chida37 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My ex and I have been LC for almost a month now...She seems to be doing very well. I've been the one that is contacting her during the past month, I just couldn't let her go. Last night she told me that there are guys at work that are interested in her and that was when I knew I had to stop talking to her. I don't want to be around when she gets taken away by someone else. It's going to be hard for me to stay NC but I will post everyday to update everyone with my progress. My goal is 60 days hopefully after 60 days it won't be hard to do it for longer. Anyways. I hope the Love Shack community can help me through these 60 days as I know it will be difficult for me. 4
Cogee Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Good idea! I have to say that as much as it hurt initially that my ex (dumper) immediately removed me from all contact, she did the right thing. I'll give her some respect points for doing that even if her reason for doing it might have been selfish (since she lied to me about there being someone else). I would have gone NC anyway, but at least this way I know that she won't be bothering me either! It's much easier to move on that way I think.
Author chida37 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 She broke NC by emailing me today. Asking for me to call, I didn't and she sent me an email asking if we could meet up a month from now for a marathon that we both registered for. I really don't know how to respond. I haven't contacted her back.
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 In a month...? Well let me help you by articulating one of the possibilities. You'll contact her; make plans to do the marathon with her; you'll begin to count the days till you see her and join her at this event. Now remember, one post ago you were telling us of your countdown goals for NC, now you have completely reversed if you contact her. So going on...you plan on the event! In the meantime and unknowing to you, she begins to date that person from work and forms a bond of some type. Unknown to you he is invited to watch her run the marathon. You show up at the marathon, it's the big day and guess what, she introduces you to her new BF who will be spectating. Hmmm...still think you owe her any kind of response. NC = healing; anything else is a delay to that process or a "game". Now its your choice. She broke NC by emailing me today. Asking for me to call, I didn't and she sent me an email asking if we could meet up a month from now for a marathon that we both registered for. I really don't know how to respond. I haven't contacted her back.
Chris516 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) My ex and I have been LC for almost a month now...She seems to be doing very well. I've been the one that is contacting her during the past month, I just couldn't let her go. Last night she told me that there are guys at work that are interested in her and that was when I knew I had to stop talking to her. I don't want to be around when she gets taken away by someone else. It's going to be hard for me to stay NC but I will post everyday to update everyone with my progress. My goal is 60 days hopefully after 60 days it won't be hard to do it for longer. Anyways. I hope the Love Shack community can help me through these 60 days as I know it will be difficult for me. If LC means 'Little/Low Contact', then I know how you feel. I do feel like my fiance(if she still is that) is going NC on me. We have only talked on the phone 2hrs. 45mins., for the past two months. Because of the countless phone calls she didn't return, or the 'communications'(e-mail, online), that I missed. I thought I was letting her know, she still matters to me. She even told me I wasn't harassing her, when I told her that I started to feel like I was. She did try to contact me on a few occasions, via IM, that I missed. I don't know if she still wants me. But like you, I hope the Love Shack community can help me through a rough time. My birthday is May 16th, but I don't expect to hear from her, on my birthday. Edited March 27, 2013 by Chris516
Am4Real Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Chris, Yes, this is the reference acronym on Loveshack for LIMITED CONTACT. I feel your torture -- if you continue down the path you are on I suspect there is much more pain to come as you try to regain your old ways with her in each contact. I'm afraid if it hasn't happened yet, it probably will not. Look up the post [guide] on NO CONTACT by TaraMaiden or others and consider this your best option. And no, it's not a means to "get her back", however the guide will go through the benefits and purpose for you to discover. Good luck. If LC means 'Little/Low Contact', then I know how you feel. I do feel like my fiance(if she still is that) is going NC on me. We have only talked on the phone 2hrs. 45mins., for the past two months. Because of the countless phone calls she didn't return, or the 'communications'(e-mail, online), that I missed. I thought I was letting her know, she still matters to me. She even told me I wasn't harassing her, when I told her that I started to feel like I was. She did try to contact me on a few occasions, via IM, that I missed. I don't know if she still wants me. But like you, I hope the Love Shack community can help me through a rough time. My birthday is May 16th, but I don't expect to hear from her, on my birthday.
