RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Are you hitting on me? Only if you are really hot for boring women, ha ha
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 But … why do you have to put this on "men"? Why not just blame the individual person for being a liar, if you must be blaming? I truly don't think that either gender is more predisposed to dishonesty than the other. I really feel that if we're always on the lookout for the kind of horrid behavior that is so often attributed to men AND / OR women on these boards, we'll be sure to find it. Part of my challenge is that this selfish behavior attributed to men is one that I struggle with in my work as well as my personal life. I can't help but view this as having a culturally reinforced basis that flows through just about everything. Yes, I have very good male friends... and I have great male co-workers and mentors too. So I know it is not universal. Yet it is still there. No point ignoring it. ... I told my mom the other day that I friggin refuse to read one more goddamn self-help book and twisting myself into knots. It is time that men adapt. If that means women like me must take themselves out of the dating pool for good, then I guess that is what it takes. I won't keep throwing my pearls before swine hoping they aren't swine. On the other hand, I also realize that complaining about this changes nothing. Better to spend my spare time pursuing things that don't produce so much anger if this is the choice I've made... and most of the time I do. It is just that occasionally I have my moments.... stupid, hopeful moments. Or moments where I'm simply learning to really accept this is how it is going to be and give up for good.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Men looking for love have to sift through a number of women to find somebody good as well. Do you really think it is any easier for us? Do you really think that a commitment minded moral man can just walk outside and find a woman who wants the same things he does and wants it with him and they will live happily ever after? Do you really think it is easier for us?
GorillaTheater Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Only if you are really hot for boring women, ha ha See, I've negged you, and now you're interested. This PUA stuff may not be a bunch of crap, after all. No, I'm kidding. I actually respect your intelligence. Just not where you've placed your machine gun nest in the gender wars. 2
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) The vast majority of criminals (violent and otherwise), alcoholics and drug addicts are men.... and still make up the majority of cheaters and those prone to gross promiscuity when given the opportunity. I mean, do we know any female 'celebrities' who brag about having slept with hundreds or even thousands of people?? I can think of a couple of men who have. How does any of the above help you find someone to have a relationship with. I mean honestly both genders have some pretty fed up individuals, but they are still micro minorities. Pardon us if we occasionally b*tch about being born the gender that has to swim through this garbage in order to have a relationship... on top of everything we have to muddle through just to survive and make a living. As I said most of the women I know don't have the problems you do, most of them aren't swimming through it, they are sailing over it. Trouble is, decent men are swimming through the same 'garbage' promoted by their fellow 'men'... yet for some bizarre reason still look on that 'garbage' with idiot adulation and adoration. (shaking head) not this guy, or any of my friends. ... and blame women for the behavior of those men?? why don't you spend more time slapping down the D-bags? Huh?? you should go read some of my prior posts, or talk with some of the mods who have banned me for 10 days at a shot, for being overly harsh on some of the smucks we have on LS. Their experiences are hardly illogical... People like you just expect women to grin and bear it like we always have... No, I expect them to learn and adapt based on situations they go through. Just as i have learned to weed out certain types of women, they need to learn to weed out certain types of men. as the saying goes, Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me Or in the case of some people on LS it's not twice, it's every time..... Edited March 26, 2013 by Lonely Ronin
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 See, I've negged you, and now you're interested. This PUA stuff may not be a bunch of crap, after all. No, I'm kidding. I actually respect your intelligence. Just not where you've placed your machine gun nest in the gender wars. Just showing that I can still keep my sense of humor in spite of my b*tching... I know you are kidding... and I DO get what you are trying to say. It might help if people remembered that 'mourning' comes in all forms... and it isn't all mourning a death. It can be dealing with loss of any kind... and along with it comes the subsequent stages... I haven't reached the 'acceptance' part of my grief/loss. That's all. Thanks for trying to inject some humor As far as I'm concerned, you are exactly the kind of guy they describe... you expect sweetness, light, and a naïve trust from the ladies you court so that you personally are not inconvenienced... while ignoring the very fact that for her to do so makes her rather retarded. 1
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I take responsibility for some of my choices, particularly when I was younger and not as smart. The recent ones did a complete 180 personality wise after months of dating...hard for me to take responsibility when they showed no red flags in the beginning.
