GudDude2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) Glad I found this forum. . I would love to hear opinions on my situation. Just from reading these posts I know that I am not alone. I will try not to make this to long. It has been exactly a month since the BU. We had such an explosive and ugly fight complete with things that should have never been said to it getting physical, (I am not proud to admit this). This fight was hands down the worst we ever had. I can't even say who was the dumper, and who was the dumpee. I'd have to say on that day it was a mutual break-up. I mean both of us was fortunate that neither one of us went to jail. By the time the cops came I was bleeding and the house was a mess. Anyway, there has been no contact in the last month however I have visited her facebook almost daily. On her part she has posted things that I'm sure she knew I would see, although I've left no likes or comments. Neither one of us has unfriended each other, and I get occasional private calls that go unanswered thanks to the fax machine. I will take the role of the dumpee as in retrospect this woman was doing me dirty all along. I kind of knew she was, cause I watched how she treated her so-called ex when we first met. The ground work was already being laid, but I just wasn't paying attention. I had my suspicions as I acknowledged the changes in her behavior. I unwisely extended to her more trust thinking that she wouldn't take it for granted than I should had, but knowing the liar she is I should have known she would never had been forthright in communicating her deceit. Instead I believe that the trust given her like lending her my vehicle, caused her to feel extremely guilty about her illicit activities which caused her to explode into the ugliest fight ever in an attempt to gain the freedom to do what she wanted. Now with all that being said, and NC in place I can honestly say Im not sure if I'd want the relationship back even if she apologized & asked for another chance. I sincerely feel like getting the trust back would just be an impossible feat. Coupled with the fact that I know she's been ****ing, probably even before the big fight, as a matter of fact or imagination I suspect the dick was so good it caused the fight unconsciously. Be that as it may I have lost all respect for her and attachment or not can't see looking at her as nothing more than a whore, so this isn't about getting her back although given the right circumstance and turn of events I could be tempted to want her to suck my dick, but don't really care if it doesn't come about. Although it's only been a month my logic has kicked in and conveyed and convinced me that no respect, and no trust equals no love, so I have no illusions. My grief is mostly to do with the attachment of a nearly three year relationship. Since i've had my heart broken before it just doesn't break like that any more. Cracked, fractured, yes but just not shattered. None of those mean butterflies in the gut or pangs in the heart. Maybe after confronting her new love life in my face will I catch a pang or two, but for the most part it's not what she does, it's about what I do. The sick twist is she is the Mother of my beautiful 1 yr. Old baby girl, who I love without a question, but until I can separate the two (package deal) I am forced to keep my distance for my emotional healing's sake. Inevitably NC will not last as our cross pfa's will expire soon, or as i refer to it a pfcb or "protection from crazy bitch" order. My dilemma is how do I handle being involved in my daughter's life while not falling victim to any feelings that remain? My ego, pride, and damaged self-esteem yearns for the apology, and in the least still aches for closure, but a very good post on this forum has given me acceptable means to cope with the closure I crave. I tell myself I don't want to see or speak to her because I'm afraid I will not be able to control my emotions, she is the mother of my child still after all of this. Tell me what you think?? Whew! Edited March 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs added
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The woman who truly loves you won't fight with you. The woman who truly loves you loves you for who you are. - 1
skweezd Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Seven years of my life were wasted with an abusive partner. The first three years weren't horrible but after that the gambling and alcohol and drugs took over his life and I don't know why I stayed. Thankfully we had no children together but if we did, I am not sure how I'd handle the passing off of the kids. If you have family that will help, use them to be the pick-up/drop-off location for at least a year. Once you're over her and realize that some of the thrill of the relationship was the drama, then you'll start appreciating your new found sane life and won't want her back EVER. And please don't bad mouth her to your daughter even if you want to throw her under the bus. Good luck.
