DonD Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Hey all, New to the forum and would really appreciate some different opinions here. So the backstory: I had my first serious relationship when I was around 18 years old. First love etc etc, the same story. Anyway, the relationship lasted around 18 months but we decided to split before I went off to university (elsewhere in the UK). Events transpired whilst I was away at university that my best friend (who had also come along to the same university as me) was going back home regularly on weekends to be with her. Of course I was blissfully unaware at the time until I arrived home for the holidays where my remaining friends informed me of the situation. Was completely gutted at the time but managed to forgive him. Trying to be the bigger man, take the moral high road. Although it was the first time i'd ever experienced such disloyalty, I tried to take the mature opinion that at 18, nothing really matters in the grand scheme. Todays situation: To bring you up to speed, I was in a long term relationship with another girl from back home, for over 3 years, but split amicably at the end of last year. Have tried to remain friends over the period but haven't spoken much since February. Over the past 2 weeks I came across pictures of my friend (the same friend who was with my ex mentioned above) and my ex girlfriend (of 3 years) on holiday with her mother for a short weekend city break. Feel really let down that he's completely disregarded my feelings and gone on holiday with her, even if its nothing cynical with her mother. Know one in our friendship group new they were going away until pictures started appearing on facebook and it was a complete shock to me. Since coming back they've both tried to get into contact with me, but I don't know what action to take? Would really appreciate a fresh opinion on the situation. Thanks in advance, Don.
lovelyde Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 There are plenty of better guys out there. Find yourself a wonderful boyfriend who'll take care of you. Then "candidly" stick it in their faces. 1
flitzanu Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 ok let me get this straight. your first ex was going home to bang your friend. now this new girl you dated and split up with, the same friend is now banging her too. it sounds like he isn't much of a friend.
Standard-Fare Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Can I assume this guy and your ex (of three years) met through you? Were the two of them actually friends? Did they know each other in any context beyond you? And were you aware of them having any sort of friendship after you and the girl called it quits? I'm just trying to see if there's any natural context for a purely innocent "friendship" between them -- like if they actually were buddies and maybe she just wanted some company visiting her mom and it wasn't that big of a deal. Still, I think you already have a right to feel queasy about this under any circumstances. And if it turns out this buddy of yours IS in fact pursuing your ex romantically -- WTF? Even doing that to a friend ONCE in a lifetime is sh*tty enough, and you were big enough to forgive it. Twice, it's, like, there's something wrong with him. There is some specific psychological satisfaction he gets from chasing after your exes. You'd have every right to ditch that friendship entirely and never look back.
KatZee Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ew. This guy is not a friend. And he must have some serious confidence issues if the only thing he's able to pick up are your sloppy seconds. Be flattered that he always wants what you have. But get rid of him. He's kind of a douchebag.
garnettandblack84 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 OUr group of friends would NEVER do this to each other, even the people that like to party and whatever. The amount of disrespect in my mind as a friend and man in this case is unforgivable. Hold people in your life that uphold integrity and honesty, and genuinely care about YOU.
Author DonD Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 ok let me get this straight. your first ex was going home to bang your friend. now this new girl you dated and split up with, the same friend is now banging her too. it sounds like he isn't much of a friend. My friend was going home to be with my ex girlfriend. Same friend is spending all his time with her. Not sure if there together, but the fact that he doesn't tell anyone he's going and disappears off on holiday with her and her mom... It's pretty messed up
Author DonD Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Can I assume this guy and your ex (of three years) met through you? Were the two of them actually friends? Did they know each other in any context beyond you? And were you aware of them having any sort of friendship after you and the girl called it quits? I'm just trying to see if there's any natural context for a purely innocent "friendship" between them -- like if they actually were buddies and maybe she just wanted some company visiting her mom and it wasn't that big of a deal. Still, I think you already have a right to feel queasy about this under any circumstances. And if it turns out this buddy of yours IS in fact pursuing your ex romantically -- WTF? Even doing that to a friend ONCE in a lifetime is sh*tty enough, and you were big enough to forgive it. Twice, it's, like, there's something wrong with him. There is some specific psychological satisfaction he gets from chasing after your exes. You'd have every right to ditch that friendship entirely and never look back. They were friends through school, but he only started making an effort with her once he knew we were together. Thought nothing of it at first but when my friend would rather spend time with her than with me... something wasn't right. Since we split he's spent 90% of his time with her, its rare to see him out with anyone else recently. Thanks for the reply, i'm coming to the conclusion that they can both suck it. I can't waste my time with people that are completely disloyal, even if he's just friends with her 1
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