Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Screening process? These are things I stay away from those that -party alot -do drugs -talk to their exes alot -seem rude or like a jerk -sleep around -are very flirtacious -recently got out of a relationship -arent mentally stimulating enough for me. he doesnt have to necessarily be super smart, just someone who isnt a dud -that have a very unhealthy lifestyle (Im a pretty healthy person, not OCD like, but most really unhealthy people get annoyed with me I find) If I get bad vibes early on I stop seeing them. I have found my intuition for a guy seeming like a jerk is usually right... Ok this is what I'm talking about, other than 'seem rude or like a jerk' & 'are very flirtacious' it next to impossible to determine the other things about a person until you have started dating them. I should also point out, that a lot of players are going to be damn good at hiding they are jerks, and know not to be to flirtatious. A lot of the women i know that don't have the problems you have, would probably be considered judgmental by most people. They base the decision of if a guy gets to date one on things that are very hard to hide/fake such as his body language, how he carries himself, how he presents himself (clothing etc), and where he is interacting with them, and when he chooses to interact with them. 1
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 D-bags pray. Yea, they'd better (pray)!! Mua-ha-ha... But seriously, LR... you think you could be a little less abrasive? Supposedly you are one of the guys who is trying to 'change' things... It isn't a fun proposition to consider possibly being celibate for life while you are trying to get to know someone and find out if they are who they say they are... I've given you some of my filters and screening methods... and you've ridiculed those too. But it sure beats crossing my fingers and hoping for the best... and yea... I don't date strangers, and try to only meet people through friends, charity events, etc too. Although, me and everyone else I know all say that I need to move. I agree that is my problem... So, am still working on that plan... Demographics and male/female ratio will DEFINATELY be something I check before I move to any new place.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ok this is what I'm talking about, other than 'seem rude or like a jerk' & 'are very flirtacious' it next to impossible to determine the other things about a person until you have started dating them. I should also point out, that a lot of players are going to be damn good at hiding they are jerks, and know not to be to flirtatious. A lot of the women i know that don't have the problems you have, would probably be considered judgmental by most people. They base the decision of if a guy gets to date one on things that are very hard to hide/fake such as his body language, how he carries himself, how he presents himself (clothing etc), and where he is interacting with them, and when he chooses to interact with them. Wow. First you tell me I dont have a good screening process and then everything I list you tell me you cant screen for. So tell me, LR, since you know everything there is to know about accurately reading men and their "true colors" what SHOULD I be doing? I do judge on things that are hard to fake. I judge on all those things you listed. My intuition picks up on all that.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If I get bad vibes early on I stop seeing them. I have found my intuition for a guy seeming like a jerk is usually right... Evidently not... Yes. Most of the guys who I stopped seeing early on due to "jerk vibes" I found out later ARE jerks through other people or by the way they acted after I stopped seeing them. I didnt push them away for no reason. Im not responding to this thread anymore. Apparently there are no people on this earth who hide all their flaws really well the first 2 months of dating...
irc333 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Man, I thought I asked weird questions. lol "What do you think of a woman with morals? Would it be a turn off for you?" That's like asking, "What do you think of a woman who doesn't hit you with a sledge hammer whenever she feels like it?" What does the average male between age 25 and 35 really think of girls who don't put out right away and have strong morals? Also if she rarely drinks, never does drugs or party. Does this turn the average male off? I find that most guys in this age bracket are still in the party scene, and don't want to waste time on a girl if she won't put out or party.