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I don't know where that last line came from... it wasn't intended for that post... It was intended for LR's post but I edited it out...
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I don't know where that last line came from... it wasn't intended for that post... It was intended for LR's post but I edited it out... I was just about to throw down the gauntlet to fight for the honor of Gorilla Theater! I'm pretty sure he's not "that guy." 2
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 How does any of the above help you find someone to have a relationship with. I mean honestly both genders have some pretty fed up individuals, but they are still micro minorities. That is where you and I will have to disagree. They are not micro majorities.... not at all. You just haven't lived long enough to see their track record... and I tell you ways to mine their 'track record' and you give my sh*t. When I was thrust back out into the dating world again, I had NO idea this was the pool I was entering. None at all. I had no reason to because this wasn't my experience growing up nor were my friends from this demographic. Now that I do, I'm not letting up. Seriously not. As I said most of the women I know don't have the problems you do, most of them aren't swimming through it, they are sailing over it. Your friends don't live where I do. Here is an example... I had a guy chat me up at the local Starbucks who confessed that he had gone to prison for numerous DUI's. This was after we talked about some benign engineering stuff (he was completing his FE exam). He apparently found out my name from my Barista friends and later tried to connect with me on LinkedIn. Where in the heck does a guy with his background think he even has snowball's chance in hell with a woman like me? This is a pretty respectable and safe area, but I guess everyone has a car and if you can get to a place like this by bus, then I'm going to get hit on by guys like that. I had to tell my friends at Starbucks to kindly NOT answer questions about me... no matter how well meaning. you should go read some of my prior posts, or talk with some of the mods who have banned me for 10 days at a shot, for being overly harsh on some of the smucks we have on LS. ok. No, I expect them to learn and adapt based on situations they go through. Just as i have learned to weed out certain types of women, they need to learn to weed out certain types of men. yea, including not talking to strangers?? Where I live, I guess that is what I'm supposed to do... and TBH, that is what I do now. I'm civil and friendly, but I don't engage in conversations with random men at all.
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ... I told my mom the other day that I friggin refuse to read one more goddamn self-help book and twisting myself into knots. It is time that men adapt. See - from my POV, that is "wrong" thinking. If you are looking for some help through reading those books, I hope it's not about changing yourself so that generic "men" will like you more. Instead, I would hope it would be to enhance your own life, and maybe to work on things within yourself that aren't in concert with that goal. And all that would have absolutely nothing, zero, zilch to do with what the generic "men" should or should not do. I can't even follow you to where those things connect. If that means women like me must take themselves out of the dating pool for good, then I guess that is what it takes. I won't keep throwing my pearls before swine hoping they aren't swine. I bet I am a woman not so unlike you … Forgive me for saying this, but the bitterness really only hurts you. You certainly should NOT cast your pearls before swine, but also I think it's wrong to presuppose all the men to probably be swine. I have had a LOT of experiences, relationships, professional interactions, and even real abuse in dealing with some wretched men. But when it got down to it, three things: 1) I was and am not ready to believe that all, or most men are like that. I require basic faith in humanity to even go on living in this world. 2) I am ready to forgive men their human failings just as I do women. Not cruelty, evil, abuse, ignorance, hate - but normal things that still can be maddening or even at times hurtful. 3) When dating, I became adept at "next." I did not even venture into whether the guy was a swine, a douche, or simply not for me. If it wasn't happening, "next." Sidestepped emotional investment and negativity. And I did meet a very good one. Who has a few human weaknesses that some women would deem to be deal breakers, but not me. I don't mean to make this all about me, me, me - but I seriously think I hear where you're coming from and I'd like you to find a different way. Since it seems that you do really want love in your life, in spite of all the disappointments. 3
chex Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 "Good girls" bother me. Can't take a joke, take basically everything too seriously. "Strong morals" bother me too. That means they're going to push their strong morals onto me, and, to be honest, I can't be arsed to care about etiquette, being politically correct. I care about doing the right thing rather than the polite thing. (probably boring in bed too) Honestly, most guys say they want a good girl with an edge, I more want a bad girl with a good side. 1
