Girlboots Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well....he's not really my guy, just a friends with benefits type of thing going on So, I didn't text him first for a few days, and he hasn't texted me at all. I'm getting angry now that I realize we only talked because I initiated conversations. It's been 4 days, and I feel like I'm being a psycho for feeling upset. I don't have any reason to be upset though, right? We usually talk everyday, and we aren't mad at each other, I'm just testing him to see if he will initiate a conversation. Oh, and I accidently called him early in the morning and he didn't call back. I don't know. I always do these dumb little tests on him and I end up getting upset when he doesn't "pass, and I feel like I'm being one of those crazy girls. I don't know. I just expect more attention from the guy I'm messing around with, but I don't have any rights on that since we're not together.
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It's silly to test guys, yes. What is even sillier is testing them, and not learning a lesson. If you continue to do this, and he continues to fail, why are you still doing it?? 9
KatZee Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah, you are being crazy. Sorry. You're a f.uck buddy. Nothing more. He has absolutely zero obligation to you, he doesn't need to call you at all. He doesn't need to treat you like a girlfriend. Hell, if he really wants he could also only call you up when he's feeling horny. That's how FWB situations go. You're obviously looking for more, and you're being completely immature with how you're going about getting him to notice you. You also sound a bit insecure if you feel you need so much validation from your FWB partner. 11
todreaminblue Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well....he's not really my guy, just a friends with benefits type of thing going on So, I didn't text him first for a few days, and he hasn't texted me at all. I'm getting angry now that I realize we only talked because I initiated conversations. It's been 4 days, and I feel like I'm being a psycho for feeling upset. I don't have any reason to be upset though, right? We usually talk everyday, and we aren't mad at each other, I'm just testing him to see if he will initiate a conversation. Oh, and I accidently called him early in the morning and he didn't call back. I don't know. I always do these dumb little tests on him and I end up getting upset when he doesn't "pass, and I feel like I'm being one of those crazy girls. I don't know. I just expect more attention from the guy I'm messing around with, but I don't have any rights on that since we're not together. Testing someone without their knowledge on what your answers are set at its always a set up for failure......observing how someone reacts in any given situation is different though........how do you know he isnt testing you.....its all games.......and games have to end for true answers to be found...contact him if you want to see him, dont contact him if you dont and then if you do contact see him in person and see how well you get on together..test yourself how much do you like him first multiple choice question for you....a is I like him enough not to play and get serious....or b is nah this messing with him is fun im having way too much fun to be serious.......i would go with a if you truly like him.......deb
Author Girlboots Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Yeah, you are being crazy. Sorry. You're a f.uck buddy. Nothing more. He has absolutely zero obligation to you, he doesn't need to call you at all. He doesn't need to treat you like a girlfriend. Hell, if he really wants he could also only call you up when he's feeling horny. That's how FWB situations go. You're obviously looking for more, and you're being completely immature with how you're going about getting him to notice you. You also sound a bit insecure if you feel you need so much validation from your FWB partner. I am extremely insecure with him. I was ok with the situation at first, but now it's like I want more attention, and not the physical kind, and I'm not getting it, so instead of asking him, I keep doing tests to see if he really likes me. Its so dumb.
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I am extremely insecure with him. I was ok with the situation at first, but now it's like I want more attention, and not the physical kind, and I'm not getting it, so instead of asking him, I keep doing tests to see if he really likes me. Its so dumb. It is really dumb. If things have changed for you and it's not an FWB situation from your end, it's not his fault. You're the one who developed more feelings and didn't tell him. What you need to do is either tell him you would be interested in something more, or just let the situation go. You can't carry on this way, it's not healthy for anyone. 2
tbf Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Are you looking for more attention or do you have romantic feelings for him? If you're looking for more attention and you're not in an exclusive FWB, you can always find other men to supplement the need. But then, it begs the question of why men are vehicles for attention. 1
Eggplant Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 FWB = pain. Just cry and heal. Protect yourself. With the texting, do not initiate. In fact, the clingier you feel, the more restraint you should use. Good luck! 3
chelsea2011 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yes, it's silly to test someone who does not think of you more than a FWB. Start living your life for you and forget about trying to make more of something that's simply not there. You have options, you just need to go out and find them. He will survive without you.
