pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Constantly saying or thinking the above, isn't going to win over any of the men you are looking for, it actually has the opposite effect. I only talk about this to a few private friends and online. I dont even broach my opinions on such things for dates. I always hope he will be one of the "rare" ones and then months later...nope...another one bites the dust.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well thanks for backing me up. The majority of males ARE shallow selfish entitled pigs. I have said several times there are some that arent, they are just rare. I read a study the other day that found men have more space in their brain dedicated to sex and less space dedicated to empathy and communication when compared to women. I laughed when I read it, because its 100% true! There are some kindhearted men, but numbers wise, if you want a kindhearted partner youre better off going for girls! I sometimes get jealous of men. It must be so nice to be so goddamn selfish and shallow and society excuses you for it. If I acted the way most men did I would be called a bitch, cunt, and so many other words but for guys "he is just being a guy" and "boys will be boys" Now you dont have to support a woman financially but youre entitled to sex early on! Must be nice to have it both ways!!! Theres a reason sociological studies have found over and over married men are happier than single men and married women are unhappier than single women. We bear the brunt of being less selfish and more caring. Women are expected to put more into their relationships than men and society enables this You sound like me about two years ago except with the genders reversed. Women are no better than men when it comes to this especially in NYC. There are many women there trying to live some Sex and the City fantasy in that city. The way you feel is a self fulfilling prophecy. A good man could be right in front of you and wouldn't see it. 3
Revolver Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The respect them more. But Men only care about the sexual history and promiscuity of the women that they are interested in LTRs and having children with. This myth that men are out here care or are trying to police the sex lives of most women is laughable. The 5 dudes who ran a train on that girl in college don't give a damn how many partners she has because none of them are ever going to marry her
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I only talk about this to a few private friends and online. I dont even broach my opinions on such things for dates. I always hope he will be one of the "rare" ones and then months later...nope...another one bites the dust. Ok, but as countless others have been told to on LS (both male and female), harboring general negativity towards the other sex like this, will leak out into your every day interactions with the other sex. members of the other sex, might not be able to directly pick up on it, but they will feel/know something isn't right. In your case they guys that will take the most offense to this, are the ones you want to most, the ones that would treat you right. 2
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I find it amusing when I meet a guy with a history of sleeping around and using women and he says he respects me for not sleeping around and then expects me to go on a date with him...
KungFuJoe Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Mmmm but are you not describing a woman who likes to sleep around? Maybe she didn't when she met you but obviously she did when you ended your relationship... No...if she wanted to sleep around, she would have done so (she had plenty of opportunities). I still keep in contact with her (we are still friends, though not close). She is currently 42 years old and has been with a total of 4 guys, is married (to the 4th guy) and has a daughter. In her way, she stayed "true" to what she believed in that she ONLY had sex with men she was in love with. That would include her first bf, me, the bf she had after me, and eventually the man she married. By YOUR definition, she is what you'd want in a woman, right?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There are good people, bad people and those who are some of both. Neither men nor women have the corner on either market. A person who is constantly finding themselves in the midsts of undesirables needs to take responsibility for it rather than blaming their own bad judgement on the entire opposite sex. That is lame. 1
GorillaTheater Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well thanks for backing me up. The majority of males ARE shallow selfish entitled pigs. I have said several times there are some that arent, they are just rare. I read a study the other day that found men have more space in their brain dedicated to sex and less space dedicated to empathy and communication when compared to women. I laughed when I read it, because its 100% true! There are some kindhearted men, but numbers wise, if you want a kindhearted partner youre better off going for girls! I sometimes get jealous of men. It must be so nice to be so goddamn selfish and shallow and society excuses you for it. If I acted the way most men did I would be called a bitch, cunt, and so many other words but for guys "he is just being a guy" and "boys will be boys" Now you dont have to support a woman financially but youre entitled to sex early on! Must be nice to have it both ways!!! It rocks. Now shut up and take your shirt off. P.S. Sh*t gets the auto-censor, but not "cunt"? Huh. 1
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 **** no. I get told by lots of guys I date that Im one of the most honest nicest girls theyve dated. I have never been able to find a man who treats me the way I treat him. They might exist but they are rare. Emotional immaturity, selfishness, entitlement, laziness is too rampant in men in their 20's. I tried to find this article I read recently but couldn't. It was about how young men were getting lazier and more shiftless as a result of women becoming more slutty. Basically the author outlined that as women became more sexually aggressive and competitive over the best looking guys, those guys had less motivation to improve themselves or put much effort into relationships. This has probably been the case for some time, but I can see how it might be reaching critical mass currently.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 That's how that guy got all of those girls. When a method gets you what you want you don't stop. Yeah Id prefer a guy who isnt a manwhore and has a chance of actually being a halfway decent boyfriend. Guys who sleep around dont have any respect for women or self control and make ****ty boyfriends they are only good for flings. My circle of friends have finally figured this out after watching them do the same exact thing over and over- it was painful to watch.
