love her. Has she appeared in your life yet? As you get a bit older maybe she will appear I think. -
PogoStick Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah women really don't have anything to offer. Have you considered going gay? 5
AverageCat Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Companionship, fun, stimulation, sexual pleasure, cheap thrills, deep connection, excitement, comfort, sharing, support. There's more, too. This + EXPERIENCE. How do you think you're gonna handle your future wife if you've never had a relationship before to see what works and what doesn't..... 5
iKING Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Companionship, fun, stimulation, sexual pleasure, cheap thrills, deep connection, excitement, comfort, sharing, support. There's more, too. Affection, partnership, adrenaline rushes, love chemicals (produced by the brain), sharing life with someone, late nights, long talks, cheesy happenings, kissing, holding someone, cuddling, butterflies, chills, mutual motivation, compliments, inside jokes, opening up, touch, smell, feel, having someone to go out with, trying new things, sugar spice & everything nice (wait..), not having to sleep alone, going on vacation together, making regular life that much more great. Is it necessary for survival? No. Is it a nice perk to being alive? Yes. 9
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Survival. I doubt you even know what true survival is at this point. I'm sorry but you definitely need to look within yourself more. The truth is there. You just gonna think more. -
iKING Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Survival. I doubt you even know what true survival is at this point. I'm sorry but you definitely need to look within yourself more. The truth is there. You just gonna think more. - I'm plenty sure I do. Not sure what you mean by that? I've done plenty of reflection on myself and life in my day. It is absolutely not necessary to have a relationship with a woman to survive life, and it is absolutely a perk to have someone special to share it with.
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ..... okay, I'll give you a hint. If you could be the master of your own destiny, how would you construct your life and society? Let's go back to the caveman days. What's the difference between then and now? Hmm... getting warmer. If you still don't get the clue yet, then I guess you can always depend on your vivid dreams for hints about the realities of your life. Mysterious, life, ain't it? -
iKING Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ..... okay, I'll give you a hint. If you could be the master of your own destiny, how would you construct your life and society? Let's go back to the caveman days. What's the difference between then and now? Hmm... getting warmer. If you still don't get the clue yet, then I guess you can always depend on your vivid dreams for hints about the realities of your life. Mysterious, life, ain't it? - We can talk theories of life and reality all day, but I don't see what this has to do with the perks of dating someone. I've spent plenty of time alone analyzing and understanding life, It's what I do best. I'm trying to encourage the OP not to disregard companionship entirely, it is a nice perk to life, but it is not absolutely necessary. People are perfectly capable of having relationships and changing the world. Although it adds a layer of complexity, it is not necessary to completely avoid the issue. Life is mysterious, it is an illusion, an oasis in the distance. We live in a dream. What you think life is, and what it actually is, are two entirely different things. 2
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The more experience with relationships you have, the better you become as a partner and the easier it is to recognize a good partner. You learn about yourself, your needs, your wants, and human behavior and interaction with each encounter. You learn how to attract a partner and the skills needed to develop and sustain a relationship. That's what you get out of dating even if you aren't ready to settle down and marry just yet--the basic skills you will need to be successful when you finally meet the "one." I would encourage you to keep trying despite the sense of discouragement. Even in failure, you learn a lot. If you "drop" out until you're ready to marry rather than continue to try, it's going to be a lot tougher for you. There are guys I know who are in their forties and beyond, who chose to give up in their twenties because it was a struggle. They restarted in earnest to look for a relationship in their late thirties when they were "ready" for marriage and a family. It's their biggest regret. They are still trying to figure out the basics, like getting to a date, and on the rare occasion when they do get to a first date, how to navigate things successfully to get to a second. Unfortunately, their "competition" now has decades of relationship experience on them, rather than 0-few years, making it an even bigger chasm to bridge. If your goal is to play major league baseball, the longer you wait to learn baseball or to play it, the more insurmountable that goal becomes. Little League may seem pointless, but it serves a purpose. Ditto for relationships. No one starts off as an expert. Practice makes perfect. With (positive and negative) experience you become much better at dating and relationships..
Author Necris Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah women really don't have anything to offer. Have you considered going gay? Why would I? Just because I'm seeing that this is pointless doesn't make me gay.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Survival. I doubt you even know what true survival is at this point. I'm sorry but you definitely need to look within yourself more. The truth is there. You just gonna think more. - I'm super confused ... 2
Author Necris Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 The more experience with relationships you have, the better you become as a partner and the easier it is to recognize a good partner. You learn about yourself, your needs, your wants, and human behavior and interaction with each encounter. You learn how to attract a partner and the skills needed to develop and sustain a relationship. That's what you get out of dating even if you aren't ready to settle down and marry just yet--the basic skills you will need to be successful when you finally meet the "one." I would encourage you to keep trying despite the sense of discouragement. Even in failure, you learn a lot. If you "drop" out until you're ready to marry rather than continue to try, it's going to be a lot tougher for you. There are guys I know who are in their forties and beyond, who chose to give up in their twenties because it was a struggle. They restarted in earnest to look for a relationship in their late thirties when they were "ready" for marriage and a family. It's their biggest regret. They are still trying to figure out the basics, like getting to a date, and on the rare occasion when they do get to a first date, how to navigate things successfully to get to a second. Unfortunately, their "competition" now has decades of relationship experience on them, rather than 0-few years, making it an even bigger chasm to bridge. If your goal is to play major league baseball, the longer you wait to learn baseball or to play it, the more insurmountable that goal becomes. Little League may seem pointless, but it serves a purpose. Ditto for relationships. No one starts off as an expert. Practice makes perfect. With (positive and negative) experience you become much better at dating and relationships.. I don't know, I honestly learn very little if anything in my failures, I try new things and they fail as well. Then again dating isn't like a test where there is right or wrong answers some people just "get it" (I knew a guy who chewed tobacco all the time and acted like a cowboy while carrying around a water bottle full of his black tobacco saliva:sick: and yet women loved him:lmao:) others don't and your results are all based off an emotional feeling another person happens to be feeling at the time for you. One reason I think I learn so little from my failures is because that is all I have ever experienced in my life when it comes to dating, pure failure, with no positive experiences. What I have learned however is that my pursuit of a relationship is horribly misguided and frankly foolish I get nothing out of it besides wasted energy and time. As for dating to get skills so I can be able to find someone in the future to marry I highly doubt I'll ever get married anytime in the foreseeable future. I have noticed however everyone else in this thread seems to be believe that it isn't pointless. Not a single person seemed to agree with me, which I find odd. Guess it depends on the person for some people they actually have some positive experiences and in some cases this actually makes their life better.
