JuneJulySeptember Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 As I've entered my 30s, I've noticed a trend I might not have expected when I was in my 20s. It's what I call the modern day princess. As some of my female friends and male friends have started to marry and I've met their female friends through social circles, I've noticed a substantial amount of women who are married and don't have to work. They may or may not work in the future, but their husbands make enough $ so they don't ever have to. And for the most part, they haven't. But we're not talking about sitting on some couch in the suburbs watching 4 toddlers race tricycles around the house. Some of them have kids, some don't. I'm talking about women who have a free pass at life. In NYC. CA. Going out 3 to 4 times a week with friends. Traveling to other countries regularly. Living in nice apartments in hip parts of the city. Now we're not talking about Kate Middleton posh. Their husbands are relatively normal Joes who earn in the 200K to 300K range. But by and large, they can wake up and decide to do with each day as it comes. Do their art. Work a job only if it is interesting or appealing to them without regard to income. And here's the kicker. They like their husbands. I've met them. Or their husbands are my friends. They are nice guys who are decent looking, funny, charming fellows. Of course, the women are all of a certain level of physical attractiveness and are mostly nice, charming people as well. The word 'trophy wife' has been thrown around too. But these women actually do like their husbands. The first thing that comes to my mind is jealousy, in that I wish I had their life. Instead of slaving away at school, work or both to make sure I have enough security to snag 'somebody'. The second thought is that I wouldn't want somebody like that. So, guys would you buy into that situation? Women, are you jealous?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 For every woman who is happy, and able to amuse herself all day every day, there is at least one woman who has goals and dreams that she's striving and working hard towards. You wouldn't want someone "like that"? It seems more like you would not want a marriage with that particular dynamic. I bet that these "princesses" have quite a range of personality traits among them. Some of them might be fine human beings. If these woman and their husbands are happy with the arrangement, I say, good for them. Am I jealous? Nope. 3
grkBoy Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I dunno. Outside of the artist, they sound like they live empty lives. 1
pbjbear Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 What the heck do you live? I know very few women of the ones you describe. Quite the social circle you have. I live in NYC and there are a few rich wives I know who do nothing all day long because their husband makes a **** ton of money but they are fewer that most people would think. I know a few girls who want that lifestyle but they are prob less than 10% of all the women Ive ever known in NYC. Most women in NYC are independent. I am very independent but I dont make alot of $. I dont desire a man that does really either...they usually too shallow, flirtacious or arrogant for me. I also would get bored ****less. Thats my personality 1
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 NYC and CA. Yes, this is real life. Usually, the scenario doesn't develop until you are well into your 30s. Before that, when the men and women first meet, the guy is still kinda working his way up and the gal may be working some relatively low stress job and have some vague idea of a career path. But once she realizes that she doesn't have to take just 'any job' she won't. The funny thing is, I think a number of these guys (one guy I'm thinking of in particular) didn't think he WOULD be in this situation. Him working 70-80 hours a week while his wife has Mimosas at noon. He thought she'd be working too. But what would you say?
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I know, where are these people? I have a circle of friends that includes some pretty wealthy couples and in every single case I can think of off the top of my head, both people are very involved in their own pursuits in life. Granted, in many cases one person makes a lot more money than the other. I do know families where it's been decided that one parent will stay home with the kids, and it's usually the mom. In one case, though, the dad stays home. Mom's an M.D. - dad has some kind of advanced degree from a very prestigious university, but he does not work at all. They chose to live in a very rural area and, along with having a full time parent being a priority for them, I don't think they need any type of scientists like he is in the community. Oh, wait - now I'm remembering a former co-worker of mine who married a rich fellow in NYC. They have a gorgeous apartment overlooking Central Park. It's to die for. He works and hauls in beaucoup bucks. She takes care of their FIVE children. AND, she has a nanny, house keeper, etc. Still, her days are so hectic that I think it would be more relaxing to go back to work!
