sccrfreak Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My gf and I broke up this summer after 2 years and after our freshman yeah apart in college. We went to school 4+ hours apart and never saw each other. We talked everyday but started to run out of stuff to talk about and it soon turned into a lot of bickering that we tried to push through and not work out. She started having doubts that it would work and ended in that summer. We still went to the beach with mutual friends and everything seemed fine. We had sex a few time that summer as well. It was just too easy and the sex still felt like making love and not just physical to us both. After going back to school I thought a lot about how the summer ended and was questioning her on why we were doing the things we did as a couple even though we broke up. I'm an engineering student, very questioning and over think stuff a lot. She just likes letting things happen. This led to arguments and we went NC for the whole semester almost. Winter break came around and she said she wanted to be "friends". This soon came to be us falling into old habits. Watching movies, having sex, grabbing ice cream. The same arguments as before came up. I'm trying to understand it and she just says something was lost, the spark. I see her and just get the feelings of the past and want her back. At the end of break after trying to talk to her about getting back together, I leave her house upset, delete her number and go NC for the next 2 months. Until spring break. Spring break rolls around last weekend. Our breaks didn't line up but there was a 2 day over lap. I contacted her and asked what she wanted to to, if anything. She said she wants to be friends and not lose me. I asked if she wanted to grab lunch but that she would have to arrange it because I didn't want to make all the decisions like previously. I wouldn't have been surprised if she never contacted me because she hates making decisions and usually just lets things go unless someone else makes plans. She did contact me, we grabbed lunch, I went back and caught up with her family and we ended up hooking up. I can't describe it but I've had sex with other girls since breaking up but it is different with her. We've agreed to keep in touch but not talk daily like we used to because we don't want to fall into old habits. I just don't know what to do. When I'm not busy with school, I find my mind wondering to her. Sometimes I'm sad, but sometimes I'm happy about the memories we've had. I wonder what would have happened if we didn't go to school so far away. It seems like when we're together we would be happy to do the things we used to and be a couple, but apart we are terrible. Do you think it is possible to be friends with an ex? Do you think it is best for me to keep contact or go NC again. The frequency of me getting hit by waves of emotions for her are less and less, but I know my heart still cares.
Cogee Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Long distance is a killer that's for sure! Same sort of thing happened with me except she ultimately found someone else to replace me before ending it. Right up until the week before she decided to end it she and I were having sex, talking about the great times we had together, and planning what we will be doing next. I think after a significant time has passed it's possible to be friends with an ex, but at that point you will have gone through so many life experiences and dated others that your emotional attachment will have been severed. You will still think highly of each other and the great memories, but won't have that rush of emotions the moment you talk. If you do, then obviously friendship can't work.
Author sccrfreak Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 So the main thing is that if I have feelings for her then it will never work out. That's my problem, like my mind knows that things won't work out now because of the distance and that but my heart still hopes that it will. I know that we would be FWB but I know I could stop that and she still says she would want to be friends. We talked about it because we both had our doubts that sex would be viable if we wanted to be friends. It kind of just happened though last weekend. I guess my main thing I don't understand is why she wants to be friends if it's not FWB and she doesn't want a relationship. Can she really just not have any feelings of love for me anymore and sees it as just any old friend?
Am4Real Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You want to be friends with the girl you were banging and while all of that is fresh on your mind, imagine the new guy laying on top of her, on his knees behind her and so on. Now...still want to be friends with her? I would hope not.
Author sccrfreak Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 You want to be friends with the girl you were banging and while all of that is fresh on your mind, imagine the new guy laying on top of her, on his knees behind her and so on. Now...still want to be friends with her? I would hope not. That's the thing, I couldn't see her hooking up with random guys. I know I see her through different eyes but that's not her, and if it is then I don't want to
Am4Real Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If she contemplates random sex with you then it can happen with anyone. Random does not mean it's a blindside from a bar. It can be a friend, a new friend, co-worker, co-student, neighbor, friend-of-a-friend...whatever, the possibilities are endless! My point is you two are no longer together in any formal or even informal way and both of you are free to live your life. You're both young, exploring people and experiences and physical and emotional exchange is normally part of the experience. Sorry. That's the thing, I couldn't see her hooking up with random guys. I know I see her through different eyes but that's not her, and if it is then I don't want to
polyglot Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My gf and I broke up this summer after 2 years and after our freshman yeah apart in college. We went to school 4+ hours apart and never saw each other. We talked everyday but started to run out of stuff to talk about and it soon turned into a lot of bickering that we tried to push through and not work out. She started having doubts that it would work and ended in that summer. We still went to the beach with mutual friends and everything seemed fine. We had sex a few time that summer as well. It was just too easy and the sex still felt like making love and not just physical to us both. After going back to school I thought a lot about how the summer ended and was questioning her on why we were doing the things we did as a couple even though we broke up. I'm an engineering student, very questioning and over think stuff a lot. She just likes letting things happen. This led to arguments and we went NC for the whole semester almost. Winter break came around and she said she wanted to be "friends". This soon came to be us falling into old habits. Watching movies, having sex, grabbing ice cream. The same arguments as before came up. I'm trying to understand it and she just says something was lost, the spark. I see her and just get the feelings of the past and want her back. At the end of break after trying to talk to her about getting back together, I leave her house upset, delete her number and go NC for the next 2 months. Until spring break. Spring break rolls around last weekend. Our breaks didn't line up but there was a 2 day over lap. I contacted her and asked what she wanted to to, if anything. She said she wants to be friends and not lose me. I asked if she wanted to grab lunch but that she would have to arrange it because I didn't want to make all the decisions like previously. I wouldn't have been surprised if she never contacted me because she hates making decisions and usually just lets things go unless someone else makes plans. She did contact me, we grabbed lunch, I went back and caught up with her family and we ended up hooking up. I can't describe it but I've had sex with other girls since breaking up but it is different with her. We've agreed to keep in touch but not talk daily like we used to because we don't want to fall into old habits. I just don't know what to do. When I'm not busy with school, I find my mind wondering to her. Sometimes I'm sad, but sometimes I'm happy about the memories we've had. I wonder what would have happened if we didn't go to school so far away. It seems like when we're together we would be happy to do the things we used to and be a couple, but apart we are terrible. Do you think it is possible to be friends with an ex? Do you think it is best for me to keep contact or go NC again. The frequency of me getting hit by waves of emotions for her are less and less, but I know my heart still cares. Not a good idea. You must avoid.
Author sccrfreak Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Thanks everyone. I'm probably going to go back to NC because I know she doesn't feel how I feel and I think my feeling are still too strong for this.
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