Feelin Frisky Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 That's kinda what you want. But if by "morals" you mean is "religious" or is politically conservative where the attitude is that fear and dogma rule, deal so off. A woman can be liberal without being promiscuous. That's what I would prefer, but I would hope the lack of promiscuity does not come from lack of interest or want.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I don't know why people single out online dating, these are the same men that go to charities, are people's friends, and the only thing that makes them a "stranger" is the fact that you've never met them before. Plus this limits you to a social group...meaning, well you may very well be dating very similar-minded people having very similar results. I understand why women like to get to know a man first, however I don't think that's always very effective....you never know how a man is going to act once he is in his "romantic mode", most guys change demeanor and behavior once you are a love/vagina interest. Men are going to be men and themselves at some point, and that's when their true colors are going to show, screening men is more about what they're not showing or exposing rather than what they are...that is just a facade, that's especially easy for any charismatic/socially adept man to put on a face for. The point in getting to know a man should be really getting to know him behind the facade...the only thing knowing him before hand is going to do as like in "friends" is make you feel that he wasn't that bad of a guy because you already knew him...when if that same guy wasn't your friend he might have been just like any other d-bag on the street to women he doesn't know or have some reputation with. I think it's normal for a lot of women to reject a lot of men looking for the right guy or a relationship minded guy should I say. However I do know women who have had no trouble finding the "right" or "relationship" worthy/minded men, they just always seem to end up in relationships with men without much effort who actually want to be with them, so it appears. Maybe they've got to screen men and reject many but I don't think that's as annoying to them when they reach their end goal. I do believe there are characteristics and a personality type that is less appealing to men for a relationship as well....some women are too demanding, controlling, in for the power struggle, and some just don't come off as good relationship material for whatever reason and that is a broad stroke for men. I'd have to admit, that if you are surrounding yourself by women who are the same and all have trouble finding relationships, there might just be some commonality and reason that you all struggle with men that you do not see. Because there are definitely women that I know and I've talked to that really never had any trouble finding a relationship, maybe they're just attracted to more stable men..maybe they're just the more submissive and let the man lead making him feel confident..maybe they're just that "niche" that some men are looking for that are interested in a relationship. Most often these guys are not the "alpha" type, or the men playing the field that get into relationships. I think many women are attracted to a certain type of men by nature, and they can all come in different shapes and sizes and backgrounds/personalities on the surface, but underneath they all share the same connection. But I noticed women who seem to be attracted to certain qualities...you know...the typical, they have a harder time finding relationships because the seek the guys who've obviously are attractive to more women than just you. But those women want those men to just stop what they're doing, and be in a relationship with them because that's what she wants. I don't really believe this dynamic would be different in small towns if there wasn't a culture of conservatism and religion. Plus in small town or cities, everyone knows each others business and word gets around...not so easy for men to play the field in that environment...also not as many women to play the field with..but they still do. I don't think the men are necessarily different in smaller towns, they may have stronger core values from how they were raised, but they'd rather have their cake and eat it too as well, they just don't really have the option and it's pretty standard to get into a relationship with a woman that leads to marriage if you want to keep seeing her, that's just the pressure of typical small town living, what else is there to do? So definitely I think the entire culture can be different there just due to natural limitations. Most men are not just naturally monogamous out of the gate, there is a sowing wild oats factor for most. So give people a lot of options, a big world where the consequences are minimal and you can live your own life and fade back into the shadows giving you a sense of anonymity then of course many men are going to find it harder settling on one thing. It's like when someone goes out to eat and they love food so much that they can't decide what to eat...they want a little bit of everything, the variety is compelling...except for some men it's not food, it's women. Think about it this way from a man's point of view who is desirable and has options and is interested in playing the field (a lot of this is subconscious for men, men do not think about this in depth like, it just doesn't happen often)...what is so special about you wanting a relationship when so many others are seeking one? why should a man throw that away for one potentially "amazing" woman when he can have a platter of moderate to good without any commitment? why would that man change his entire life for one woman when he can be completely selfish and do anything he pleases on his own watch and keep his lifestyle in tact? Plus, how many married men are envied and grovelled over by society? it's always the playa, the "hot", successful, womanizing man who even if he doesn't give that attention to all these women, he may even be married and a family man (which is hotter for women to see on the outside) but men don't see the married/family man part until later, nor is it it even mentioned by women as a whole...they just say how hot and desirable that man is and of course they'd sleep with him even if it didn't lead to anything...that's the guy men generally want to be, not the guy you want to throw on your hopes and dreams on because you're interested in settling down with him...they just want your time and vajayjay.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 First LonelyRobin says she is not being judgmental enough and then when she lists her criteria he then tells her shes too judgmental. Kinda funny where did i say she was to judgmental? She should be judgmental on things, but what she listed is stuff that's way to easy for people to hide. Then she comes back, and says she does judge on the stuff i said she should. if she did judge on it, why didn't she list it in the first place? I mean honestly, the only place I ever interact with women who have problems with weeding out d-bags, is online.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 But seriously, LR... you think you could be a little less abrasive? Supposedly you are one of the guys who is trying to 'change' things... Tough love Red, tough love..... I don't coddle, specially when it comes to trying to help someone when they present illogical data. I mean i disagree with you on the quality of men in the world, but at least your actions towards men align with your views on them.