carhill Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 There used to be a word called 'socialite'. IMO, given their natural strengths, women make great socialites and they can be very positive for society. I notice similar aspects with friend's wives. We guys might huddle over a car or work on some arcane 'project' while the women are out socializing, playing golf or tennis, going to the gym, shopping, doing volunteer work, arranging charity functions, etc, etc. Some still work, by choice. Some are retired. Only a few have 'staff' to help out, so most 'take care' of their husbands personally. It's not much different than the house I grew up in, except there was little leisure time for mom since all the modern day conveniences didn't exist and dad couldn't afford more than a gardener for help. The couples you describe have more money so the ladies can choose to pursue a life of leisure if that is their interest. They do what they naturally do. I'm sure if they wanted to live in a hut in Africa and feed the hungry, they'd do that. Grace Kelley was a modern day princess. The women are wives. IMO. 1
iris219 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'm kind of jealous in that I've never met a nice, stable, relationship-minded man who makes $300K a year. Heck, I've never met a single man under 50 who makes $300K. I rarely even meet nice, stable, relationship-minded men with jobs. Yes, I am kind of jealous that I've never had the sorts of options these women have. Where are these guys? Not in my town obviously.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I know, where are these people? I have a circle of friends that includes some pretty wealthy couples and in every single case I can think of off the top of my head, both people are very involved in their own pursuits in life. The key word being OWN pursuits. Which means they can do it on their own terms and whenever they want. I'm not saying these women sit at home and watch Jerry Springer all day. I'm saying they can do what they want when they want.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 I'm kind of jealous in that I've never met a nice, stable, relationship-minded man who makes $300K a year. Heck, I've never met a single man under 50 who makes $300K. I rarely even meet nice, stable, relationship-minded men with jobs. Yes, I am kind of jealous that I've never had the sorts of options these women have. Where are these guys? Not in my town obviously. NYC. CA. Dentist, specialist doctors, investment bankers, and guys who have done well with their own businesses. The figure is probably closer to 200K, but that is enough.
Poppy fields Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I had a stable, career job when I met my now husband. We dated for a while and then moved in together. Things between us stayed pretty equal in terms of career importance. Then we got married and had to start frequently relocating for his job. That did not help my career. Then we decided to have children, and it was understood I would stay home and take on the bulk of household management and child care duties. Not how I thought things would turn out, but we seem to make it work. Spend a day with me and the word Princess will not enter your mind. Unless I am getting my nails done. That is my treat and pretty sweet. 2
kaylan Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I live in the NYC metro area, and most households appear to have two working parents. Its rare for one salary to be able to hold things down comfortably nowadays. That being said, even if I could afford it, I wouldnt want a stay at home wife. Its a big turn off for me. I like a chick whos independent and ambitious.
iris219 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 NYC. CA. Dentist, specialist doctors, investment bankers, and guys who have done well with their own businesses. The figure is probably closer to 200K, but that is enough. It would an interesting life to have the freedom and financial security to do whatever I wanted. Would I want that life? Sure, why not? Honestly, I'd probably be doing what I'm doing now (I love my job), but it would be nice to not have to worry about things like how I'm going to take care of my mother (which will be soon). I'm not so much jealous of these women as I am regretful that I didn't focus more on meeting a quality man 10 years ago when they were still single. I should have moved to a bigger city when I was younger.
Green Light Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I guess the recession hasn't hit everybody equally. What will these people do if the economy ever truly collapses? Then the OP made me think of the movie "The Graduate." With the rich, miserable, older lady who seduces the neighbor boy. That woman seemed to be living such an empty life in that movie. 1
mortensorchid Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I knew a girl like that, she and I were friends growing up. She muscled her way into some guy's life and lived as a kept woman under him for a few years. After she demanded they get married, because she was making her living by having sex with him and insisted on being made respectable ha ha ha, the marriage lasted 7 years and 2 children and she is now divorced. Crazy huh? 1
lino Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I knew a girl like that, she and I were friends growing up. She muscled her way into some guy's life and lived as a kept woman under him for a few years. After she demanded they get married, because she was making her living by having sex with him and insisted on being made respectable ha ha ha, the marriage lasted 7 years and 2 children and she is now divorced. Crazy huh? Not really crazy and not all that uncommon these days. I've known quite a few girls who aspire to nothing more than what you just described. I'm even related to some who have done just that or are hoping for it. 1
Woggle Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 My former boss is married to somebody like her and I thank I would rather punched in the face every morning than be married to her. If she doesn't get her way she throws a tantrum that can make the worst behaved kid jealous. I think I would prefer my wife who truly wants an equal marriage. 1
normal person Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The second thought is that I wouldn't want somebody like that. You wouldn't want a partner that's (as you described) a nice, charming person who loves her husband? Most people don't like their jobs. If my income/savings alone is enough to keep my wife from having to go to work and be miserable all the time, I'd encourage her stay home or set up a charity or do whatever else is going to make her happy. I can work from anywhere (usually home) anyways so it'd be nice to have someone else around. So, guys would you buy into that situation? Yes, that's kind of what I've been gunning for. I've worked to bypass the toxic rat race of corporate America and it's incredibly liberating. I love being able to do whatever I want whenever I want, I guess I'm "half" retired. But the problem is that I'm the only person my age that I know who's in the same boat. So if I want to do anything spontaneous that's costly, like travel at the drop of a hat, I can't really do it unless I want to go alone which isn't much fun. If I was married and my wife would be happier not working, then that'd be ideal for the two of us. We could travel everywhere and enjoy a relatively stress-free life, do charitable work, help out people who need it and take friends and family on vacation. So yes, that's an ideal situation. I can't imagine there are many people who'd rather sit in a cubicle until they're 65. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 The key word being OWN pursuits. Which means they can do it on their own terms and whenever they want. Except, in my post I said that BOTH people were very involved in their own pursuits in life. In what world does being involved in one's own pursuits equal doing whatever whenever you want? Peoples' careers are "their own pursuits" and they carry responsibilities and requirements most times. Even if a person is not working but involved in charitable work, if they're committed they aren't doing whatever they want however and wherever. I really doubt that your perception of the lives these couples are living have much to do with what's really going on.
