Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I am not disputing that good sir. I only state that when love is then the equation there are no absolutes Love is goofy and destructive in the hands of people who don't have the experience and awareness to see it for what it is. At this point, I just put relationship 'love' in the same column as doing heroin. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'd be totally down with a guy (or a girl) who has their own life, their own stuff, and we are exclusive, but don't spend a ton of time together. Yes. I can go with this. After re-entering the dating scene a little over a year ago, I've gone from wanting the happy marriage I had, being with my partner daily, to now... ...I think you have it right. Or at least it's what seems to be my preference for now.
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'm this type of girl: "Oh, you have your child this weekend? (Internally saying, "YES!! I can play video games all weekend.") Ok, we'll get together sometime next week or something. Or if you want, we can take your kid to the park and grill out or something." I'm so completely chill when it comes to relationships these days. If a guy is honest and faithful and can support himself and is a generally good person, I don't give a crap about the rest, or what he does with his spare time, how much money he makes, etc. 4
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'm this type of girl: "Oh, you have your child this weekend? (Internally saying, "YES!! I can play video games all weekend.") Ok, we'll get together sometime next week or something. Or if you want, we can take your kid to the park and grill out or something." I'm so completely chill when it comes to relationships these days. If a guy is honest and faithful and can support himself and is a generally good person, I don't give a crap about the rest, or what he does with his spare time, how much money he makes, etc. LOL! I like this! Good, healthy attitude! So, I take it marriage not in the picture? Or moving in together?
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Love is goofy and destructive in the hands of people who don't have the experience and awareness to see it for what it is. At this point, I just put relationship 'love' in the same column as doing heroin. There have been studies that say exactly that. However 'relationship love' can mean many different things imo. A mutually beneficial union between two emotional developed individuals can and does exist.
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I look at my grandfather as I reflect on this topic. He and my grandmother divorced 35 years ago (she has since passed away). For a long time afterward, my grandpa sort of hung out with this one lady, but they didn't live together. Who really knows what the hell was going on there, but it wasn't any sort of intimate relationship. Anyway, he stopped hanging out with this lady after several years, and the guy has just been living in a cabin in the woods a few miles outside of a small town for maybe 15 years or so. The dude is just happy as could be. He putzes all day, chops wood, chews the fat with the yokels in town, and just seems to be living the dream. Now, does he have a chest freezer in his garage filled with human body parts? I don't know, and I'm not about to look. But on the surface, everything seems Kool and the Gang. No woman, no cry, right? 3
Green Light Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 The worst part about being single is the loneliness. Sometimes loneliness can be a powerful force when it hits hard. However, as I age, I've found that it's easier for me to deal with loneliness. Now I'm trying to learn how to go out in public alone and do things without feeling lonely and awkward. I'm so used to doing things as part of a couple.
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 The worst part about being single is the loneliness. Sometimes loneliness can be a powerful force when it hits hard. However, as I age, I've found that it's easier for me to deal with loneliness. Now I'm trying to learn how to go out in public alone and do things without feeling lonely and awkward. I'm so used to doing things as part of a couple. If you are lonely go out and meet some people! Alone time is wonderful because it lets you spend time with your favorite person in the world. Yourself!
pbjbear Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) I have been much happier since I voluntarily decided to take a break from dating around 7 months ago. Ive turned down all date offers. I have just told people I am taking a year off of dating before I move. I might extend it even longer because I have been enjoying myself so much. I am 25 and have found men in their 20's to be too emotionally immature and selfish for me. Every single guy I dated for longer than 2 months expected me to put in well over 50% of the effort into the relationship. I find men put in more effort in the beginning stages to "woo" or court a girl but once that stage is over the woman is supposed to take over and they become selfish and lazy. Lots of girls abide by this setup. Society says women are supposed to be more caring and nurturing than men, men can get away with acting like d-bags more than women can. I have dated different types of guys with this same result too. I have so much time now to do what I WANT, without wasting it away on some lame guy who doesnt deserve my kindness and caringness quite frankly. No longer am I spending my time watching sports with a guy who never wants to do anything I want to do, doing most of the contacting/initiating after a few months of dating, arranging my schedule for men when Ive always been the busier of the two of us anyway, listening to them be disrespectful and degrading towards me while watching them get angry when I act the same way towards them, have to baby them when they get sick but when I get sick they just ignore me, becoming less satisfied in the sack because they become lazy and no longer care about foreplay, spending time with his friends who rarely are all that great while he never wants to spend time with my friends. Its been great. I work out almost everyday, read more books, keep updated on what I want to watch, spend time with friends and family who tend to be more fulfilling and supportive for m and dont expect me to do all the work. Edited March 25, 2013 by pbjbear
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 LOL! I like this! Good, healthy attitude! So, I take it marriage not in the picture? Or moving in together? Marriage, no, not really. I'm just not terribly interested. Living together, maybe, assuming we had compatible living styles. But I like to have a LOT of space and privacy. There'd be a bed for ****ing, and there'd be a room where I'd have a bed and just be able to be alone, read, whatever. 2
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Marriage, no, not really. I'm just not terribly interested. Living together, maybe, assuming we had compatible living styles. But I like to have a LOT of space and privacy. There'd be a bed for ****ing, and there'd be a room where I'd have a bed and just be able to be alone, read, whatever. I apologize for asking, but how old are you? Have you been married? Kids? Yikes, your own room! I take it that this would be equivalent to a man-cave, but for a woman.