TheFinalWord Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I know lots of women that have that same issue she described, myself included. There are alot of posts on this site about girls whose boyfriends started being mean and disrespectful after some time has passed. Guys too- saying their girlfriends other side has come out. Its human to hide bad things about yourself when you are trying to attain someone. First LonelyRobin says she is not being judgmental enough and then when she lists her criteria he then tells her shes too judgmental. Kinda funny You don't really know someone until you've had a conflict. How a couple works to resolve conflict is a major compatibility issue. Anyone can come across as perfect as long as they get their way. Relationships force us to deal with our innate selfishness. Some people simply cannot do it; it's their way or the high way. Having been in such relationships, I would get out as soon as I noticed this trait...even if a woman is a virgin, with perfect dimensions; if she has a prideful, always-gotta-be-right, me first attitude, I would be gone. With men, you have to be careful b/c sex drive can often overpower their pride, i.e. they'll supplicate their selfish behaviors long enough to get sex, once conquered, they're gone. If a guy acts childish, and I'm sorry but immature behaviors do go with this, I would reserve yourself...not just sexually, but emotionally. Guard your heart. If you are not sure if he is putting on a front, look at his friends. Birds of a feather flock together. 2
TheFinalWord Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Going with OP What does the average male between age 25 and 35 really think of girls who don't put out right away and have strong morals? Also if she rarely drinks, never does drugs or party. Does this turn the average male off? I find that most guys in this age bracket are still in the party scene, and don't want to waste time on a girl if she won't put out or party. Purity is a heart issue; the physical manifestation is the least important aspect of purity IMHO. A man or woman can be physically pure (i.e. they can checkoff the 10 commandments), but have a vile heat full of hate and pride. I've seen it first hand...if the heart is right, they will have purity, even if they've made mistakes in the past. The main benefit of purity is that it guards your heart against manipulation. It's for your benefit, not a man's. If a man loves you, he will care about what benefits you. If he loves himself more, he will put his wants and desires first. I could go on and on, but haha I'll stop.
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Man, I thought I asked weird questions. lol "What do you think of a woman with morals? Would it be a turn off for you?" That's like asking, "What do you think of a woman who doesn't hit you with a sledge hammer whenever she feels like it?" LOL. LS has been entertaining as a @*#$!! today. Its Day 1 stuff really, but around and around we go. Wheeeeeeee!!!!!
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Let me see if I have this straight... Men have "convinced / made / forced" women to spread their legs (first dates, that's okay!) if they want to feel like they matter / have something to offer / date / be in a relationship / marry. Therefore, women have no idea if they are screwing a player, a good guy, a "bad" boy, a guy that wants a relationship, a guy who wants a one night stand, if there is meaning behind it, if the guy is even considering getting married, etc. Women, you do know there was a time when men didn't "convince / make / force" you to spread your legs, right? Women, you know the longer you hold out until you are "convinced / made / forced" to spread your legs... you weed out losers, players, men who only want sex, men who are looking for "fun", undesirables, etc. in very quick fashion, right? Anyone want to take bets that this will get into a chicken and egg thing? Men will be attacked for wanting sex even though women have a choice / all the power? I will repeat, Day 1 stuff. It's the man's job to try and the woman's job to deny. Why does it have to be any more complicated?
