My ex moved next door to me...

[Seachelle1]

with his new girlfriend, my old friend (not a friend anymore).

 

I'm scared to go outside. What do I do?

 

I found out he was dating and that he'd moved in with her from her. I invited her to my house and she divulged that she was dating him and that they're just so much better than we were together. And that she'd dump me as a friend if he asked her to.

 

I feel sick to my stomach. I WANT to hate her but can't. She's 19, still a virgin and I'm pretty positive he's rebounding. On her, this girl who has always been madly in love with him and is completely naive and vulnerable. He said to me while I was yelling at him for his cruelty to me that he'd been trying to break up with her but didn't know how to do that. Then the next minute, when he's trying to hurt me and push me away, he said that he loves her. It's really horrible. I can't hate him either. I know him. He's just not hate-able if you know him. He acts cold and I don't deserve that coldness but I get where it comes from and forgive him for it. He makes stupid decisions. I can't do anything about it.

 

I hate this situation. She's being mean to me, he's being cold to me and I'm going crazy because I'm in pain. I've done no-contact (complete, he's bad-mouthing me on the internet and being really mean and horrible, I HAVE to stay away; the no contact is complete with no facebook stalking or reddit stalking so I don't know what's been said in the last 4 days) but I still see him every day with her and I can't avoid it. Help me!

[lovelyde]

That girl is an idiot. Let her have that loser and laugh in their face.

 

 

Meanwhile you should get out more. Maybe move to a better part of town to make them jealous.

 

 

If you can, borrow some money and take a vacation to get your mind off the losers. The world is much much bigger than your own backyard.

[polyglot]

with his new girlfriend, my old friend (not a friend anymore).

 

I'm scared to go outside. What do I do?

 

I found out he was dating and that he'd moved in with her from her. I invited her to my house and she divulged that she was dating him and that they're just so much better than we were together. And that she'd dump me as a friend if he asked her to.

 

I feel sick to my stomach. I WANT to hate her but can't. She's 19, still a virgin and I'm pretty positive he's rebounding. On her, this girl who has always been madly in love with him and is completely naive and vulnerable. He said to me while I was yelling at him for his cruelty to me that he'd been trying to break up with her but didn't know how to do that. Then the next minute, when he's trying to hurt me and push me away, he said that he loves her. It's really horrible. I can't hate him either. I know him. He's just not hate-able if you know him. He acts cold and I don't deserve that coldness but I get where it comes from and forgive him for it. He makes stupid decisions. I can't do anything about it.

 

I hate this situation. She's being mean to me, he's being cold to me and I'm going crazy because I'm in pain. I've done no-contact (complete, he's bad-mouthing me on the internet and being really mean and horrible, I HAVE to stay away; the no contact is complete with no facebook stalking or reddit stalking so I don't know what's been said in the last 4 days) but I still see him every day with her and I can't avoid it. Help me!

 

Everytime you go out, mentally think of a "F**k off" sign flashing at them Or give a "Whatever I don't care a damn" - look at them, if your eyes go that way. It works, seem funny, Trust me it helps vent your frustration.

[TaraMaiden]

I'd make friends with them.

become the perfect neighbour.

Be genial, generous, kind, enthusiastic, friendly and welcoming.

 

Then, when you have completely earned their trust, to the point that they would give you their house keys when they go away on holiday/for the weekend, , hide fresh prawns around the house in places they'd never think of looking.

In the hems of curtains. in sofa cushions, at the bottom of decorative vases, under pot pourri....

The stench will be unbearable.

 

And when you go round there, pretend you don't notice it.....

[Seachelle1]

You guys are great. It cracks me up. Yes, the new girlfriend is being insanely stupid.

 

My ex originally dumped this girl to be with me. (They were non-exclusive, he and I became sex buddies; I was getting too close and tried to cut it off when he dropped all the others and asked me out.) When I heard she accepted him back it floored me. She always wanted more from him but I chose to trust her. I always really liked her.

 

But...seriously. She needs to take care of herself better. It hurts to watch them in this dance. He doesn't love her, though he won't admit it.

 

Beside that, I'm pissed and angry. I feel like a punching bag for their insecurities right now. Something goes wrong in the relationship? Let's blame the ex-girlfriend.

 

He treated me so badly at the end, recommending I talk to my mom about assisted suicide then the next day dumping me on Eighth Night while I was cooking the family dinner and refusing to talk to me and cutting me off from his friends who had welcomed me in. I was so alone when he dumped me. I had needed friends, not someone to sleep with. I feel so used by him. I feel trampled on and abandoned by her.

 

I love them and I hate that I love them. I want them not to hurt. It's painful to watch them walk into this sort of pain, it's painful to watch someone I have feelings for be with someone else, it's painful to watch an old friend blatantly and repeatedly treat me like crap for an ex who also treated me like crap. Just such a painful situation on so many levels.

 

The ick factor goes up whenever I see them. Ick, ick, ick.

[polyglot]

You guys are great. It cracks me up. Yes, the new girlfriend is being insanely stupid.

