singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Was I naive to believe he'd never leave me and all the other stuff he said? Everything inside me screamed that this was the right guy, so how could I have been so wrong? Feeling very low tonight Maybe love is blind and we all just see what we want to see! Thoughts...
Am4Real Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 So sorry!!! Was I naive to believe he'd never leave me and all the other stuff he said? Everything inside me screamed that this was the right guy, so how could I have been so wrong? Feeling very low tonight Maybe love is blind and we all just see what we want to see! Thoughts...
ThatJustHappened Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (((((singme2sleep))))) Hug!!! Feel free to PM me if you like. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I heard all those things too and believed and trusted - I thought wow, how amazing that somebody adores me as much as I adore him. This is a man I can hand my heart to without worrying that he will break it - he will cherish and protect it. Life is wonderful! But somehow something went wrong and their feelings and thoughts changed. I'm sure they didn't want their feelings to change, and they were not happy to see and feel it happening within themselves. But it did and it sucks They couldn't stop their feelings from changing - I daresay they tried hard to stop the slide. And there is nothing we can do now to bring their feelings back. We just have to accept that they have changed, and do our best to cope and recover. Try to move your mind and thoughts to a less hurtful place, Sing. Hugs. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Was I naive to believe he'd never leave me and all the other stuff he said? Everything inside me screamed that this was the right guy, so how could I have been so wrong? Feeling very low tonight Maybe love is blind and we all just see what we want to see! Thoughts... Unfortunately just about everyone can say the same thing you are. So to answer your question, no you arent a fool. But I clearly understand why you think you are(see username). TFOY 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I just dont get the thing about 'feelings changed' I mean, damn sure they didnt change overnight, so why not talk about it while they were changing and let us know what the fucck is happening in that brain of yours I agree completely Mutant. Valentine's Day "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! <3<3<3<3<3" Abruptly disappears, won't answer phone, reply to text. Shows up two weeks later. "Hey, guess what, I met somebody" "You don't even love me any more?" "Can't say that I do." WTF?! Feelings do NOT change that quickly! He would not looked twice at somebody new if he still loved me the way he said and acted like he did. I was blindsided. I try to be generous to him and think that maybe he was TRYING to keep loving me, but then sometimes when I think about it, I just get angry all over again 4
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) Sorry to follow-up on my own post. Yesterday I was feeling very strong, better than I have in 6 weeks. But letting my mind go down this path this morning has me in a much worse (sad, emotional) place. This dang rollercoaster! I have such an urge to send him a message saying: You have handled this in the worst, cruelest way possible. How is your heart so cold that you can you love somebody for two years and do this to them?! (Don't worry I won't! But the urge is there nonetheless!) Yesterday the song that was ringing true for me was "I hope you had the time of your life (Good Riddance)". Today, the song is Jar of Hearts ("I hope you catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"). Rollercoaster I know it's my own thoughts that affect how I'm feeling and I have to get my thoughts back in a more helpful place. Edited March 26, 2013 by Damsel in Distress 1
Am4Real Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Hang in there today; we're all with you!! I know it's my own thoughts that affect how I'm feeling and I have to get my thoughts back in a more helpful place. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I wanted to thank Am4Real for the support (It's badly needed today and it really does help to know I'm not alone) but I thought that would have been better as a PM - but does this forum not have PMs? I can't figure out how? So I thank you here, Am4Real and will fill out the post with more of my thoughts: I don't know why but today is a struggle. Well I do know why - I let my thoughts go back instead of looking forward. But once it's done it's so hard to regroup. :'( The tears just keep coming. I was so blindsided by the suddenness of this breakup that I've spent these 6 weeks in such a place of shock and disbelief and anger and trying to understand how it possibly ended so abruptly that I actually haven't cried, so maybe this is just overdue grieving. I just re-read TaraMaiden's NC guide as step one to getting my thoughts back to the present and coping/healing/moving on. It's an excellent guide and it always help me think more clearly. But I let myself fall in a hole today and it's going to take some effort to climb back out. Bear with me today. Thanks everybody for being here. 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I just dont get the thing about 'feelings changed' I mean, damn sure they didnt change overnight, so why not talk about it while they were changing and let us know what the fucck is happening in that brain of yours Perfectly said.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I just dont get the thing about 'feelings changed' I mean, damn sure they didnt change overnight, so why not talk about it while they were changing and let us know what the fucck is happening in that brain of yours Its an obtuse proclamation....There is nothing to "get" Translation? She found someone else. TFOY
Video Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Was I naive to believe he'd never leave me and all the other stuff he said? Everything inside me screamed that this was the right guy, so how could I have been so wrong? Feeling very low tonight Maybe love is blind and we all just see what we want to see! Thoughts... Im very sorry to hear about your loss. Men suck they really do. And being a guy and knowing lots of other guys I know that men just cant seem to figure **** out. They have a hard time accepting things and understanding woman. Im not making excuses but i can tell you...not even knowing you i guarantee it wasn't your fault. The fact that your posting this shows you loved and cared and that should be enough for any man. Theres someone out there for you! I found that keeping a busy schedule and hanging out with friends as much as possible helped me with my break up.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I just dont get the thing about 'feelings changed' I mean, damn sure they didnt change overnight, so why not talk about it while they were changing and let us know what the fucck is happening in that brain of yours This is exactly how you feel, it makes no sense to me either.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Sorry to follow-up on my own post. Yesterday I was feeling very strong, better than I have in 6 weeks. But letting my mind go down this path this morning has me in a much worse (sad, emotional) place. This dang rollercoaster! I have such an urge to send him a message saying: You have handled this in the worst, cruelest way possible. How is your heart so cold that you can you love somebody for two years and do this to them?! (Don't worry I won't! But the urge is there nonetheless!) Yesterday the song that was ringing true for me was "I hope you had the time of your life (Good Riddance)". Today, the song is Jar of Hearts ("I hope you catch a cold from the ice inside your soul"). Rollercoaster I know it's my own thoughts that affect how I'm feeling and I have to get my thoughts back in a more helpful place. Today I'm feeling the urge to contact my ex too, but I won't. I just want to pick up my phone and talk to him like nothing has changed, but again I won't. Will I ever not feel this way?!
