Michaelrbrb Posted September 11, 2004 Posted September 11, 2004 I was engaged to the greatest girl on the face of the earth. She broke up with me one month and 10 days ago. I have horrible OCD and anxiety and it would drive her insane. I would call ten times a day when we weren't together and would always ask the same questions over and over again. last summer we broke things off, That time she told me she loved me but didn't know if I was the one for her. One month later she came back and she told me she couldn't live without me. It's now one year later but during that year my OCD drove her up the wall. The last two months we were together we fought every day. She said she didn't care as long as she got to spend the rest of her life with me. She truly loved me. We were so close we once told each other that we would die for one another. She was my soulmate. She was my baby for three years. I was the one that made the mistake at the end. She told me she had been miserable for the past two months I over reacted and broke a special frame between the two of us. She told me that was the last straw. After we broke up I called ten times a day everyday, both at her work and home. I even went to her work five or so times. She told me every time not to come but I just kept coming. Every time I came up there she became much angrier, and angrier. In the beginning she told me she still loved me but as I kept bugging her she flat out told me she doesn't love me or care about me anymore and she doesn't want to hear or see my face ever again. I left her alone for a week. Then called her again. She told me the same thing. She also told me she was seeing someone else. Sure enough she was and they were going to all the special places both me and her held dear to our heart. favorite restaurants etc. Its been three or so weeks since Ive spoken to her. I miss her so much. She's my baby and I was hers. We know every little bump and bruise on each others body. We were best friends. Now her family and her friends don't want her with me ever again. She says they were right all along. I don't know what to do when you know someone is for you. You just know. She always knew we were meant for each other. I just don't know what she's thinking now. I know no other guy can take care of her as well as me. I just want some advice. You can't be with someone for three years and be so close and just forget about the forever. I need her back I'm willing to do anything. Any advice. Thanks Michael
CCBD Posted September 11, 2004 Posted September 11, 2004 I'm sorry to tell you this, but she told you straight out that she is with someone else. What you need to do is to listen to her words. If you can start listening to what she is saying now instead of thinking about what she said in the past (which is just what it is, the past), then you would probably see that she is a changed person and what you are remembering is memories and not opening your eyes to the present situation. I know this is the hardest thing to do, but try to forget the memories. That's what I'm trying to do now. Remembering them will bring you nothing but pain. Sometimes it's hard to see situations when you are in it, but what I see is that she's telling you the truth about how things are now and you aren't listening to her. You're listening more to the memories of things she said in the past. People do change and they change their minds. What she may have thought of before, she no longer thinks the same now. Would you risk telling her straight out that you don't want to see her because you are with someone new? No, because you love her, you aren't with anyone else. Why would she do this to you? She's not, she's making a new life for herself (one in which you're not included), so in her mind, she isn't doing anything to you. But what she is doing is something for herself (which is moving on and making a new life with someone else). Try to imagine this. Who is she telling these things to now? Is she telling them to you or the new guy? Who do you think she is thinking about when before she goes to sleep at night? Who does she say "I love you" to? Try not to have any more contact with her because I don't think she wants you to. If I thought there were some kind of hope in this, I would let you know because I wouldn't want to be in the dark about something like this. Remember, keep your dignity and respect yourself. CC
killabrand Posted September 11, 2004 Posted September 11, 2004 When shes upset she has always lied about how she feels. To give you an example, When we first broke up she told me she still loved me but as I kept bugging her it went from I kinda love you to I dont love you or care about you. In a very mean way. When I was on the phone with her she told me she was dating a guy. I saw her latter and she told me she wasn't dating anyone she was just friends with him. I called her latter on that night and she got mad and she told me she was dating him. She has always been like this when mad. She did the same thing last summer.
danny8630 Posted September 12, 2004 Posted September 12, 2004 sorry dude, but wow. listen to yourself. you do everything she Doesn't want you to do like going to her work and calling all the time. OCD is probably not your fault and it is inevitable. GO SEE a counselor to help you out because it obviously Really affects your daily functions. Good luck man
Author Michaelrbrb Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Yeah I know I have a prob with ocd. Its what sepperated us. All I was saying is you cant fall out of love with some one in five days. She has a hate towards me. I did alot of stuff that hurt her. I believe time heals. I also believe that if you have faith in god and stay true to him this relationship will clear up or someone else will come around. She is the type of person that I will always love. I just dont see anyone that compares to her. Im not knew to dating. She was just awesome. She was an awesome person. Everyday I bang my head for the mistakes I made. I am getting help with my ocd now. I can only hope time heals and she wants to talk again.
