primus42 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 First off hi, Im here to find others who have been in similar situations and see if what I am doing is the right thing. In december my wife and i decided that the best option for us was divorce. We no longer had a sexual relationship and she was starting to become really mean and distant. I agreed to let her go and move on with our lives while staying in our house together as roommates. we have a 2 yr old daughter the we both love and at this time neither one of us want to be away from her. About two weeks after her talk she began dating a friend of hers from work. Im no idiot. Now that this has happend I think there was something going on before our talk. As the last few months passed she had started staying more and more at this guys house and leaving me to take care of our kid. Which is awesome. Shes gone and I get to spend time with baby girl. THe problem is that she still gets jealous of any kind of friendship I start with any girl. I am 40 and done with any kind of love for now. THey are just friendships. I am to the point where i am almost ready to call it quits and get a lawyer. here are my questions. Can the divorse land in my favor for alimony even though I stepped back and let her have the affiar. I may or may not be able to proove she cheated prior to our talk. not sure yet. What kind of return can i get from a divorce that is her fault. Dont take me as the type to gold dig... but im mad right now. I let her have thing the way that would make her happy and i feel that she is taking advantage of the situation. Getting jealous about my friends is only the tip of the ice burg. She can be a real "b" and thus is why I was ready to let go in the first place. any kinda help... info... would be great. Thanks for listening.
GuyInLimbo Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Oh, c'mon, bro! Are you serious??? This little "arrangement" you had is ridiculous. What was your plan? To stay in the same house while somehow benefiting the kid?? Grow up, file and get on with your life. Don't waste your time investigating an affair. In most states, divorces are "no fault" so it's irrelevant.
Author primus42 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Ok so i am being delusional about staying home. I was under the impression that I was doing the right thing by staying with my child. What about the house/mortgage that we are both signed on. Should I move out and then get a laywer or stay here until its over.
Minnie09 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Stay in the house and file first. Make her move out, since she's dating already anyways.
SuperGeek Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Do you actually believe you can live with your ex and raise your child as 'FRIENDS' when it didn't work as a committed relationship? Are you going to cook the new boyfriend/husband eggs every morning as he comes down the stairs from sleeping with your ex-wife the night before? Seriously, for the sake of your sanity, the sanity of your child, realize what you are about to do is not a viable long term option. You are not thinking clearly and you need a reality check. Once your ex finds a male body to fill your spot ( she doesn't even have to like this guy at all ), you will be out on your ass. I'd say you probably have a month or less before this scenario is likely to happen. Your relationship is over, so i'm just going to say it here: Your relationship is finished. I know that is harsh, but you seem to be living in a fog. File for divorce and ask for 50% custody now before you lose your rights to ever see your child again. Good luck. SuperGeek 2
Darren Steez Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ok so i am being delusional about staying home. I was under the impression that I was doing the right thing by staying with my child. What about the house/mortgage that we are both signed on. Should I move out and then get a laywer or stay here until its over. It's both your responsibility to look after your child. You're a grown man and YOU ALLOWED her to go and spend more and more time with this man. I think you were trying to manipulate the situation so it would appear in your favor when it came to the courts..I guess nothing wrong with that, but if that was your strategy instead of filing right away then you can't really be all that "mad" can you?
GuyInLimbo Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Ok so i am being delusional about staying home. I was under the impression that I was doing the right thing by staying with my child. What about the house/mortgage that we are both signed on. Should I move out and then get a laywer or stay here until its over. Explain to me how this would be in the best interest of your kid? You have two people who no longer want to be together and are unhappy. How does that create a healthy environment for the kid? What about the mortgage? You either sell the house or one of you buys the other out. Same thing that happens with most divorces.
Wellington Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Jesus, some people need to ease up. Clearly you already KNOW living together to raise your child is not in the cards and I don't believe I read that anywhere. I think you're just still there until things get resolved. People are so quick to pounce. Not sure where you live but in my country this is what I was told. Stay!! If you leave, you give up all rights to the property and possessions. If leaving/separating is inevitable find a lawyer or a mutually agreed upon mediator to discuss who will keep the house, buy the other out, who gets what etc. depending on who makes more money, it is not considered alimony or support these days it's called equalization payments so each person from the marriage are able to maintain the same standard of living while raising the child/ren of the marriage. Ultimately, stay until you have come to a SIGNED agreement!!! GL
GorillaTheater Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Ok so i am being delusional about staying home. I was under the impression that I was doing the right thing by staying with my child. What about the house/mortgage that we are both signed on. Should I move out and then get a laywer or stay here until its over. Stay in the house. If anyone leaves, it's her. Leaving can hurt you on custody issues and possession of the home, since courts will tend to go the easy route and maintain the status quo. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT the time you spend with your kid and what you're doing, same with your wife. You use it in court to support your argument for custody. The way you present it is to show your involvement as the father, NOT to make your "wife" look bad. Get a lawyer and file. 1
Wickedgurl Posted March 29, 2013 Posted March 29, 2013 My Stbxh and I are still under the same roof but separate bedrooms for now. Our child graduates in May and wanted both her parents here until then. Then he will move out. Civility is hard somedays and while there isn't anyone else that I know of - anger and hurt lie very close beneath the surface. (He wanted out). But the most important advice I can give is to love your child more than you hate her. She's an idiot who wants to date and have a live in babysitter. Put your foot down. She wants to stay out all night- she can pack her things and take them with her. As far as the house- either sell and split it or buy her out. I'm giving my ex the house and he can pay me. File so she knows you're not a doormat anymore. And good luck.
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