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I apologize for asking, but how old are you? Have you been married? Kids? Yikes, your own room! I take it that this would be equivalent to a man-cave, but for a woman. Why would you apologize for that? I'm 38. Been engaged three times but managed to escape marriage every time. And no, no kids. I like kids when they belong to someone else and I get to mostly play with them/read to them/help them. And **** yeah. I need a huge cave. I mean, two PCs, an XBox, a TV, a PS3, a bookshelf, etc. That stuff takes room. 1
clia Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why would you apologize for that? I'm 38. Been engaged three times but managed to escape marriage every time. And no, no kids. I like kids when they belong to someone else and I get to mostly play with them/read to them/help them. And **** yeah. I need a huge cave. I mean, two PCs, an XBox, a TV, a PS3, a bookshelf, etc. That stuff takes room. You sound like my twin! LOL.
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why would you apologize for that? I'm 38. Been engaged three times but managed to escape marriage every time. And no, no kids. I like kids when they belong to someone else and I get to mostly play with them/read to them/help them. And **** yeah. I need a huge cave. I mean, two PCs, an XBox, a TV, a PS3, a bookshelf, etc. That stuff takes room. You know how some ladies are about divulging their age. Then again, we are anonymous for the most part, huh? 3x's. Sucks, but you feel you escaped, so not so bad. And you weren't kidding about playing your video/pc game all weekend. You're certainly a techie/geek (meant to compliment). You sound like my sister.
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You sound like my twin! LOL. That explains why I always agree with your posts!
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You know how some ladies are about divulging their age. Then again, we are anonymous for the most part, huh? 3x's. Sucks, but you feel you escaped, so not so bad. And you weren't kidding about playing your video/pc game all weekend. You're certainly a techie/geek (meant to compliment). You sound like my sister. Oh man, I've had loads of boyfriends. Ok, I don't play video games ALL weekend. But this weekend I was doing the Defiance beta, so I played a lot. And I'm proud of my age. Battle scars, yo. 1
SunsetRed Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I love living alone. I like my space, my routine and I LOVE my tiny little cottage on the beach. Its too small for someone to move in and too perfect and affordable for me to give up to follow someone else and move in w them, so alas, I am alone. If I found a man who loved his space as much as I love mine and we could simply date I'd go for it, but this man has yet to be found. 3
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If I found a man who loved his space as much as I love mine and we could simply date I'd go for it, but this man has yet to be found. I found mine. If I want sex I get it. If I need a date I have one. If I need a hand he lends one. If I have something to share I have him to hear me. And I reciprocate. We've known each other for seven years now, started out being blown away with each other but he has his life and I have mine. Neither of us even look to go out and find another relationship. I think we've both found exactly what we were looking for. 1
dj572 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Why would you apologize for that? I'm 38. Been engaged three times but managed to escape marriage every time. And no, no kids. I like kids when they belong to someone else and I get to mostly play with them/read to them/help them. And **** yeah. I need a huge cave. I mean, two PCs, an XBox, a TV, a PS3, a bookshelf, etc. That stuff takes room. Treasa other than the fact I did try marriage we sound a lot alike. I prefer to have my own space and do what I want to do. I also prefer seperate beds. I feel the same way about kids and I always thought it was just me. It makes me wonder if we are related ;-). 1
theLWord Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I've been thinking about this a lot lately, I've been single for going on 6 months now. I wanted to make sure I was completely over my ex, realize why I was in such an unhealthy relationship, and just grow. Now I feel like I've almost accomplished these things, but can't find a reason to change being single. Dating is just hard. It's hard for me to find someone to connect with. If I could clone myself, that would be ideal. I do miss sex, a lot. I also decided casual sex wasn't emotionally good for me, so that's not too fun for me. However, I think sex with no connection is worse. I've been able to focus all of my energy on me. I want to be able to follow my passions while I'm still young and pretty and have a chance at being where I want. All relationships ever did were weigh me down, stress me out, make me deal with someone elses emotional baggage, and put off my goals. Granted my relationships haven't been with healthy people, (thats the hard part) I feel so much more in control of my life. It's calm and peaceful. It would take an amazing person to change my view in this. I also feel like I can see how co dependent some people in relationships are now. No thanks to all that, I come first now.
Luckydad Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Three years and counting since I turned my back on all things dating-related or otherwise. Although I do miss sex, the flip-side of the coin is simply not worth the risk. The city I live in breeds women who are not in line with my values and I won't be re-locating any time soon. Enjoying "Singularity" for all the same reasons as the OP.
Luckydad Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Happier alone UNTIL THAT GETS OLD. The euphoria of "being alone" is temporary, but it feels good while it lasts. Then you, we all go back to finding, searching for a relationship.... "and the wheels go round and round..." How long until being happy alone gets old? Just wondering since I never plan on the alternative, and have been much happier in the past 3 years than I ever was in a relationship (over 18 years). Please quantify for me so that I can start planning my unhappiness...
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Although I do miss sex Now that's just crazy talk. But in all seriousness, you're a better man than me. I can do without women all the live-long day, but hanging that up would require an inner strength that I could never muster.
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) How long until being happy alone gets old? Just wondering since I never plan on the alternative, and have been much happier in the past 3 years than I ever was in a relationship (over 18 years). Please quantify for me so that I can start planning my unhappiness... "Until" doesn't necessarily signify imminence. I didn't mean to suggest that. For you, after 3-years, it seems to be working, but there are other people in the world where this "happiness" is far more temporary. Then loneliness, yearning begins to set in. I meant nothing more than that. Edited March 25, 2013 by soccerrprp
Luckydad Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Now that's just crazy talk. But in all seriousness, you're a better man than me. I can do without women all the live-long day, but hanging that up would require an inner strength that I could never muster. Never thought I could either BB. Especially since sex was so important to me prior to my life of "monkdom". What I realized however was that it always comes with a price, of which I am no longer willing to pay. Every time I start to lose focus and begin to ponder if I could just "break the seal", I remember all the reasons why I'm voluntarily abstinent and come to my senses. It 'aint easy but it does make for a much simpler life.
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