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) Red, You having it going on, you have spunk, have some attitude your sassy and sound like a blast. What's your story? You don't strike me as someone who would have a problem getting / keeping a males attention. Do you live way out in the suburbs with all families or something? Thank you... I live in a weird area that is filled either with rejects from downstate or even other states looking for public assistance of some kind or super-dooooper brainiacs (always married). Not much in between. I don't have any problems getting or keeping male attention. We'll have to define what 'attention' means though. If it is a) FWB b) affair c) living together d) any of the other options not leading to marriage then yea, my cup runneth over. Of course, I didn't know this before I moved here and invested heavily years ago. Right as I was making plans to make my exit, the whole world economy went belly up. Once in a blue moon a decent one swims by, then the rules of just basic compatibility apply. Most of them leave the area at the soonest opportunity. Although, the economy has had it's advantages that it is limiting mobility for everyone. Including the 'keepers'. So maybe I'll get another chance someday. Either here or somewhere else... Edited March 27, 2013 by RedRobin
Lonely Ronin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 That is where you and I will have to disagree. They are not micro majorities.... not at all. You just haven't lived long enough to see their track record... well, I'm 33 exactly how much more living do you think i need to do? When I was thrust back out into the dating world again, I had NO idea this was the pool I was entering. I was thrust back into the dating world at 30, because no matter how perfect I was, nothing was going to make up for mistrust she had in men, because of her father. I'd still like to run into that sob in a dark alley some time. He apparently found out my name from my Barista friends and later tried to connect with me on LinkedIn. What did you say to your friends for giving your name out? Yo have admitted you are not happy alone, and that your geographic location is part of the problem, but why are you tossing in the towel so to speak, when it comes to getting what you want? If anything this does not match how I read your personality at all, you seem to much like a fighter to give up easily.
mesmerized Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 where did i say she was to judgmental? She should be judgmental on things, but what she listed is stuff that's way to easy for people to hide. Then she comes back, and says she does judge on the stuff i said she should. if she did judge on it, why didn't she list it in the first place? I mean honestly, the only place I ever interact with women who have problems with weeding out d-bags, is online. It's really simple. Online is where women let their vulnerabilities. Do you really think we run around in real telling men about our dating issues? No, we don't. 2
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 well, I'm 33 exactly how much more living do you think i need to do? Only a few more... You'll see. I was thrust back into the dating world at 30, because no matter how perfect I was, nothing was going to make up for mistrust she had in men, because of her father. I'd still like to run into that sob in a dark alley some time. Well, we all learn at some point we can't be fixer-uppers. This is one I had to learn the hard way too. What did you say to your friends for giving your name out? I told them that not everyone is what they seem... and I appreciate them wanting to help me find someone, but please ask me first before giving out my personal information... even it is just my name. They were well-meaning. Yo have admitted you are not happy alone, and that your geographic location is part of the problem, but why are you tossing in the towel so to speak, when it comes to getting what you want? If anything this does not match how I read your personality at all, you seem to much like a fighter to give up easily. I'm tossing in the towel here. I have no idea how long it is going to take for me to find another job in a better location. I have to find a way to make do until then.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 It's really simple. Online is where women let their vulnerabilities. Do you really think we run around in real telling men about our dating issues? No, we don't. Like I said before, I have a lot of female friends(enough that it made some women I have dated uncomfortable), and I have listened & offered advise on a lot of relationship issues over the years, in some situations to the point i had to say "ok, you need to go get professional help, because I'm not qualified for this." Very few of them have had a hard time weeding out undesirables. Interestingly enough, over the last month or so I've had to slap (figuratively) some sense into a friend because a man she is interested in isn't moving fast enough for her.