GudDude2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 (edited) In a month...? Well let me help you by articulating one of the possibilities. You'll contact her; make plans to do the marathon with her; you'll begin to count the days till you see her and join her at this event. Now remember, one post ago you were telling us of your countdown goals for NC, now you have completely reversed if you contact her. So going on...you plan on the event! In the meantime and unknowing to you, she begins to date that person from work and forms a bond of some type. Unknown to you he is invited to watch her run the marathon. You show up at the marathon, it's the big day and guess what, she introduces you to her new BF who will be spectating. Hmmm...still think you owe her any kind of response. NC = healing; anything else is a delay to that process or a "game". Now its your choice. This is more than likely exactly what would happen. Remember she said guy(s) at work? In the plural, which means she may not show up with one spectator, she may show up with none. She may show up after dating every guy at work who she thought was interested. There is a lot that can happen in a months time, and to ask for a meeting a month away seems very selfish on her part. It seems like she's making a ploy to string you along, while still conducting her newly single private affairs. She's trying to keep you as a friend. Someone who will run alongside of her newly singles bike holding on until she can get her balance only to pedal off leaving you in a dust cloud of unfulfilled hope and heartache. I say no dude. Do not confirm any meeting a month away. Make her take you seriously by respecting the NC. Take yourself seriously and stick to the NC, especially if you want the respect you deserve. The only chance you have to get her back on respectable terms, meaning her really wanting to try again with you is by not letting her get away with exploring all her new options without consequence. You can't control what she does, but the consequence is that she loses you and whatever companionship, friendship, comfort, etc. That you provided for her in your relationship. She's making it easier on her not on you. This could be a whole thirty days of healing for yourself that could grant you a whole different perspective on your ex and give you the strength to conduct yourself accordingly if and when you decide to show for this marathon. Think about what's best for you cause she's not. Edited March 27, 2013 by GudDude2013 spelling & paragraphs
Chris516 Posted March 27, 2013 Posted March 27, 2013 Chris, Yes, this is the reference acronym on Loveshack for LIMITED CONTACT. I feel your torture -- if you continue down the path you are on I suspect there is much more pain to come as you try to regain your old ways with her in each contact. I'm afraid if it hasn't happened yet, it probably will not. Look up the post [guide] on NO CONTACT by TaraMaiden or others and consider this your best option. And no, it's not a means to "get her back", however the guide will go through the benefits and purpose for you to discover. Good luck. Thanks, I will take a look at it.
Author chida37 Posted March 27, 2013 Author Posted March 27, 2013 Thank you for all your support, I was tempted to call her the whole day today but I'm happy I'm holding back. I need to let her know this time I'm serious in going NC.
Author chida37 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 (edited) Whats Up LS Im doing good it's Day 4. Doing a lot better Edited March 28, 2013 by chida37
NewPerspective93 Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Kudos on the realization on not contacting her. This is for the best. It will be hard, but this is where you hold on to your seat with all of your might. Glad you're doing well so far! As for the marathon meetup, I don't think you should meet her up for that. You might be unstable IF you do meet her. From what I've seen on here, most meetups don't turn out for the better. Just an FYI. Be faithful to NC. It is VITAL to your moving on. Cheers.
Author chida37 Posted March 28, 2013 Author Posted March 28, 2013 So update guys....I'm contemplating on whether I should respond to her e-mail. I've copy and pasted what I wrote below. Tell me what you guys think? Hi ______, I apologize for the tardy reply, I've been preoccupied. Despite your suggestion, I would advise otherwise. A meeting could jeopardize progress we've both made through the time apart. As we had previously discussed, our relationship is in the past now. We can still connect on a professional basis, however I would like us to avoid any unnecessary contact. I wish you well in your future endeavors, whether it be professional or personal. Best Regards, ________ Should I send it? I feel so tempted to....
Am4Real Posted March 28, 2013 Posted March 28, 2013 Try this one for a feel: [name], I received your invitation to meet. It's been some time now and I've learned much about myself and what I want, things I want to do and new things I now enjoy. Those things do not include you and I and with the progress I've made apart from you, I do not wish to revisit the past or at this stage, be reminded of it either. [your name] p.s. I noticed in your message you begin with an apology. Why? Is there an underlining message there. You also leave the door open for communications one day under the guise of professional activity but you don't specify exactly what that is, meaning one can reach out to you in the future and make something up. I guess it's a matter of personal choice for you. Are you wanting to close this door and lock it, close it and leave it unlocked, or leave it open a crack? So update guys....I'm contemplating on whether I should respond to her e-mail. I've copy and pasted what I wrote below. Tell me what you guys think? Hi ______, I apologize for the tardy reply, I've been preoccupied. Despite your suggestion, I would advise otherwise. A meeting could jeopardize progress we've both made through the time apart. As we had previously discussed, our relationship is in the past now. We can still connect on a professional basis, however I would like us to avoid any unnecessary contact. I wish you well in your future endeavors, whether it be professional or personal. Best Regards, ________ Should I send it? I feel so tempted to....
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