danny8630 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 i felt exactly the way you do right now a few months ago. The trick is to set small goals to get your mind off her. The head banging and feelings of regret will eventually go away believe it or not. It may not seem this way because you love her but trust me, it will go away. I thought i messed up big time because i called her too much too and i asked for too much time with her. I was a lucky one and she realized what she was missing--NOT EVERY GIRL REALIZES. Good luck man
Author Michaelrbrb Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Do you believe time heals? I believe that if her and I can get to a point where she realizes it was my problem that broke us up she might want to talk again, that is if she sees a change. She knows I have the problem it just overwhelms her. She can't take it. She knows I have to change, just she is scarred I never will, because she has given me so many chances. I know she prob loves me she just can't live with me. I have to help myself, then god willing she will give me a chance to start fresh. Friends is fine, just something to show her I have changed. She is going to need proof. She was hurt to much. You have to understand though yeah she was my fiancee. She was also my best friend. Everyone knows how it feels to loose a best friend. You always remember your best friends.
danny8630 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 It may take a very long time for this to even turn around for her. I'm talking years because it may have been a traumatic event for her. Friends is good but DO NOT expect to be very close friends where you goto the movies every other night and dinner all the time. No. Will not happen that way. how do i know? because i expected to be great friends and it just went down the drain. What i did was didn't call her at all for over 2 or 3 months. She did her thing, took care of what she needed--most importantly--she noticed my change because i did not call when i used to all the time. All of our cases are different, but i dont know, i dont know her and i dont know how she thinks. But the best way to go about it is just go on with your life and expect not to see her--expect not to see her. remember this. it could be helpful, i know it helped me "She is not a loss, she's a lesson."----> because you learn from your experiences. good luck man
Author Michaelrbrb Posted September 18, 2004 Author Posted September 18, 2004 Did she see anyone else while you two weren't together.
Merin Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 Michael, when someone tells you they don't Love you, they don't care about you and they NEVER want to see you again... believe them. While I can understand that your hurting because you still have feelings for her Michael, she doesn't return those feelings any longer.... and I also understand that you don't think someone can love you for 3 years and just "fall" out of love, you need to understand that she didn't just stop caring for you over night or stop loving you over night... she had 3 years of not being treated as well as she should have been to gradually stop wanting that kind of behaviour in her life. OCD is not an easy thing to have or an easy thing for someone else to endure.... but you also have to take responsibility for what YOU did and your part in things Michael and stop blaming all of it on your disorder. She has moved on at this time Michael and IF you continue to do the things you've been doing, then don't be suprised if she gets a restraining order against you.... I really hope you'll think about that. I'm happy you're getting help for your disorder, and hopefully given enough medical attention and time you will gradually get a handle on it.... Concentrate on improving yourself right now Michael.
Author Michaelrbrb Posted September 19, 2004 Author Posted September 19, 2004 This makes me mad. It wasn't three years of treating her wrong in was two months. Everything was perfect for the first two years and ten months. We stopped attending church and then it just hit me. You can believe me if you want. Im a christian and I believe God helped me with my problems during those three years. When we both stopped going to church we practically deserted god. At the same time we stopped going to church my problems became horrible. Unbearable to even my friends and family not just her. This guy she's dating, they started dating one week after we broke up. She's trying to get her mind off me. She has done this before. There is a thin line between love and hate. She hates me for everything I did in those two months she knows it was my problem she just can't handle it. Last she hates me for the huge lie I told her. People say things they don't mean all the time to get that person off there back. She's one of the best at doing that. She has a hate towards me and like I said there is a thin line between love and hate.
Scangie Posted September 19, 2004 Posted September 19, 2004 I see your point, Michaelbrb, but 2 months is still enough time for a lot of damage to be done. I don't know the specifics of everything that has gone on with the 2 of you, but I agree with the poster that said the best thing you can do is just walk away from the whole situation -- if you hurt her, she needs time to heal (and part of that healing might involve dating other guys). If you guys are meant to be together, then she will come to understand that your OCD was a contributing factor to how things went down in your relationship, and she'll contact you again. If she doesn't, then you'll both find somebody you are more compatible with (your post indicates you have faith in God - just trust him to work it out). But, like I say, you have to leave it alone for now -- you can't make her change her mind -- she has to get there in her own way.
Recommended Posts