Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I have come to the conclusion that my overall enjoyment of life is overwhelmingly higher when I am not pursuing any romantic interest. When i am in a relationship, even if it is casual, I feel an obligation to be a supportive and attentive partner as every girl I have dated seems to expect this. I understand it is common for attractive women in their early 20's to be fairly high maintenance but unfortunately for me I am someone who enjoys his alone time. So what are the pros of a relationship? -Frequent sex (without condoms ) -Love and Support -Someone to share your interests with Now what about the cons... -Less time freely pursue your interests uninhibited -Loss of freedom -Potential Heartbreak -Conflict of interests -Drama -Compromise, Compromise, Compromise As a fully independent person who has no need for external validation in order to be fulfilled i don't see any reason for me to engage in a romantic relationship anytime soon. Obviously when I want kids in the future a relationship will become necessary. Does anyone else identify with this? Or am i an outlier here? 7
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My name can go on that list, too. I tend to be the hunter, not the prey, and when I get a man I want, I often get bored. It could also be because, as I've gotten older, I really just want to do my own thing and not owe anyone anything outside of work and family. 4
soccerrprp Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Happier alone UNTIL THAT GETS OLD. The euphoria of "being alone" is temporary, but it feels good while it lasts. Then you, we all go back to finding, searching for a relationship.... "and the wheels go round and round..." 1
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 My name can go on that list, too. I tend to be the hunter, not the prey, and when I get a man I want, I often get bored. It could also be because, as I've gotten older, I really just want to do my own thing and not owe anyone anything outside of work and family. Yes a 'SO' burdens you with many limitations. How long does it take for you normally to lose interest?
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Happier alone UNTIL THAT GETS OLD. The euphoria of "being alone" is temporary, but it feels good while it lasts. Then you, we all go back to finding, searching for a relationship.... "and the wheels go round and round..." Im not talking about the initial euphoria that any new situations brings. I am referring to sustained happiness and overall life quality. I have been single for over 6 months and I could not be happier. I have a passion that i put all of my love into.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 ABSO-***IN-LUTELY The happiest most stable and peaceful times of my life have always been when I was single with NO romantic interests. 6
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 I wish love shack allowed you to edit the OP after already posting a new comment within the thread. If it did i would begin to compile the "list of awesome".
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Oh Good Lord, I get bored after about three weeks nowadays, where it used to take a few months.
RedRobin Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 (edited) Meh... I find my overall happiness quota to be more or less the same whether I'm in a committed relationship or not. What I DO NOT enjoy is the early dating phase. I really enjoy the phase where I've gotten to know the person and am comfortable with him and us. That isn't boring to me at all. I have lots of hobbies and interests that keep me from being bored... as long as he enjoys some of them with me and vice versa... what's not to love about being in a solid relationship? ---I LOVE waking up with someone I care about every day. -- getting up on the weekend and deciding what we are going to do together (or staying in :p:p). -- solving problems together and being there as a 'team' for life's up's and downs. That said, I'd rather be alone than be with a thoughtless, mean, or dishonest person in any way... or one who is so burdened by their personal demons that my daily existence is spent keeping them afloat emotionally, physically, or financially. That is pure torture. I will die celibate before I settle for something half-assed or for a person who does nothing but 'take'. OP... maybe you just need to pace yourself a bit in the beginning. There are women out there who also have some semblance of their own lives and also enjoy some time to themselves. The trick for a lot of people who SAY they enjoy time alone is that they enjoy things on their own terms... so they want to be alone when they want to be alone... and then want to reel the other person back in when it suits them. In the past, I'd tell those kinds of people to get a dog... but even dogs have daily requirements. So yea, maybe some people are better off not being in a romantic relationship if they don't like or can't handle the ebb and flow. Edited March 25, 2013 by RedRobin 5
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Oh Good Lord, I get bored after about three weeks nowadays, where it used to take a few months. Wow that is quick. I usually don't get bored with the relationship as i do annoyed with or tired of.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Or having a problem and finding out your SO doesn't want to be bothered or his idea of being supportive is to be critical of you, the last thing you need. So you have that problem plus another problem because you are disappointed and down because your SO isn't really there for you.