Author GudDude2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I guess I did go in on her a bit. As you can probably tell I have a lot of anger toward her still. This anger stems from the precious moments I'm missing from my baby's life. A month ago my baby was waking up in my bed next to me, and she had her Daddy there every day. All ruined because of her dumb ass mother's actions. I am not a very forgiving person, and I will work on that, but her first steps are precious moments that I will never get back. I will take the good advice and enlist the help of relatives for pick up & drop off, and I will try not to bad mouth her to others, and never to our child. Thanx for allowing me to vent:love:
Video Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It takes two people to fight. If you stand there saying nothing with her screaming at you...thats not a fight thats her yelling at you. Get what i mean? You can make the choice to stay calm cool and collected. You can choose to go back to the problem later when shes cooled down and solve it. There has to be balance. There is no balance when both parties are yelling at each other. Its just chaos. I would apologize. It is not a sign of weakness. She will most likely be turned on by this and i dont mean sexually. Most likely she will apologize too, shes just waiting for you to be the first one. Two wrongs dont make a right. You were wrong for yelling at her, admit it, learn from it, apologize and move on. Getting back together is a seperate subject. For now i would simply apologize. 1
polyglot Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The woman who truly loves you won't fight with you. The woman who truly loves you loves you for who you are. - A girl who is sane and loves you, will not take any fight seriously. She'll instead rethink about her priorities. Every argument will turn out to a fight, but it ends in romance. A freak is one who doesn't even consider an sincere apology.
Author GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 A girl who is sane and loves you, will not take any fight seriously. She'll instead rethink about her priorities. Every argument will turn out to a fight, but it ends in romance. A freak is one who doesn't even consider an sincere apology. Sincere is acknowledgement of a mistake not to be repeated. It's not that I wouldn't consider a sincere apology as we are all sorry when BU occur. It's more of not being so easily manipulated by an apology sincere or not. For me an apology doesn't mean all is forgiven as it is just another word. Show me your sorry and then we can see how sincere it really is. What is so freaky about that?
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Sounds like you both have serious anger issues and are unable to cope. A physical fight between a man and a woman should clearly be a sign to you there is a major fracture in the mental health of you both being in each other's presence, let alone there is a child being exposed to you both. For the sake of the child you profess missing and caring for, use the legal system to look after your rights and responsibilities, and seek counselling to help you level set and improve.
Author GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 NC is justified, because it was and has become to much. I am an easy going, laid-back, soft-spoken type of individual. Our last fight I had to run from my home, tore up my neighbors lawn to get away from her because she had the driveway blocked. This time she comendeared my car keys so that I couldn't escape. I will not place all the blame on her as we all know it takes two, but she definitely takes me out of my character, and so despite what they say about NC and couples who share children I feel that this is my only option. We have had beautiful times together. Very memorable family moments, and 95% of the time our time around each other has been kindred, but the other 5% has been hell. I have a very long fuse, but I am human, and not perfect. If you are please tell me your recipe?
fixing Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 So, im guessing she cheated on you? Obviously, trust will never be there again, and its not worth trying to reconcile, damage is done. But, like another poster said, have a brother or sister, or your mum or dad to pick up the child for now, until you are over her and what she did. But, never bad mouth your ex to the kid Good luck sir
Author GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Honestly, I don't know if she cheated. She's a very beautiful woman and she gets attention from men all the time. Even in my presence, and I can say that she is also very charming and knows how to talk to people. Only i know how crazy she really is. I'm sure she has had her share of temptations, and maybe this time it got the best of her. There's always that dude who can come along and **** your girl, trust me, I know, I was that dude, so whatever. I don't even care to know, because it's not about what she did or does, it's about what I do! Edited March 27, 2013 by GudDude2013 typo
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Besides all those nice comments about her, apparently she can kick a$$ too! Just kidding...sorry to hear of this mess. I really think you talk with someone, a professional. Honestly, I don't know if she cheated. She's a very beautiful woman and she gets attention from men all the time. Even in my presence, and I can say that she is also very charming and knows how to talk to people. Only i know how crazy she really is. I'm sure she has had her share of temptations, and maybe this time it got the best of her. There's always that dude who can come along and **** your girl, trust me, I know, I was that dude, so whatever. I don't even care to know, because it's not about what she did or does, it's about what I do!
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