KungFuJoe Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah Id prefer a guy who isnt a manwhore and has a chance of actually being a halfway decent boyfriend. Guys who sleep around dont have any respect for women or self control and make ****ty boyfriends they are only good for flings. My circle of friends have finally figured this out after watching them do the same exact thing over and over- it was painful to watch. Just because you got burned a few times, doesn't mean all men are bad. I honestly think you need to seek therapy. 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah Id prefer a guy who isnt a manwhore and has a chance of actually being a halfway decent boyfriend. Guys who sleep around dont have any respect for women or self control and make ****ty boyfriends they are only good for flings. My circle of friends have finally figured this out after watching them do the same exact thing over and over- it was painful to watch. So why do you continue to paint all guys with the same brush? I mean, if you've moved on, why are you still so concerned with the behavior of douchebags? Just steer clear of those guys! Spend your time on the good ones. You know, it still will take plenty of trial and error to find a "right" match, even if you limit your dating pool to stand-up people to the best of your ability. Why even waste time and all this emotional energy concerning yourself with the ones who aren't even worth thinking about? 1
KungFuJoe Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Therapy is for people who want to change. I think pbjbear wants to change.
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 So why do you continue to paint all guys with the same brush? I mean, if you've moved on, why are you still so concerned with the behavior of douchebags? Just steer clear of those guys! Spend your time on the good ones. You know, it still will take plenty of trial and error to find a "right" match, even if you limit your dating pool to stand-up people to the best of your ability. Why even waste time and all this emotional energy concerning yourself with the ones who aren't even worth thinking about? Eh, I say cut her some slack and let her vent her frustration.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I do steer clear of douchebags. THATS WHY IM SINGLE. If I wanted a douchebag to waste energy on, Id be in a relationship or dating someone right now. Its fine, people on the Internet just cannot handle people that speak their mind. I have to sugarcoat things all the time. Nobody has ever told me in real life that I need therapy. Most people say I just have a "tell it how it is" personality. Most men (notice I said "most men" I have said 43893 times on this forum there are some rare good men in existence but everyone ignores that because I dont say "most men" are good men...because they arent!) are douchebags...sorry...sorry the truth hurts people. Just because I recognize it doesnt mean I "need therapy."