lovelyde Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He's never going to see you as a wife. To him, he loves another girl and not you. He dreams that he's making love to his crush when he's with you. In order to get the right guy who will love you forever, you need to find someone else. Don't bother to test him. Dump him and don't turn back. -
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 So how are those tests results looking? Or are you just failing to actually read them? It's obvious what you are doing...you clearly want more and wanted more, but you're learning for a reason that a FWB is a FWB for a reason and isn't going to gain more than that. So keep wasting your time, energy and investing emotions when you can when you actually feel like he cares or thinks of you as more, you're only fooling yourself...this is a one-sided "romance" for lack of a better word. 2
musemaj11 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Tests are normal as long as you are not obsessive about it. When I go to a theater with a girl, after paying for the tickets I would wait to see if she would grab us a popcorn and a soda. If she doesnt then I will buy them myself before entering the studio but in my mind she failed the test.
phineas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Had a woman who said she just wanted to be friends "test" me and act like she caught me sneaking around because I was going to hang with another woman she knew (and apparently didn't like) LOL! errrrr.....we were not dating. See how crazy that makes her look? If not, well trust me, she cray cray. I made screen captures of the texts she sent me & showed them to close friends just in case I go missing or my body turns up somewhere.
Janesays Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Even dumber than tests is not being able to see the writing clearly on the wall.
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 *sigh* Another sad case of a woman being emotionally weak and having no self respect, saying she can do a FWB when she clearly cannot without being attached. For your own good OP, get yourself out of this arrangement. This guy doesnt give a **** about you and you cannot cope with it adequately. Understand? Why in the world are women so ****ing dumb??? No wonder most men act like idiots and get away with it. 3
sillyanswer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well....he's not really my guy, just a friends with benefits type of thing going on I was going to write something like "yes, it is stupid to test your guy" but now I realise that he's not even your guy, which makes it an even more stupid idea. I'm sure you're not stupid... so don't do it.
mortensorchid Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Really, you don't think this is the right thing to be doing, do you? Anxiety is fine, but your behavior is borderline obsessive. The best thing to do in this situation is to find something else to do with your time. Go and work out until you can't see strait anymore, that usually helps with your physical fitness and cleaning all the bad stuff out of your mind, literally. 1
phineas Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I dont know I think thats pretty mean. Some girls are dumb but theres no reason to be so malicious. If you thought she was faking the friends thing perhaps you should take some responsibility and stopped using her. We were not dating because she said she just wanted to be friends then got pissed when another woman showed interest. She did not want to date me. If anyone was using anyone it her using me for attention & leading me on.
StanMusial Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I literally could put a list in the double digits of girls I know that this happened to. In some cases, repeat offenders. In one case it got really ugly and I lost a friend over it. I know, I know, some of you gals are so "sophisticated" and "modern" and think FWBs is the best thing since sliced bread.
dasein Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 It seems that what is going on here is you are testing yourself rather than him. Consider giving yourself a break from such.
