Estate Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Hey, So I met this girl recently. We went on a few dates. Nice girl. Anyway, after 3 dates she asked me to be exclusive, she'd text or FB all day long, and last time we went out... after she left my apartment she left a whole lot of things behind, like bathroom supplies and all sorts... acting very girlfriend like, had to hold hands constantly, etc. ... so while I like this girl.. she was moving way too fast. I told her I liked her but not to rush things too fast, just let it happen. So I express this and she replies telling me she is planning on moving cities, its been in the works before we met.... so essentially I was a plan B. I feel like this is just a big game, I don't even know if its serious, like, because I backed up a little, she's now looking for me to chase. Like, what was her plan here if she WAS moving? She was REALLY trying to push things forward fast which I was uncomfortable with but was happy to let it play out and hope all went well... but she's either flipping the script so I chace now or she was looking to move things forward this fast(which a lot of guys with no other options would dive in for head first) and then split? I'm just sensing its more and more game playing, I'm really not into it... either I'm being played with or I'm esentially her plan B, neither of which is very attractive to me. Ugh, girls complain about guys and then act like idiots when they get a good one... *banging head off wall*...
Emilia Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You are usually a level-headed poster so take a step back and read it as if someone else was posting it. She is a headf**k, I'm sure you can do better. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Too fast for you and inconsiderate of her to: 1. tell you after weeks of dating instead of right up front, and 2. dating at all if she knows that she was moving. I would move on and find someone else.
KathyM Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Unfortunately, she's using you to fill the time and place as her boyfriend until she moves. She realizes her time is limited where she is now, which is why she put the relationship on the fast track. If you're looking for something long-term, I'd suggest telling her you don't think it's going to work to be exclusive since she will be moving away in the near future, and you are looking for something more long term. So give her the talk, i.e., you are not interested in an exclusive relationship with her since she'll be moving soon. 2
tbf Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I told her I liked her but not to rush things too fast, just let it happen. So I express this and she replies telling me she is planning on moving cities, its been in the works before we met.... so essentially I was a plan B.It sounds like she was either hurt and lashing back or she's providing honesty with honesty, as a form of assuaging any of your concerns that she was thinking in serious terms. How much detail did she give about her planned move? I'm curious about the when of movement and how far away since distance doesn't immediately or always kill relationships or relationship potential.
Author Estate Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Yeah, to be honest I don't let these things get to me too much but last night when I heard I was a bit like... "eh, what now?" To be honest, I don't rush into things with anyone. Yeah, I'd like something longterm but I'm not going to rush it, that's just my principles based on past experiences. So I was upfront... I like her, she's nice but asking to be exclusive and having all her stuff in my apt was a bit much after 3-4 dates... if she wants to take it a little slower, I'm happy to see where it goes. But I'm just un-impressed by this. It's not so much that I feel used or something but I'm like "What exactly was she TRYING to do?". If this was a temporary things or she wanted something casual then I understand the situation. I can make my decisions based on that. But why would she really PUSH for things to go so fast knowing this? I doesn't make sense... like, what exactly was she trying to do? As far as long distance goes, she's moving to another country, with a view to stay, and we've only just met, again... how exactly was that going to work? And to be honest, at the end of the day... I half get the feeling that since I asked to slow things down a bit since she was chasing me a lot, I don't even know if this is all legit.... it kinda sound like she's just trying to reverse the roles and make herself look unavailable to see if I'll start chasing HER. Ugh... I'm not even too bothered by the situation. It's too early for the amount of pressure she was putting on so I wasn't into that really. The only bit that plays on me is what exactly she was trying to achieve... it could be all game... I don't know for sure but I'm not impressed if it is. It might not be games but then why push immediately for a heavy relationship when it made more sense to be up front and see if something casual was an option? Some women... I get... some women... will be a mystery to me forever how and why they do certain things. Just feels like it's all just "creative" drama now. Not impressed at all and not interested. People screw themselves over sometimes being like this.
tbf Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If she wanted you to chase her, dropping the moving bomb wouldn't be the way to do it.
carhill Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Since you've apparently made a decision, water under the bridge but I have a question. When was she going to be moving?
FitChick Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 When someone is being territorial and leaves stuff behind in your apartment, you need to say, "Looks like you forgot these" and hand them to him or her on their way out. Simple! Keep doing it and they will get the hint.
carhill Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 OP, something else to consider, and perhaps more benign than scripts or games, is that she's a serial monogamist, kind of like women of the past who would never 'live in sin' but rather marry each man the happened to fall in love with, and were married many times. You were the 'until I move' man. She would appear, and perhaps fully intend, to be with you right until she moved, and then she'd be with another man exactly in the same way in her new city until the next, etc, etc. No sinister plan, just a little fuzzy about the details. 2
outsidethebox Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 My guess is saying she is moving to another country is an out. She wants you to talk her out of it and if you don't care to, she was leaving anyway. The territorial and exclusive go hand in hand imo. How can you be exclusive and she can't leave her things there? She has to schlep her toiletries around to your place because you feel violated? Good grief. If you're not exclusive then say so. The casualness you speak of chase as if this is a game and there is a winner and loser is disconcerting.
apple OR orange Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 - shes moving city means she doesnt have anywhere to live - you only seing her means she HAS somewhere to live and she can get sex everywhere else - you are her home until she moves. You did the right move, leave her alone.
Author Estate Posted March 26, 2013 Author Posted March 26, 2013 My guess is saying she is moving to another country is an out. She wants you to talk her out of it and if you don't care to, she was leaving anyway. The territorial and exclusive go hand in hand imo. How can you be exclusive and she can't leave her things there? She has to schlep her toiletries around to your place because you feel violated? Good grief. If you're not exclusive then say so. The casualness you speak of chase as if this is a game and there is a winner and loser is disconcerting. Eh, dude... did you read any of that? Schlepping around my apartment? Are we in the 20's? She asked about being exclusive and I made it clear that while I was happy to date her and had nobody else on the horizon, such talk was too quick after 2-3 dates... if she wants to continue we will see where it goes... ... which she agreed to in words but not in actions. Learn to read before responding. Also... as an "out"... she's not "definitely" going... she's waiting to hear back on something which she'll apparently hear over the next week. So again... if she's going, and that was always the plan... sure, thats fine... but what exactly is she angling for with me? I don't get it.
outsidethebox Posted March 26, 2013 Posted March 26, 2013 Eh, dude... did you read any of that? Schlepping around my apartment? Are we in the 20's? She asked about being exclusive and I made it clear that while I was happy to date her and had nobody else on the horizon, such talk was too quick after 2-3 dates... if she wants to continue we will see where it goes... ... which she agreed to in words but not in actions. Learn to read before responding. Also... as an "out"... she's not "definitely" going... she's waiting to hear back on something which she'll apparently hear over the next week. So again... if she's going, and that was always the plan... sure, thats fine... but what exactly is she angling for with me? I don't get it. I said schlep her toiletries to your apartment, not around your apartment. And I said if it's not exclusive, say so. You're saying you did say so a little more emphatically than before. And the rest about an out is what I was saying, There's no question here. Like I said, she wants you to talk her out of moving and stay with you.
Emilia Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 She just sounds insecure, unpredictable and skittish to me, I've seen it so many times. She might grow out of it but sounds quite immature for now IMO
InJest Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Treat her as a **** buddy, not a girlfriend. Start seeing other chicks too.
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