 

My ex originally dumped this girl to be with me. (They were non-exclusive, he and I became sex buddies; I was getting too close and tried to cut it off when he dropped all the others and asked me out.) When I heard she accepted him back it floored me. She always wanted more from him but I chose to trust her. I always really liked her.

 

But...seriously. She needs to take care of herself better. It hurts to watch them in this dance. He doesn't love her, though he won't admit it.

 

Beside that, I'm pissed and angry. I feel like a punching bag for their insecurities right now. Something goes wrong in the relationship? Let's blame the ex-girlfriend.

 

He treated me so badly at the end, recommending I talk to my mom about assisted suicide then the next day dumping me on Eighth Night while I was cooking the family dinner and refusing to talk to me and cutting me off from his friends who had welcomed me in. I was so alone when he dumped me. I had needed friends, not someone to sleep with. I feel so used by him. I feel trampled on and abandoned by her.

 

I love them and I hate that I love them. I want them not to hurt. It's painful to watch them walk into this sort of pain, it's painful to watch someone I have feelings for be with someone else, it's painful to watch an old friend blatantly and repeatedly treat me like crap for an ex who also treated me like crap. Just such a painful situation on so many levels.

 

The ick factor goes up whenever I see them. Ick, ick, ick.

 

The problem here is, you are "insanely" kind - I apologize for this remark. It's not necessary for you to even care, unless it's a life threatening emergency. You learnt your lesson, so will they babe.

 

It's well said " Every dog has it's day" - So, don't bother, take care of your world, make your life happy and be at peace. When the time comes she'll deal with it, don't worry.

[Seachelle1]

Thanks polyglot. Reminds me of what my mentor used to tell me:

 

What they think of you is none of your business.

 

I am on day 5 of the reinstated no contact. The first two months after the breakup was hard but pretty generic. I wrote him 3 letters after he put in no contact, one for closure and two for organizing what to do with the stuff he had left at my place/I had left at his. I facebook stalked him maybe twice in all that time for a total of 30 minutes. I was really tough on myself.

 

Then the new gf came over and dropped all these little lines of information that essentially said I was a terrible girlfriend and that he and I had nothing to begin with. And that he lived next door. Plus some stuff came up which I'm going to counseling for. Craziness ensued and I needed to have it out with him, it wasn't sustainable to continue without confrontation.

 

When I had it out with him he mentioned he'd been following me online too, so I blocked him and his IP address. Is it weird that he's following me online? I thought it kind of was, but then I'm doing the same thing...

[Chi townD]

Throw massively loud parties all the time, bass so low to break glass. Maybe they'll move.

[TaraMaiden]

No, that's against local bye-laws - there are restrictions.

However, not sure what tucking a few raw prawns into the internal construction of a sofa would be... you know, inside the tarpaulin base, within the wooden framework.. maybe secure with a thumbtack...

 

Not that I'm personally suggesting it of course....

 

Also behind the lavatory cistern... that smell will be confused with sewer odours....

 

and behind radiators.

 

But I'm not giving you any hints at all, ok.....?

[polyglot]

Thanks polyglot. Reminds me of what my mentor used to tell me:

 

What they think of you is none of your business.

 

I am on day 5 of the reinstated no contact. The first two months after the breakup was hard but pretty generic. I wrote him 3 letters after he put in no contact, one for closure and two for organizing what to do with the stuff he had left at my place/I had left at his. I facebook stalked him maybe twice in all that time for a total of 30 minutes. I was really tough on myself.

 

Then the new gf came over and dropped all these little lines of information that essentially said I was a terrible girlfriend and that he and I had nothing to begin with. And that he lived next door. Plus some stuff came up which I'm going to counseling for. Craziness ensued and I needed to have it out with him, it wasn't sustainable to continue without confrontation.

 

When I had it out with him he mentioned he'd been following me online too, so I blocked him and his IP address. Is it weird that he's following me online? I thought it kind of was, but then I'm doing the same thing...

 

Thanks Seachelle1 for your appreciation. Yup, you never ever care a damn about how others think of you so long as you have fulfilled the obligations that are due to them. Whatever the f--- let them worry.

 

Also, don't care of facebook s--t, there's lot in it. Nobody knows what sort of personal, stupid lives they are living in real world no matter how their facebook profile is.

 

I would additionally suggest you must block it outright in fb. Sometimes in life, when you are dealing with sh--, you must be pretty fiery to yourself. This is you and your life, don't care a damn. It gives you strength and the courage to confront any situation - the biggest problems in our life comes from our emotions played by somebody else. This should never happen.

 

A funny lesson from my past : To what extent can I convince my gf that I am not telling her lies? I used all the language in this world to do that, but, she's doing wonderful sh-- and guess what I did an NC, when I realized, she's playing with me, not giving me the respect or courtesy for my honesty. It actually gave an "evil" satisfaction to me to watch her experience what it means by not communicating to her. I closed every channel through which she can potentially initiate a communication.