Author Girlboots Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 *sigh* Another sad case of a woman being emotionally weak and having no self respect, saying she can do a FWB when she clearly cannot without being attached. For your own good OP, get yourself out of this arrangement. This guy doesnt give a **** about you and you cannot cope with it adequately. Understand? Why in the world are women so ****ing dumb??? No wonder most men act like idiots and get away with it. How am I having no self-respect? This wasn't a formal arrangement. This was a friendship that naturally turned physical. Please feel free to read my old posts on this guy. We never sat down and laid some rules down. We just one day became a little too touchy and it didn't feel super awkward, so we continued, progressing into something more each time. Eventually, it went from cuddling in the backseat of a car to semi-sexual touching in his bed. I don't approach him about this because I'm afraid I'll scare him off. I feel like doing the physical things keeps him in my life and I'm ok with it, but I just want to know what we are so I can take the appropriate steps. Why is everyone bashing me? I'm confused and I don't know how to handle it. Testing is stupid, but I'm sure everyone has done it. Anyway, I'm going to continue this silence and try to get over him. He obviously doesn't care if he can go through a whole week without even a hello. I care way more about him, and you're all right, it's just a painful situation going on and I need to stop.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 How am I having no self-respect? ..... I don't approach him about this because I'm afraid I'll scare him off. I feel like doing the physical things keeps him in my life and I'm ok with it, but I just want to know what we are so I can take the appropriate steps. Why is everyone bashing me? I'm confused and I don't know how to handle it. Testing is stupid, but I'm sure everyone has done it. Anyway, I'm going to continue this silence and try to get over him. He obviously doesn't care if he can go through a whole week without even a hello. I care way more about him, and you're all right, it's just a painful situation going on and I need to stop. This is why some posters called your self-respect into question. You felt that the only way to keep him interested in you was to have sex with no strings attached. Nothing else about you could hold his attention, and you were scared that if you asked for reasonable treatment, say as any girlfriend would, that he would walk away. Please work on your self-esteem. When you do, you'll realize that you are so much more than a vagina on-call whenever a guy you like texts you for a hookup because he's suddenly horny. F-buddies are just that...conveniently around to be banged on demand. If you'd like a guy who cares, who calls, who plans dates, then focus on finding a boyfriend, rather than using sex to bribe a guy to give you a little attention. If sex is the only way you can get a guy's attention, then you aren't girlfriend material in his eyes. Keep truckin' until you find someone who values you for things other than sex. Understand that your emotional needs are worthy of being met too. Many guys will be happy to date you and care about you, but first you have to learn to value and respect yourself. If you don't, no one else will.
Author Girlboots Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 You arent anything to him...thats the point. Friends with benefits are situations where someone gets physical with you once in awhile and you might be friends, or just hangout buddies. Thats it. There is no "you and him" People are bashing you (I didnt mean to come across as bashful just I give very honest advice on here) because obviously you care about him and prob want more. Your posts indicate that. However, he doesnt want more other than having sex with you and any girl who tolerates this is someone who doesnt have alot of self esteem and thus, doesnt walk away because they think they deserve better. You DO deserve better than a guy who only wants to be with you to get sex and nothing else. Some girls can handle a guy having sex with her when he doesnt care about her, but I feel most women cannot. A woman who comes to this site and posts your original thread def falls into a woman who cannot handle it. It is very obvious the way you describe him he doesnt want anything more...I read your posts...maybe you arent good at reading people? but he doesnt want to do anything with you other than sexual activity. He will continue to use you the longer you let him. Odds are unlikely he is going to wake up and start caring about you other than your body. You used sex to get his attention. Stop having sex with him and I guarantee all the attention will go away. Because thats all he wants from you- sex. You say you are ok with it, but all the other things you have said dont backup that statement... well, thanks. I never had sex with him, I guess that's why this is a bit different. We cuddle. I've never had a fwb, and I only do this because I care and love him. A part of me also does it to make him stay, which is bad. But, we just sit in his car and hold each other, and he's always telling me he loves me and I'm his favorite person after his mom, and he always comes to me about his problems, and if I'm ever upset, he's right there to comfort me. If this were a strictly fwb relationship, I'd blame myself and end it or onfront him, but it isn't. So much emotion is involved, but the problem is that he wont be with me. He's never had a gf, but he treats me like one. We're always holding hands and going places, but I just want more attention. I want the kind of attention a gf wants, I want to be able to say I love you whenever I want without feeling like maybe it'd freak him out. So like I said, I just do tests to see how he feels. Now I see its stupid, so I'll just stop it.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the clarification. When most people use the term FWB, the benefits are sexual...not cuddling. That colored some of the feedback you received. It's never a good idea to test people. Instead, communicate directly and clearly what it is that you hope for (anxiety-provoking as that is) then listen carefully to what you are told. Even if you're rejected outright, you know where you stand and don't waste months of your life in limbo worrying and wondering whether the other person shares your feelings. There are ways to prompt him to start the conversation too, but my sense is that you're both fairly inexperienced (my apologies if I'm off-base here) so I won't recommend that approach. The next time that you are cuddling with this guy, ask him about dating and being boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him that you would like that. Then be silent and let him speak. If the answer is anything other than yes, you're wasting your time and should look for someone else. Good luck! Edited March 28, 2013 by Cutiepie1976 1
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