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Does my girlfriend seem selfish or is she into another guy?

russellfitch1980

By russellfitch1980
in General Relationship Discussion

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russellfitch1980 Member

russellfitch1980

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Hey everyone, I really need some advice and I'm not sure how to go about this anymore. I apologize in advance for the long thread :) I've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now, and we have never had any problems at all until a few weeks ago. We got into a argument that branched off into many other arguments for about a week or so. We both love each other a lot, and we started saying it about 3 months into our relationship after a weekend get away with each other. She tells me that I make her happy and that she loves me very much and would do anything for me.

 

When we argued, she said that she wanted things back to normal like they were when we weren't fighting for that week or two. She also said she wanted to make things work and be with me and only me. The fight started because I noticed she had been texting and messaging this guy a lot from school who's in her classes. The problem is she considers him now to be one of her "good" friends when he was only just an "acquaintance" at first, and I have never met him. In fact I have never met any of her friends at all, only her mom, dad, and sister. She has met a good handful of my group of best friends who I have known since high school. I want her to have friends and hang out with them, but I feel that I at least should know who they are so I'm not getting jealous if she hangs out with them outside of school especially if its this guy. The argument that we got into was mainly how I feel neglected a lot of the time and how she ignores me a lot now since the spring semester started.

 

 

I understand that she is taking 6 classes and needs a lot of study time, so I have sacrificed our 2 or 3 days or nights we hang out to only 1 day a week now to allow her to focus more. She rarely will initiate plans with me now and always says that she is busy with homework and needs study time. For instance, She is hanging out with one of her girlfriends this week, on a day where she told me that day specifically needs to be for homework....that day of the week used to be our night to go to dinner, watch a movie, and honestly hang out and feel close with each other. We tried to make a set schedule for nights that we can get together but now her plans our constantly changing and I feel that at times she would rather be with her friends than be with me. I do nice things for her all the time, buy her things, tell her how beautiful she is, oh and she asked me if I wanted something for our anniversary and I said no, honestly I just want to spend the day and night with you. I got her something of course, I really nice ring with her favorite gemstone....it costed me $300.

 

 

 

I truly love her and the problem with me is that she says she truly loves me but I feel she doesn't show it. Especially since this spring semester started. If she really loved me I feel that it would be an easy change for her to try to fit me in more, and meet her friends when she has the chance to introduce me to them and invite me to go out with all of them every now and then...especially this guy who she is now good friends with. The fact that she can't do this worries me....I would give up the world for her and she can't do one simple thing by not talking to this guy as much or at least introducing me to him which would solve all my problems.

 

 

She got really mad at me when I confronted her about this and also this guy which is the fight that we got into....she told me how she was upset how I don't trust her and how I think that she is going to cheat on me with him. I tried to explain to her that at times I feel neglected when she ignores me and takes forever to respond to my texts now (at first she would take 5 or 10 minutes to respond, now it can take up to an hour or sometimes even more!!) and how she doesn't want to spend time with me as much as I want to spend with her, and also how I have never met her friends and she has met almost all of mine. She also texts, facebook messages, and snapchats this guy a lot which they are apparently a majority of the time talking about school work because he is in almost all of her classes.

 

 

She told me I was being an ******* when we were fighting. She knows she has issues and is really stubborn but she won't ever apologize for it. When we have sex, we make love, its not sex and it always is incredible. Just last week, I made love to her and at the end she teared up and wanted to just cuddle with me in my bed....I care the world for this girl, and all I want to know is if I'm being selfish or is she? Does it seem like she is into this other guy? Please females try and answer this from your point of view...sorry for the long post. Thanks a lot :)

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Lani Established Member

Lani

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I tried, but I went crosseyed.

 

Long posts are fine, but space that shiz out!!

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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We ask that community participants separate long posts into paragraphs, leaving a blank line between each block of text similar to the style used in this document. We have found that posters who follow this suggestion not only improve the readability of the post, but also tend to receive a greater number of responses.

