SER Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So far the new relationship I'm in has been wonderful. I have no reason not to trust him, which should be my answer right there, it's just that the situation is a little different than normal and I wanted to get an outside perspective. We've been dating 3 months. My boyfriend has a very pretty female friend from a group of friends that he used to room with in college 4 or so years ago but has also known for about 6 or more years as she was a girlfriend of one of the roommates. She was no longer the girlfriend of his roommate when she moved in with them, but apparently the ex boyfriend had no trouble with the arrangement. This group of friends has kept very close and they see each other a few times a year or get together every year or so and go on mini trips in the state. So apparently this female friend travels from country to country every year or couple of years and she's currently in Australia. I will be going out of country for a trip for most of May to Europe. My boyfriend was invited by his female friend to visit her in Australia and stay with her for a couple of weeks. He mentioned that he wanted to travel out of country and wasn't sure where he wanted to go (about a month ago), however I saw on his facebook that she had invited him down sometime late last year. Since I am new to his life, I feel like it's not in my place to feel jealous or to be worried. I'm not even sure if I should say anything as I'm not sure I have any reason to worry since she's a longtime friend of his, so maybe it is indeed completely platonic. I think I'm just worried that with everything going so well... what if something happened between them? I really don't know if they dated at any point, I didn't ask, but I do know that they are very close, as are all of that group of friends. Do you think I have reason to worry?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why not invite him to join you on your trip to Europe the next time Europe comes up in conversation?
veggirl Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well have they ever hooked up or dated? Esp when they lived together? I don't know, I wouldn't be cool with my bf going to stay with another woman for weeks on vacation, at all.
Poppy fields Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 He told you he wanted to travel out of the country. He didn't say where he wanted to go. Are you interested in him coming on part of your trip? If so, I would ask him. If not, then I don't think you have a right to be disappointed if he decides to go to Australia.
apple OR orange Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 this would show you have the same problem, if you know he might have an issue with this then it means you would as well. personally i think you should split up, he said he wanted to go, they meet once or twice a year...!
Author SER Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Well he said he wanted to travel out of the country and then told me that he was looking up tickets for Australia. Then he said he has a friend there, named her, and kind I told me her traveling story. I saw her on his Facebook so I know what she looks like and a lot of the pictures are with their group of friends, but there are several with just her and him, then again, there are also several with her and just one I each of the other guys, one of which is married. I never asked if they dated though, so I don't know. My trip is for school, and the plus one is my dad. I could invite him to meet up, but most of the trip is dedicated to the class. Only the first 5 days are traveling without the class and I'm going to be in 4 countries in 5 days. Him tagging along with all of the train rides would be difficult. That's one reason I wouldn't invite him. I saw another old post on his Facebook from another girl who must've also been a roommate. Apparently this girl and the other girl live together and so he would be visiting both of them? And another girl said to let her know when he's coming so that it could be a proper reunion... So perhaps 3 girls instead of just the one? I don't know if that's better or worse.
Author SER Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Also, he's very friendly by nature in a non-womanizing way. He's very close to his male friends from Highschool and college and frequently drives to see them in semi far away cities. I'm sure he sees nothing wrong with traveling to see what perhaps is just a friend, but I guess it doesn't go through his mind that his girlfriend may be a little put off by him visiting and staying with a pretty girl that he's known for a long time.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Well, it seems having your dad as your +1 in Europe is your priority. Good luck with that choice.
Author SER Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 TheGuard, that has also gone through my mind. I'll just go with the flow I guess! Cutie - this trip was planned months ago... For school... It required planning and required that I buy plane and train tickets at that time. I'm not wasting 2 grand and telling my dad that he won't get to go to Europe the one time in his life after all because of a guy that I've been dating for 3 months! That's just irrational and cruel. Taking him is a great choice, I love my dad!
Emilia Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Also, he's very friendly by nature in a non-womanizing way. He's very close to his male friends from Highschool and college and frequently drives to see them in semi far away cities. I'm sure he sees nothing wrong with traveling to see what perhaps is just a friend, but I guess it doesn't go through his mind that his girlfriend may be a little put off by him visiting and staying with a pretty girl that he's known for a long time. I think you should speak to him. He sounds approachable and straight up enough. It doesn't sound like he would lie to you if you spoke to him about your uncertainty. 1
AverageCat Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 TheGuard, that has also gone through my mind. I'll just go with the flow I guess! Cutie - this trip was planned months ago... For school... It required planning and required that I buy plane and train tickets at that time. I'm not wasting 2 grand and telling my dad that he won't get to go to Europe the one time in his life after all because of a guy that I've been dating for 3 months! That's just irrational and cruel. Taking him is a great choice, I love my dad! Well then by the same principle you should let your bf go as well. IMHO 3 girls is better than 1. If they have strictly been platonic, I don't believe much can happen... even though you never know a vacation is a vacation.... and you should definitely ask your bf if there's been anything there before. If there has, it is a huge dealbreaker. Only thing you can do is give him the time of his life before he goes, skype with him every day if you can and TRUST HIM. Cheers,
Author SER Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 Thanks Emilia. I think I'm just going to bring it up when I see him again this week, in a non-threatening way. I don't want to come off as jealous, because I'm not, I just think it's a little odd and want to be comfortable with it. AC, great idea. I will definitely give him the time of his life before he goes and keep in contact with him the whole time. He's a great guy and has a good head on his shoulders, so trusting him shouldn't be a problem. I guess in a way I just am having such a great time with him that I don't want anything to ruin it or to lose him somehow. I think the reason I'm feeling this way (which I really shouldn't) is because my last two LTRs were not really that great. Having found someone that finally shares all of my interests and that is really compatible with me has been terrific. But as TG said, worrying isn't really going to help and I'll remind myself of that if I start to get worried. 1
Treasa Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 I guess in a way I just am having such a great time with him that I don't want anything to ruin it or to lose him somehow. I think the reason I'm feeling this way (which I really shouldn't) is because my last two LTRs were not really that great. Having found someone that finally shares all of my interests and that is really compatible with me has been terrific. But as TG said, worrying isn't really going to help and I'll remind myself of that if I start to get worried. This. This is the problem. You're worried about losing him, and you shouldn't feel that way about any guy, even if he's tons better than the past losers. When you're ok with the idea of losing him and knowing you'll be fine, you'll be in a better position to decide what you're ok with and what you aren't, and you'll feel confident in your choice.
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