mesmerized Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Like I said before, I have a lot of female friends(enough that it made some women I have dated uncomfortable), and I have listened & offered advise on a lot of relationship issues over the years, in some situations to the point i had to say "ok, you need to go get professional help, because I'm not qualified for this." Very few of them have had a hard time weeding out undesirables. Interestingly enough, over the last month or so I've had to slap (figuratively) some sense into a friend because a man she is interested in isn't moving fast enough for her. And my best guy friend in real who thinks he knows everything about me and my dating habits knows very little. Even if you're right and all your friends are miss perfects, each and every one of us know at least a few women in real who have the same issue. Your experience alone doesn't really count as statistics here.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 And my best guy friend in real who thinks he knows everything about me and my dating habits knows very little. Even if you're right and all your friends are miss perfects, each and every one of us know at least a few women in real who have the same issue. Your experience alone doesn't really count as statistics here. come on now, I didn't say all, I said a lot.
mesmerized Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 come on now, I didn't say all, I said a lot. In any case, I consider myself an intelligent, intuitive girl. In fact, I basically think all guys are guilty until they prove otherwise and even with this attitude, I sometimes get confused and give them more credit that I should give. Also, you're not a woman and don't date men. And no matter how many female friends you have, you will never know the exact truth of what they go through, and how they compromise to meet/find men. Actually with women it's much harder to know the reality since women not only will lie to you, but also to themselves. Trust me on this one.
RedRobin Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Brutal! You don't live in the Northeast by any chance do you? My sister lived in NYC, Jersey, Boston, Philly, CT for 5 or so years. She was in shock, mortified and disgusted by all neanderthals, guidos, muscleheads, pimps, gangsters, wannabes and guys whose role model on how to treat women was Tony Surpano. Having been up there in the Northeast several times myself and compared to men in the south / midwest... I would hate to be a female. Although I have heard when get away from the cities it's not nearly as bad. Anyway... My sister got so sick of not being able to find / meet / date a quality men. She decided for her on well being / happiness she should move back home (the south) because she never had problems here. Every guy I met whom she dated here, was a great guy and she just so happened to marry one. You win!! Yes, I do live in the NE... and in the armpit of the NE at that. 1
Woggle Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I have lived in the NE my entire life and I wouldn't trade it for the world. It is a nice contrast to fake southern hospitality. There is a reason my state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation.
Pompeii Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Brutal! You don't live in the Northeast by any chance do you? My sister lived in NYC, Jersey, Boston, Philly, CT for 5 or so years. She was in shock, mortified and disgusted by all neanderthals, guidos, muscleheads, pimps, gangsters, wannabes and guys whose role model on how to treat women was Tony Surpano. Having been up there in the Northeast several times myself and compared to men in the south / midwest... I would hate to be a female. Although I have heard when get away from the cities it's not nearly as bad. Anyway... My sister got so sick of not being able to find / meet / date a quality men. She decided for her on well being / happiness she should move back home (the south) because she never had problems here. Every guy I met whom she dated here, was a great guy and she just so happened to marry one. I believe your sister was exaggerating. I live in the Northeast and there are plenty of "quality" men here.
dasein Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 There is a reason my state has the lowest divorce rate in the nation. Maybe because you all kill each other before heading to divorce court? I'll keep "fake" Southern hospitality, you keep snooki and jwow, deal?
Pompeii Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 It is time that men adapt. Adapt? Men have been adapting to the modern woman for several years now. Men read all kinds of material to turn themselves into the most elite man they can become to fit women's preferences just so they can have more success in the dating arena. Women hold most of the power in dating. So, what are you talking about?
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