FallenPrincess Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I have to say that I am so thankful to have found this place online. I have been sleeping with a co-worker for a few months now, and it is very casual. I am DYING to talk to someone about this, but sadly I cannot for the obvious reasons. I don't want my friends to judge me or worse-drop me as their friend! How have you all managed to express your feelings during all of this?
Patrice Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I had one girlfriend who knew at the time ... that was it, nobody else knew or knows .. but, mine is over now. Felt the same way, and found this forum .. good place to be.
AnotherRound Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Most all of my friends and family knew, as did his friends (although he kept it from his family bc they are religious). He and I have many mutual friends and we often went out as a couple with them - away for the weekends, house parties, dinner and dancing and such. Nobody ever talked about it in front of the exW so as not to rub it in her face, but it was very well known and accepted - especially by those who knew inside info about their marriage and how bad it was for him. Some of my family even met him and when they'd visit, he would come over and visit with us. They all had concerns about him being married until they saw us together - after they were witness to that, they simply asked how he was doing when we could chat. I know this isn't really the "norm" - but had it been the other way, I wouldn't have participated. I can't imagine having to keep it a secret, and I only had to do that with select people due to trying to keep his children from hearing anything about it.
Author FallenPrincess Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 * I want to add that I feel like there is more stigma because I am a married woman. Usually it is the married man who is having the affair. The man I am having an affair with is single, so he has nothing to lose.
Patrice Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 What do you want Princess? Go deep and ask yourself why you are in this, what led you there ... then ask yourself what you want to do with your marriage.
Caryopteris Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Particularly if you like the job or don't want to lose it because jobs are hard to find, be very careful. I did this. I was married, but too lazy to get out of the marriage until I fell for a co-worker. He really liked his job, and so did I. It was very exciting. I finally had the energy to end my marriage because I had discovered how much I was missing. Oh I knew this work relationship couldn't last, although it lasted 3 years because it felt so good. But he wanted kids and I was past that. Well, I was so excited about it all that I blabbed to a couple of people. Word got out. When the economy tanked, I got laid off. I didn't know if it was because of the affair or not, but when the business picked up and I never got called back, I was pretty sure it was because a lot of people were incensed about the affair. I never heard what they were sooo upset about. But unlike most of them, I loved my job there. So I wish I could have at least kept my mouth shut. It's hard because of the dopamine high you have during an affair. Compared to my very disappointing marriage, it was the most exciting feeling in the world. But people can be judgy.
ComingInHot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 FallenPrincess, I think it is always important to have One friend or person you can talk to Face to Face. One that will love you regardless if they agree or not w/your behavior and choices. There is a reason someone is a bff or mentor or parent. They love us in spite of ourselves. I have many unlikable qualities in myself (can't ever seem to think what they are but my parents and brothers and best friends could tell everyone what they are For sure ) Thing is, they love me Anyway and want what's best for me anyway and guide me when I can't see the path Anyway and help me to find a New path if my current one is a dead end or the wrong one. If you fear most or ALL your friends would turn on you instead of help you make good choices for You and your future, then maybe consider a new circle of friends. True friends may Not agree or know how too help but they'll TRY and love you Anyway* CIH* 1
Mrs.Dee Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 In my own mind I didn't have an affair yet, but because the MM claimed we had already passed the border for cheating, I concier it a borderline affair . I told one of my friends about it once, but have had my mouth shut to the other ones.
LFH Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I have to say that I am so thankful to have found this place online. I have been sleeping with a co-worker for a few months now, and it is very casual. I am DYING to talk to someone about this, but sadly I cannot for the obvious reasons. I don't want my friends to judge me or worse-drop me as their friend! How have you all managed to express your feelings during all of this? Every single friend I have knows. I lost one friend, but it was only peripherally related. My friends have been amazing, and I'm not sorry I told any of them.
Poppy fields Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 My close friends knew about both of my affairs. Family no, but I am not close to them anyway. It was nice to have their support when things blew up in my face. Both times.
Yellowteacup Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 A couple of mutual friends. It isn't anyone's business anyway.
stevie_23 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 NONE of my real life friends know. All of my online friends know and are fine with it. The ONLY reason none of my real life friends know is because they’re also friends with my partner. And I never trust anyone 100% so I can’t tell any of them. I would LOVE to (I don’t fear judgment at all), but I just can’t. It’s not safe.
Realist3 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Two close friends, one mutual friend, and my sister in law. Interestingly enough my sis in law has lent the biggest ear.
Catplates Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Yes, my best friends all knew but not colleagues. They tolerated the fact but were worried about me, and rightly so.
Got it Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I have to say that I am so thankful to have found this place online. I have been sleeping with a co-worker for a few months now, and it is very casual. I am DYING to talk to someone about this, but sadly I cannot for the obvious reasons. I don't want my friends to judge me or worse-drop me as their friend! How have you all managed to express your feelings during all of this? Yes my friends and family knew. It was a part of me, my relationship with him, and I had little interest in hiding it. Every relationship is different so I can only speak for myself. Not everyone cheerleaded it, they were concerned for me and I welcomed their thoughts and opinion but no one wrote me off because of it.
BrokenPrincess Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 I told 2 friends (unrelated to each other). One has a horrendous M and had a yearlong casual A herself. The other is just a very supportive friend. However I think if she knew xMM and I were talking again, she might not be able to continue our friendship. I didn't know before I confessed that her dad was a serial cheater & cheated or her mom for years with many OW, eventually married one and had now been cheating on her :/
Techie Artist Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 * I want to add that I feel like there is more stigma because I am a married woman. Usually it is the married man who is having the affair. The man I am having an affair with is single, so he has nothing to lose. So this is the issue...you're married! I didn't get from the OP that you were married and were concerned about friends knowing. I think a girl should always have a BFF who can keep her mouth shut and has some morals. Maybe such a friend can help reel you in so you deal with the reality of your adultery. A bestie wouldn't want you to ruin your marriage and your reputation. 1
Lillyfree Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 i have only told one friend - someone i've known for a very, very long time, and who was the only person that knew about my marriage problems as well. it was the only person i could trust not to judge me. and he didn't, but also dismissed my feelings at the time and the whole 'experience' as nothing to be spending so much time and energy on... which at the time (as right as he was) was the last thing i needed to hear.
wanting more Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 My sister knew and had met xMM quite a few times. My brother knew and 2 close friends. I don't know what I'd had done if I'd had no one to talk to. I suffered through a miscarriage, then d-day #1, then d-day #2. My sister helped me thru it all. I'd have been a lost soul without her. 1
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