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 You wouldn't want a partner that's (as you described) a nice, charming person who loves her husband? Most people don't like their jobs. If my income/savings alone is enough to keep my wife from having to go to work and be miserable all the time, I'd encourage her stay home or set up a charity or do whatever else is going to make her happy. I can work from anywhere (usually home) anyways so it'd be nice to have someone else around. Exactly. And people who work jobs which are enough to keep two people in the lap of luxury usually like their jobs even less, since those jobs involve lots of hours and stress. Usually. So, you'd want to work 70 hours a week in a hospital or on Water Street while your wife kind of worked at a nonprofit with flexible hours for 10-15 hours per week, or kinda painted art and sold it galleries whenever she wanted, or kinda did this or that, well, you get the picture. That arrangement would make me very unhappy. Especially since I don't really care much about looks.
Taramere Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I'd rather have the life a friend of mine has. Her husband started a business years ago that has done really well. She helps with the business and handles the legal side. If you're emotionally involved in a business (ie because it's a family business) then you're going to put way more graft into it than you are working to make a stranger more wealthy. I wouldn't want to just be a lady who lunches. Don't get me wrong, I'd like a lot of that too - but I think some level of work is important to get a proper sense of accomplishment and to feel you have a place in the world. 1
Els Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 (edited) Here is what a lot of people on LS would have you believe: We attached women for only wanting "bad" boys. We attach men for only wanting skanks. Then we attack women for only wanting rich guys. Then we attack "Nice" guys. Then we attack introverts. Then we attack Alphas. Then we attack Betas. Then we relationships. Then we attack marriage. Then we attack younger women dating older men. Then we attack Interracial couples. Then we attack women who ask out men. Then we attack whoever pays for the date. Blah, Blah, Blah.... Now we are attacking men and women who are blessed financially who both decide it's best that one of them stay home and raise their kids? Who the f3ck cares what other people do? If you are wealthy man and want a woman who works, go date / marry one. If you are woman and you don't like wealthy man, don't date / marry one. If you listen to the people here on LS, ALL men who are wealthy want a stepford wife and ALL women who are with wealthy men are brainless gold diggers. According to a lot you toxic people here on LS, the entire other gender is the spawn of Satan and nobody is / can be in love or happy under any circumstances. So why do a lot of you even bother to date? Do you enjoy being miserable? Quoted for truth. I knew a girl like that, she and I were friends growing up. She muscled her way into some guy's life and lived as a kept woman under him for a few years. After she demanded they get married, because she was making her living by having sex with him and insisted on being made respectable ha ha ha, the marriage lasted 7 years and 2 children and she is now divorced. Crazy huh? Exactly. And people who work jobs which are enough to keep two people in the lap of luxury usually like their jobs even less, since those jobs involve lots of hours and stress. Usually. So, you'd want to work 70 hours a week in a hospital or on Water Street while your wife kind of worked at a nonprofit with flexible hours for 10-15 hours per week, or kinda painted art and sold it galleries whenever she wanted, or kinda did this or that, well, you get the picture. That arrangement would make me very unhappy. Especially since I don't really care much about looks. It's really funny how both of you are the two sides of the same coin; acting like the man/woman is being taken advantage of and put upon. Both of you seemed to miss the point that the people in question made the CHOICE to do so; nobody's twisting their arms or holding a gun to their head. Mortensorchid's friend could well have chosen differently, but she didn't. Equally so, the dudes JJS is mentioning could very well have chosen their pick of career women, especially if they are as wealthy, good-looking, and sociable as you say. The fact that they DIDN'T choose a fellow female CEO, or successful lawyer, or specialist (sorry, no, doctors don't make a lot of money, specialists do) is their choice and theirs alone. Edited March 26, 2013 by Elswyth 1
Emilia Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Women, are you jealous? I saw this when I was married. Someone asked my why I bothered with work when my husband earned so much. It was such an alien concept to me that I struggled to respond. Now I'd be scared to rely on someone financially and lose my independence. Maybe if I wanted children it would be different because I would have a reason to lose my independence. If I won the lottery I would do something else with my life but still wouldn't sit at home idle. Maybe because I don't enjoy the kind of company that comes with that lifestyle? I've never aspired to being idle. 1
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