What do guys think of girls who are not promiscious and have strong morals?

[pbjbear]

This is why women should not be giving up sex so quickly. After all, this is what the man wants initially when he approaches a female. If he was a keeper, he would be fine with holding out. Once he gets the sex, he gets lazy and selfish.

 

This is also why I prefer women with a low number because of that same reason. It gives me comfort knowing that there is a very low chance I would run across one of the males she used to sleep with.

 

Usually the honeymoon wears off after 5 months or so. You really think a guy will wait that long? Yeah right. I make a guy wait at least a month and that weeds out 90% of them. This is what our society is coming to. The fact that men always become lazy after sex says alot about the character of men. This is one of the biggest reasons why I say men are too sex obsessed.

[Emilia]

I dont think Ive ever observed a relationship where a guy was very respectful and not selfish to the same degree as the woman except for one in highschool. Its pretty much a given. They can start out nice but once the honeymoon wears off they all become selfish and expect the woman to do most of the work.

 

Maybe you need to be more careful with what kind of men you pick. Not all of us have had this experience in our dating lives thankfully.

[ltjg45]

Usually the honeymoon wears off after 5 months or so. You really think a guy will wait that long? Yeah right. I make a guy wait at least a month and that weeds out 90% of them. This is what our society is coming to.

 

I'm a guy and I know the sheer majority won't which is why I want women to do just that. If you want to find a guy worth being in a LTR or even marriage, you need to do things like this.

 

At least a month is reasonable. I don't know about 2+ months because it does feel like an eternity and it does give the image to him thinking that you have a low to no sex drive, which is a turn-off to those same males (like me).

 

Unfortunately, very few women do this. This is why males jump to the next one once they hear this. They got so many more targets that is willing to give it up that very same day that it is not worth waiting that long just to sleep with it.

 

That's fine. In fact, that's a good thing. Let them jump. They aren't the males you want in the long run anyway.

 

Still, I advise you to keep that standard because, like you said, it weeds out the ones you don't want. At some point, you will find a male that is willing to accept that. Whether or not he is the kind of male you want is another question but at least he is worth a try.

 

Any female that tells me I need to wait a month before sleeping with her is the kind of female I don't mind putting effort in to chase and keep. I know that's hard to believe but I'm serious on that.

[Els]

Usually the honeymoon wears off after 5 months or so. You really think a guy will wait that long? Yeah right.

 

5 months is considered very quick where I come from. Most people wait longer than that. Not sure about the USA.

[pbjbear]

5 months is considered very quick where I come from. Most people wait longer than that. Not sure about the USA.

 

Can I move to where you live? NYC sucks for dating

[Lonely Ronin]

Can I move to where you live? NYC sucks for dating

 

You should, as living in that environment, is completely messing with your sense of reality and men.

[TheGuard13]

Yeah, men don't magically get lazy after sex. Most of them were already lazy to begin with. And a smart woman should be able to figure that out long before she "puts out", simply based on how the guy operates.

 

What women should do is not this silly "weeding out" of the men who aren't good for them by making them wait an arbitrary amount of time, because the average man, once again, whether he's a good person or not, will get either bored and/or annoyed with what he sees as games, and/or seek other options so he can get what he wants to be fulfilled, not just 50% of what he wants.

 

What women should be doing is putting in work on their own end early on to figure out if the men are, in fact, lazy and selfish. Via conversation and analysis. I don't buy for a second that most women who complain about guys being jerks, lazy, selfish etc are doing that.

 

Also, there seems to be this idea that enjoying sex but not wanting a committed relationship makes men lazy and selfish. I don't agree with that at all.

[StanMusial]

You should, as living in that environment, is completely messing with your sense of reality and men.

 

IMO online dating has screwed up a lot of people on here.

[pbjbear]

You should, as living in that environment, is completely messing with your sense of reality and men.

 

Nope, this IS the reality with men in NYC. Come live here for a few years and youll see what I mean.

 

Edit: Online dating is at the bottom of the list on how I have met men.

[pbjbear]

Yeah, men don't magically get lazy after sex. Most of them were already lazy to begin with. And a smart woman should be able to figure that out long before she "puts out", simply based on how the guy operates.

 

What women should do is not this silly "weeding out" of the men who aren't good for them by making them wait an arbitrary amount of time, because the average man, once again, whether he's a good person or not, will get either bored and/or annoyed with what he sees as games, and/or seek other options so he can get what he wants to be fulfilled, not just 50% of what he wants.

 

What women should be doing is putting in work on their own end early on to figure out if the men are, in fact, lazy and selfish. Via conversation and analysis. I don't buy for a second that most women who complain about guys being jerks, lazy, selfish etc are doing that.

