ggman Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 me and my gf have been dating for 6 months now. I noticed at first days of the relationship she didn't like to tell what was bothering her and i assumed that was because it was the beginning of the relationship. But now 6 months into it she does the same still. When she is like this she totally shuts me out and isn't really there attention wise and i know she is thinking bout something thats bothering her but when i ask her she just says she is "tired". i try to console her by holding her hand or just being there and she just pushes me away. But other times she will be really happy and normal with me and cuddle up. So idk what is up with that? she still doesn't tell me what bothers her or her problems although most girls would love the chance lol.
Poppy fields Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 She obviously doesn't trust you enough yet to let you into her thoughts sometimes. She might just need time to sort things out for herself. Other times, she might be more reseptive to your comfort because she is not as insecure about that issue. Maybe in time she will feel comfortable to open up to you completely if you are understanding and don't push her too hard when you see she needs to take a step back from you. 1
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 She actually sounds like she's being a bit of a brat to me. If she doesn't want to talk to you about what's bothering her, then she should either keep her distance when she's in a bad mood, or perk up around you. She can't expect to just be a little cold towards you and for you, and then when she's fine for the relationship to be all happy. It's selfish for her to have things on her terms like this. Have a talk to her, nicely, and say that you don't like seeing her upset. And that if there is something wrong she needs to tell you, or sort it out. You're part of this relationship too, not just her. 1
iKING Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 She actually sounds like she's being a bit of a brat to me. If she doesn't want to talk to you about what's bothering her, then she should either keep her distance when she's in a bad mood, or perk up around you. She can't expect to just be a little cold towards you and for you, and then when she's fine for the relationship to be all happy. It's selfish for her to have things on her terms like this. Have a talk to her, nicely, and say that you don't like seeing her upset. And that if there is something wrong she needs to tell you, or sort it out. You're part of this relationship too, not just her. All I have to add to this is that she may feel as though whatever is bothering her would push you away if she came out-right with it. Let her know that whatever is on her mind she can tell you, and that you'll try to be helpful and understanding with it. Like Lani said, there are two parts to a relationship. If she keeps everything in and doesn't work through it, she could end up harboring resentment toward you for it even if she never gave you the opportunity to try to resolve it. Not talking isn't healthy for a relationship at all, I have to assume she's either pretty young, or never learned how to communicate her frustrations.
Lani Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 All I have to add to this is that she may feel as though whatever is bothering her would push you away if she came out-right with it. Let her know that whatever is on her mind she can tell you, and that you'll try to be helpful and understanding with it. Like Lani said, there are two parts to a relationship. If she keeps everything in and doesn't work through it, she could end up harboring resentment toward you for it even if she never gave you the opportunity to try to resolve it. Not talking isn't healthy for a relationship at all, I have to assume she's either pretty young, or never learned how to communicate her frustrations. Ahh yes, thanks for that addition. Good work team! High five! 1
stevie_23 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I can sometimes get like this with partners. It’s generally because I feel that my problems, concerns, issues, unhappiness or stress will be viewed as… Trivial – I fear my partner won’t care or will belittle my feelingsThreatening to my partner somehow, like it’d worry them and this would add to my problemsI feel undeserving of their support and I’m embarrassed and feel pathetic to have a problem in the first place (low self esteem)I’m confused by what it is I’m actually not happy aboutI don’t feel that my partner can help me so I don’t share with them because in a way, I RESENT them for not being able to help fix the problem I have It can be seen as a passive aggressive behaviour, keeping things in and bottling them up and not telling your partner when obviously something is wrong.
todreaminblue Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 some people like to deal with their problems themselves or are used to doing it....6 months is not a long time to know someone.......it is essential for a long term relationship that she eventually share but sometimes trust takes a little longer to build up, or, climatising to a relationship after managing her own affairs takes time......its an adjustment...you give her the time....she needs to feel comfortable and let her know you are there and want to hear what she has to say........ i was bought up where i solved my own problems from an early age i was told to remain silent when i struggled and man up........more or less....and i have all through my life..when i break down its major.i do ask advice but rarely and i make my own decisions......even though i am a girl, its nice to feel sometimes though someone has enough time to listen....discerning that has always been a problem for me and it takes time for me to relax into sharing my deepest thoughts and concerns....if i were to be in a relationship again .....it would be with soemone i wanted to share my life with....whom i felt transparent with, who i would be able to know in my heart i couldnt hide from anyway.......i would hope that person would not turn away from me and would want to listen...........barriers are always there for a reason ...your girlfriend has them....give it time..and while you do .....love her anyway..best wishes...good luck.............deb
TheFriend Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ggman, This sounds identical to how my relationship with my ex started and progressed. Please be very very careful with your heart in this situation. You may fall in love deeper and faster then normal with a person who keeps their emotions to themselves. I am NOT saying your gf has this but please read this article and see if any of this clicks with you. How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves - Roger Melton, M.A. My ex started with the blocking of emotions and it slowly evolved in to a load of issues. I feel deeply in love with her and then she left me. It is the most devastating break up i have ever experienced. How old is she if you don't mind me asking? Any questions please let me know and again,Please do not take this article he wrong way.
russellfitch1980 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Don't worry about it at all man, Ive been dating my girlfriend for a little over six months now as well. She also does the same thing to me, some girls just prefer to be a little moody at times and enjoy their alone time with their feelings. It really annoyed me at first with my girlfriend because I open up and tell her almost everything that's on my mind including problems with our relationship, she has gotten better Over the last month or so. Also if you keep asking her all the time what is wrong, she might get a little irritated from you which is why she might be pushing you away at times. If I was you, I would not worry about it, the fact that she still wants to be with you, and even if she is sad at times in a way you are helping just by being there. I wouldn't let it worry you at all, she will probably open up overtime.
DreamFinder Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I can sometimes get like this with partners. It’s generally because I feel that my problems, concerns, issues, unhappiness or stress will be viewed as… Trivial – I fear my partner won’t care or will belittle my feelingsThreatening to my partner somehow, like it’d worry them and this would add to my problemsI feel undeserving of their support and I’m embarrassed and feel pathetic to have a problem in the first place (low self esteem)I’m confused by what it is I’m actually not happy aboutI don’t feel that my partner can help me so I don’t share with them because in a way, I RESENT them for not being able to help fix the problem I have It can be seen as a passive aggressive behaviour, keeping things in and bottling them up and not telling your partner when obviously something is wrong. Or if you tell your partner they may use it against you and throw it in your face during an argument. That always hurts. Nonetheless, I still think it's better to try to talk about things and build up trust and comfort than to hold things inside.
Divasu Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Haha, newsflash ---> most women are moody by nature. Some, more so than others though. I keep my emotions very close to me so I can identify with your girlfriend (I grew up in an environment where emotions weren't allowed due to a very strict father...). So, I am more like a guy in that sense (withdrawing, etc.). And the number one moody person in my life, is my mother. But I've learned over the years to express myself differently and communicate differently, less emotion more logic. It's very challenging. Typically though, if it's something mundane (like if someone in the supermarket annoyed me), I keep it to myself 99% of the time. Which isn't good, because I can get quite temperamental. Honestly though, your best bet when she's moody, is to just let her be. She'll snap out of it eventually. If she's taking it out on you when you've done nothing wrong, that's an entirely different story. Here's some info you may find helpful: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/how_to_handle_your_girlfriends_moodiness.html And this is a handy guide that I found DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
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