ltjg45 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 It's hard to say, really. I never really dived into the world of dating because I have yet to find a woman worth putting up the effort worth pursuing. Well, no. I found, at the most, 2. One turned me down due to her already having a boyfriend and the 2nd, well, you already know the story of that. Case-in-point: I was an idiot and lost a decent amount of money as a price for it. Enough said. So, outside of those 2 and my high school crush, which I regret having since she wasn't worth chasing (my mind still has some learning left to do back then, that's for sure), there wasn't any other woman I saw that I would even consider dating. So I'm here, bored, wondering if I will even find another woman that I want to chase or put effort into acquiring. I'm already 26 and this is almost 9 years since my high school graduation and nothing to show for it dating-wise. Time sure move fast.
Pompeii Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Well, I wouldn't know. But just know that if you are against pre-martial sex, good luck trying to lock in a long-term girlfriend. Few want to wait these days, especially until marriage. The only ones that I see who wait until marriage are the ones who were either raised that way and decided to stick to it or the girls who have had a lot of "fun" and have decided to be chaste/celibate. Anyway, I view all of this dating stuff as a way of scratching an itch. You do it because you want to feel some type of fulfillment of a deficit in your life. You don't do it because you're looking for it to last. If it does, great. But for a lot of people, they just take it a day at a time.
aeren944 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I don't know, I honestly learn very little if anything in my failures, I try new things and they fail as well. Then again dating isn't like a test where there is right or wrong answers some people just "get it" (I knew a guy who chewed tobacco all the time and acted like a cowboy while carrying around a water bottle full of his black tobacco saliva:sick: and yet women loved him:lmao:) others don't and your results are all based off an emotional feeling another person happens to be feeling at the time for you. One reason I think I learn so little from my failures is because that is all I have ever experienced in my life when it comes to dating, pure failure, with no positive experiences. What I have learned however is that my pursuit of a relationship is horribly misguided and frankly foolish I get nothing out of it besides wasted energy and time. As for dating to get skills so I can be able to find someone in the future to marry I highly doubt I'll ever get married anytime in the foreseeable future. I have noticed however everyone else in this thread seems to be believe that it isn't pointless. Not a single person seemed to agree with me, which I find odd. Guess it depends on the person for some people they actually have some positive experiences and in some cases this actually makes their life better. So, I noticed you doubt yourself a lot, and you draw quick conclusions, as if you already know the answers to these suggestions. "I highly doubt I'll ever get married anytime in the forseeable future." You're very good at setting up these "prophesies" so you can fulfill them. I'm not a female, but just from my experience with women, this is NOT sexy or desirable. Women don't want someone who has already made up his mind about possibilities due to failure. Women also don't want someone who gets used to failure. That guy that gets the girls as he's spitting his tobacco into his water bottle? He does not have prophesies to fill. Break your brain. Seriously. Allow yourself to open up again, and try again. You're right, you don't HAVE to. You can get through life without it, if you want, but if you wanted to, I don't think you would've come here and posted. But you gotta try again, period. Break those prophesies... break that brain. Try again. 1
Pompeii Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 "Love at first sight" meaning she struck a cord with you and most likely you're too shy and insecure to approach her. But she has influenced your work and you have done things secretly to make sure she's happy and feels secure- even when other men may be interested in dating her. She may already have a boyfriend or husband but deep inside you know that she's right for you because intuition tells you to keep trying and don't give up until she notices your efforts to love her. Has she appeared in your life yet? As you get a bit older maybe she will appear I think. - What is this? This isn't a chick flick. This doesn't happen in real life, you know. The good guy doesn't always get the girl. There are thousands of forever aloners out there who are thirty, forty year old virgins. Where is their love?
aeren944 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Oh yeah! And learn from those failures! That will help immensly.
Pompeii Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 If you "drop" out until you're ready to marry rather than continue to try, it's going to be a lot tougher for you. There are guys I know who are in their forties and beyond, who chose to give up in their twenties because it was a struggle. They restarted in earnest to look for a relationship in their late thirties when they were "ready" for marriage and a family. It's their biggest regret. They are still trying to figure out the basics, like getting to a date, and on the rare occasion when they do get to a first date, how to navigate things successfully to get to a second. Unfortunately, their "competition" now has decades of relationship experience on them, rather than 0-few years, making it an even bigger chasm to bridge. This is probably one of the most depressing things I've read this week. It's hard to get started when you don't even know where to start, are too scared to start, or can't even start.
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