truth_seeker Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 The only things I miss about being in a relationship is the companionship and sex. Other than that, I love my freedom! I can concentrate on me. No drama, no headaches, not being told I have to be in certain places at certain times. I get so much more done when not attached. Still, it's always nice to have someone out there thinking about you and checking in to see if you're okay. 5
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 @RedRobbin Thank you for the reply. When you say pace your self are you referring the the speed at which the relationship progresses? I generally don't move slow when I am wooing a women as I enjoy sex very much as a consequence of that feelings are never far behind. Anyone close to me knows that i am a very flexible person when it comes to relationships. I dont require things to always be on my terms as I was raised to always have empathy for others and to always take others into consideration. Maybe one day ill find one of those girls you speak of. But i wont hold my breath.
Treasa Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'd be totally down with a guy (or a girl) who has their own life, their own stuff, and we are exclusive, but don't spend a ton of time together. 4
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If you think about it, and are creative, and possess even a modicum of independent spirit, there is absolutely no reason to ever be in a relationship. Maybe if you have an inclination to give in to society's expectations, well, I guess that could be a reason.
veggirl Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 If you think about it, and are creative, and possess even a modicum of independent spirit, there is absolutely no reason to ever be in a relationship. Maybe if you have an inclination to give in to society's expectations, well, I guess that could be a reason. Do you feel the same way about friends and family? I guess they are pretty unnecessary as well? For those with a "modicum of independent spirit"?
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 Or having a problem and finding out your SO doesn't want to be bothered or his idea of being supportive is to be critical of you, the last thing you need. So you have that problem plus another problem because you are disappointed and down because your SO isn't really there for you. surround yourself with positive and loveing people and you shall have Eternal Sunshine
MarinaX Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'm single now and know that it's for my own good because I have clearly been unhappy in every relationship I've been in. While in a relationship I constantly felt like there was too much effort I had to put in and the results just didnt seem worth the trouble and I was just stressed most of the time...breaking up has had it's downfalls because I do miss my ex but I'm hoping that being single will prove to be good for me 2
clia Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 I'd be totally down with a guy (or a girl) who has their own life, their own stuff, and we are exclusive, but don't spend a ton of time together. Me, too! (But just with a guy. ) I vastly prefer doing things alone, but I do like having someone to go out to dinner with once or twice a week. I get bored when the relationship hits the point where we are doing the mundane together. I don't need an escort to go to the grocery store, run errands, or veg out on the couch. 2
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 If you think about it, and are creative, and possess even a modicum of independent spirit, there is absolutely no reason to ever be in a relationship. Maybe if you have an inclination to give in to society's expectations, well, I guess that could be a reason. You forgot to take love in your heart into account. The ultimate variable
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 Do you feel the same way about friends and family? I guess they are pretty unnecessary as well? For those with a "modicum of independent spirit"? No, that's the whole point. We have friends, we have family, we can hang out when we want to with people we're attracted to and have sex when the opportunity presents itself, and the rest of the time, we can do what we want when we want, given the normal vicissitudes of being a responsible adult. So then, why lock yourself to one other person?
Barnacle-Bob Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 You forgot to take love in your heart into account. The ultimate variable There are so many more fulfilling ways to fill your heart with love than the temporary and costly 'love' of somebody you're in a relationship with. Please pay close attention to those two descriptors I used.
NeoGen85 Posted March 25, 2013 Posted March 25, 2013 My name can go on that list, too. I tend to be the hunter, not the prey, and when I get a man I want, I often get bored. It could also be because, as I've gotten older, I really just want to do my own thing and not owe anyone anything outside of work and family. Same here. Although I am wanting to settle down now. I would say that most of my friends have girlfriends or boyfriends who are waiting for the major life altering question. It's getting to the point where my single life is really becoming all about being by myself. Hell, I don't see my home boys as much as I use too because they're spooning with the lady. I need new friends. With that said, the single life feels old sometimes. lol
Author Bito Posted March 25, 2013 Author Posted March 25, 2013 There are so many more fulfilling ways to fill your heart with love than the temporary and costly 'love' of somebody you're in a relationship with. Please pay close attention to those two descriptors I used. I am not disputing that good sir. I only state that when love is then the equation there are no absolutes
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