 

Also, there seems to be this idea that enjoying sex but not wanting a committed relationship makes men lazy and selfish. I don't agree with that at all.

 

Coming from a man who from his posts seems to feel entitled to early sex, I find that first statement amusing.

 

Your 2nd statement is true but sometimes it is too ideal. People put on their best behavior and show a false front often during the first few months. Sometimes red flags are there and women ignore them and are dumb, but sometimes they arent, depending on how good the guy is. I have dated 2 guys that literally turned into a completely different person after 3 months. Everyone who met them was shocked- they never saw the signs either from an objective point of view.

[Lonely Ronin]

Nope, this IS the reality with men in NYC. Come live here for a few years and youll see what I mean.

 

Edit: Online dating is at the bottom of the list on how I have met men.

 

 

Yes, as I said get out of NYC, the planet has 3 billion males on it, and a lot of them aren't like the guys in NYC.

[TheGuard13]

Coming from a man who from his posts seems to feel entitled to early sex, I find that first statement amusing.

 

Boy, you're just a See and Say of improper debate tactics, aren't you? Where, pray tell, have I posted anything that says I feel entitled to early sex?

 

Please post multiple examples, since you said "posts", of where any reasonable person would get that I feel entitled to early sex.

 

I like sex. I like sex within a couple of dates if there's chemistry ("Entitled" is something else entirely). But I'm also the type of guy who knows my potential sex partner/date well enough to generally know whether I'm sleeping with a terrible human being or not, and whether I want to risk it, and risk being hurt, disappointed, etc.

 

Your 2nd statement is true but sometimes it is too ideal. People put on their best behavior and show a false front often during the first few months. Sometimes red flags are there and women ignore them and are dumb, but sometimes they arent, depending on how good the guy is. I have dated 2 guys that literally turned into a completely different person after 3 months. Everyone who met them was shocked- they never saw the signs either from an objective point of view.

 

That's the risk you take when you get to know human beings. When you date. I understand that people want to avoid being hurt, but that's more about your choices and your overall reaction to people's actions toward you than anything else.

 

There is no perfect way to weed out immoral people and liars. If you sleep with an immoral person or a liar, then you slept with an immoral person or a liar. You move on from that liar. You stop rewarding their red flag behavior with more sex, which is the mistake most women who complain about this kind of phenomenon seem to make. The old "I can change him!" cliche is alive and well.

[pbjbear]

I do move on from immoral people and people with bad character. Thats why I have the reputation for always being single in my social circle. I put up with far less **** than most women on this site and since most men cant hold themselves to high standards in regards to how they treat women, I end up being single most of the time and watch my friends get treated badly by their boyfriends. Perhaps one day Ill meet a guy who has emotional maturity, is respectful and not selfish but it sure hasnt happened yet. Im sure some men out there exist like that but they are few and far between esp. in their 20's. Ill prob be one of those people who gets married when shes 40 and Im fine with that...I pity women who waste away their youth on their lame selfish mean boyfriends instead of using that energy on themselves.

[TheGuard13]

Without any actual examples of your relationships and the issues therein, all I tend to hear from you is vague statements about men. I'd almost guess that you're looking for someone who will always be the right things, and never make a moral misstep, etc. Almost. You won't neccessarily find that person. People are fallible. They make mistakes. It's as important to learn forgiveness and compassion as it is moral balance.

[pbjbear]

Without any actual examples of your relationships and the issues therein, all I tend to hear from you is vague statements about men. I'd almost guess that you're looking for someone who will always be the right things, and never make a moral misstep, etc. Almost. You won't neccessarily find that person. People are fallible. They make mistakes. It's as important to learn forgiveness and compassion as it is moral balance.

 

 

Nope, none of them were "missteps." They were all consistent behaviors where they treated me like crap.

 

1) Degrading me in front of their friends/family

2) Constantly talking about how hot my friends, coworkers are...then flipping a **** if I say something small about one of their friends

3) Lying to me about talking to their exes on a daily basis

4) Allowing a girl that has a huge crush on them to spend the night in his room several times

5) Expecting me to cook for them all the time and then complaining about the food

6) Expecting me to watch sports with them all the time yet never wanting to do anything I want to do

7) Telling his friends embarassing personal info about myself that obviously is meant to not be shared

8) Making fun of me/putting me down constantly

9) Bringing up my past that has nothing to do with the current situation, as a way to excuse their current ****ty behavior

10) Expecting me to take care of them when they are sick, yet ignoring me when I am sick

11) Me always have to cater to their schedule though in every relationship I have always been the one with a busier schedule

12) Asking me to get together last minute, and then getting angry when I turn them down several times in a row because I have alot of friends that ask me to do stuff. I dont clear my entire weekend for a guy who cannot bother to make plans ahead of time at least some of the time

13) Stop doing foreplay after a few months and expect quickies where I dont get an orgasm 90% of the time

 

I could keep going if youd like

Edited March 26, 2013 by pbjbear

[Lonely Ronin]

This isn't normal behavior, this is asshat behavior.