KungFuJoe Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I do steer clear of douchebags. THATS WHY IM SINGLE. If I wanted a douchebag to waste energy on, Id be in a relationship or dating someone right now. Its fine, people on the Internet just cannot handle people that speak their mind. Nobody has ever told me in real life that I need therapy. Most men (notice I said "most men" I have said 43895714379856783 times on this forum there are some rare good men in existence but everyone ignores that because I dont say "most men" are good men...because they arent!) are douchebags...sorry...sorry the truth hurts people. Just because I recognize it doesnt mean I "need therapy." You do need therapy. You don't see it now, but it's pretty obvious. There's a book I would recommend you read...it's called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. I'm sure you can find it online somewhere...I could even email you a copy if you want. 1
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 You do need therapy. You don't see it now, but it's pretty obvious. There's a book I would recommend you read...it's called "Feeling Good" by David Burns. I'm sure you can find it online somewhere...I could even email you a copy if you want. Ive read that book. I treat every guy I date like he will be one of the rare ones so its not helpful. I dont go into dating feeling like everyone will screw me over.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I do steer clear of douchebags. THATS WHY IM SINGLE. If I wanted a douchebag to waste energy on, Id be in a relationship or dating someone right now. Your list of things above says your not good at steering clear of them........ 2
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Your list of things above says your not good at steering clear of them........ Clearly you cannot read. You think if a guy did that in the early stages of dating Id stick around? Read my posts more carefully. I said they were all nice in the beginning, then after a few months of seeming great they changed and started doing those behaviors. Several of them, my friends were shocked because they seemed so nice so I know its not me being naiive. Not everyone who is a douche shows a lot of red flags in the beginning. Some do- I have stopped seeing many men who have early signs of not being nice...so no, I dont have a problem. If I did I would have continued seeing those men that showed red flags
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ive read that book. I treat every guy I date like he will be one of the rare ones so its not helpful. I dont go into dating feeling like everyone will screw me over. O so you go in blindly, and then get upset/angry/(pick an adjective), when they don't turn out what you hope they would be...... D-bags pray on women like you, that's why you think so many men are horrible, the only men your interacting with are d-bags. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Clearly you cannot read. Actually I don't think you can. Most of the women I know don't end up in the situations you have, because the types of guys you have problems with never make it to date one. So my point still stand you are not good at steering clear of them.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 O so you go in blindly, and then get upset/angry/(pick an adjective), when they don't turn out what you hope they would be...... D-bags pray on women like you, that's why you think so many men are horrible, the only men your interacting with are d-bags. How exactly do I go in blindly? If a guy gives me player vibes or has red flags...I stop seeing him. I have stopped seeing alot of guys over this stuff and actually have a reputation of being picky in my circle and have heard my friends say "he is too much of an ass for her"
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Actually I don't think you can. Most of the women I know don't end up in the situations you have, because the types of guys you have problems with never make it to date one. So my point still stand you are not good at steering clear of them. Okay, since you seem to have all the answers, how about you tell me what my screening process should be? I bet 3 of the guys I dated that later turned into douches would pass your process.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 perhaps blind is wrong word, but this doesn't even mesh with you own point of view of men. I treat every guy I date like he will be one of the rare ones so its not helpful If good men are as rare as you say they are, it's not logical to treat every man you date like he is going to be a good one. If anything you should treat them like they are a bad one until they prove they aren't. Okay, since you seem to have all the answers, how about you tell me what my screening process should be? I bet 3 of the guys I dated that later turned into douches would pass your process. what is your screening process? as far as I can tell you don't have one. 1
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 perhaps blind is wrong word, but this doesn't even mesh with you own point of view of men. If good men are as rare as you say they are, it's not logical to treat every man you date like he is going to be a good one. If anything you should treat them like they are a bad one until they prove they aren't. what is your screening process? as far as I can tell you don't have one. When I say treat them like they are the rare one, I dont mean I treat them like theyre a king or insanely special or anything. Im not too available or too gracious or anything, I dont let people treat me bad or walk all over me. I dont assume they are going to later turn into a douche because I know there are some good ones sprinkled in life and going in expecting them to be a douche is a bad mindset and would turn people away. Screening process? These are things I stay away from those that -party alot -do drugs -talk to their exes alot -seem rude or like a jerk -sleep around -are very flirtacious -recently got out of a relationship -arent mentally stimulating enough for me. he doesnt have to necessarily be super smart, just someone who isnt a dud -that have a very unhealthy lifestyle (Im a pretty healthy person, not OCD like, but most really unhealthy people get annoyed with me I find) If I get bad vibes early on I stop seeing them. I have found my intuition for a guy seeming like a jerk is usually right...
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