Author singme2sleep Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 'You found someone else, good just tell me so I can plan ahead too.' sheesh! how unprofessional can someone get It's not about being unprofessional, it's about being cold and unfeeling. Once they breakup with you, they turn into a different person entirely. You look at them and think "isn't this the same person who used to hold me at night and promise me the world?" 3
Damsel in Distress Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Today I'm feeling the urge to contact my ex too, but I won't. I just want to pick up my phone and talk to him like nothing has changed, but again I won't. Will I ever not feel this way?! My kids' cat died a few weeks ago (hit by a car), so at the same time I'm grieving this breakup, I'm watching and trying to help the kids grieve the loss of their pet. This is my kids' first close loss, and they have taken it very hard. They have all been startled at the very common experience of momentarily "forgetting" the cat is dead. My son was so relieved when i told him it is completely normal to find yourself doing things like going to fill the food bowl, or going to to door to see if he needs let in, or starting to look for him or call his name, or even thinking you see him out of the corner of your eye. When somebody has been part of your life for so long, your brain and heart and soul are just used to that presence, and it just takes time to get used to them no longer being around and accept it. Watching this in my kids, I wonder if some of these urges for contact start in a similar way. Our ex's were a central, emotionally charged part of our life. So even if we are feeling strong, the physical memory traces are hard etched into our lives. Kind of like a "habit" of the mind and heart. If they were truly gone (as in dead), we would react to those memory traces as just memories and brush them off. But when we have a memory trace of an ex, have an urge to reach out to them out of habit... well they still exist in this world - so it's very difficult not to follow through on that urge. Sorry I know this is looking at it too intellectually, but that's another way I cope and deflect the raw emotion. In truth it just sucks that somebody who used to love you dearly has cut you off and no longer willing to share themselves and their life with you Yes I know I sound like I've gone off the deep end. Today I guess I have! I warned you guys, lol. 2
coralie Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) I just dont get the thing about 'feelings changed' I mean, damn sure they didnt change overnight, so why not talk about it while they were changing and let us know what the fucck is happening in that brain of yours See that's the part I'm confused about too and wish I could get more people's real life experiences and opinions. I've read so many articles about the honeymoon phase and it seems for many people, when you fall out of the honeymoon phase, feelings actually do change overnight. They always describe it like a switch being flipped. That's what freaks me out. Apparently some people can and do transition from the honeymoon phase to that more secure and comfortable lasting love phase without issues, but for others, they just feel they're falling out of love and can't come up with anything else and they bail. I wonder if many of the breakups we hear about have something to do with this, especially the ones where the relationship had been a healthy one without any serious problems? Plus they always give the estimate of honeymoon phase lasting between months to 3 years or so, and I can't help but notice how many breakups are from relationships that end in this time frame. Edited March 27, 2013 by coralie 3
ab5 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 It's not about being unprofessional, it's about being cold and unfeeling. Once they breakup with you, they turn into a different person entirely. You look at them and think "isn't this the same person who used to hold me at night and promise me the world?" I can completely relate to this. My ex fiance was so loving, promised to always hold my hand, never leave my side, that he would always take care of me.... This same guy turned into a complete cold hearted person after our break up and the way he treated me after the break up was shocking and hurt so much. I"m still having trouble accepting that he's the same guy I got engaged to. It's unbelievable and now I'm scared to trust my heart to anyone else... 1
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 You have summarized the realities of losing someone very well. Intellectual? Yes, to say the very least. Bravo! The soul is deeper than most of us realize when we go about our busy lives. However, trigger an event like a BU and only then do we realize how much of "our" busy lives revolve around it. When somebody has been part of your life for so long, your brain and heart and soul are just used to that presence, and it just takes time to get used to them no longer being around and accept it. Sorry I know this is looking at it too intellectually, but that's another way I cope and deflect the raw emotion. In truth it just sucks that somebody who used to love you dearly has cut you off and no longer willing to share themselves and their life with you
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