 

 

Nope, none of them were "missteps." They were all consistent behaviors where they treated me like crap.

 

1) Degrading me in front of their friends/family

2) Constantly talking about how hot my friends, coworkers are...then flipping a **** if I say something small about one of their friends

3) Lying to me about talking to their exes on a daily basis

4) Allowing a girl that has a huge crush on them to spend the night in his room several times

5) Expecting me to cook for them all the time and then complaining about the food

6) Expecting me to watch sports with them all the time yet never wanting to do anything I want to do

7) Telling his friends embarassing personal info about myself that obviously is meant to not be shared

8) Making fun of me/putting me down constantly

9) Bringing up my past that has nothing to do with the current situation, as a way to excuse their current ****ty behavior

10) Expecting me to take care of them when they are sick, yet ignoring me when I am sick

11) Me always have to cater to their schedule though in every relationship I have always been the one with a busier schedule

12) Asking me to get together last minute, and then getting angry when I turn them down several times in a row because I have alot of friends that ask me to do stuff. I dont clear my entire weekend for a guy who cannot bother to make plans ahead of time at least some of the time

13) Stop doing foreplay after a few months and expect quickies where I dont get an orgasm 90% of the time

 

I could keep going if youd like

[pbjbear]

This isn't normal behavior, this is asshat behavior.

 

 

Every guy I have dated for longer than 3 months has done at least 4 of those things on that list. They sure as hell didnt do any of that the first few months though....once they got comfortable all these behaviors emerged. Guys (and girls too) will often falsely represent their character and personality in the beginning. Sometimes there are signs there (that I learned with experience) but sometimes they hide it well. I have also dated guys who did stuff like this starting after like 4 dates and I always stopped seeing them. I dont tolerate "asshat" behavior for long...if I did Im sure Id be in a relationship.

[RedRobin]

This is why women should not be giving up sex so quickly. After all, this is what the man wants initially when he approaches a female. If he was a keeper, he would be fine with holding out. Once he gets the sex, he gets lazy and selfish.

 

This is also why I prefer women with a low number because of that same reason. It gives me comfort knowing that there is a very low chance I would run across one of the males she used to sleep with.

 

yea, well... then men who want women with appropriate filters need to have some morals himself and not act like a horndog who uses his d*ck to make relationship decisions like some of the posters on this page. (not necessarily you lt..... but I'm quoting you because you seem to put the burden on her... when the guy SHOULD have some filters too)

 

... I just love it when people (especially men) say they 'like sex' and then think women are supposed to have f*cking magical mind-reading powers. More laziness on men's part... expecting the woman to do it all.. Have sex when it suits him and blame her when things don't work out.

 

A*ssholes.

Edited March 26, 2013 by RedRobin

[normal person]

What does the average male between age 25 and 35 really think of girls who don't put out right away and have strong morals? Also if she rarely drinks, never does drugs or party. Does this turn the average male off? I find that most guys in this age bracket are still in the party scene, and don't want to waste time on a girl if she won't put out or party.

 

I'm 26 and ideally, I'd take a girl who acts appropriately for someone her age (assuming she's 24-26 herself).

 

Ex: She still has fun, can drink socially but she's not throwing up every weekend, no drugs, she's outgrown the college lifestyle and actually has values, standards, and is looking for something legitimate.

[Lonely Ronin]

Every guy I have dated for longer than 3 months has done at least 4 of those things on that list. They sure as hell didnt do any of that the first few months though....once they got comfortable all these behaviors emerged. Guys (and girls too) will often falsely represent their character and personality in the beginning. Sometimes there are signs there (that I learned with experience) but sometimes they hide it well. I have also dated guys who did stuff like this starting after like 4 dates and I always stopped seeing them. I dont tolerate "asshat" behavior for long...if I did Im sure Id be in a relationship.

 

So what are you trying to say, that all people are lying & selfish? I mean you said men and women do this, does that include you?

[RedRobin]

If theres anything I could tell younger women about dating its that men are huge hypocrites. They expect so much from you without holding themselves to the same standards. Its ridiculous and why I have little interest in dating. Men are disrespectful and selfish yet expect women to be respectful and selfless. They get away with it because overall, society says its in a woman's nature to be nurturing and giving towards others while men arent.

