outsidethebox Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Trust me, I've seen plenty of profiles in last couple of months that fit that.
Author SilverInkheart99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 Maybe the age thing is a huge deal! Maybe these 31 year old guys think it would be fun to hook up with an older woman, whereas I see them as marriage-material. It depends on the person, but I have met (2 now) 24-year-old guys who were more mature than 40-year-old guys. But this last one really seemed to like my personality too. He said he liked girls who were independent and spoke their mind. So, I'm thinking it had more to do with me turning into the pursuer.
outsidethebox Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 What does he think about you having a kid? You refuse to deal with the important stuff in your comments. Dating rules are insignificant compared to being older and having a child. You have yet to acknowledge whether they knew full truth before agreeing to go out with you. You have yet to be specific about what they found out when before going NC. You are in one post after another talking about subtle nuances in your behavior and avoiding dealing with the important issues as if they don't exist. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
jcrew11 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Interesting! I definitely deserve to have my dream guy just like you deserve to have your dream girl, doesn't mean it's guaranteed to happen though. I am definitely seeking it though. I am learning to be happy alone, but holidays and birthdays are the worst. I have everything in my life figured out but this!... Just wish I could understand it and feel successful at it. I think success in the dating world can be achieved because this is how I define it for me: To not kill the man's desire for me by making a "dating" mistake. If he loses desire for me due to incompatibility then fine, no big deal. But if I'm sabotaging my love life due to making dating mistakes, then I need to get that in check. I don't want to be 60 years old with 10 cats! Lol You just strike me as a ditzy superficial blonde. Are you just obsessed with a guy's looks? Can you try to connect with a guy on a mental or spiritual level? Can you date a smart guy who is not a male model? Can you pursue men with the same hobbies? Maybe when you are 60, you won't land the "hot young stud" but the "mature nice guy"? Also, wait at least 2 months before sex. Perhaps even wait until marriage - if your only goal is to get married. Some women just want to get married, even if their husband eventually cheats. There are trade-offs in everything.
InJest Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) I'm a relationship guy. I have banged a lot of women, but I actually prefer a relationship, and have been in one for a bit over a year now. That said, if it's been a month and a woman hasn't slept with me..I'm gone. You have to get over your fear and take a chance some time. Especially if you want to date men in their early 30s. They have women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s throwing themselves at them. Not saying you have to do that, but you definitely don't have enough stock to hold out, particularly when plenty of women your age don't have hangups about sex. Edited March 28, 2013 by InJest
Author SilverInkheart99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 What does he think about you having a kid? You refuse to deal with the important stuff in your comments. Dating rules are insignificant compared to being older and having a child. You have yet to acknowledge whether they knew full truth before agreeing to go out with you. You have yet to be specific about what they found out when before going NC. You are in one post after another talking about subtle nuances in your behavior and avoiding dealing with the important issues as if they don't exist. Denial is not just a river in Egypt. I'm not denying them, just not commenting because I knew the truth just didn't fill you in. Yes, they always know my age, the fact that I'm a single mom, always up front. This last guy actually had 3 kids of his own.
Author SilverInkheart99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 You just strike me as a ditzy superficial blonde. Are you just obsessed with a guy's looks? Can you try to connect with a guy on a mental or spiritual level? Can you date a smart guy who is not a male model? Can you pursue men with the same hobbies? Maybe when you are 60, you won't land the "hot young stud" but the "mature nice guy"? Also, wait at least 2 months before sex. Perhaps even wait until marriage - if your only goal is to get married. Some women just want to get married, even if their husband eventually cheats. There are trade-offs in everything. I don't think you've read all of my posts in this thread. I have been saving myself for 5 years for the right guy. I also didn't mention that attraction for me is different than it is for you or anyone else. I didn't clarify who I find attractive. Looks are important to me, but that guy could be ugly to someone else. I just thought they were gorgeous. But smarts are a huge deal for me also. I majored in math in college and like to think I have a high IQ. I didn't broadcast that until now because it's irrelevant, but saying I'm ditzy is strange. Everyone is attracted to looks first, but looks are a matter of perspective for that particular person. I don't need to defend myself, only defending myself so people can help me figure this out. The more information, the better.
Author SilverInkheart99 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 I'm a relationship guy. I have banged a lot of women, but I actually prefer a relationship, and have been in one for a bit over a year now. That said, if it's been a month and a woman hasn't slept with me..I'm gone. You have to get over your fear and take a chance some time. Especially if you want to date men in their early 30s. They have women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s throwing themselves at them. Not saying you have to do that, but you definitely don't have enough stock to hold out, particularly when plenty of women your age don't have hangups about sex. Interesting, although I disagree. If the guy stuck around for longer than a month, I would seriously consider sleeping with him too. They bolt after date 3 pretty much on average. So, holding out for a guy who seems a little more interested in me rather than just sex is what I'm looking for. I agree there are plenty of women out there willing to put out, he is more than welcome to go find out. He obviously didn't like me enough and that's fine. Not having sex weeds out the losers anyway.
outsidethebox Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Initial posts didn't indicate much time. Something like two weeks with slowing responses, NC within a month. I didn't get three dates out of that, more like one date. What intrigues me is you choose these young men who tremble when they meet you, know all about you, yet are players who have secret relationships and one has three kids by age 30, yet your main concern is you overpursued them instead of why you're pursuing young players with secret relationships. Overpursuing wouldn't seem to me to be your biggest concern.
