KS11 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So i've been just over 5 weeks NC and i'm feeling so confused. So far, i've managed to resist the urge to contact her, but I feel the need really starting to build. I did something stupid over the weekend, my brother left his facebook on, and he's still 'friends' with her. It was the first time I looked. I'm not really sure why I did it. I knew full well it would hurt if I saw anything. There wasn't anything 'bad' per say, but there was still things that got me thinking. I just feel lost. Its like this constant conflict. I've noticed that she's not on my mind as much. But the moment I realise that, I get so upset. It's noticing that we drifting so far apart. And then I think, well if i'm thinking of her less, that must mean she must have forgotten about me all together! I know people say you should be grateful for not having any 'breadcrumbs', but I really want some. Just something to say she still thinks of me. More than anything I just want to see her. I've been trying to understand whether its her I miss, or just what we had. But i can't make the distinction..I swear there two things go together. i hate this. It feels like im gona be stuck like this...
McGriff Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You are not alone in those thoughts! I am right with you. Try to keep looking at the big picture. You've been split up 5 weeks, not that long in the grand scheme of things. Who knows what the future holds? Not trying to cultivate hope in your past relationship, but there is most definitely hope for new ones! Anyway, I know the desperate feelings and emotions your going through. The fear can be crippling. Be strong, take deep breaths and know everything is gonna be fine.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 KS11, I am right there with you, too. I'm also 5 weeks post BU. My guess is that massive urge you are having right now is from seeing her on Facebook. Even though you didn't see anything "bad" you saw evidence that she is there - alive and kicking. It just shoots a dagger through you -to see the evidence that they are right there, around and about, but choosing not to speak to you or include you in their life. And faced with that evidence it just feels impossible to hold back from poking them and saying, "Hey, don't forget about me, I'm here! Remember, you used to adore me!" I had a similar experience.I was doing okay with NC - I definitely had urges, but was able to fight them. I did not delete him on Facebook but he hadn't posted anything so it didn't affect me. Then Thursday Facebook put on my news feed that silly thing "Games your friends are playing" and his name was listed. Completely innocent little thing, why should that affect me at all. But it did me in! I had an unbearable urge to talk to him. I fought it for a few hours (um maybe it was only minutes - felt like an eternity, lol) but it was so overpowering that I gave in and called him. And he didn't answer of course. so nothing was accomplished other than me feeling weak, and me handing him a bar of power that I wanted to keep for myself. My advice is to protect yourself as much as possible from seeing reminders that she is actually there and interacting with the rest of the world and not you. I know it's hard. I still didn't do a Facebook delete, and really just am not ready to yet. But getting closer every day. Fight this urge you got from last night - get yourself busy, talk to friends, hang out on LS, give somebody else your phone! Every contact you make weakens your position. Stay strong!
McGriff Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Damsel, I know what you mean about Facebook! I was stalking her at least once a day, I admit, until a female friend of mine innocently flirted with me on my wall. The next day, she had deleted me, so I know she was stalking me too. By now I have no access. She is actually FB friends with my sister in law, but I'd feel weird asking her to show me her page.
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 So i've been just over 5 weeks NC and i'm feeling so confused. So far, i've managed to resist the urge to contact her, but I feel the need really starting to build. I did something stupid over the weekend, my brother left his facebook on, and he's still 'friends' with her. It was the first time I looked. I'm not really sure why I did it. I knew full well it would hurt if I saw anything. There wasn't anything 'bad' per say, but there was still things that got me thinking. I just feel lost. Its like this constant conflict. I've noticed that she's not on my mind as much. But the moment I realise that, I get so upset. It's noticing that we drifting so far apart. And then I think, well if i'm thinking of her less, that must mean she must have forgotten about me all together! I know people say you should be grateful for not having any 'breadcrumbs', but I really want some. Just something to say she still thinks of me. More than anything I just want to see her. I've been trying to understand whether its her I miss, or just what we had. But i can't make the distinction..I swear there two things go together. i hate this. It feels like im gona be stuck like this... Dude, the facebook thing. Remember, facebook is not a My Personal Diary. People post things they like and want others to see. Who the f...k on earth knows what ****ty things they are dealing with? Unfortunately facebook has become a virtual life for people. But trust me, the facebook page owner is not happy, though it shows he really is !! You must stop worrying what facebook pics mean, she's happy blah blah. It's not surprising to think you would be stuck. Not at all. Time is the peace giver to your heart. Don't worry bro, it will be all fine in no time. Don't give a f..k bro...Enjoy the new freedom. Keep hunting, you'll sure stumble on something better always worthy to enjoy.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Damsel, I know what you mean about Facebook! I was stalking her at least once a day, I admit, until a female friend of mine innocently flirted with me on my wall. The next day, she had deleted me, so I know she was stalking me too. By now I have no access. She is actually FB friends with my sister in law, but I'd feel weird asking her to show me her page. OMG she blocked you! I can't imagine the feeling of suddenly seeing I was cut off. I bet that was a like a slap in the face And I can also imagine being annoyed that she cut you off before you you beat her to it. She got the power play. Yes, I can't help checking him and his contacts too - down to his parents and his daughter! It's really completely embarrassing and ridiculous. I don't know what I think I'm going to find out that will make any different whatsoever in anything, but it's an irresistible urge for information. I think because I'm suddenly blocked out of his life after sharing everything for several years, it's just hard to go cold turkey. Good for you resisting the urge to go through the SIL! Stay strong, McGriff!