 

Lots of love, The Community Guidelines

 

(Which incidentally, if you recall, you had to check the box to say you'd read them and agreed to them..... ;) )

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veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Your girl is either cheating on you or close to it. That's why she gets so defensive about her "good friend" and why she is pushing you away. She wants to keep you around til she knows what'll happen with that guy.

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russellfitch1980 Member

russellfitch1980

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She told me that he is in no way of her type and that she just finds him to be interesting...I'm not sure what to do. She even couldn't make it more known that she wasn't planning on cheating...I do trust her, but I have this feeling in the back of my head and it just replays and replays. I even have nightmares about it...is there a possibility that I'm just over reacting and thats its just messing with my head? Thanks

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russellfitch1980 Member

russellfitch1980

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This is the message that she just sent me....what do you all think as an honest opinion? From her "But honestly. I really think you're the one and I really think were so amazing together and we have so much fun , and you're caring and you really try to make me happy and I can see that and that means so much to me . I know I'm tough and I know I have a front. Especially in front of other people like my family. But I think we can work it out"

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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If she loves you she should understand your discomfort with her new BFF and scale it back! She knows you don't like it right?

Mina Established Member

Mina

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She's cheating. My ex did the same to me. Said she loved me up until the end. Refused to scale back hanging out with her ex.

 

Your GF reeks of cheating. If not, she's emotionally attached to him. Either way, this will not end well.

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russellfitch1980 Member

russellfitch1980

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Yea she does know that it upsets me when she does that, she has toned it down a little bit, and like I said its usually with a group of people that she is with during school. I just feel uncomfortable whenever she texts him and I have never met him....let alone have no idea what they talk about. I see the posts on facebook when they talk and it's always harmless conversations. No real signs of flirting or anything, but I just can't understand why she won't leave it at that. The fact that she wants to make future hang out plans with him (maybe a group which would be even better) just makes me uncomfortable because I have never met him. I know she does love me and I really don't think she would cheat or lead anyone on, I just wish she would see my point of view. She said to me at least 5 times how if it was a girl I would care less, but since it's a guy its the end of the world. I want her to have friends, and I believe there should be alone time, times to hang out with friends, and time for me and her to hang out with her friends, I just want to meet them.....

ggman New Member

ggman

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it sounds like she has interest in this other guy. Don't try to be too emotionally invested in the relationship although u have said u "love each other" if she loved u then she would understand how you felt about that and that it hurts you. Explain to her that her behavior is making u feel uncomfortable and it is putting strain on your guys relationship. If she actually loves you then she would understand and scale back with her "New BFF"

veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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Why haven't you met him/them? (is there more than one? Your post was hard to read)

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russellfitch1980 Member

russellfitch1980

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Yea I haven't met him/them. At first she didn't refer to them as friends only acquaintances until about 3 weeks ago she told me that they were all good friends now especially this one guy. I really don't think she will do anything to mess this up with me and her and she has told me twice before that she is not Interested in him she only sees him as a friend...it's just uncomfortable having met none of them.

Mina Established Member

Mina

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Yea I haven't met him/them. At first she didn't refer to them as friends only acquaintances until about 3 weeks ago she told me that they were all good friends now especially this one guy. I really don't think she will do anything to mess this up with me and her and she has told me twice before that she is not Interested in him she only sees him as a friend...it's just uncomfortable having met none of them.

She's in a new group of friends, and with one guy in particular. She knows how much it upsets you, but she won't step back from it.

 

Cheating.

Cutiepie1976 Established Member

Cutiepie1976

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Words are cheap and meaningless unless backed by action.

 

Your problem is that your girlfriend has disengaged and is no longer as invested as you are in your relationship. Despite her verbal professions of love, now she no longer initiates, she prioritizes spending her free time with her acquaintances/friends over you, and she has elected to develop and progress a relationship with a new male friend with whom she now constantly communicates despite the obvious discomfort it causes you. Her actions are sending a very clear message. Your choice to refuse to accept what is being conveyed.

 

It takes two to make a relationship work. Unfortunately, it seems you're now alone in trying to make your relationship successful.

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