InJest Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Interesting, although I disagree. If the guy stuck around for longer than a month, I would seriously consider sleeping with him too. They bolt after date 3 pretty much on average. So, holding out for a guy who seems a little more interested in me rather than just sex is what I'm looking for. I agree there are plenty of women out there willing to put out, he is more than welcome to go find out. He obviously didn't like me enough and that's fine. Not having sex weeds out the losers anyway. Not having sex doesn't weed out "the losers". If a guy has a choice between two equally attractive women who bring the same things to the table..he's gonna choose the one that wants to have sex. Just because someone has options doesn't make them a loser. Quite the opposite actually. You're the one sitting here saying that for the last 5 years you haven't even been able to pay a guy to date you. That says something about you..
jcrew11 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 I don't think you've read all of my posts in this thread. I have been saving myself for 5 years for the right guy. I also didn't mention that attraction for me is different than it is for you or anyone else. I didn't clarify who I find attractive. Looks are important to me, but that guy could be ugly to someone else. I just thought they were gorgeous. But smarts are a huge deal for me also. I majored in math in college and like to think I have a high IQ. I didn't broadcast that until now because it's irrelevant, but saying I'm ditzy is strange. Everyone is attracted to looks first, but looks are a matter of perspective for that particular person. I don't need to defend myself, only defending myself so people can help me figure this out. The more information, the better. The key is the find someone who won't bolt after 3 dates. Try going out with ugly guys, even if its just platonic. It may give you some insight into your interactions with men. You mentiioned that you were a Tall Blonde, so it makes you sound obsessed with Model Looks. If you really want a happy committed relationship, stop worrying about looks and look at someone's personality, meaning can they be a good husband for you. Maybe you aren't dating enough men. If you only had 5 dinner dates in 5 years. Then you are being too picky. You're focusing on that one hot guy you see at the mall. But there are plenty of men all around you, that you don't even notice.
veggirl Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 This is pretty easy, you attract players because "desperate" RADIATES out of you. It came across like 3 sentences into your OP that the way you act screams desperate and clingy and ItsBeen3DatesYouAreMySoulmate! The reason they bail so quickly is because they realize they'll have to wait too long for sex. But the reason they flock to you is because they sense "desperate" and assume "easy". You really need to work on the way you come off to men. Telling them you are so interested after a date? No. You can say "I had a great time!" after a 1st date, not "I am interested in you!". There's a difference. One comes off as cool and encouraging, the other comes off as "omg does she expect me to be her boyfriend already?" Don't be so eager. What are you so eager about? How can you be "eager" about someone YOU DON'T KNOW? You need to stop getting swept away in these childish "man of my dreams" type of fantasies and start looking at your dates as a way for YOU to decide if you like THEM. Are they WORTH getting "eager" over? Take your time to find out. If I was you (37) I wouldn't date a guy under 34. More chance they'll be serious. 2
Weezy1973 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Hi Clia... I haven't dated anyone older than me in 5 years... Not sure why.. Just sort of happens that way. Matt - 27 - found out he was married.. He lied about it... Total player Dan - 30 - found out he was a player.. Stringing 8 girls along, high-fiving his friends. Gary - 33 - met online, asked me to send him nude pictures before we even met, he got the boot after that..lol Paul - 27 - male model, triathlete, total player Chad - 31 - not sure if he was a player or not, but this was the one where I offered to pay on the date Jason 31 - lost interest right after I told him I liked him, found out he is already in a relationship, player How could I be attracting all of these players? Is it just a coincidence? I'm leaving out the guys who have been interested in me but I'm not into them. But yes, those guys still ask me out.. Note to self: How to treat the guy I'm interested in like the guy I'm not interested in? I think what Veggirl said pretty much hits that nail one the head - but there might be something even simpler going on here: It seems as though you're only attracted to players. Yes you want a serious, monogamous relationship, but you're not interested in the guys that want to pursue that with you. There's a very real conflict between the types of guys you're attracted to and what you're looking for in a relationship. As long as that stays the same, dating will always be a struggle. 1
jcrew11 Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 I think this is another case where you are a "lazy dater" and just let men approach you, or accept dates from the "hot aggressive player guys." I know women are scared of rejection, and sit and wait for men to talk to them, but this is 2013 - and if you want to get married then you are going to have to proactive and always try to meet new men, everywhere and anywhere. You don't have to sleep with them, but since you are over 35 - many men will just assume you are married (at least the nice guys will). But also you say a guy is a "Player" as a bad thing. But the "Players" were the ones who were aggressive enough to ask you out in the first place, and have the Strong, Charismatic personality you are attracted to. That is the Irony. You want a Player you can Tame. You want to be the women, the Player chooses to marry and be monogamous. You want to tame and marry "george clooney." These players don't want to marry you probably because you are too old for them and have a child. They just prefer to marry a girl younger than 30. You just need to swallow some humble pie and not date "only male models" but a guy who only has eyes for you. You are obsessed with the wrong type of men, but maybe you just want to have fun with a hot guy instead of staying in a marriage.
MoreThanThat Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 Awwww! That is such a sweet story. I am so happy for you. :-) You are giving me hope! It's hard to not show interest when I'm really interested though. I need to figure out how to do that. Are there any good books out there besides The Rules? I really liked "The Tao of Dating". It's 2.99 on Amazon for Kindle version. Reading it has tremendously impacted the QUALITY of men I'm attracting. (I've never had issues with quantity)
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