 

She realized her mistake and I came back to her in all my love, we reunited, but I kept a watch on her, if she's playing around again. Guess what, she did. Lol - again an NC and I f-ed her off from my life. She wants to play with my emotions - Never could she communicate, she faced immense emotional trauma in all of this and additionally the people around them caused much pain for her. Frankly I am not remorseful. Because I made all my promises to her and was just waiting for the time to be together. She did all sh-- and it eventually it broke her up.

[Sugarkane]

The problem here is, you are "insanely" kind - I apologize for this remark. It's not necessary for you to even care, unless it's a life threatening emergency. You learnt your lesson, so will they babe.

 

It's well said " Every dog has it's day" - So, don't bother, take care of your world, make your life happy and be at peace. When the time comes she'll deal with it, don't worry.

 

Exactly, they don't care about how depressed the dumpee is. Why should we care?

[Sugarkane]

I'd make friends with them.

become the perfect neighbour.

Be genial, generous, kind, enthusiastic, friendly and welcoming.

 

Then, when you have completely earned their trust, to the point that they would give you their house keys when they go away on holiday/for the weekend, , hide fresh prawns around the house in places they'd never think of looking.

In the hems of curtains. in sofa cushions, at the bottom of decorative vases, under pot pourri....

The stench will be unbearable.

 

And when you go round there, pretend you don't notice it.....

 

I loved this so much!! Would've never thought thought of this.

[polyglot]

Exactly, they don't care about how depressed the dumpee is. Why should we care?

 

When you feel the Red Flashes - you should dump - at least you'll be left with the satisfaction. Most often the problem boils down to one of them having more attachment, letting their emotions loose for the other to control you. If there's no attachment, the concept of Dumper / Dumpee is invalidated.

 

We learn from our mistakes.

[KatZee]

I'd make friends with them.

become the perfect neighbour.

Be genial, generous, kind, enthusiastic, friendly and welcoming.

 

Then, when you have completely earned their trust, to the point that they would give you their house keys when they go away on holiday/for the weekend, , hide fresh prawns around the house in places they'd never think of looking.

In the hems of curtains. in sofa cushions, at the bottom of decorative vases, under pot pourri....

The stench will be unbearable.

 

And when you go round there, pretend you don't notice it.....

 

There was actually a story like this circling the internet!

 

Apparently a man divorced his wife of many years and told her to get out of their million dollar home, the home that she helped to decorate and furnish.

 

As she was packing to move out, she put raw fish inside the curtain rods, and she left the house. When she moved out, the ex husband moved his new younger girlfriend in. After a while the smell became noticeable. It was so foul. And they cleaned the house up and down, searched for dead animals, and found nothing. The smell was SO bad that they decided to move to a new house.

 

When the ex husband and his new girlfriend were trying to sell the home, no one would buy it because of the smell! All the while the ex wife was secretly laughing to herself. Pretending to be completely oblivious she went to her ex husband and said that she would buy the house for a MUCH lower cost than what they had originally purchased it at. The ex husband was laughing to himself because he knew the house stunk.

 

So the day the ex wife was all set to move back into her original house, the ex husband and his girlfriend packed all the remaining stuff up into their car. INCLUDING the curtain rods.

 

:lmao::lmao:

[suladas]

I feel for you, my ex lives next door, except I am to blame because I dated her while living next door. Yes it sucks, i've seen mine with someone else and when I did I almost put my fist threw a wall, and I had enough anger if I seen them outside together I likely would have knocked the guy out. But I just let go of the anger, it's not easy but you have to. I just live my life now and don't let it bug me, not as easy as it sounds however especially when I still have feelings for her.

[lovelyde]

Then the new gf came over and dropped all these little lines of information that essentially said I was a terrible girlfriend and that he and I had nothing to begin with. And that he lived next door. Plus some stuff came up which I'm going to counseling for. Craziness ensued and I needed to have it out with him, it wasn't sustainable to continue without confrontation.

 

 

 

Well that b*tch can have that loser then. You know they weren't made for each other anyway. You didn't do anything wrong to them. She's just being a naive b*tch.

 

 

B*tches are corrupt & go to a very bad place when they die. There is such thing as justice in this world.

 

 

Hopefully she'll get pregnant by that loser and ruin her life by having his kid, while you have another chance to find a much better man and get it right.

 

 

Just laugh in their face and hope they ruin each others' lives. They the ones going downhill, not you.

 

 

 

 

-

[Sugarkane]

Why does The dumpers next person always act meanand nasty for? Are they that stupid?!Laugher her and say guess what? This is what he's going to do to youif you break up? People then can't complain because at least they knew how this person treats exes. I'd seriously say this.

Edited March 27, 2013 by Sugarkane

[Seachelle1]

Sugarkane,

I did warn her. Explicitly.

 

I feel almost complicit with my ex because he told me he was trying to break up with her. But she's doing it to herself and whatever she professes she doesn't like me (she doesn't treat me well in any case) and won't listen to me. Their choices cannot be any of my business. In fact, they could very well have broken up, and I can't know about it. I can't know anything about them for my own healing. They are no longer part of my life.

 

I feel sorry for them both but they are not welcome in my life.

[Am4Real]

I'm not sure what I can say or suggest.

 

Oh hell, go with the prawns!!