McGriff Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Funny thing is, I blocked her 3 weeks ago and she texted me asking why. So I figured WTH, and requested her back. She accepted and now here we are! It's ridiculous. 1
Author KS11 Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Hey, Thanks for your replies. I learnt my lesson, well so i thought, about facebook a while ago when the relationship hit a rough patch. So when this break up happened..that day, i sent her message just saying i'd never be able to get over her if I had her on there..so i deleted her. I know that was the right thing to do. Deleting our conversations was horrible..we had over 40,000 messages which i know its only words on a screen, but it ended up being a big part of the relationship. I think deleting it was like the final step to accepting I couldnt fight for her anymore. I'm not really sure why I checked yesterday. Even seconds before going on her page, i was telling myself, 'no good will come on this'...yet i still did it...mad hey! Damsel, you're so right about the whole 'them still being around, but choosing not to talk to you'...i've been trying to figure out what that feeling was! I just wish amongst all of these negative feelings, there was something I could take that would show I'm improving, yet I can't seem to get out of the mindset of just being so upset that i've lost her. I don't you guys situations, but do you ever envisage being part of your ex's lives in the future? 1
BeenAround Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Funny thing is, I blocked her 3 weeks ago and she texted me asking why. So I figured WTH, and requested her back. She accepted and now here we are! It's ridiculous. Ha ha ha.....the facebook drama. I was thinking of starting a thread on this. It's funny how people use (and I will include myself in the anayisis) facebook as a barometer of what is going on with their ex. I never really used facebook for much more than getting in contact with old friends and even family members that live away.......BUT I have found myself being blocked and unblocked more times than I remember. I haven't blocked back although I have checked/looked at my ex on facebook when I wasn't blocked.........not sure why because we are no longer FB friends........ I guess just curiosity. I don't post much and my setting are private so I have to wonder why I keep getting blocked and unblocked......lol. My ex lives through facebook and initially used it to contact me at the beginning. It's interesting to hear the reasoning everyone has for what they do and why on the social networks.
Damsel in Distress Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I don't you guys situations, but do you ever envisage being part of your ex's lives in the future? Okay, I'll be honest, there is definitely a part of me that fantasizes this was all a big mistake, he'll try somebody else out and realize that I really was the best thing that ever happened to him and beg me back. This fantasy was much stronger before, and as pissed as I am that he cut me off cold turkey without closure, I have to admit that the NC (enforced by him) has been helpful in moving on. I feel like I am at a turning point, and I am VERY close to giving up that fantasy (or at least pushing it way to the back of my mind instead of screaming at the front of my mind). I have been working very hard at it - reading all the posts on here, trying to learn from everybody's experience, trying to come to terms in my mind that he has moved on and left me in his past. These posts on here are like a broken record - same story over and over.. and that has helped me accept the reality. Another thing that was VERY helpful to me is that a good friend sat me down and pointed out that I had him on a pedestal. Obsessing about all the incredibly good times and happiness. She apologized for having to be brutal, then proceeded to tear him and his personality apart. Forced me to write a list of all the times he had hurt me and how he has hurt other important people in his life. There are some things he has done that really are inexcusable. So that was last night, and today I have been in such a different mood. I am feeling very strong, and that definitely gave the fantasy a good hard kick that it badly needed. People often say on here not to put the ex on a pedestal, but I didn't really know how to take him off it. It's hard to focus on all the flaws yourself (and I would tend to blame myself for his flaws!), but my friend did me a huge favor. It hurts her to have seen the ways he has hurt me... so she gave him a big push off the pedestal, lol. I know how appealing the fantasy is, but you have to kill it off. As long as you have it, you will not be able to move forward. Good luck. I know how hard it is!!
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