 

I agree with you in general. Yes, I do believe that culturally, women are told they have to be the ones putting in vast amounts of emotional energy and are expected to be the ones most adept at communication (ie respect).

 

This translates to a lot of men being emotionally lazy and getting away with it. Some decide to change this later on, when they learn how that behavior harms them... and keeps them from having the intimacy I think most healthy human beings crave. It takes some time though... and if they weren't raised that way... it could take A LONG TIME. Also, women need to just f-ing walk and not feel bad about doing so if a guy is treating them disrespectfully.

 

Here's the thing though... there are lots of men who sincerely are trying to change this thing about themselves, how they were raised, and how they relate to women... and ARE trying to bust out of molds that culturally don't fit...

 

You need to find a way to be appreciative of their efforts to do this. It's not enough to tell someone what you DONT like... you need to tell someone what you DO like in a way that makes them feel appreciated. Isn't that what all of us need when we are out of our comfort zone and learning something new?

 

I think both me and you have been around too many men who haven't tried.. or they left the appearance of trying... and now we are waiting for that 'ah-ha' moment where they prove to be big a-holes.

 

personally, I'd like to think I'm better than that. Maybe I'm not... but I'm willing to try

Edited March 26, 2013 by RedRobin

[pbjbear]

So what are you trying to say, that all people are lying & selfish? I mean you said men and women do this, does that include you?

 

**** no. I get told by lots of guys I date that Im one of the most honest nicest girls theyve dated. I have never been able to find a man who treats me the way I treat him. They might exist but they are rare.

 

Emotional immaturity, selfishness, entitlement, laziness is too rampant in men in their 20's.

[Lonely Ronin]

Emotional immaturity, selfishness, entitlement, laziness is too rampant in men in their 20's.

 

Constantly saying or thinking the above, isn't going to win over any of the men you are looking for, it actually has the opposite effect.

[pbjbear]

Where in the hell do you people meet these women and men you are talking about?

 

OLD, bars, clubs, swinger parties, strip clubs, biker bars, truck stops, etc?

 

If all you are meeting is losers, that is on you.

 

Several of you are in desperate need of changing the "circles you run in", your environment and need "new ponds to fish in".

 

Try some of the following:

 

Charity Events, Volunteer, Community Service Projects, Fundraisers, etc. in general attract people who are thoughtful, generous, selfless, kind, giving, etc.

 

All of these are a lot of fun, you meet amazing people (both men and women), make new friends, make a difference in your community or someones life and meet people of the opposite sex as well.

 

I have dated men from

-my social circle

-work/internships

-clubs/groups

-online dating

-very few from bars, mostly when I was younger

-I actually have dated one from volunteering right before I graduated college (took about 3 months for his "true colors" to come out)

 

I have dated smart guys, guys that arent educated, extroverts, introverts, strong-and-stoic types, funny guys...I dont go for "one type" They are all the same= selfish, lazy, entitled. Some put up a front better than others

 

 

Most men are wolves in sheep clothing, apparently.

 

EDIT: Just because someone is "fun" doesnt mean they will treat you right.

 

Treating women right is a trait that is not linked to being fun or interesting, its in your character. I have several insanely fun male friends who make me laugh like crazy who would never treat me right seeing how they treat women they date. Many men arent simply good at being respectful, nice, not selfish

Edited March 26, 2013 by pbjbear

[pbjbear]

You really need to be more realistic because, even though the majority of males is like that, (and I have seen that first-hand. This is why I almost don't have any male friends at all) not everyone is really like that.

 

If I ever get the chance to go to NYC, I would like to meet you in person if the opportunity ever arise. I would love to see what you mean with my own two eyes.

 

Well thanks for backing me up. The majority of males ARE shallow selfish entitled pigs. I have said several times there are some that arent, they are just rare.

 

I read a study the other day that found men have more space in their brain dedicated to sex and less space dedicated to empathy and communication when compared to women. I laughed when I read it, because its 100% true! There are some kindhearted men, but numbers wise, if you want a kindhearted partner youre better off going for girls!

 

I sometimes get jealous of men. It must be so nice to be so goddamn selfish and shallow and society excuses you for it. If I acted the way most men did I would be called a bitch, cunt, and so many other words but for guys "he is just being a guy" and "boys will be boys" Now you dont have to support a woman financially but youre entitled to sex early on! Must be nice to have it both ways!!!

 

Theres a reason sociological studies have found over and over married men are happier than single men and married women are unhappier than single women. We bear the brunt of being less selfish and more caring. Women are expected to put more into their relationships than men and society enables this

Edited March 26, 2013 by pbjbear