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Tough love Red, tough love..... I don't coddle, specially when it comes to trying to help someone when they present illogical data. I mean i disagree with you on the quality of men in the world, but at least your actions towards men align with your views on them. Ok.. here is some tough love for YOU, my friend. The vast majority of criminals (violent and otherwise), alcoholics and drug addicts are men.... and still make up the majority of cheaters and those prone to gross promiscuity when given the opportunity. I mean, do we know any female 'celebrities' who brag about having slept with hundreds or even thousands of people?? I can think of a couple of men who have. So, if we assume that the 'quality' of men exists on a continuum... which one must if you are a logical person... we will, necessarily have to assume that men (as a group) are starting from a much sh*ttier place than women. Pardon us if we occasionally b*tch about being born the gender that has to swim through this garbage in order to have a relationship... on top of everything we have to muddle through just to survive and make a living. Trouble is, decent men are swimming through the same 'garbage' promoted by their fellow 'men'... yet for some bizarre reason still look on that 'garbage' with idiot adulation and adoration. (shaking head) ... and blame women for the behavior of those men?? why don't you spend more time slapping down the D-bags? Huh?? Their experiences are hardly illogical... People like you just expect women to grin and bear it like we always have...
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The women who consort with the wrong men have to take responsibility eventually for their own actions. I don't blame some women for the poor actions of some men. But when said woman was warned repeatedly and vehemently by friends and family? At some point you just have to wash your hands and say "I hope you learned from this experience". I am thinking of a specific example as I type this.
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The women who consort with the wrong men have to take responsibility eventually for their own actions. Blah blah blah... I blame men for being liars and the other men around them who propagate and support their poor behavior.
ltjg45 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Blah blah blah... I blame men for being liars and the other men around them who propagate and support their poor behavior. I have no tolerance for liars of any kind. But then again, what do I know? I never had a girlfriend and I only got, at the most, 3 friends tops that I communicate with at all.
dasein Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Didn't read whole thread, so someone may have brought this up already. OP makes quite a few threads here over the last year, yet I could only find one thread where they came back to make a single follow-up post. What's up with that OP?
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Let me see if I have this straight... Men have "convinced / made / forced" women to spread their legs (first dates, that's okay!) if they want to feel like they matter / have something to offer / date / be in a relationship / marry. Therefore, women have no idea if they are screwing a player, a good guy, a "bad" boy, a guy that wants a relationship, a guy who wants a one night stand, if there is meaning behind it, if the guy is even considering getting married, etc. Women, you do know there was a time when men didn't "convince / make / force" you to spread your legs, right? Women, you know the longer you hold out until you are "convinced / made / forced" to spread your legs... you weed out losers, players, men who only want sex, men who are looking for "fun", undesirables, etc. in very quick fashion, right? Anyone want to take bets that this will get into a chicken and egg thing? Men will be attacked for wanting sex even though women have a choice / all the power? Actually, men with something to lose and value themselves conduct themselves honorably as well. It is not up to women to 'enforce' anything. He either comes to the table with his self-respect intact... which includes showing adequate discretion and care himself... or forget it. I'm no man's mommy or gate-keeper. How insulting to men to assume that we should be. Don't men have brains of their own? Or are we to assume all men really are just pricks with legs and not a scant thing on their shoulders?
GorillaTheater Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The only thing worse than the ignorance of women-bashing men and men-bashing women is their banality. 2
GorillaTheater Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 If there was anything Who Framed Roger Rabbit taught me it was broken records are fun. I don't know man, it's just boring. It becomes an effort to even point and laugh derisively.
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The only thing worse than the ignorance of women-bashing men and men-bashing women is their banality. That's what we're here for... to bore you
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Blah blah blah... I blame men for being liars and the other men around them who propagate and support their poor behavior. But … why do you have to put this on "men"? Why not just blame the individual person for being a liar, if you must be blaming? I truly don't think that either gender is more predisposed to dishonesty than the other. I really feel that if we're always on the lookout for the kind of horrid behavior that is so often attributed to men AND / OR women on these boards, we'll be sure to find it. 2
GorillaTheater Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 That's what we're here for... to bore you Are you hitting on me?
RedRobin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It's settled! If you are a Female... Men are the Spawn of Satan and whatever they did to you, you had nothing to do with it or a say in the matter. Others may have said that... but I've never said that about my own situation. I've said many times that I made a bad choice. But when there is nothing but 'bad' choices left to make because of the choices available... the best choice is simply not to play at all. It sounds like that is what they are saying too. Some will have to pardon me if my sadness is masked by anger. Especially when everyone else I know and in my family has been able to pull off what I personally have not.
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